brcknheart

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Kai jumped lightly when she started yelling though he was listening to her carefully. The way she was talking herself down so much was making him sad and his own tears made their way down his cheeks. Though he was doing the exact same thing only seconds ago. They both thought they weren’t good enough for each other. They both fought they were gonna mess it up because life has proved to them over and over again that they weren’t allowed to be happy. The wolf scooted closer to his mate, his legs on either side of her. He wrapped his arms around her legs and rested his head on her knees as he looked up at her, almost like a lost puppy. “We’re both afraid we’re gonna mess up the only good thing life has ever given us.” He started, his voice soft and soothing. “You are enough for me. I am enough for you. Though neither of us is probably gonna believe that for a very long time.” He said, his shoulders shrugging slightly. He started rubbing one of his hands up and down her leg soothingly, finding his own solace in their close proximity. “We will probably have this same conversation over and over again with the same result….but I love you. All of you. Even the parts that I don’t know yet. The parts that I may never know. We’ll keep trying.” He finished his little speech, giving her a tiny but encouraging smile. “We’ll figure it out…..together.” 

Dina grimaced when she noticed him jumping, and she tried, really tried to lower her voice. But it was difficult.. He didn’t see what she saw, didn’t seem to be willing to accept that she wasn’t ever going to be a good fit for him. They both saw good in each other that they themselves couldn’t. They both thought the other deserved more, and she couldn’t help but wonder if they both were going to struggle with this for as long as they were together. She didn’t know how to change it, how to turn things around or look at it with a more positive outlook. This was just how it was. Feeling his hands on her, his warmth, she exhaled heavily, both loving and hating that puppy look of his at the moment. It made her feel guilty that she’d brought him to an emotional plane that was clearly very devastating, yet she loved that look because it made him look so cute, fragile, dependent. Deep down, she needed him to need her. Despite how scary it was to be needed. “The difference is that this is a dark cycle for me. And I’ve never been able to break it before.. You’re never going to be the one at risk of messing us up Kai. You’re all good. Selfless, decent, kind. I’m not wired that way.” She got that he was trying to talk her down, make her try to let it go for a bit, try to relax. As primitive as it was, there were only one thing Dina knew would make her relax and forget their problems for a good while. It seemed pointless to keep arguing however, which was why she only nodded. “I love you too. Yeah..” She didn’t know how to convince him, so at this point she was just agreeing to not agree. “Right.” Taking his hand, she tipped forward on her knees, leaning in to kiss him. It was near impossible to drown out that little voice in her head yelling: But what if we don’t?!!

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Seeing the tears on his mate’s face, broke Kai’s heart. She looked so sad and broken. A state he rarely got to see and so far away from the strong and confident woman that he spent his time with on a daily basis. Kai sank to the floor with her, sitting on front of her, not too close because he didn’t want to overwhelm her, but also not too far away wanting her to know that he was there for whatever she needed. 

Her words were a mess and Kai was confused at first, not knowing what she was trying to say. But after his little speech about what the death of a mate does to a wolf, he understood what she was trying to tell him. It was too much pressure for her. She felt inadequate to be his mate. She doesn’t wanna be with him anymore? The last thing scared him. Was he gonna lose her tonight? Was this gonna be the end? “I am sorry for putting this pressure on you. I know you have never asked for this and I’m sorry I dragged you into this.” He apologized, his voice soft, a stark contrast to all the yelling he has done only moments before. “If you wanna leave I can’t stop you. I can’t force you to be with me. It’s your choice and you do have a choice in this.” He continued, his hand inching a little closer to her body, before he placed it on her leg gently. “You’re not all wrong you know? I don’t care whether or not you’re not the usual mate of a wolf. I don’t care what my pack would think of you. You are an incredible woman. A little rough around the edges and a little broken but so am I.” He said softly, squeezing her leg in encouragement. “I just want you to be happy, Dina. And if you’re more happy without the pressure of this whole mate thing I won’t stop you from going your own way and finding your own happiness.” He didn’t mention how much it would hurt him if she did, because he didn’t want to put any more pressure on her. “I love you…..I wish that would be enough.” 

It would probably be healthy for them to talk about this, all of it. Dina knew that but she also fought having to because she was terrified of hurting Kai’s feelings. Of making him see more of the real her. As much as he said he loved all of her and wanted nothing more than to be with her, he could change his mind. And part of her kind of hoped he would because then she wouldn’t be the cause of so much pain and misery in the end.

