bowiewashington

[bowiewashington]

Task 3: Hobbies

Bowie’s mother always knew what she wanted for her son’s life: for him to have the career she was never able to have. She knew she wanted him in commercials and eventually acting so she made sure he knew how to read from a very young age. It also served another purpose for her: free babysitting. He was reading short chapter books by the time he was four, and could spend hours reading. As he got older, so did his love for reading. For a long time, what was in his TBR was the only thing he was able to control in his life. There’s something comforting about reading and he usually has a book with him everywhere he goes.

He’s been bouldering and rock climbing since he was a teenager — hiking, too. For as long as he can remember, he’s always liked climbing up things. He’d crawl to the top of set pieces, fire escapes, and really anything he could scale. Darlene put him into rock climbing classes and clubs, and it took. Now he prefers climbing in the wild as opposed to climbing in a controlled setting.

Painting was something he got into after his divorce. His therapist recommended it as an outlet and he took to it. Mostly he likes abstract painting but any time Livvie asks him to do a mural he’s more than willing to paint whatever she wants. He’s definitely most comfortable with anything he doesn’t have to mimic.

Photography was a hobby he got forced into. Growing up he spent more time with Darlene than with who he thought was his biological mother. Whenever he did spend time with her, she treated him like an accessory or like her little personal paparazzo. She was a retired model who missed being in front of camera. So, she had Bowie take photos of her all the time. For awhile he hated taking photos, but lately he’s gotten into it again.

[bowiewashington]

Drabble: Joint Custody

Title: Joint Custody Rating: PG-13 (for language) Word Count: 1000 Characters: Bennett “Bowie” Washington Cohen Rosewood, Olivia Jackson-Cohen, Avery Jackson (mentioned), Maxwell Rosewood (mentioned). Relationships: Bennett "Bowie" Rosewood & Olivia Jackson-Cohen, Bennett “Bowie” Rosewood/Maxwell Rosewood (mentioned), Bennett “Bowie” Rosewood/Avery Jackson (past, mentioned). Triggers: Casual references to healthy religious practices (Judaism) for those who don't like any talk of religion, vague implications of child endangerment, mentions of mental health issues. Yiddish/Hebrew words: Bubbeleh, little doll/darling, Abba, dad/father. Prequel/Companion Piece: You filed for full custody?

“Which ambient wall light that is definitely not a nightlight do you wanna keep here and which one do you wanna take to your mom’s?” Bowie asked from his spot on the floor where he was surrounded by boxes of Livvie’s stuff. She was on the other side of her room, sitting in a brightly colored chair and staring at the mezuzah she painted at camp and had already stuck on the doorpost. Her room here was smaller than her room in Charlotte had been, but she got to pick everything out. She'd been in awe every time Bowie bought her something. Technically he and Avery had 50/50 custody, but he knew how this song and dance went.

He was supposed to only see her Fridays through Sundays, but it always worked out where somehow he got to see Livvie a lot more than 50% of the time. Avery wouldn’t be able to pick her up from school or she wanted to go out with her friends and couldn’t Livvie just spend the night? He didn’t understand Avery’s parenting style, but he wasn’t going to bring it up. Instead he was focusing on Livvie and making the transition easier for her. That was the important part: making life easy for Livvie. So what if he and Avery didn't always see eye-to-eye? The important thing was that Livvie was happy.

Livvie didn’t say anything. Instead she was kicking her feet back and forth in the chair. She’d been quieter since moving. One of her main concerns was that she got her own room when Max’s kids were sharing a room. She didn’t think it was fair, and he didn’t know how to tell her that it was because she was likely going to be over more than they were. They’d compromised by putting in a trundle so they could sleep in Livvie’s room, too, and there was an extra bed in their room so she could stay with them, too. Still, he knew everything was bothering her. 

He put the nightlights back into the box and crawled over to where she was sitting. “Wanna talk about whatever’s going on in that smart brain of yours?” He asked, leaning against the chair. Wanting to put a smile on his (adopted) daughter’s face, he nudged her side with his head like he was one of their cats. “I’m a good listener.” He mewled out, continuing to nudge her until she started scratching his scalp. “Wanna tell BoBo about your troubles?”

It was quiet for a couple of minutes, but Bowie had a feeling that she was thinking about what she wanted to tell him. “I’m a bad daughter.” She whispered out, sounding far older than eight years old. As much as Bowie wanted to look up at her, he knew she didn’t respond well to direct eye contact when talking about serious things. Her fingers went from scratching his head to playing with the ends of his hair. “I don’t wanna live with Mommy. I just wanna visit her like me and you used to do before the babies died.”

His eyes closed as he processed her words. What the hell was he supposed to say to all that? Fvck. He swallowed. “You’re not a bad daughter.” He said slowly. “You’re the best kid I’ve ever could have asked for. It’s been a really hard year, Bubbeleh. I loved that I got you all summer, but your Mommy really missed you when she was sick. She wants to spend time with you, too.”

Livvie made a sound like she was pushing air through her nose that she definitely picked up from Darlene. She scrambled out of the chair, taking a little bit of Bowie’s hair with her. “Why does everyone keep saying that?” She yelled more than asked, as she started pacing in front of Bowie. “Mommy was sick.” She pulled a face. “Mommy didn’t mean to leave you.” She huffed out another dramatic sigh.

“You’re so nice about Mommy. And Maxxie doesn’t say anything bad ‘cause he loves you. And Mommy always tells me not to listen to anything you say about her, but you don’t say anything bad, Abba!” She ranted. “Mommy says mean things about you ‘cause you didn’t marry her and married Maxxie. She doesn’t mean it but-” And she dropped onto the ground, tears sliding down her cheeks. Whatever she said next was drowned out by her sobs.

Immediately he scrambled over to her, and pulled his daughter into his lap. She called him abba. He didn’t even know she knew what abba meant, let alone ask her to call him that. She must have picked it up from one of her friends at camp. The feeling of being called dad was overwhelming and all encompassing, but he was pushing that to the back of his mind to instead focus on Livvie. “Oh, Bubbeleh.” He crooned out, not knowing what else to say.

“She was sick, but she left me, Abba. She left me like my other daddy did. She left.” She sobbed into his chest. “And- and- and… I picked you!” She pulled back to look at him. “I didn’t like kin’da’garden and then… you were there like Lilo & Stitch. And I got to pick you to be my BoBo. And you loved Mommy and you took care of me even when Mommy didn’t love you, and you kept loving me when the babies went away and- and- and-” She buried her face back into his chest. “You stayed. Everyone leaves, but you stay, Abba. You stay.” 

His face felt wet. He didn’t even know when he started crying. “I’ll always stay. It’s you and me forever, Livvie-girl. You and me.” He murmured out, rocking her from side to side. “You and me.”

Livvie hiccuped, and turned her head to the side to mumble: “And she smells funny all the time. Like stinky flowers.”

And, fvck. He knew that Avery was still smoking pot but she promised it wouldn’t affect her time with Livvie. Fvck. “I’ll do what I can to see if you can spend more time here.” He promised into her hair. “It doesn’t mean you will, but I’m gonna try, okay? I’m gonna try for you.”

