broken-imperfect-barbie-blog

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

—William Bortz

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

Last night I was looking through my notes in my phone, and I found this little gem that I wrote 2.5 years ago; it’s about my daughter’s father, not about my hubby, I am so blessed that my daughter and I have him now. 💖

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

Currently listening to music and wondering what the hell is my life.

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

I'm sorry. Truly.

Im sorry that the only thing I have to give you is me. I'm sorry that I am not worth my weight in horse shit. I'm sorry I am a worthless piece of shit. I wish I had more to give you, offer to you. All I have is me, and I know that me is not gonna paint a permanent smile on your face and happiness in your heart. It makes me feel terribly sad to ponder on this. For you and I can never be happy at the same time. For I love you, and you love her. I want to be yours and you mine. I want you to hold me tight when I'm upset, and I want to cuddle you all night. Now that I've gotten past chapter one of the story of us, I can see all the way to the ending- and it's not a "happily ever after" kind. Because I love you, and I want to be with you, I stick around, even though I know I shouldn't. You don't love me like I love you. I honestly couldn't tell you why you are here, next to me. But I don't complain about it, I don't want you to leave. And since I love you in a way that you will never love me- I try and do whatever I can to make sure that you don't leave. Days flying off the calendar and I have an epiphany-- you aren't happy. You aren't happy being mine. You aren't proud that I'm yours. And all I want is for you to be happy...with me. But the next best thing will be for you to be happy as possible in any way possible. So I offer you to let me go, where is not important. I need to be gone, and you need to hurry and leave me in the dust. I'll be ok, I'll pull through. I will get up and brush the dirt off and keep walking on. Where that road will lead me only God himself knows, and sometime I doubt that even he can have this whole mess figured out.

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

18 weeks, 25 weeks, and 31 weeks. Baby Girl's ETA is 1/30/17.

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

My drop dead gorgeous cousin & I on her wedding day. I think this was the one we were supposed to make a "goofy face" in.

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

I keep hearing people. They are concerned and gentle sometimes, and sometimes they are angry and yelling. I'm the only one who is hearing them... but they are very real.

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

I am destroying myself so other people can’t and it’s the worst kind of control but it’s the only form I know.

(via honeyimnotworthit)

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

The monsters under my bed started living in my head a long, long time ago. And just like 3 year old me was afraid of the monsters under the bed- I’m even more afraid of them ever since they’ve moved from under me, to inside my head.

My biggest fear lives inside of me. (via broken-imperfect-barbie)

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

Ease your soul here

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

Won't let me forget A shirt here, a sock there, the plastic travel toothbrush case I bought you, your lavender wreath still hanging on my bedroom wall; everywhere I'm reminded of you.

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

My gorgeous cousin and her beautiful wedding.

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]

[broken-imperfect-barbie-blog]