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“But I do feel strange-almost unearthly. I’ll never get used to being alive. It’s a mystery. Always startled to find I’ve survived.”

— John Steinbeck, from Journal of a Novel: The East of Eden Letters

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I think a surprising amount of writers don’t realize that tragedies are supposed to be cathartic. They’re intended to result in a purging of emotion, a luxurious cry; the sorrow caused by a great tragedy is akin to fear caused by a good horror movie – it’s a “safe” sorrow, one that is actually satisfying to the audience. It can still be beautiful! It’s isn’t supposed to just be salting the earth so nothing can grow.

But that’s how you get grimdark: writers who don’t realize that they’re supposed to be doing something with the audience instead of to the audience.

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What Cis People Say To Trans People Vs. What We Hear

By Meredith Talusan and Rory Midhani

TRANSlator 3000: Amazing technology translates cissexist BS!

“Oh you’re trans but you look so good!” “Trans people are ugly.”

“I’ve never met a trans person before.” “I assume I can identify any trans person.”

“I would date a trans person.” “Trans people are usually undateable so I deserve a prize.” 

“You look just like a real woman.” “Trans women aren’t really women.”

“I’m glad you’re being honest with me about being trans.” “Trans people who don’t tell me they’re trans are deceivers and liars.”

“I loooooove trans people!” “I fetishize trans people.”

“It’s so hard to switch pronouns.” “Trans people are an inconvenience to me.”

“I don’t have a problem with trans people.” “I have a problem with trans people.” 

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every august without fail is like i will give you some of the most beautiful golden summer moments of your life but also you will be thinking about childhood and loss constantly. it will always be either 5pm or 2am

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[brielle-is-a-fish]

i was re-reading “how to talk so little kids will listen” earlier today, and it reminded me of how much of our culture is so thoroughly punitive – every facet of the way we behave, and expect others to behave, is connected by the concept of punishment. there has been a rise in respectful parenting theory in the past 40-ish years that goes directly against this punitive parenting style.

i have some books that have helped me with respectful parenting here:

https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/2168390?shelf=parenting

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something i was thinking in my re-read of this book earlier today is how my first impulse while parenting tends to be a reactionary, punitive impulse. sure, you might be patient when the kid is being cute and you have lots of energy. but on an off day? you have to fight against what you’ve learned. even if the kid does something incredibly naughty.

i was reminded of a time when my kid was left alone with the cat, and she started rubbing lotion all over the cat. i think she thought she was doing something nice for her; she was only 2.5 at the time. when i saw the cat, my anxiety spiked. i spoke to her sternly and had her help me clean up the cat, but i was wracked with fear and nervousness – “oh no, what if the cat licks herself and gets sick? what if the cat dies? what if the cat dies because of what my kid did?” i started to feel like just talking to my kid about it wasn’t enough… should we say, “time out”? no dessert? no more cat? no more trips to the bakery? i promised myself i would never spank, but inside, there was a part of me that felt like spanking!! that’s what my parents did!

but after i stewed for a while, i came to my senses. my kid was just being a kid. little kids have no impulse control! but me? i’m an adult, i should have known better! it was really my fault for leaving the kid and the lotion and the cat all together, unsupervised. in a way, my strong reaction to her behavior was just myself projecting the guilt at having a bad parenting moment onto her. 

how effective is punitive speech, and punitive acts?

do you think she would have learned something if i had hit her? or locked her in her room? or took away her snacks? (these are not what those in the respectful parenting community would call natural consequences – these are just unconnected punishments, things that have nothing to do with the cat.)

no. i still would have had a lotioned cat.

what if i had lectured? yelled? gone on at length about how terribly naughty it was, and what a bad girl she was?

no. i still would have had a lotioned cat.

the actual consequence in this instance was for me. because i messed up. the natural consequence: now i have to clean up the damn cat and put the lotion where my kid can’t reach it… and supervise the kid more closely, because she’s only a toddler.

my kid felt bad as soon as she saw how bad i felt. she didn’t show it at the moment – just nervous laughter. but i could tell she felt bad, and sure enough, later that night, she cried about it, and we got to talk more about how the lotion was not good for the cat, and how i was going to put it out of her reach for now.

and that’s…. enough.

it really is.

and it’s so fucking hard to wrap your mind around it. because our entire culture revolves around law and order, crime and punishment! if people mess up, hurt them! lock them away! demolish their self-esteem!

none of that shit helps anyone. it only feels good as a short-term solution.

in the long-term? we have to start believing in the inherent preciousness of every life. it will be hard as fuck to change our collective mindset. but we have to do it. because everything is connected to it, from huge things like climate change, all the way down to a little toddler learning how to interact with a cat.

once you see it, you’ll see the punitive attitude in everything. you’ll see how little it actually fixes. and hopefully you’ll become an abolitionist too.

[brielle-is-a-fish]

Georgia O’Keeffe, in a letter to Russel Vernon Hunter, from Georgia O’Keeffe: Art and Letters

Art by René Magritte

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someone said ‘the version of me you created in your mind is not my responsibility’ and wow

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I’m willing to wait for it.

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taylor swift // the 1

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source 

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“And it’s so hot, without it even being August yet.”

— Eudora Welty (“Where is the Voice Coming From?”

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