[bowiewashington]

Drabble: Jewish or Whatever

Title: Jewish or Whatever Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 620 Characters: Bennett “Bowie” Washington, Ruth “Bubbe” Goldstein Washington, Maxwell Rosewood (mentioned), Olivia Erwin Washington (mentioned), and Benjamin “Benny” Monroe (mentioned). Relationships: Bennett “Bowie” Washington/Maxwell Rosewood (implied), Bennett “Bowie” Washington/Benjamin “Benny” Monroe (implied), Bennett “Bowie” Washington & Ruth “Bubbe” Goldstein Washington Triggers: Religion (Judaism), use of a kind of derogatory word for non-Jews, use of Yiddish/Ashkenazi words by reform Jews, references to Benny (since he is his own warning). Yiddish/Hebrew words: Bubbe - grandmother, fondly. Schmuck - used for idiot. Goy - a non-Jewish person, can be offensive. Feh - like a disgusted sound.

“So tell me about this new boy.” Bubbe requested. It was their weekly phone call, and Bowie knew she’d been holding off on asking for at least a week. He didn’t remember when their weekly phone call tradition started, but he did know that he spoke with her more frequently than he did with his father and Arianna combined. As always, he wasn’t sure how he felt about basically being no contact with his parents, but it wasn’t like Bubbe really talked to her son either. So that helped with some of the guilt he supposed.

“What boy?” Bowie asked, feigning ignorance. He was lucky as hell that Bubbe struggled with FaceTime and only ever called him in the traditional sense. He wasn’t sure what his face was doing, but he knew that Ruth Washington would have seen right through it if they were face-to-face. As it was, he already knew that she was going to sense that he wasn’t telling her the truth by the sound of his voice. “Are you talking about Benny? I thought you didn’t like hearing about him.”

His grandmother made a huffing sound, and he was damn sure she was rolling her eyes at him. “Bennett, I’m old. I’m not a schmuck. Besides, I read People, and I get alerts from the Timzey. I know you’ve been out and about with some blond boy. I also am under the impression that whatever is going on with Benjamin is a publicity stunt for the studio. Is it not?” She asked, and he could all but see her smirk.

Bowie sighed, and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He knew what her next question was going to be, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for it. “His name is Max.” He finally admitted with another sigh. “And he’s a firefighter.”

She was quiet for a moment, most likely running through all the names in the Torah. “Max. That’s not a Hebrew name.” Bubbe said, and it sounded like she was still thinking about something.

“Bennett isn’t a Hebrew name either.” He pointed out with a shrug she wasn’t able to see.

There was a sound that Bowie couldn’t interpret, but he was pretty sure that it was something derogatory about Arianna. “So, what is he then? Ashkenazi? Sephardic? Mizrahi?” When Bowie didn’t respond, she began throwing out other options. “Reform like us? Conservative? Orthodox? Renewal?” 

He bit his lip, and shrugged even though she wouldn’t be able to see it. “He’s non-denominational, I think?” He tried.

“Non-denominational?” And he could hear the frown in her voice. “So is he secular? Or is he just culturally Jewish?”

Bowie closed his eyes. He could do this. He could definitely do this. Just blurt out that he wasn’t Jewish at all. He could do this.

“He’s a firefighter, and he’s great with kids.” Bowie tried to distract her. “I think he’s in one of those calendars they sell for charity.”

“Bennett.” And Ruth’s voice went sharp. “Is your firefighter Jewish?”

He sighed. “Isn’t it nice that I have a consistent type?” He answered instead. 

“Goys and immoral Jewish boys is not a type.” She snapped back.

Bowie couldn’t help the smirk from slipping into his voice. “I mean… from your logic then, maybe it’s a good thing that he’s not Jewish.” He pointed out.

“When does my darling granddaughter get back from camp?” Ruth redirected.

That definitely threw Bowie off. “Uh, two weeks?” He said. “And technically, isn’t she your great granddaughter?”

“Feh!” She dismissed. “It’s decided then. I’ll come and visit in two weeks. We’ll have dinner.” She decided. “And you’ll bring your firefighter.”

He blinked. “What?” But before he could say anything else, the call ended.

[bowiewashington]

Drabble: A Novelization of Death After Life: Dead Again

TRIGGERS: Mentions of child death, ritual sacrifice, and just general themes of death and dying associated with the fictional show that is Death After Life: Dead Again. NOTE: If you spot the Welcome to Nightvale quote, we are automatically best friends.

There were days when Malcolm couldn’t help but to feel like his life was a little too perfect. He was twenty-three and already married with his first child on the way. On top of that he was already a best-selling horror author. It felt almost like it was a life someone crafted for him. Like someone picked up a pen and went: what life would make this old-fashioned boy happy? Half the time it felt like he was like a fake life. Could someone be in witness protection and not even know it? Nah, he’d remember that, right?

A part of what made his life feel so fictional was the dreams. He’d always had an overactive imagination, and he’d always had vivid dreams. A lot of the time his dreams were set in two places. The first setting was a subway car, and it was the same subway car every time. There was a poster tacked onto one of the walls that said: if you see something, say nothing and drink to forget. The other setting reminded him of a hotel lobby, but he knew it wasn’t actually a hotel lobby. What it was, he didn’t know, but he knew it wasn’t a hotel. There was a desk with a wall of keys, and then a line of guests that never seemed to go down.

Lately though his dreams have felt like something else. It was almost like he was reliving a memory. Like last night’s dream, or rather this morning’s dream. He’d woken up in a cold sweat, fingers tangled around his necklace. In his dream, he was no older than eight. The Seven Hills were suffering; they’d lost the favor of the gods. Mal had been chosen to appease the gods. He’d been lead to a sacred space atop one of the hills, and he’d woken up as a ritual dagger slit his throat open.

It felt so real, and for one wild moment, Malcom thought he was reliving his death, which made no sense! He was alive - not dead. So why was he having dreams of his death? And it wasn’t that either! He was dreaming of other people’s deaths, too. Like ones from the past. He could have sworn he was there when Lincoln died. But again… none of that made sense. His wife thought it was just stress because her due date was sneaking up, but Malcolm didn’t think it was just that… It didn’t explain the things he kept seeing when he was awake. If he looked into the shadows for too long, the shadows looked back.

[bowiewashington]

Drabble: Scenes from a Weekend

Title: Scenes from a Weekend Rating: Mature-ish? Word Count: 2400-ish

Characters: Bennett "Bowie" Washington, Olivia Erwin Washington, Benjamin "Benny" Monroe, Ruth “Bubbe” Goldstein Washington, Ezra Cohen, Kenny the Bodyguard, Daniel Radcliffe (yeah, you read that right), Darlene Cohen,  (mentioned), Avery Erwin (mentioned)

Relationships: Bennett "Bowie" Washington/Benjamin "Benny" Monroe (implied), Bennett "Bowie" Washington & Ruth “Bubbe” Goldstein Washington, Bennett "Bowie" Washington & Olivia Erwin Washington, Bennett "Bowie" Washington/Avery Erwin (past)

Triggers: Religion (Judaism), use of a kind of derogatory word for non-Jews, use of Yiddish/Ashkenazi words by reform Jews, references to sex, domestic violence, spousal abuse, emotional abuse, non-consensual free use, victim guilt, child loss, infant loss, over medicating, references to canon underage sex, age difference, #metoo vibes, child marriage/grooming, and a vague reference to a canon suicide attempt.

Notes: So even before the show aired, I told myself that whatever Jonathan Groff won, that’s what Benny would win. Somehow this turned into Merrily We Roll Along being the show Benny was in on Broadway. I have no regrets. Feel free to imagine Benny as Jonathan Groff for now. I have more I want to add, but that’s going to be a next-week project.