Hugging her legs really hard she was trying to figure out how to explain how she felt without making it sound as if she didn’t want to be with him. She did, she just couldn’t really trust herself. He wasn’t at all part of the problem. Shaking her head, she finally managed to lift her chin and look at him. He was apologizing as if it was his fault they were here. As if he was the one who was doing something wrong. “D-Don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault its mine.” She hoarsely began. What a menace she was.. making him believe he was to blame, that his natural instincts were somehow wrong and misplaced. Apparently making him think she wanted to undo the choices she had already made. “Its not like that, thats not..” she grimaced, not sure that her way of thinking would make any sense to him at all. “Yes, I am. You don’t see it because you haven’t put it all together yet. I haven’t told you everything.. cause its damn hard to talk about and most of it I’d rather forget.” Swallowing hard, collecting both breath and courage, she wanted to start telling him, yet there it was again. The assumption that she didn’t want to be with him. “Will you just… no Kai. God, don’t you see that none of this really has to do with you?! Please shut up about me making another choice. I made it, and I’m not going back. I want to be with you you asshat, I’m just scared I’ll be the death of you like every fucking person I’ve ever allowed myself to love. The people I love die. Slowly, horribly, painfully.. My mom died to protect me. My adoptive parents died at the hands of a psychotic vampire because I ran from her. So did most of my friends and coworkers. Isn’t it bloody obvious? I’m dangerous. And to top the whole mountain of shit off, I have no idea how to be anyones girlfriend, much less their soulmate for life.” She was trying her best not to yell, though if her voice had been weak before, she had found her strength again. “But thats not your fault or something you can fix, its all on me. I don’t trust myself not to fuck us up. And I don’t know how to believe that we’re going to be okay when time after time my life has told me otherwise. And maybe I can change, but I don’t have the faintest clue how. You just have to give me some time here okay?” Her tone pleading. “We’re very different levels of broken. I’m shattered from the inside out. Which is why I am WRONG for YOU, not the other way around. Everything you need in a partner, I’m not. Commitment scares me so much all I want to do is run. I don’t consider the consequences of my actions, not just because I’m impulsive as hell, but because I’m selfish and independent. I’ll never play well with others, I’m not a werewolf, I’m not even half way decent. No parent alive would be thrilled their son is with me. I’m just.. incredibly unstable and I don’t know when, or if that is gonna change..” Dina shook her head, wishing he would stop twisting it around as if he wasn’t enough for her. “I love you too. But you’re enough, more than enough for me. Which is why its all messed up. I’m not enough for you. You deserve so much more. An if I ever end up walking away from you, its going to be out of wanting you to be safe and happy. I’m not sure I can give you either, but I am trying.”

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Kai knew that it was a lot of pressure to be a wolf’s mate. Dina could break him with a single word and he could only imagine what that felt like for her. Commitment was a big thing but commitment to a werewolf was for eternity. There was no going back. And it scared him as well but he knew in his heart that she was the one he would be with forever. There was no doubt. He was completely content with the feeling. But he was afraid that all of this pressure would eventually drive her away. That scared him. 

Kai couldn’t help but release a small humorless chuckle when she said that he wasn’t a monster. Sometimes it felt like he was. Sometimes he felt so out of control. And while he knew it was in his DNA, that he couldn’t change it no matter how much he wanted to, it was still something that he carried heavily on his shoulders. He just wanted to protect her from that part of himself, though maybe it would be easier now that she knew. The wolf sat on the bed for what felt like hours when he noticed some movement. He watched as Dina walked over to the dresser to get dressed. He got up, immediately knowing what she was trying to do, and walked over to her as she tried to walk through the doorway. “Dina.” He said softly, blocking her way, but in a way that she could still walk past him if she really wanted to. “Don’t leave, please. Tell me what’s going through your head.” He said softly, locking eyes with her, his eyes pleading with her to stay so they could work it out. He didn’t wanna know what would happen to them if she walked out of that door. “please.” He added again in a whisper.

It was killing her, knowing that she couldn’t handle being all he needed her to be. Knowing that she was just so damn wrong a choice. A part of her was truly desperate to check all the boxes and somehow talk herself into believing that she could handle all of it. But every time they got to talking about the subject she felt like she wouldn’t. Like it was too big a burden and someone was definitely playing some big cosmic joke by allowing her to be anyone’s mate in the ways that a werewolf’s mate were supposed to be. Here she had been barely confident enough in her abilities to become his girlfriend. Accepted that being claimed and giving their relationship a try was the only course of action going forward. But she had no confidence at all in being something more. In being so important. 

A lot of times she had played with the idea of getting herself bitten, or asking him to bite her. Sure she had no idea if she would become a werewolf if she survived the bite, but there were times when it seemed very appealing and like the most logical thing to do. Yet she had no clue if Kai would even entertain the idea, given that there was a big risk in it, the potential loss being her life. Her body was moving robotically. Both because of the bruises and the fact that she was trying not to feel or think too much. When he came to block her path, she had to take a very shaky breath, shaking her head and battling the tears from before all over again, her pulse running a mile and taking her breath with it. “P-Please just..” she tried, gritting her teeth and hugging her arms around herself to keep them from shaking, though unable to hold the tears back any longer. Finding that keeping herself upright was too much, she simply sank to the floor, hiding her face in her hands and rocking back and fourth. “Its too much.. I’m all wrong.. I can’t.. I just c-can’t.” she sobbed, well aware that she wasn’t making much sense.

