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brendonslays-blog · 7 years ago

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holy shit it's been awhile :,(

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brendonslays-blog · 8 years ago

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dear joshua dun,

thank you joshua.

thank you for understanding what i’m going through. i have anxiety too, you’re not alone. nobody here back home understands because nobody but me has anxiety in this little town i live in.

you get what it’s like to have that thought in the back of your head that whispers, “you’re not good enough. you’ll never be good enough. you’ll never be close to enough. everyone’s judging you. you don’t deserve all your friends. in fact, they’re not even your friends. they hate you. they just keep you around because they pity you. oh, and your best friend? he’s just using you. ever wonder why he always calls you his body guard and stopped saying ‘i love you’?”

you get that.

sometimes i feel alone in my problems, but i look at you. i REALLY look up to you. a lot. almost too much. you’re honestly my hero.

i could be calling anyone my hero. superman, john cena, my dad, my grandpa, my mom, one of my 47 cousins, i don’t know, anyone.

but i chose you, joshua william dun. you’ve really helped me through a lot. tyler does too, but right now, the focus isn’t on tyler, it’s on you for. change. now i’m gonna share a story if that’s okay with you.

a few years ago, i was called on stage with my friend. i hate being on stage. everyone’s always looking at me and stuff. so i got really, really anxious and i fainted. people didn’t understand how bad this awful monster in my head named anxiety is so they made fun of me for passing out. they started calling me goat. because when goats get scared, what do they do? pass out, flat down on their backs, legs in the air. well i didn’t have my legs in the air. but you get the idea.

anxiety eats you alive. and you understand that. you understand what i’m going through. THAT’S what i love about you. i know you prefer “respect” over “love” because “love” is more personal, but i do love you, but in a different way. there’s more than one kind of love, i do believe. i don’t love you because you’re “cute” or “hot” or whatever most of those girls nowadays call you (that isn’t even love, that’s lust. gross.), i love you because you understand. you understand, you listen, you care. i HATE that you get overlooked or taken advantage of sometimes, all because you’re very kind and trustworthy. people SHOULD NOT do that. you hear our stories too, you feel our pain too. and thank you for listening when we need it, and helping to build us up when we’re down, i really appreciate that.

i respect you with everything i have. you’re my role model, my idol, my hero, everything i aspire to be. i love you, i honestly do.

you’ll often find on my media platforms, i’ll call you my “superhero without a cape” – a lot. whenever i type “my”, my phone’s predictive thing always suggests “superhero” as the next word because i call you my superhero so much.

heck, i hardly refer to you as “josh”; i call you joshua. i guess it’s because i find it the most respectful way to address the man i look up to so much.

one of the major reasons i look up to and respect you so much, is because of the things you do almost every night. i’d imagine that preforming onstage in front of tens of thousands of people is pretty anxiety-triggering, i get uneasy just thinking about it. but you still overcome your anxiety and preform those shows with such a strong presence, and i find that so empowering. it motivates me to keep fighting my demons too, even when i feel like i’m not strong enough, or just not enough in general. sometimes even just thinking of you overpowering your anxiety – or just thinking of you – helps when i start to get a panic or anxiety attack. i couldn’t be more grateful that you strengthen and impact me in so many ways without even having a personal relationship with me. that’s pretty darn amazing, of you ask me.

now, one of the reasons why i love you. you’re human. you’re flawed. you’re not too different from me. you’re not a god. you’re a human. you’re not greater nor lesser than me, just like everybody else. and that’s one of the most lovable things about you; you’re human. you make mistakes. you’re not a perfect person. you’re not flawless. but you’re still amazing.

you’re talented and introspective and you have an artist’s mind, you’re amazing at what you do and i couldn’t imagine anyone else doing what you do. you see the world in a splash of color, you don’t see the night sky as black, but as blue with swirls of purple and red. you’re open-minded and intelligent in more ways than one. you inspire me, and so many other people.

you’re an amazing person. you are incredible, and you’re worth every fan you have. you deserve every second you spend on stage, every song played on the radio. don’t stop doing what you’re doing, don’t stop fighting. you’re good enough – you’re more than enough, joshua. i respect you and i love you, and don’t you forget it. keep it up, superhero.

thank you for taking the time to read this, i know it’s long, i’m very sorry. but thank you for saving so many lives and impacting so many people.

love, eve, from michigan

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brendonslays-blog · 8 years ago

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I’m……………the 1930s,

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brendonslays-blog · 8 years ago

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