Yiddish/Hebrew words: Shabbos - Sabbath, the Jewish day of rest (Friday sundown to Saturday Sundown), also the formal Friday night dinner. Bubbe - grandmother, fondly. Bubeleh - a term of endearment for a grandchild. Goy - a non-Jewish person, can be offensive.

FRIDAY

Friday nights in Brooklyn at Bubbe’s house were always chaotic, and every time Bowie forgot just how popular his grandmother was. She’d owned her apartment in Brooklyn, just outside the Jewish Quarter, for longer than Bowie had been alive. Everyone in the building knew who she was, and he swore everyone stopped by her apartment before going up to the roof for Shabbos. It was making Kenny, the bodyguard that Benny hired for Bowie earlier this year, extremely nervous. Of course, not a single person was paying him any mind.

“A Jewish actor nominated for a Tony dining in Brooklyn?” Bubbe’s neighbor, Gilda, rolled her eyes before shoving a casserole dish into Kenny’s arms. “Throw a rock. You’ll hit another one. Take that to the roof, handsome.”

Kenny shot Bowie a helpless look, and all Bowie could do was laugh, before waving him off. As much as Charlotte was home, so was anywhere Bubbe was living. It definitely felt like home tonight, and for the first time in weeks, Bowie actually felt alive and not like the walking corpse he’d been since the twins were stillborn. 

“Bubeleh.” And that was the only warning Bowie got before Bubbe grabbed him by the elbow and guided him over to an older woman and a guy his age who he assumed was her son or grandson. Aw, shit. “There’s someone I want you to meet. This is Peggy, and her grandson, Yoel. This is my Bennett.” She introduced, and fuck. This was definitely a set up. “He’s an actor with his own little show and everything.” Please don’t let her pinch his cheek. “He just got out of a long term relationship, but she was a goy. So she doesn’t count.”

And fucking ouch. “Bubbe, let’s not call Livvie’s mom that. People really don’t use that word any more.” He shot Yoel a small smile. He seemed nice enough, but he also was about Bowie’s age, which meant he could probably chase him off without Benny getting involved. Actually someone must have been distracting Benny because he hadn’t seen him in awhile. “Livvie is my seven year-old.”

Those were the magic words. Almost immediately Yoel and his grandma were moving along to talk to someone else. “Well, I didn’t like him for you anyway.” Bubbe dismissed. “Have you seen your brother? There’s a girl who’s in her last year at Columbia that I want him to meet.” 

Happy to pass off her scheming to someone else, he pointed in the last direction he’d seen Ezra in. Almost as soon as she was gone, arms wrapped around his waist. He tensed, until the familiar scent of Benny’s cologne calmed him. With a sigh he relaxed into his ex-husband (partner again?). “What did you say to her during Passover?” He asked. “She’s bolder than normal tonight.”

Benny buried his face against his neck for a moment, just breathing Bowie in. “You’re telling me. She roped little Washington into making me braid her hair over and over. It took me far too long to realize she was purposely distracting me.” He admitted, sounding sheepish.

Well, that answered a couple of questions. “If they really wanted to, I think they could take over the world.” Before Benny could reply, Bowie was dragged off by Olivia to rescue Ezra.

SATURDAY

“Uncle Ez.” Today it was just Bowie, Ezra and Olivia. Well, and Kenny, but he was sitting in the corner while they got manicures and pedicures at the little hole in the wall place Darlene swore by when she lived in Brooklyn. And… okay, Ezra wasn’t getting a manicure. Even though his cuticles were disgusting. “Can I pick the color for your toes?”

A smile worked its way onto Bowie’s face. Much like the night before Bowie was feeling a bit more like himself. He was still in mourning, but he felt like he could breathe. Or maybe it was because he stopped taking the medications his therapist prescribed after the twin’s passing. His head felt clear. 

“Is it going to be pink?” Ezra asked skeptically. 

Olivia rolled her eyes. “Nooooo.” She drew out the ‘oh’ sound for as long as she could. “BoBo’s letting me pick his colors. No pink for him either.” She giggled as her feet were lifted out of the basin by the nail tech. 

“Want to look at colors?” They asked her.

Immediately Olivia looked at him for permission, and wasn’t that something. It made him feel like a dad, which he theoretically knew he was, but it still felt novel every time she did something to remind him. “Go on. I’ll try to talk your uncle into getting his fingers done, too.”

As soon as Olivia was out of earshot, Ezra turned to glare at him. “I thought the whole Ben thing was because of the studio.” He hissed out. “Yeah, I know he’s your longest relationship so there’s that safety and comfort thing, but I didn’t actually think you were back together for real until last night.”

Bowie closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the spa chair. “C’mon, Ez. I thought you were gonna lay off until filming was done.” He whined out. “It’s complicated.”

Ezra glanced around to make sure that Olivia was still out of earshot. “His hand was down your fucking pants. That doesn’t look complicated to me. It looks like you’re screwing your ex again.” And yeah… Ezra was a kid when Bowie and Benny were married, but he saw just how much Benny put him through the first time around. 

“We didn’t do anything. I wasn't gonna let him do anything in Bubbe’s bathroom.” He whispered back.

His brother’s eyes narrowed. “And when you’re staying in midtown tomorrow night?” He countered back. “You’re going to let him bend you over the closest surface and fu- FEED you all sorts of different delicious new foods.”

Wait. What? Bowie frowned, but then he saw Olivia bounding over, cradling nail polish bottles in her hands. “I got all sorts of options!”

SUNDAY

Bowie had never actually been to the Tony Awards before. Sure, he’d been to award shows, but he almost felt like he was sitting in tech rehearsals or something. There was a certain vibe in the air. Bowie wasn’t sure if he was excited or if he was going to throw up.

“You okay?” Benny asked him as he gave Bowie’s hand a squeeze as they went down the paparazzi line. And fuck. His brother was right. Sure, he’d announced to the world that he and Benny were back together, but he never actually felt like they were together. Until now. Benny pressed a kiss to Bowie’s knuckles. He’d been obsessed with how soft Bowie's hands were after the manicure. He had no idea what the other man was going to do when he felt his feet.

It was right there, with cameras flashing, that Bowie realized his mistake. He knew Benny was a good shield from people asking probing questions about the loss of his twins, but he didn’t have an exit plan. Now that he wasn’t taking the meds the therapist had prescribed, he realized he’d taken his abuser back. What was that scary statistic Bubbe sent him when someone told her what he’d done? People who went back to their abusers didn’t get out of the relationship alive?

Fuck. He was going to have to actually stay with Benny through filming, and the media shit, too. If he tried to end things with him sooner than that, it was going to cause issues with Death After Life. But if he stayed with him too long… would a repeat of the sex tape happen? How long until Benny started whoring him out again? How long until he tried to convince him to get rid of Olivia? Fuck. He knew he wouldn’t actually hurt Olivia; as long as he could use her to control Bowie. 

“I’m fine, baby.” Bowie cooed out when he realized there were cameras on them. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to the corner of Benny’s mouth. “Just a little overwhelmed.” 

Benny smiled at him before kissing him properly. “Why don’t you go inside? Go grab some water, and take your anxiety meds. I have to do a couple more interviews.” He suggested.

He forced a smile, and gave him another kiss before disappearing into the Lincoln Center. Instead of taking his meds, he slipped up to the bar and grabbed a whiskey sour. He was three drinks deep, and chatting with some producer Bowie was pretty sure he’d slept with when he was still underage when Benny reappeared. 

“You’re not supposed to be drinking on your meds.” He reminded him, stealing his drink.