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Kai took a deep breath, finally calming down  a little bit. He didn’t want to yell at Dina but it was his first instinct. He became this aggressive person whenever there was a full moon and he hated this version of himself. Though he finally seemed to get a grip. “Do you really think that I would actively choose to be away from you? Do you think I’d rather be in the middle of the woods than with you in our bed? Do you really think that if I had a choice and could be with you tonight that I wouldn’t have done it?” He asked her, his voice a lot calmer than it was before, though he could still feel the anger running through his veins. The wolf couldn’t help but flinch when she said t hat he had lied to her. “Right. I guess I lied then. I controlled you exactly like everyone else in your life has done, right?.” He sounded completely defeated when he said that. “I just wanted to protect you.” He said in an after thought, his voice only a whisper as he carried her through the woods. Kai continued to treat her wounds, bandaging up her stomach, still not looking at her despite her request. When he was finished, he released a sigh, before finally meeting her eyes, his own orbs full of sadness and guilt. He shook his head in response. “You don’t suck.” Was the first thing he said. He tried to release a little chuckle but it sounded weak and sad. It was his attempt to lighten the mood a bit but he quickly realized that that might not be possible in this situation. “Do you know what happens to a wolf when their mate dies? Complete despair. Depression. Nothing but pain.” He said, swallowing hard before he continued talking, his eyes never leaving her face. “I almost lost you today. And it would’ve been my fault. And I might never forgive myself for causing you pain. I love you so much. I hope you know that.” He said, his voice shaking. He reached up and placed a hand on her cheek. “I’m sorry, I yelled. I’m sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I told you what to do. I’m sorry you fell in love with a monster. But I will never be sorry for trying to protect you.” He told her. He got up from the floor and pressed a soft kiss against her forehead before he left the bathroom. He finally put on some underwear before he sat down on the bed, burying his face in his hands. His inner wolf was howling in pain, guilty that he hurt his mate. The self hatred Kai was feeling in that moment was beyond anything he has ever experienced before. He has never felt so small. 

Tears were pressing at the corners of her eyes. It wasn’t a go to response for her, crying. She didn’t do it often, nor in front of anyone if she could help it. Whenever she had done so in the past, it had been at extreme pain or pleasure points, where she had been pushed so far physically that she could no longer decide against the tears. This time though it was for something emotional. Uncharted territory. Unpleasant in itself, and kind of difficult to pin point what it was she wanted to cry about. Of course she didn’t allow the tears to fall. Instead she pressed her lips together, finding that silence would be the safest option for a while. “I don’t know..” she gruffly responded, genuinely uncertain if it was about not trusting what lengths he would go to for her, or if she was confused and shortsighted because she knew so damn little about being or being with a werewolf. As close as he was holding her, Dina could feel the flinch, and the pit in her stomach grew. Why the hell couldn’t she just keep her mouth shut!? More determined than before, feeling incredibly lousy about it, but feeling like it was her only option unless she wanted to risk hurting him further, she kept her mouth closed, not making a vocal sound the rest of the way home. As the silence between them persisted, eye contact remaining off the table, Dina’s chest was tightening. When he finally decided to look at her though, her mind was already made up..

Instead of answering with words, Dina simply shook her head. The entire thing was getting so big. Make or break. Bigger than one person. Too much to handle. She had no idea how to carry the weight of those words. It terrified her. His happiness, his will to live, his only way out of a life time of misery, couldn’t depend on her staying alive. On her not ending up hurt in any way. Of her not messing up. Shewing her lip, Dina couldn’t find her voice to respond. Her throat was completely closed up with panic. With utter terror. He probably had no clue how much this recurring concept of meaning so much to him scared the shit out of her. Not because she didn’t love him back, but because she had been built and taught time and time again how to cope when left alone. If he died, she would be heartbroken, she would grieve and struggle, but she would get back up on her feet. She would move on. Figure out a way to keep living. But it didn’t sound as if his genes would allow that if she were to die. And the sheer pressure of it was too much for her to cope with. Frankly, whenever it came up, she wanted to run and drink herself senseless. Because he’d picked the damn wrong person to be a reliable, stable, trustworthy keeper of his heart. She was already convinced she would mess this up on her own. But with this added pressure? It was just a matter of time.. Her mouth opened, then closed. No. She couldn’t figure out what to say. Not without making all of this much worse. Not without hurting him even more. “You’re not a monster..” she murmured quietly, her eyes automatically following him when he got up and left the room. Left there to her own devices, Dina felt frozen in place, struggling with what her body was telling her to do in response to the fear she was feeling, and what her heart was begging her to do in order to shield Kai from more hurt. She was so darn torn, her hands beginning to shake with the inner turmoil. Finally, after what felt like an eternity spent on that toilet seat, she got to her feet and sprung into action. Moving as fast as she could, she crossed the bedroom floor to the dresser, yanking out a top and finding a new set of boots along with one of her leather jackets. Dressing, she distinctly avoided looking at Kai at all. “I.. I need some air..” she fumbled fourth as an explanation, before walking towards the doorway and the front door.

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Kai laughed humorlessly when she said that she was proving her point. “I never questioned whether or not my wolf would recognize you, of course he would, but that one second when he didn’t almost got you killed. That one second that I have told you about cause I knew what it was like during a full moon. I have been doing this for over 80 fucking years. I know how dangerous I am during a full moon. But you didn’t trust me enough to believe me and wanted to test your fucking theory. Really?” He yelled again, his voice booming through the woods. He was still on the edge because of the full moon and the fact that he hurt her because Dina wouldn’t stay away aggravated him even more. “Fine. Right. You are fine.” He scoffed before he walked over to her and picked her up, as he noticed that she had to lean against the rock to keep her steady. He picked her up bridal style and started to carry her home, not caring who saw them. “This matter. The full moon is not a discussion, Dina. It’s the one thing I won’t budge from. Wolves are feral. They are monsters when there’s a full moon. Not in control. Even though you are my mate it is dangerous. You saw what happened. And I knew this would happen. And now I have to live with the guilt and shame that I have almost killed the love of my life.” He told her as he carried her through the woods. He didn’t look at her the whole way back. He couldn’t. When they finally made it home ,he carried her into the bathroom and sat her down on the closed toilet seat. He took off her shirt so he’d have better access to her wounds. He had to blink back tears of shame and guilt as he looked at the deep gash on Dina’s stomach. He went to get the first aid kid before he kneeled down in front of her, starting to tend to her wounds, still not looking her in the eyes.

