bpdpeony - Tumblr blog

[bpdpeony]

i wish people would care the same way i care

[bpdpeony]

im irritated because he says how he misses me too and wishes he could play with me more yet he puts himself offline and doesnt join my parties so its like, do you even really care if youre not making an effort. it would be so easy to pick up your phone and ask when we could play togethrer but no you want to stay online at 3am hiding from everyone including me.....ok

[bpdpeony]

i hate that i cant have a positive mindset. no matter what i do im still so weak and i cant perform well in the things i want to. i suck. i suck at sports. at art. at school. i suck as a friend and family member and im going to wallow in my sadness because im a toxic piece of shsit

[bpdpeony]

i feel so depressed my friends ignore me unintentionally and its kind of like the fuck bc i join a call then my parents start arguing loudly and i think theyw heard and anaajajakssd i want to belong with kthers but i just hurt so much so i cnt let them know about it bc its like im whining abd najajsjjf

[bpdpeony]

why did i bither saying anythibg. shes only going to pay attention to me because i called her out. people are ignoring me for a reason so its like why. why cant she just say she hates me. why cant they just be honest

[bpdpeony]

im angry at myself for feeling any of this im angry at her for ignoring me im angry at him and him for not thinking im worth their ime theyre oblivious or dont care idk ehich is worse and how do i even fucking begin to say it because clearly im not their friend im not anyones friend because everyone hates me and everything is a joke

[bpdpeony]

SHE KNIWS. U KNEW YOU WERE IGNORING ME. YU FUCKING KNEW. YOU DONT LIKE ME. NO ONE DOES. OBVIOUSLY IM FUCKING WEIRD AND AWKWARD AND NO ONE LIKES ME BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT. THEYVE KNOWN ALL A LONG AND THIS HAS BEEN ONE JOKE AND IM JUST CATCHING UP

[bpdpeony]

shes just on him all the time and its like i want affection from you from him from them from everyone why cant i have it am i not good enoug? do they hate me

[bpdpeony]

I should just throw myself into school

[bpdpeony]

i just mentally referred to myself as "my sister" like wow can u feel anymore removed from yourself

[bpdpeony]

Its like im present in the moment Sometimes j am sometimes im not but its the most vivid thing i can remember

[bpdpeony]

I like sex because it's raw passion it's unadulterated need and it feels good to feel so alive

[bpdpeony]

im so pissed why are things this way

[bpdpeony]

Why are humans so awful

[bpdpeony]

I am disgusted with my life and the lives of the people around me

[bpdpeony]

A friend is too close to me i want her to stop telling me she loves me so often it is off putting

[bpdpeony]

My birthday is soon and i feel like i should host a social thing since "sweet sixteen" but i dont feel close to anyone