Bowie rolled his eyes, but nuzzled into him anyway. “I stopped taking them a couple days ago so I could drink tonight.” Sure, he’d been off his meds for a couple of days, but it had been a total accident.

A kiss was pressed to the side of his neck. “That’s my smart boy.”

-

Seven nominations. Somehow Bowie didn’t realize that Benny’s show had seven nominations. For so long he’d purposely avoided everything Benny related. Now that he was back in his orbit he supposed he should have been paying attention. Seven nominations meant two things: 1) their section was pure chaotic energy and 2) Benny was out of his seat more than he was in it. He couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not.

As soon as the first award was won by Benny’s co-star, Bowie knew it was going to be a wild night. Even if Benny didn’t win his award, Dan did, which meant they were definitely going to the afterparties. He could feel Benny grip his thigh as Dan thanked him and started crying. Instinctively, Bowie leaned into Benny’s side as his ex-husband sniffled. There was definitely a camera on them, and he knew what it looked like. Darlene was gonna say something when he got back to Charlotte.

Most of the night from there was a blur. Benny had to go backstage for a costume change and to perform. He knew there would likely be a camera on him for his reaction just in case something happened. And sure enough, right there on live television, Benny accidentally sang the not for live TV lyrics to the song they were performing. Bowie felt his hands covering his face, and he knew the slightly time delayed air version would be showing his reaction as the entire line was muted out. And then… he was clapping and cheering as the number finished.

It took awhile before Benny was back in his seat. He pressed a kiss to the side of his head as he slid back into his seat, still slightly sweaty from running around on stage. “You said the wrong liiiine.” He whisper-sang, nudging him. Oh yeah, those drinks had hit him hard.

Benny was laughing into his shoulder, but they didn’t have too much time together before Merrily We Roll Along won Best Revival of a Musical. There was a roar of noise around them, and Benny was kissing him before running up on stage with the rest of the cast. Bowie could feel the fond smile on his face. Fuck. He really was too deep in it now, wasn’t he?

He didn’t have too much time to think about that before Benny was back, and they were reading the nominees for Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Musical. The cameras were definitely on them now. As they said his name and showed a clip from Merrily, Benny was holding onto Bowie’s hand, his lips pressed against his knuckles again. And then… then it was pandemonium. Benny won. Benny fucking won. Somehow he was standing and Benny’s arms were around him, and there was a firm kiss pressed to Bowie’s lips and then Benny was off to the stage.

Disconnected from reality. That was the only way Bowie could think to describe how he was feeling, and he wasn’t even the one who won. He watched as Benny stopped to hug Dan on his way to the stage. People were grabbing Bowie’s hands nearby and congratulating him on Benny’s win as the announcer stated that this was Benny’s third nomination but first win. It was bizarre, but then he was being pushed back to sitting, and Benny was at the podium.

“Wow. Uh, okay. Paper, paper.” He was crying as he patted down his pockets for his speech. “Victory!” He straightened out his speech. “Live theater has always been my first love. My second love is sitting over there.” There was laughter and Bowie knew there was a camera on him again. Bowie couldn’t tear his eyes away from Benny. Fuck. He didn’t think he was actually going to win, and now… now whatever Benny said on live television was going to be true. Just like how Bowie blurting out that they were back together when they weren’t had instantly become the truth.

“There are so many people I need to thank, but I’m in disbelief. I remember being eighteen, and telling my brand new costar that I was going to be an EGOT winner one day. Now I just need a Grammy. It blows my mind. And that’s not on my paper.” He shook his head to get back on track. “But I told that same costar I was going to marry him one day, and look at us now.” There was more laughter and then Benny was reading out his list of people to thank. Bowie zoned out for a minute until Benny got to the end. “And last, but definitely never least, Bee. Happy Father’s Day, baby. I know it looks differently than you imagined, but I’m so proud of you for getting out of the house and coming with me tonight. I love you, Bowie Monroe. Everything I do is for you. You make me want to be a better man, a better person. This award is for you.” He blew an air kiss towards Bowie and then he was being escorted off the stage for interviews.

Tears were streaming down Bowie’s face. He fucked up. What had he been thinking? Benny wasn’t going to let him leave again. Bowie had barely got out alive the first time around. Something told him it wasn’t going to be as easy this time.

[bowiewashington]

Drabble: Shavuot

Title: Shavuot Word Count: 700ish Characters: Bennett "Bowie" Washington, Darlene Cohen, Olivia Erwin Washington, Benjamin "Benny" Monroe (mentioned), Ezra Cohen (mentioned), Avery Erwin (mentioned), Reese Cromwell (mentioned) Relationships: Bennett "Bowie" Washington & Darlene Cohen, Bennett "Bowie" Washington & Olivia Erwin Washington, Bennett "Bowie" Washington/Benjamin "Benny" Monroe (implied) Triggers: Infant loss, child loss, postpartum depression (vaguely and unfairly stigma'd), religion (Judaism), religious struggles, vague references to antisemitism and genocide, depression, unhealthy coping mechanisms, unhealthy mourning practices, vague references to domestic violence, and just general Benny warnings. Notes: Shalom Sesame is a real show that lives rent free in my head.

“Okay, that’s enough!” The curtains to his room swung open, blinding Bowie in sunlight. As he tried to roll over and go back to sleeping his life away, the blankets were suddenly ripped off him. “I’ve been patient with you, boy. You’ve been through a lot these past couple of weeks, and I haven’t said anything. And you have tested my patience, but I understand that you’re mourning. I’m mourning, too, but pumpkin. Enough is enough. There's a line between mourning and wallowing.”

She pulled the pillow he was holding over his head away from him. “When you took custody of Olivia, even though there’s going to be paperwork up the wazoo to keep her if Avery ever decides she wants her back, I didn’t say anything. I love that little girl, too. I'm not judging you for that, but I didn't say anything about it. When you let a total stranger move into our home, I didn’t say anything because in this economy people have to rent rooms. When you announced to the world that you were back with the spawn of the devil, I didn’t argue with you. Even though it’s taking everything in me to not scream at you about it. E V E R Y T H I N G. But this, Bennett? This is where I draw the line.”

Bowie flopped onto his stomach, once again attempting to ignore Darlene. “It’s just a stupid cheesecake holiday.” He mumbled out against his mattress.

“A cheesecake holiday?!” Darlene squawked back at him. “Boy, I didn’t raise you to be disrespectful. Shavuot is a celebration! Our people received the Torah. It’s not a cheesecake holiday. It’s a celebration of joy!”

Her words were what finally got Bowie to sit up. “What the fuck do I have to be joyful for?” He snapped out. “Why should I praise Him right now? Why should I celebrate the rules He stuck me with?” If he wasn’t in the throes of mourning, he wouldn’t dare talk to Darlene like this, but well, he was just so tired. “He took my babies from me, and drove my partner insane. How the fuck am I supposed to be joyful about that?”

Darlene took a step backwards like he slapped her. “Pumpkin.” She dragged an hand over her face and stood motionless in front of his bed. “We’re Jewish. Suffering is in our DNA.” She started, but Bowie wasn’t having it.

“No!” He didn’t get off the bed, but he scrambled into an even more upright position. “I’m sick of the suffering. I turn on the news – suffering. I post on social media and the comments are full of names that make me want to throw up. I finally had a bit of sunshine in my life, and it’s taken away from me. When do I get something good?!”