The continued yelling was really not something she could compete with, not in the shape she was in. Of course, out of pure pride Dina was putting on the best poker face she could, trying to hide the fact that her head was ringing ear splinteringly and her entire body felt like one big bruise. Not to mention that she really wanted to bend over and puke, yet was terrified to because if she did maybe her whole body would just break in two. A bit dramatic maybe.. “No I.. its not like I didn’t trust you.. I thought you were exaggerating and besides, its my fault anyway for approaching you from behind and not in front and with more distance I..” she bit her lip, aware that she had been a bit of a dumbass, not entirely thinking it all trough, possibly not really listening or taking him seriously enough before. Just shut up Dina. Don’t make it worse. Just keep your mouth shut.. Zip.. Oh no can do. “Sue me for not wanting to be alone! For thinking we might not have to be apart.. for entertaining the idea of becoming a wolf even. Yeah I’m a sucky girlfriend for wanting to freeze my butt off in the forest rather than spend a night alone in our bed.” It was her frustration talking. Along with her pride and her jealousy. God she hated being left behind. Being stuck on the sidelines.. not to mention being told she wasn’t strong enough to be close to him. Noticing he was coming closer, clearly intending to carry her, she held up a blood covered hand in protest. “Its fine I can-” she began, thinking she could fend him off and being sorely wrong. She knew it was silly.. she was being incredibly stupid and difficult. Yet being carried, especially whilst in the middle of a fight, was damn humiliating. She wanted to be on her own two feet, to hold her own ground. Not be snug in his arms, pressed against his chest, distracted by simple things like his warmth. Biting back a groan, she purposefully directed her eyes to the night sky. “Then you lied to me.” The words came out harsher than she had intended. “Because you promised me there weren’t going to be rules or restraints or ultimatums in this relationship but clearly there is. You told me I would be free to make my own decisions but clearly I’m not seeing as you’re yelling at me for making one you didn’t agree with. For pete’s sake, I’m not dead nor dying! And fuck that. You don’t have anything to feel guilty for.” Given the current situation that was the closest she was going to get to an apology. Despite her harsh words and annoyance, some of it fueled by the fact that she was angry at herself for fucking up, not to mention wanting to yell because of the pain, Dina felt guilt begin to seep trough her veins. He was hurt and upset, and she was the one to blame. Several times she opened her mouth to speak, just wanting him to look at her. It was like getting several new punches to the gut when he actively avoided meeting her eyes. She’d figured once they came inside, once he put her down, once she didn’t protest to being undressed, that he might.. but he didn’t. What did it for her was the blankness in his eyes.. Realizing he was holding back tears. “I’m sorry.. I didn’t think it trough I just... I suck, okay? This is all my fault not yours. I’m the one who can’t be trusted.. who should feel guilty and ashamed. Kai.. please look at me.” 

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Kai felt bad for just leaving Dina like that, but there was no discussion when it came to this. He knew what he was like during a full moon, completely feral and out of control and he would not expose his mate to that kind of risk. He never wanted to control her but with this there was no room for any argument. He would apologize to her tomorrow when the full moon was over.

The night has been going well so far. Kai has been slipping in and out of consciousness during the full moon. He was somewhat aware of his surroundings, though his wolf was mostly taking over. The full moon was almost over, then he could turn back into his human form. He has been alone in the woods, in the middle of a clearing, basking in moonlight. His wolf with his red brownish fur, standing proudly in the light. He heard a noise behind him in the bushes. His wolf sprung into action immediately. Turning around and jumping towards the intruder, slashing them across the stomach and pinning them against the nearest rock roughly. He was about to end his prey with a lethal bite to the neck, when he realized who the intruder was. His mate. Dina. The wolf immediately went off of her, curling into himself and whining loudly as he realized what he has done. He hurt her. He hurt his mate. He nearly killed her. He was a monster. He was a killer. A creature of darkness who only brought pain and hurt. But wait…..what was she doing here? why wasn’t she back home safe and sound? An angry growl escaped his throat. In that moment the full moon disappeared and Kai could feel his mind clear up. He shifted back into his human form, not caring that he was standing naked in front of her. “What are you doing here?” He yelled at her, angry at his mate for being so reckless. “I could’ve killed you. I almost did. I could’ve lost you. I told you to stay away. I asked you, I begged you!” He continue to let his anger flow. This was the one thing in his life he didn’t joke about. This was serious and in his eyes she didn’t trust him enough to know that this was dangerous. His chest was heaving with heavy breaths as he calmed down a little. He looked down at her and the deep gash his claws have left on her stomach. “I hurt you.” He whispered brokenly, ashamed and mad at himself for doing so. 

