broken-rod3nt

[broken-rod3nt]

it is painful, sometimes, to love platonically in a way that is so rarely fully reciprocated. i really don't know how to explain the way i feel, but right now, it feels like when you're a child and you have your best friend, and they're the person you will always go to to hang out. the way you'd beg your parents for an extra five minutes to play together with random little secrets and handshakes. how you'd talk about the future and plan out how you both will live together in the same apartment and go to the same school, promising that you'll be together forever. it feels like every friend i've had grew up and found love in romance where i'm still clinging onto the same dream from childhood.

[broken-rod3nt]

I HATE being aroace

I hate it

I. Hate it

I hate it

I hate having a friend who realized she wasn't truly aroace. And all the sudden that friend is so much more distant

I hate watching all my friends around me fall in love and date, while I'm left alone in the dust

I hate that the only thing people talk to me about anymore is their crushes. No simple life things or basic conversations.

I hate that I can't go five hours without talking about love.

I hate that I'm this way.

I hate that I can't relate to the most universal experience.

I hate that I feel like the only 'person' I can turn to is my own Tumblr. And just because I'm too scared to talk.

I hate that I feel this way

I hate that I wish I could fall in love

I hate that I wish I could get married

I hate that I'm aroace.

I just want to be normal.

[broken-rod3nt]

It sucks being aroace sometimes

It sucks to have grown up thinking that a prince on a white horse would come one day and save you from loneliness and make you feel loved, just to realize that no one will come to rescue you

It's sucks wanting to experience all the good things that the movies, books and happy couples around you have shown as happiness, even though you know there's no way you can feel like other people

It sucks to see your friends moving away when they meet someone, leaving you behind, making plans without you and spending less and less time with you

It sucks to feel like an inexperienced kid

It's sucks because it seems like no one in real life gives the same value to friendships as they give to romance

It sucks being aroace, it's lonely, you feel like there's something wrong with you and sometimes you just want to know what it's like to love someone like that and be loved back.

I'm so tired, I wish to accept and celebrate my identity, but there are days when I would give anything to be like my friends, like alloromantic people and allosexual people, even though I know that this is not me, and that this thought comes from a traumatized place in my being.

[broken-rod3nt]

every so often, i think, and it might be so selfish of me, but i crave to be someone's first choice. i want to be the person that someone sees fun things to do and their first thought is to ask me to go with them. i want someone to be willing to inconvenience themselves a little bit sometimes for me as i would do for them. i want to be looked at in a list of people and to have someone pick me out of all of them. i want to be held at the same level as a romantic partner in terms of effort and closeness. i want someone to want me as much as i want them, even though it's not in a romantic sense. i want to be important to someone.

[broken-rod3nt]

Me: STOP👏🏾 FEELING👏🏾 SORRY👏🏾 FOR👏🏾 YOUR👏🏾 SELF👏🏾

Also Me: I'm never going to find someone who accepts me for who I am and all my friends are gonna fall in love and abandon me

[broken-rod3nt]

i feel like the tragedy of being aroace is that i’m never going to be anyone’s favorite person. like at some point everyone’s favorite person is going to be whoever they have sex with and kiss and i’m never going to want that. hell i don’t even have a best friend now but even if i do i’ll still be second to their boyfriend or girlfriend or husband because that’s how the world works

[broken-rod3nt]

Being aro is so lonely. Not because you're not in a relationship but because everyone else is and it's the only thing they care about.

[broken-rod3nt]

ugly rotten girl 🪷🪷

[broken-rod3nt]

I don't understand why everyone else is so attractive and normal looking, and I am utterly hideous. No matter what I do, I will continue to look disgusting and feel awful. Obviously, no looks aren't everything, but it's the first thing people notice and make assumptions based on. I can't stand being in this body and having this face.. I want to get rid of it.

[broken-rod3nt]

academic validation is for the ugly girlies with shitty personalities who only have one thing going for them (this is about me)

[broken-rod3nt]

Some things don't ever change. I was such a lonely child, and now I'm such a lonely adult.

[broken-rod3nt]

[broken-rod3nt]

Dear Diary,

There isn’t enough space in the world for me to retreat to.

[broken-rod3nt]

having AvPD is fantasizing about being active on social media and having followers and making friends

you've been online practically your entire life (perhaps the internet even "raised you"), so you wish you could make something good out of it instead of remaining a lurker

but goodness, does the hypothetically antagonistic bad-faith nuanceless part of the internet scare you!

[broken-rod3nt]

i just want it all to end man

[broken-rod3nt]

wikihow to cope with loneliness. Wikihow to deal with soul crushing loneliness. Wikihow to cope with the horrible isolation of being disabled in a hyperindividualistic society.

[broken-rod3nt]

I miss you. Every minute, with every cells in my body, in every space in my heart.

I hope that you think about me sometimes. That is enough for me.