Before either of them could say anything, Livvie raced into his room. “BoBo!” She screamed, launching her little body at him. “Uncle Ez says we’re watching the Prince of Egypt again so we remember why we’re stayin’ up all night!” She squealed out, wrapping all her limbs around him. “And! Did you know there’s a Jewish Sesame Street?!” 

Suddenly she pulled back. “BoBo,” She made a face at him. “You stink.”

Bowie sighed and collapsed back against his mattress. “I’m being teamed up against by my mother and my daughter. This is a mutiny.” He whined out.

Livvie giggled. “BoBo.” She sighed, but he could see how pleased she was that he referred to her as his daughter. It wasn’t totally official yet, but he was legally her guardian. “Do you want Mr. Benny to see you when you’re smelly?” She teased, pulling a face, which was weird because she still didn’t like him. “He brought us cheesecake from New York City!” And there it was…

“Fine, fine, fine.” He rolled off the bed and onto his feet. “It’s your first Shavuot. Guess I better give you the full experience. Go play hostess and see if our tenant wants to join us.” When Olivia blinked at him, he laughed. “Sorry. Big word. The lady renting the room. Go see if Reese wants to join us for cheesecake and blintzes.” 

As Livvie ran out, Darlene gave his shoulder a squeeze. “There was the good you were looking for, pumpkin.” And as she walked out of the room she tossed over her shoulder: "Don't take too long in the shower. We're not gonna save you any cheesecake if you take too long."

He rolled his eyes. "Fucking cheesecake holiday."

[bowiewashington]

Drabble: Therapy [Session 1]

Title: Therapy [Session 1] Word Count: 1610 Triggers: There is so much emotional trauma in this baby. A lot of the triggers will spoil you for the story. Triggers under the cut.

Mental health (mania, depression, postpartum depression), spousal abuse/underage marriage (references to Benny and Bowie’s marriage, the trauma of a victim returning to their abuser, hinted at gaslighting), child death (stillborn, child loss), religious trauma (not being able allowed to follow religious mourning practices), references to physical altercations, and doctor prescribed overmedication. 

Additional warnings for an unreliable narrator.

If I missed any trigger warnings, please let me know and I’ll add them.

--

Bowie was sitting on the floor in front of  the balcony doors. His knees were pulled up to his chest, and tucked under his softest and most worn sleep shirt. Actually it was an old shirt of Benny’s that he thought he’d donated. Apparently not. As quickly as the thought pushed into his head, it disappeared. He focused on the ocean view from this angle, and took a deep breath. His head felt a little floaty, and he knew there was a reason, but he couldn’t remember why.

“Bennett, can you come join me over here?” A familiar voice asked him.

It took a moment for the words to register, but once they did Bowie stood up on shaky legs and wandered over to where Dr. Gina was sitting. That was right. He was in Wilmington for filming. His therapist was here doing a house visit because… fvck. Why was his therapist here? He blinked, as though that would tell him why, but the reason never came to him. She was sitting in comfortable looking chair, and he knew he was supposed to sit in the chair next to it.

“Sorry.” He mumbled out, voice rough like he hadn’t used it for awhile. Gently, he lowered himself into his chair and noticed the cup of tea waiting for him on the side table. He slowly picked it up and gingerly took a sip. “I forgot you were coming over.”

Dr. Gina smiled warmly at him. “It’s okay, Bennett. It’s the medication you’re on right now.” She had her own cup of tea, and took a small sip. “Do you remember why we have you on medication right now?” And he liked that she always phrased things as questions - like it was okay if he didn’t know something.

He stared into his tea. It was herbal, which meant he wasn’t allowed caffeine right now. “Because something happened like when Benny wouldn’t divorce me.” He guessed. “I had an anxiety attack and you were afraid I was gonna do something stupid again.” He set his tea down and ran his fingers over the faded scars on his wrists.

“Not quite.” She gently corrected. “You had a manic episode brought on by an extreme emotional event. I’d be surprised if you fully remembered what happened.” She paused so Bowie could absorb what she said. “Do you know where we are?”

Bowie glanced towards the ocean for a moment. “Wilmington. We’re supposed to be filming this week, but they shifted the schedule so I can have a break. I didn’t want to go back to Charlotte because-” His mind went blank again so he looked down at what he was wearing. “I’m at Benny’s condo.”

Gina offered him another smile. “We are. Your brother is here, too. You’re not alone with Benny.” She promised him. “I’ve never met two people who get along less, but they’re both very worried about you. I think that’s the only reason they’re willing to share a space.”

There was a memory teasing at the edges of Bowie’s consciousness. An argument. Benny, Darlene, and Ezra bickering over whether a death counted. Something about how they weren’t alive for 30 days; shiva shouldn’t be kept. Bowie picked up his tea as though he could swallow the stuck memory away.

“Bennett, what happened last week?”

He closed his eyes. Okay, he could focus on that. “Comicpalooza.” He whispered out, the cup shaking lightly in his hands. He set it back down. “And AJ’s bris.”

Dr. Gina sighed. “Bennett.” Her tea mug was no longer in her hands. She braced her elbows on her knees. “What happened at Comicpalooza? You went viral. Do you remember?”

Oh. That. He looked down at his shirt - no, Benny’s shirt - again before tucking his knees back up under it. “When I was asked how Benny and I were working together, I said we were getting along.” 

A sigh. “Bennett.” She chided.

“Fine. I announced that Benny and I were back together and let him kiss me in front of a big ass crowd.” He admitted, resting his chin on his knees. “The guy he’d been casually seeing threw a temper tantrum and tried to punch me. Ben has a restraining order against him now. Then Ezra sucker punched Benny and I had to separate them. Franklin is thrilled. He thinks the reboot is going to have ratings higher than the original show because of all the drama.”

It was quiet for a moment. “And before that moment were you and Benny back together?” She asked. There was no judgment in her tone. She was genuinely curious. 

“No.” Bowie whispered out. “I was just as surprised as anyone else when the words came out of my mouth.” 

Dr. Gina nodded. “And why do you think you decided in front of a thousand people to announce a relationship that didn’t exist?” Now there was a little bit of judgment in her tone, but he’d been seeing her for about eight years now. She knew just as much about his and Benny’s insane relationship as he did.

“Because I knew he would never deny it.” He admitted. “That Ben would do anything to get back together. Because Ben is safe. He’s not good for me, but he’ll protect me from myself. He likes taking care of me. I’m his favorite possession.”

“And why did you need to feel safe?” Dr. Gina asked. “What happened the day before the panel?”

Another memory tugged at the edges of his foggy brain. He was wearing a suit, and saying kaddish. He was standing in a cemetery - Ezra and Darlene were standing on either side of him. Olivia was standing in front of him. Avery was… Not there. She was telling people Olivia was kidnapped. She… The memory faded away.

“It was AJ’s bris.” He insisted.

Dr. Gina was standing in front of him, and was holding his hands. Wait. No. She was pulling his hands out of his hair. He’d been tugging at the ends of his hair. “Bennett, I need you to say it out loud. We both know it wasn’t AJ’s bris. Just like we know the real reason why you were going through all the items people had given you for the twins.” She still was loosely holding onto his hands so he couldn’t grab his hair again.

“I couldn’t keep shiva.” He warbled out. “I had a funeral, but I couldn’t keep shiva because of the panel. They wouldn’t let me pull out of the panel. So I couldn’t keep shiva. And Ezra and Darlene came with me to Houston because they knew how upset I was that I couldn’t keep shiva.”

The hands around his wrists loosened. “Who died, Bennett?” Her voice was soft, barely a whisper.