For a little while, she had tried to just.. stay at home. She had even swung by the stupid festival to see what the fuss was all about. But in the end she had felt compelled to prove her theory. To take that which she considered to be a rather slim risk of Kai hurting her, and figure out how his wolf could respond to her. A lot of it had to do with just how unfamiliar she was with the concept of the whole wolf-mate thing. Neither of them really knew much about it, and she wanted proof that it was even a thing. That it was real. Seeing how beautiful he looked in the moonlight though, Dina forgot all about everything else. She had tried to imagine how his wolf looked a lot of times, but this was much better than anything she could have imagined. He looked so regal.. so strong and downright badass. And then the wolf turned, jumping right at her. Dina didn’t even have time to move before feeling something sharp dig into her stomach, yelling out at the jolts of pain coursing trough her, until she had the remaining air effectively knocked out of her, struggling not to black out from the impact and weight of the red wolf on top of her. Air wheezed back into her lungs once she was left alone, gasping a bit for air and cursing loudly as she dragged herself up into a seated position, hugging her stomach where the blood was running freely. Damn. Fuck. Shit. And all of the above. Groaning a little, she tried to focus on the pain, closing her eyes for a minute in concentration. Sometimes she could speed up her healing if she managed to focus on a scar or a wound. This time though all she could manage was slowing down the bleeding. It was something, but not a lot. She’d somewhat managed to block out the whining noise Kai was making, telling herself that it was a bit too late to be sorry now.. but when the growl came her head snapped back up and she couldn’t help but use her arms to inch back to the side, a bit further away from him. Watching him shift back, she sort of wanted to sink into the ground and fully disappear.. Ugh. She’d never actually managed to genuinely piss him off before. “Proving my fucking point is what I’m doing. Its fine, I’ll heal. And I was right! Your wolf did recognize me.” She replied, unable not to be a little triumphant that her theory actually had merit. Yeah she felt kind of bad that she had put him in a position where he might do the one thing he was scared to do. Hurt her physically. But all in all it had gone over well. Her body was a little bruised, her stomach would need a bandage. It wasn’t that bad. “Well.. you didn’t. I’m fine.” she protested, gritting her teeth as she pushed her knees under her and a bit unsteadily got to her feet. It took a whole lot to stay upright.. within a minute she had to lean on the rock behind her, cursing under her breath. Yet his yelling set ablaze some fury of her own. “Like hell you did Kai! You. Told. Me. Off! And guess what? Thats not how this is supposed to work. We’re supposed to talk about shit. Discuss it. Have a damn conversation where theres room for everyone’s damn feelings. You don’t get to tell me where to be or what to do!” She might not be able to build up the same volume as him, but she for sure was using what oxygen she had to tell him off right back. The broken tone though, that made her grimace. “You didn’t. I’m fine.” she stubbornly repeated, pushing down the guilt as best she could, for now. 

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Kai had never felt this confident in a relationship ever. It was definitely new territory. But sometimes it felt like they both were just waiting for the other show to drop. Both broken in their own ways. He hoped it wouldn’t break them but actually make them stronger in the end. He loved this woman with all of his heart and he hope that that would be enough. It had to be. 

“Oh. There’s more?” Kai asked teasingly, a shit eating grin on his face as he looked at her. He leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek, for no explicit reason, just because he could and felt like it. He could see that this whole marriage thing was making her slightly uneasy so he would definitely drop it. If he did end up marrying her, he knew this marriage was gonna be so much different than the one his parents shared. He didn’t want a marriage like that, though his parents might disagree. He knew they would hate Dina, just for the fact alone that she wasn’t a wolf. That she wasn’t submissive or obedient. All the things he loved about her, his parents would hate. But he couldn’t care less about it. He didn’t care about his parents’ opinion. It just didn’t matter to him. Dina was a part of his life and they had to deal with it. “I can’t even imagine that. Now that I have gotten so used to having you in my arms while I sleep I don’t think I could ever let that go.” He admitted truthfully, shrugging his shoulders a little. The full moon has never been Kai’s favorite thing, especially now since he had a mate he had to leave a lone one night a month. But it was what it was. One night a month away from her to keep her safe and unharmed seemed like a good bargain to him. He could see that his words aggravated her. But he wasn’t gonna back down from this. This was the one thing he wouldn’t be arguing about. He never broke eye contact as she spoke, his jaw clenching at her words. “If you wanna test my loyalty to you…..fine. But not like this. This could kill you. I could kill you. My wolf would recognize you, yes, but it could take a second for him to do so and that second could kill you. So please. I am begging you. Stay away.” He said, his words serious. He finished his drink and got up from his chair. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I need to get going. I will see you tomorrow.” he said softly before he turned around and walked out of the bar, desperately hoping that Dina would stay away from him tonight.

While Dina had her doubts about a lot of things, her feelings for Kai, or his feelings for her, weren’t on that list. Most of her doubts and worries were all tied up in how broken and ultimately destructive she could be. In how she didn’t trust herself. Whenever they were together though, she felt it. That sensation of everything just falling into place. Of how things were just right when she was next to him, or in his arms. She loved him. The man he was and the dreams and aspirations he had. Not to mention what kind of person he kept proving that he was. Unfailingly kind and patient. Protective and nurturing. She might find some of it annoying at times but she really loved those sides to him too.

