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What I had today

2 fried eggs + bbq sauce (resisted adding cheese)

V energy drink - study fuel (left one quarter.. yay)

1 X vegetarian spaghetti I made myself, one small slice of cheese.

Then I have to go to the shopping centre for an appointment, get hungry, get weak!!! We got KFC on the way home

I eat chips (don't eat meat) I eat so many chips.

1. Eat = get rid of it

2. Eat = get rid of it

3. Eat = get rid of it.

Offered chocolate left over from Easter 😭 empty belly prevails.

Ate around 6 medium size choc eggs.

One glass of coke.

Fffffffffff. So much for healthy eating.

Then I'm feeling bad, so late at night I go heat up leftovers

1. Get rid of it.

2. Thought about eating the other half bit stopped myself!

Been drinking bottled water (yum so fresh)

Walked on the spot for 30mins (pulling in my stomach, trying to fix my posture)

I've put on 14.6 kg since my health problems. Even though the health side should be fixed, I still have all this weight to lose

And at 75kg I wanted to be 65kg.. so I'm basically 24.6 away. Which is better than a few years ago.

I was 136kg!!!!! I had the gastric sleeve and got my life back. I need to focus on taking my eating disorder and eating well.

I want to be fit but I so badly just want to be thin.

I remember when the weight was falling off me in 2018 and I realised it was just portion control, not eating at night, and drinking water. ++++ TIME. the biggest factor! My biggest issue...

Wish me luck friends, this is my new therapy.

I want to be able to love myself and dress nicely.

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Starseed

👽👽👽

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Tried to be good after surgery.

As soon as I'm healed I'm back to bad habits.

It has nothing to do with why I needed surgery. But it was supposed to be a new start.

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Ask your partner to take you out cos you NEVER GO OUT ANYMORE.

He plans something for the coming Saturday.

Then I realise how fat I've gotten over Easter and I need to detox the next few days to fit my Jeans 😶😶😶

Would be fine but he has a work friend I've never met going, so ima freak because I can't not look okay to meet new people.

Nobody knows how bothered I am all the time about insignificant things like this.

Why should it matter?

Idk

But it will.

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Why do I have insomnia?

Some days I have trouble sleeping and would rather do something entertaining then lay there bored for hours. Then I'm more awake and stay up longer.

Other times, I just need to press pause on the world and do whatever I want (tv, music, computer, phone) because if I don't get that time where everything stops and nobody is around or at risk of coming around I think I wouldn't be able to survive. I don't dislike people, I love company. I just don't want to be the me that is reflected in the people. To have to think of things to say, pick something to wear, make sure my house or car looks okay, compare everything, think of new things that stay with me for weeks. I don't know who I am but I know it's not the person I am when I'm seeing it from their perspective.

I need this time.

Society doesn't allow for it.

Earn money, earn money.

Go to sleep at pm, wake up at am, be gone all day then get ready to start again.

It's too suffocating.

I don't know how everyone can do it. Why can't I. Cos I need that time I'm not supposed to have.

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You ever wonder if you're actually a low-key psychopath even though you have high empathy and couldn't hurt a fly?

Every. Serialkiller. Documentary.

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I just love the universe.

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New to Tumblr. What's this about?