More memories were flooding over him, and he could feel thick tears sliding down his cheeks. “The babies came too early. They weren’t ready, and they…” He hiccuped. “They…” 

Another memory. Standing in the delivery room, half in his make-up from filming. AJ was in his arms, but he wasn’t crying. He wasn’t ready because… because he was already dead. He was still-born. 

“AJ was already gone when he came out.” Bowie whispered, voice thick with his tears. “Ashley was alive, but… She didn’t make it. She didn’t make it. I just wanted to pretend that it didn’t happen.”

Dr. Gina let go of his arms and sat across from him again. “And what happened the day before the panel?” She prompted. 

Bowie sighed and wrapped his arms around his knees. “We had the twin’s funeral.” He admitted. “And Avery…” He sighed and closed his eyes. “She got it in her head that I kidnapped Olivia. She came with me to Houston, and Avery got confused and thought she was in Houston and Olivia was still here in North Carolina.”

He dropped his feet back to the ground and picked up his now lukewarm tea. “She’s at a treatment center for postpartum depression. It’s a long-term program. Livvie is staying at the house with Darlene while Ezra and I are in Wilmington.” He sighed. “I wanted Livvie to come with us, but she still has a week of school and she’s going to summer camp the week after because she wanted the full Jewish kid experience.”

“You want things to be as normal as possible for her while Avery recovers.” Dr. Gina surmised. 

And Bowie couldn’t do this any more. “Yeah.” He put his cup down and stood up. “I’m going to bed.” He announced apropos of nothing before walking out of the room and leaving Dr. Gina behind.

He only made it a couple of steps towards the front door when there was a warm arm around his waist. “Your bedroom is in the opposite direction, Bee.” Benny’s voice washed over him, and instead of being annoying, it was like a balm. He found himself sagging into his ex-husband’s arms. 

“I wasn’t trying to run away.” He lied.

His ex didn’t try to argue with him, which meant that Benny was worried. “You just got turned around. I know, sweetheart. Let’s get you back in bed.”

As he was led to the room he was staying in (not the main bedroom despite Benny’s constant invitation), he could see Ezra arguing with Dr. Gina. She was trying to give him pills. Oh. She wanted to up whatever meds he was currently on. That was not going to go over well with his half-brother. He couldn’t remember why. By the time Bowie was crawling into bed and Benny was feeding him another dose of the tranquilizers, he’d already forgotten about it. 

[bowiewashington]

Dead Again: The Return of Death After Life - General Assembly - 11:30am to 12:30pm.

[Alt] Join the cast of Death After Life as they talk about their ten year Death-a-versary, and what it's like returning to the roles they left behind.

[bowiewashington]

[bowiewashington]

Drabble: Scenes from an (On-Set) Relationship

Title: Scenes from an (On-Set) Relationship Rating: R (for language mostly) Word Count: 4100 Characters: Bennett “Bowie/Benny” Washington, Benjamin “Benny” Monroe, Darlene Cohen, Amanda “Mandy” Bach Relationships: Bennett Washington/Benjamin Monroe, Bennett Washington & Darlene Cohen, Bennett Washington & Amanda Bach, Bennett Washington & Amanda Bach & Benjamin Monroe Trigger Warnings: Underage (relationship, implied sexual content, marriage), domestic violence (emotional manipulation, love bombing, gaslighting), spoilers for a fictional episode of Law & Order and multiple spoilers for a fictional television show that sadly only exists in my head. Summary: Five times Bowie and Benny were awkward on set. Or five glimpses into Bowie and Benny’s relationship on-set. Playlist: A Death After Life Fan Mix

2005

Benny didn’t understand exactly what filming a pilot meant. Sure, he was seven years old, and that meant he wasn’t a baby, but no one had explained to him what pilot meant. All he knew was that his dad was really excited because the producer was one of his friends. That really didn’t mean much to him, but things were always easier when his parents were happy. It usually meant they forgot he existed, and that was his favorite way to deal with his parents. Still, it would have been nice if someone explained why it was such a big deal. 

It wasn’t like it was his first time on a TV set. Hello, he got to play a killer on Law and Order last year. Obviously he knew what he was doing. He just didn’t understand what the difference was between the usual guest star spots he did, and filming a pilot. From what he could tell pilots weren’t a real show, but they could be a real show one day. He just didn’t understand why this wasn’t a real show and why everyone kept putting an emphasis on the fact that it was a pilot, and kept telling him he needed to throw his everything into this role. It was making him really mad, and he hated when he was mad because being mad usually made him cry, which made people think he was a baby, which he obviously wasn’t. Bennett just thought it was annoying.

“Hey, are you okay?”

He glanced up, and found another boy towering over him. No. He wasn’t a boy. He was a teenager. A tall teenager, and he was pretty. Also, he looked really familiar, but Benny wasn’t sure why. 

“Yes.” He lied, even though he felt his lip wobbling. “It’s not like I’m lost or anything. I already did make-up and hair… It’s just…” He huffed in annoyance. “Everyone’s treating me like a baby and no one will tell me what’s going on.”

The teenager made a pitying face, and for a moment Benny hated him. Then his face smoothed out, and Benny couldn’t help but to like him again. “Is this your first pilot?” He asked as he squatted down to Benny’s height. Ugh, he hated when people did that. It made him feel like a little kid, and he couldn’t be a little kid – he worked. People who worked weren’t little kids. Still… there was something about this person that made him want to trust him, and he didn’t know why. 

Benny bit his lip as he thought about lying. Instead he found himself saying, “Is it that obvious?”

He laughed and shook his head. “Only ‘cause you look like you don’t know what’s going on. I looked like that during my first pilot shoot, too. C’mon.” He bounced to his feet and nodded his head over towards craft services. “No one is paying attention to us. Let’s raid the sweets before the adults notice.”

A grin slid across Benny’s features when he realized that this guy didn’t try touching him. Adults tried to touch him all the time and he hated that. Why did strangers think it was okay to hold his hand just because he was younger than them? “So, uh… what is a pilot? No one has told me. Oh! I’m Benny by the way.”

Suddenly the teen started laughing. “No shit?” He asked him, shaking his head. He held up a hand as if to tell Benny that he wasn’t laughing at him, just laughing. “My name is Benny, too. That’s gotta mean something, right? Us having the same name?” The teen, no, Benny, asked him. “Although if we have a lot of scenes together, that’s gonna get confusing real fast.” 

Benny found himself laughing, too. And he liked how he didn’t censor himself. Some people tried to limit their swearing around him, like he hadn’t filmed a movie with Samuel L. Jackson when he was five. “Do you think they did that on purpose?” He asked Benny, almost shyly.

The other Benny shook his head. “Nah, I think it was just a happy accident.” He took a cookie off the table and handed it to Benny. “A pilot is a filmed sales pitch to TV stations. It’s how they show the networks what the show would be like. And then test audiences watch it. If they like it, then a station will pick up the show and we get to film the whole show.”

Instead of saying something, Benny shoved the cookie in his mouth as he thought about what the other Benny said. After he swallowed he found himself muttering out, “Thank you.” And when he got a weird look, he added on: “For explaining what a pilot was.”

It was quiet as they both ate their cookies. It didn’t feel uncomfortable though, which was new for Benny. Usually new people made him feel uncomfortable, but Benny was different. He wasn’t sure what that meant.