“Plenty more.” She promised with a salacious grin in return, tilting her head and debating whether or not to simply take a seat on his lap, vividly remembering how they’d slept together the first time. She betted the toilets looked quite similar here as they had in that diner. He was being sweet, kind of teenage-y by sticking with the cheek kisses. Which were proving to simply just not be enough for her, prompting her to lean back in and press her lips eagerly against his, wishing they could just spend the entire night in between making out and making love. Dina might not consider herself clingy or needy, but she definitely had a certain appetite she needed Kai to fulfill. And maybe, just maybe, she wanted to allow herself to be somewhat clingy at times. The mere thought of sleeping alone now after spending countless nights in bed with him was hella depressing. Lonely. It might just be for one night, but it would be an awfully long one.. honestly she was debating just not sleeping at all. The concept didn’t feel tempting at this moment. She didn’t want to care what his parents or his pack would think of her. All her life she hadn’t really given a rats ass what anyone thought of her. But this was different.. she’d never had the chance at a real family, at belonging anywhere. Feeling like she fit with Kai, she wanted his family to feel the same. Wanted him not to have to get a ton of crap from them for wanting to be with her. To have them like her kind of mattered.. “Me either. I don’t even know how to sleep alone anymore. just the thought.. its shitty.” She said, trying to put on a brave face though. He had no choice in leaving tonight, that much she knew. Others wouldn’t be safe. And she didn’t want him to feel bad about leaving when it wasn’t much of a choice. Watching him tense up further in response, Dina felt a pit open in her stomach, a heavy one. It wasn’t that she couldn’t take being told what to do. At least it wasn’t just that.. It was the fact that it wasn’t even a discussion.. He had just decided that there was no way she could be with him tonight, not even willing to consider the idea that it might work out. Which not only pissed her off but made her feel not heard. That head of injustice and her stubborn nature were pounding at her scull. Normally she would argue, hell she’d expect there to be just the slightest room for argument at all. But he was cutting her off, abruptly moving to leave. While she didn’t vocalize her hurt, it was written all over her face. “See you..” she muttered in return, too wound up with emotions to come up with another response.

- time jump - 

Following the light of the amulet in her hand, Dina felt it pulse and shine more strongly, feeling thrilled at the notion of finally finding Kai. She had waited until there were only a few hours left of the full moon, wanting to give him the space to spend most of the night with other wolves, even if the thought of female ones jotting about kind of sparked some jealousy. It wasn’t right that they got to be with him and she didn’t. And she wanted to see him in all of his wolfy glory. It was going to be okay. Or so she had decided hours ago when she had bought the tracking amulet from a more than helpful witch. People would help you with anything if you had money to spend. It wasn’t a new revelation but it was probably good to be reminded. Making sure she knew which direction the perimeter was, Dina moved further into the forest, not coming to a stop before the amulet was shining so brightly it nearly blinded her. She could hear the heavy trot of the wolf, smell that mix of forest and wet fur. Hanging the amulet around her neck, she slid trough the bushes. Too much in awe at the sight of her boyfriends wolf form, she didn’t manage to announce that she was just a few feet away. Her eyes widened in wonder. Damn, now that was something else.

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

To say that Kai has abandonment issues was an understatement. The thought that Dina might leave any second was constantly in the back of his mind. He couldn’t help. So far it had always ended that way. No one ever stayed. But the more time he spent with the changeling the more he thought that they might actually have a future together. He has never felt what he felt for Dina before. It was new territory and it was scary. But sometimes you gotta face your fears and come out stronger on the other side. Hopefully it wouldn’t backfire on him. 

“Well I wouldn’t wanna mess with your bad girl image. Plus maybe I like bad girls.” Kai teased her with a chuckle and a smirk on his face, before throwing a wink at her. He loved the playful banter between them. He wouldn’t encourage her to kick everybody’s ass but she could do whatever she wanted and if someone was coming at her, she was allowed to defend herself. He knew that the whole marriage thing was way too soon to talk about but he’d be lying if he said that he never imagined it. She was his mate and that usually meant forever but it wasn’t a decision he made on his own. They had enough time, they don’t need to rush anything. “I hope ‘domestic’ includes lots of sex. That sounds more sane.” He said bluntly, chuckling at his own words. “Unfortunately, Wolves are slaves to the moon so I’ll have no choice but to turn. I have to. But it’s only for one night so it should be okay.” He explained to her with a shrug. Kai tensed when Dina said that she would come with. He turned his whole body towards her and looked her in the eyes. “Absolutely not. When I shift during a full moon I am not myself. I am dangerous and I could hurt you. And I am not taking that risk and neither are you. Please, stay away.” He said sternly. He knew he couldn’t make her stay away but he was asking her, begging her, to do so and he hoped she would listen.

Dina kept wondering if their yin-yang experiences with being in love and being loved would end up being a strength. If that was what would ultimately make them work. Truthfully she tried not to think too far ahead, or imagine much of anything. Having hopes and dreams had always backfired for her and she might have been able to handle a lot of it before, but the thought of loosing Kai or managing to eventually push him away because she was too broken to love was just too painful to even contemplate. She wouldn’t handle that. And she’d rather like to tell herself that it was a scenario that even if it did happen, she wouldn’t see it coming. At least then it would be a shock to the system, rather than a slow, knowing, crippling fact. 

“You best not, or I might be forced to give you a preview of my other bad girl traits. I know you do babe.” Her grin was infectious, eyes shining playfully. She would never pass up an opportunity to take playful shots back and fourth with him. It was her favorite about the way they communicated, how they could play around like this and not be so serious all the time. All this mention of marriage had her thinking of his parents again, feeling chilly about someday meeting them. Not only had she not exactly heard the best things about them, but she was also whole heartedly convinced that she was not the daughter in law they would want. Here they had sent their son to find a werewolf wife. Someone respectable and submissive to support him when he had to take over the pack. And what he came home with was a halfling with a terrible temper and bratty attitude. No way that was going to be attractive to any parent, let alone parents with crazy expectations. “Oh yeah, a very high amount of sex. Ever heard of those couples who sleep in different beds? Even married ones.. thats gotta be so darn unhealthy. I actually can’t imagine anything worse.” she shook her head with a reassured smile, knowing full well they’d never get to such a point. Hearing his explanation, she looked away, using her nail to scratch at the paper label on her beer bottle. Just one night.. every month, how many days a year? Chances were she was going to end up hating the full moon a whole lot, feeling cold and alone in that all too big for one person bed. Her not so joke like comment seemed to really hit a nerve, causing Dina’s eyebrows to rise just a little. While he was kind of asking her.. he was telling her too. And that, along with feeling like there were a ton of things about her that made her just wrong to be his, made her jaw tense and a stubborn look settle in her eyes. “I’ll decide what risks to take or not for myself thanks. Besides, you won’t hurt me. Your wold will know who I am, smell what I am to you. Actually that would probably be the ultimate test of it.” 

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Kai knew he could be overprotective at times. That he could be clingy and overbearing, but he has never felt what he felt for Dina, so it was still something he had to get used to. He was lucky that she seemed to be patient enough to deal with his antics if necessary. He knew that she could handle herself though. She was a strong woman, not some damsel in distress he had to save every so often. She was more than capable of fighting her own battles and he wasn’t gonna interfere unless she wanted him to. 

“I saw that. I gotta admit, it was kinda hot seeing you use your powers and taking that guy out. Not gonna lie.�� Kai said with a chuckle though there was definitely some truth behind his words. He looked at her and tilted his head slightly. He knew it wasn’t easy for her to ask for help but he would offer his help whenever possible hoping she wouldn’t turn him down if she really needed him. “Well, I’ll keep offering my services, maybe one day you’ll accept them.” Kai said with a shrug of his own, shooting her a soft smile. “A guy can dream, no?” He said with a grin, responding to her words about marriage. “You think I know what domestic is like? The only ‘domestic’ life I’ve ever witnessed was that of my parents and that included yelling at each other 24/7 so what do I know?” He said, shrugging his shoulders once again as he finished his beer. “Nothing too exciting has happened. The full moon is getting close so I’ve been looking around the perimeter to see if it’s save for me to spend it there without killing anyone.” He told her with a chuckle, though it wasn’t really a joke. Wolves are dangerous during a full moon and he wanted to be as far away from Dina as he possibly could when that happened.

The unconditional, unyielding, no limits love was still new to Dina. Whenever she did something that could be considered upsetting or said something wrong, she was still expecting a consequence or to be rejected. It was so deeply embedded in her mindset, how disposable she was and had felt for years on end, that even with Kai saying it over and over she found it hard to expect anything else. It was a process, learning that love could work differently, be open and accepting and forgiving in ways that she had never experienced before. All in all though, she felt like they were closing in on some common, stable, middle ground right now. Which was nice, feeling like they were actually on the same page for once. Like he understood what she needed and she knew what he wanted in return.

“Are you really going to encourage me kicking some guys ass? Now thats a dangerous play, stroking my bad girl image like that.” she teased back. Just like with his words, there was some truth to hers. She didn’t really think he was too eager to have her in fights every other day, yet telling her she shouldn’t be would no doubt end up having the opposite effect. Maybe he’d realized that. Nodding slowly, not saying yes or no really, Dina smiled warmly back. “You sure can.” she said, her tone gentle, avoiding saying right out what she was thinking. While she had never imagined herself the marrying type, if there was one guy who might tempt her to change her mind, Kai was it. And still it was like a huge shot in the dark. He might think she was the girl of his dreams now but she doubted that would remain true for the next year even. She didn’t even dare hope. Being pessimistic and pragmatic was much, much safer. She shrugged. “Well thats closer to it than I’ve ever been. Though I kind of would hope the term includes something more sane than yelling that much.” Taking a long gulp of her beer, Dina listened, her body going still, a sign that she was thinking very hard, but also trying to hold herself back from saying something she might regret. “So thats what you’re going to be doing all of tomorrow evening? Isn’t there a ring or a spell that can keep you from shifting?” Truthfully, she wanted to be there. See him in wolf form, run beside him, not be left to either sulk at the apartment or mope about the Festival alone. “Maybe I’ll come with.” she said, failing to sound even a little bit teasing.

[brcknheart]

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Kai could hear the big guy hit the floor and he winced at the sound. “That must have hurt.” He said under his breath before he released a chuckle. “Shouldn’t have aggravated her, bro.” Kai said to no one in particular. He knew that Dina could handle herself easily and now that she was claimed she could easily fight back without getting into trouble. And he wasn’t gonna stop her. She spent years in chains, she had the right to have some freedom. 