2006

It was his first day on set, and everything was starting to hit him. This was his show. He had his own TV show. He wasn’t going to be a guest star. He wasn’t going to just film for a week, and  then move onto something else. No, this was his TV show. He wasn’t going to leave after completing an arc, or after filming an episode like he had for the pilot. No! He was eight years old, and was going to be filming thirteen whole episodes because they were a mid-season filler show. He was practically a TV star already.

“Hey, are you lost?” A teenage girl asked him. She didn’t look familiar, and he vaguely remembered that they had recast the person they originally hired to play Alice. They didn’t think she had good chemistry with him, but he didn’t know who they cast. He guessed that was who this was. Unless it was a guest star?

He made a face at her. “No. Are you?” He snapped at her. 

She started laughing. “Oh! You must be Benny Junior.” She said, holding out a hand for him to shake. “I’m Mandy. Well, Amanda, but like only my parents call me that. I’m playing your mom. Well, sort of your mom since I think your character is older than mine, even though you’re actually younger than me.”

Benny found himself relaxing slightly, as he shook her hand.  She seemed nice, and she wasn’t baby talking him like the first person who played Alice had. Something she said was bugging him. “Benny Junior?” He asked with a frown.

Mandy nodded. “Well, like, it’d be weird to call you Big Benny and Little Benny. So everyone’s been calling you Benny Senior and Benny Junior.” She explained as she pulled him over to the chairs that were set out for them.

He made a face. “That makes it sound like we’re related, and…” He shook his head. “I don’t want to be related to him.”

A surprised snort escaped from Mandy. “How old are you again?” She asked with a huffing laugh. “I think you’re a little young to have a crush on someone who’s eighteen.”

Benny groaned. “I don’t have a crush on Benny.” He whined out, feeling his face getting hot. “He’s just really nice, and we had a lot of scenes together in the pilot.”

Mandy laughed. “Sure.” She didn’t sound like she believed him. “So… we need to figure out a different name so people don’t get confused.” Her nose wrinkled up as she thought. “So he’s a Benjamin and you’re a Bennett, right?”

He nodded.

“Ben and Benny wouldn’t be too bad.” She admitted. “But you don’t look like a Ben and Benny Se-” She changed direction when she saw whatever face he was making. “Other Benny doesn’t like being called anything else. He’s older so he has seniority. Sorry, dude.”

Benny shrugged. “Nah, that makes sense.” He admitted before taking off the big clunky necklace that wardrobe made him wear. It was hurting his neck. 

“Bow?” Mandy asked as she took the necklace from him, and saw the sticker wardrobe but on the back of it so they knew it was his. “You’re supposed to take these off when you put your costume on.” She explained. “They do that when it’s a piece that’s going to be specific to you for a long time. Guess we have to work on your neck strength.” She took the sticker off, and handed him the necklace back. “Why’d they put Bow though?”

Once he knew what she was talking about, he shrugged. “Those are my initials: B. O. W. -- Bennett Orion Washington.” He explained.

She grinned. “Bow.” She rolled the name around in her mouth. “That could be a cool name, but it sounds a little off.” 

“Bowie.” He corrected, perking up in his chair. “Bowie Washington.”

Mandy all but shook him. “YES! That’s it! Bowie. Bowie and Benny. That just sounds right.”

“What just sounds right?”

Bowie turned around to find Benny standing behind him. “Our names.” And why was his face feeling hot again? “Benny and Bowie.”

To his credit, it only took Benny a minute to realize what Bowie was talking about. “Bowie…” He tried the name out, much like how Mandy had. “Like your initials, right? That’s cute.” Before anyone could say anything else, someone called out to Benny and he left them after giving Bowie’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.  

“Oh, yeah. You don’t have a crush at all.” Mandy teased.

“Shut up.”

2011

“C’mon, Bee. No one’s gonna say anything. I promise.” Benny was sprawled across the couch in Bowie’s trailer, half-assed playing Grand Theft Auto. Bowie barely played video games. He didn’t even know why he had an Xbox. Actually… that might have actually been Benny’s. They had separate trailers but somehow they always ended up hanging out in Bowie’s trailer, and eating and napping in Benny’s trailer.  Bowie didn’t even know how that happened. Sometimes it was hard to remember what his life was like without Benny in it.

Sighing, Bowie looked up from his homework. He was only thirteen, but he was almost finished with his sophomore coursework. Bowie was determined to finish all of his high school coursework before he was sixteen. It was an easy enough goal when all he did was work, and hang out with Benny. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna stand out in a nightclub, Benny.” He pointed out with a shrug as he closed his notebook. When Benny got into moods like this, it was impossible to get anything else done. 

“It’s not like a ‘nightclub’ nightclub.” Benny tried to explain as he paused the game, and made grabby hands for Bowie. “It’s an afterparty for my new movie. It’s a movie premiere. It just happens to be in a nightclub. But they’re not going to card you or anything. You’re going to be my date.”

And that was a new thing that started happening a few months ago. Benny started calling their dinners out ‘dates,’ and he’d started using pet names all the time. It had caught Bowie off guard at first, but no one on set had said anything bad about it so he figured that meant it must be okay – whatever this was. 

Sighing, Bowie crawled onto the couch, his newly gangly limbs making the climb a little more awkward than what he was used to. He overcompensated, and wound up half-sprawled across Benny, his face pressed against the fly of Benny’s jeans. He pushed himself up to a sitting position, getting a mouthful of jeans and accidentally rubbing his lips against Benny’s half-chub in the process. Because that was another thing he noticed. Whenever they were in each other’s space, Benny was almost always half-hard. “Don’t you wanna take someone your own age as a date?”

It was Benny’s turn to sigh. He adjusted himself before wrapping an arm around Bowie, and pulling him against his side, practically back onto his lap. “Why would I do that, Bee? Why would I want to take anyone other than my boyfriend to my movie premiere?” He asked in confusion, gently tracing a finger over the curve of his jaw. 

Bowie blinked, and looked at him. “I’m your boyfriend?” He frowned at him, but scrambled into his lap anyway. That was another new thing. He’d started sitting on Benny’s lap when they had serious conversations. He didn’t remember why they started talking like this, but he also knew he had Benny’s undivided attention when they spoke like this. 

“Well…” Benny looked at him from under his lashes. He looped his arms around Bowie’s waist to keep him from toppling backwards. “I’d like you to be my boyfriend. That’s the direction we’re heading in, isn’t it? We’re practically living together, Bee.”

He blushed. Benny wasn’t wrong… “You wanna be boyfriends?” He asked, eyes dropping to Benny’s lips. “You wanna date me?”

Benny shook his head. “I wanna do more than just date you, baby.” He purred out, leaning closer to him, his lips hovering above Bowie’s. They hadn’t kissed yet, but Bowie knew Benny had been trying to kiss him. It was just that every time Benny tried to kiss him -

“Pumpkin, how’s your geometry homework - oh no you don’t!” Darlene stomped into the trailer, and immediately pulled Bowie off Benny’s lap. She pushed him back towards his desk. “You - finish your homework.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “And you?” She raised her eyebrow at him. “You have your own trailer that’s far away from my charge. Off you go, Mr. Monroe.”

With a dramatic sigh, Benny turned off the TV and pulled himself to his feet. He adjusted himself in his jeans again, not caring that Miss Darlene was right there. “Aw, c’mon Darlene. Doesn’t Bee get a little break?” He tried to sway, even though he had to have known that Miss Darlene didn’t like him at all. “I was just telling him about our date tomorrow night.”

Darlene raised an eyebrow. “Oh, you mean your movie premiere that Bennett will not be attending because he’s not eighteen?” She challenged back.