He was halfway done with his beer when Dina sat down next to him. He turned towards her, giving her his full attention. He noticed her bloody lip, so he reached out and gently ran his thumb over the wound soothingly. “I knew you could handle yourself. Figured you’d say something if you needed help.” He said with a shrug, taking another sip of his beer. “Other than that huge douchebag over there, how has your night been, honey?” He said, exaggerating the word ‘honey’, before releasing a chuckle. “I’m sorry. But that made it sound kinda domestic and I always wanted to say that.” He said, amused at his own words. 

Dina couldn’t help the satisfaction she felt, watching the duchebag fall. Just as she kind of enjoyed walking away and feeling familiar aches from the punches she had taken, and the adrenaline still running trough her body. While she might have spent a life mostly under the thumbs of others, she still remembered some of her training vividly. It hadn’t made sense before she met her adoptive parents and the whole truth was revealed to her, but she’d always known that there was something inside her that made her different. Powerful if she could control it. And now she could play around with it. To the dismay of others.. 

While he’d seemed perfectly cool about it before, Dina couldn’t fully relax before actually being able to look Kai in the eye and hear him somewhat repeat himself. She knew he would do all he could to simply support her and allow her to be herself, but she also knew that he could be fairly overprotective. Luckily the fact that her abilities were available to her seemed to mostly cancel out his need to protect her. Mostly.. She thought, smiling softly at the feel of his thumb across her skin. “I’m more than a little capable now. I would.. probably.. maybe.” she lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. Asking for help definitely wasn’t a strength of hers, but then he did know that to some extent already. Being called ‘honey’ made her playfully roll her eyes, shaking her head a little teasingly at him. “Its been good. Nothing major happening.” she replied, laughing a little when he apologized. He hadn’t need to. “You make it sound as if we’re already married wolfy. Not that I really know what ‘domestic’ life looks like.” she mused, half curious, half thoughtful, taking a sip of her beer yet keeping her eyes on him. “What was your day like?” 

[brcknheart]

wolfboykaix​:

Kai was looking forward to a relaxing night in with his beloved but that plan got rearranged pretty quickly when he got home and found a note, saying that Dina was at a bar. He released a sigh which quickly turned into a smile as he got dressed so he could join her. A night out with Dina also sounded like a lot of fun, and it’s been a while since he’s been at a bar. He made his way downtown and entered the bar. He immediately noticed a commotion. He had a feeling that his girlfriend may have something to do with it.

“Dina.” The wolf called out once as he entered the circle, though he stayed on the sidelines. He knew she could handle herself, so he wasn’t gonna interfere unless she asked him to. “I can see that.” He said with a chuckle. “I’ll be at the bar if you need me. Have fun.” He said with a grin on his face. “Good luck man.” He said to the male that was up against Dina. “You’re gonna need it.” He said under his breath before he turned around to order himself a beer.

Being without restraints holding her back for the first time made Dina feel comfortable in her skin, as if for the first time in decades, she could react without thinking too much and be as reckless as she truly was. Of course it was bound to come with some challenges and for sure complications.. though the most important thing to her was being able to be true to herself and yet being considerate to Kai. It was liberating though, staring down a jackass, along a long line of jackasses, and finally be able to strike back. This douche had been out of line and she was all too eager to make him pay for it. 

She didn’t need to see her boyfriend to know he was there. The feel of his eyes on her always felt different than anyone else’s. Hearing him laugh, she sent him a sideways grin, before lounging for the guy again. Thanks to her fairy hearing, she heard him announcing he’d go to the bar. “I’ll be there in a bit babe!” she announced, though casting a glance to watch Kai walk away cost her, as the guy hit her in the jaw. Snarling, Dina channeled her emotions, creating a ball of powerful light between her hands and then unleashing it all on the stupid asshat in front of her. He hit the floor, and he stayed on the floor. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Dina stalked out of the circle and over to the bar, taking a seat next to her beau. “You didn’t jump in, thanks for that.” she said, wiping her bloody lip and asking for a beer from the bartender. 

[brcknheart]

The night was young, the music was rad, and the crowd was pretty wild. Dina hadn’t been to a night club in ages, and just being able to walk into one and buy herself drinks and dance on the floor had resulted in quite the consumption of alcohol and almost two hours spent simply dancing her ass off. She’d left a note for Kai, hoping he would see it when he got home and join her, though she didn’t mind being on her own. Being brand free and without shackles for the first time in years and years was a dream come true. 

The magic ended when a guy twice her size bumped into her on the floor, his weight causing her to fall. Once the halfling got back up, she was growling, her eyes flashing as she grabbed the guy by the shoulder and slapped him hard. “What the hell man! Asshole!” The guy looked at her with fury of his own, lounging without much of a thought it seemed. Dina’s reflexes kicked into gear as she evaded the male, as they began a whole different dance, alerting several others who drew back, forming a circle around the two in the middle of the floor, some calling for security. Dina had just delivered a gut punch to her adversary when she heard a familiar voice call her name. Kai.. “Little busy right now Kai.” she called, kicking out again, not caring that the very large guy was coming at her again and again. 

@wolfboykaix​ 

[brcknheart]

[brcknheart]