Bowie shrugged, as though to tell Benny ‘I told you so’ before he opened his notebook back up  to work on his homework.

2014

It was one of those days on set. A day where nothing was going right, and the director’s patience was razor thin. Nothing any of the actors did was right. They’d filmed the same scene fifteen times, and he just wasn’t happy. It was exhausting, but thankfully right now he wasn’t the person annoying the director: his husband was. And fuck. Wasn’t that a trip? He was a married man. Sixteen and married. Not that anyone else knew they were married yet. It had just happened last week, and they were keeping it for themselves – at least right now.

“What do you think his problem is?” Mandy whispered to him. They were sprawled out in their makeshift nest in the corner of the soundstage. They’d stolen a couple of exercise mats from the stunt team, and piled them high with soft blankets and pillows. It was where they usually hung out in between scenes but weren’t allowed to go back to their trailers. At some point Mandy had been reading a magazine, and Bowie had been working on an assignment for Psych 101, but now they were both absorbed in whatever the hell was going on in front of the camera.

Bowie couldn’t tear his gaze away from the scene in front of him. The director was now standing in front of Benny and screaming at him. “I have no idea.” He whispered back. 

The sound stage door slammed open, causing everyone to startle. Mandy and Bowie locked eyes before they both glanced towards the door in an attempt to figure out who the hell would enter the sound stage when the ‘filming in progress’ sign was up. The director looked furious, but not even he could get any words out before Hurricane Darlene stormed onto set.

Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen Darlene for a couple of weeks. His mom said Darlene had a family emergency. It was why she and Dad stayed with him for the week before his sixteenth birthday. Darlene hadn’t even called to wish him a happy birthday. It hurt, but he wasn’t her family, and he’d accepted a long time ago that she wasn’t actually his mom - as much as he liked to pretend she was. He didn’t know how to explain whatever this was.

“You son of a bitch!” Darlene screamed, making a beeline straight towards Benny. “You absolute son of a bitch.” She pushed past the director. “How fucking dare you!” She slapped Benny, the sound echoing through the now silent soundstage. “He is sixteen years old! SIXTEEN.”

What the fuck. This was about him? She was here because of him? He was vaguely aware that he was standing up. Mandy’s hand was wrapped around his, trying to tug him back into their nest. He also sort of thought someone was yelling for security to do something. Everyone was just sort of stuck though. It was Miss Darlene; she’d been with Bowie for eight years. Everyone knew her. She was his caretaker. The person he wished was his mom.

“And you were what? Biding your time until he was an appropriate age to marry him? Arianna has all but been throwing him at you since he was fourteen. You could have married him then if you really wanted. California doesn’t have a minimum age for marriage with consent.” Darlene seethed. “Or you could have waited until he was eighteen, but no. You found out I was getting him away from you. You found out I was fighting his parents for custody, and you couldn’t have that, could you?”

Bowie found himself standing right behind Darlene. “What’s going on?” He whispered out, his voice sounding small. For once he felt his actual age. “Custody?” But she was already on a roll. He wasn’t even sure if she could hear him with how enraged she currently was.

“So you what? Mentioned to Arianna that you’d marry him? Let her know that she could fire me because she didn’t need to worry about Bennett having a guardian any more because you would be his guardian? Be his husband?” She snorted, and it sounded like it hurt. “All because you were afraid your favorite possession would be taken away from him by someone who truly wants what’s best for him?” 

“DARLENE.” And it took Bowie a moment to realize that he was the person who’d spoken. That was his shaky voice. 

She spun around to face him, and immediately deflated. “Pumpkin…” And she was pulling him into her arms. “I’m so sorry I failed you. I’m so sorry.” 

“You missed my birthday.” He whispered out, and it wasn’t what he meant to say, but it was like his mouth wasn’t connected to his brain.

Her arms wrapped tighter around him. “I know, Pumpkin, I didn’t mean to. I wouldn’t have if I was allowed to see you.”

Bowie has no idea what she was talking about. She wasn’t allowed to see him? Why? What the hell were his mom and Benny keeping from him?

“Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!” The words exploded from him, pushing away from her. “Stop talking around me! You’re both doing it!” He waved an accusatory hand towards Benny. “Just tell me what’s going on!”

Security chose that moment to arrive, but Benny held his hand towards them to tell them to not approach quite yet. “Bee, sweetheart…” His husband started, taking Bowie’s hands and pulling him towards him. Mandy was hovering nearby, and he could see her holding back from taking his hand again. He didn’t know what he did to earn a best friend like her. “I know how much you care about Darlene, but your mom and I filed a restraining order against her a couple weeks ago.”

Darlene was saying something, but all Bowie could focus on was his husband in front of him, and his best friend hovering, waiting to whisk him away from any stress. “What?” He blinked, swaying towards him. “Why?”

Benny gave him a sad smile. “She’s mentally unwell, baby. She had it in her head that she’s your mother.” He told him, pulling him closer. “Like biologically. And we know that’s physically impossible. She’s just another obsessed fan. Like that girl in Colorado who was stalking us.”

“I am his mother!” 

And it was too much. Too much. He found himself pulling away from Benny, and turning towards Mandy instead. “I can’t…” He told her, sounding helpless.

There was chaos behind him - security taking Darlene away and there was screaming, and he let Mandy pull him away, Benny close behind him.

Now

Bowie forgot what it was like filming for eighteen hours. It’d been eight years since the last time he was behind a camera, and all he wanted to do was lay down for like a year. He opened his trailer door, and immediately closed it. Frowning he looked over at the sign, and sighed when he saw the name. It said Bowie Washington which meant…

He slammed the door open. “Nope, nope, nope. Get out.” He told his ex-husband as he entered his own damn trailer. “We are not doing this tonight. You are leaving, and I’m sleeping for the next thirty minutes until they pull me back on set.” Used to Benny’s antics by this point, he ignored him, and instead started taking off the heavy ass necklaces they still had him wearing.

“Aw, c’mon, Bee. It’s like old times again. Let’s just watch something, and veg out. You can never fall asleep on set anyway.” Benny all but whined.

Bowie spun around to face him. “I told you if I was going to do the reboot, you couldn’t pull this shit again, and here you are. Trying to act like we’re still together. We’re not. It’s been six years.” He hissed out. “What do you really want?”

The older man sighed. “Okay, Benny, you got me.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Come sit.”

Bowie collapsed next to him, doing his best to keep as much distance between himself and his ex as possible. “Spill, Benny.”

And that felt natural. As much as he hated Benny, being his friend had always been natural. If they ever were friends to begin with. 

“I talked to Franklin today.” He said, referring to the show runner, which meant it couldn’t be anything good. “And he didn’t think our good will tour after the sex tape came out was enough. He thinks we need to… give a hint of reconciliation.”

His eyes closed. “He wants us to be seen out and about together more. He wants me to start going to premieres with you again.” He surmised. 

“And social media. The drama works in the favor of the show this time around.”

Bowie groaned and just let himself sink into the couch. He did not want to deal with this. Not now. Not ever.

The trailer door swung open and Mandy walked in, took in the sight and threw herself down onto the couch between them. “Oh good. You told him about Passover.”

Benny groaned, and Bowie jerked upright. “What about Passover?” He asked warily.

“We have a long weekend, and Mandy and I don’t have enough time between filming to fly home before restrictions hit.” Benny started. “So we’re both coming home with you.”

And Benny was on his feet. “Nope. Nope. Nope. Not happening.” He spun around to face them both. “Mandy, obviously, you’re welcome, but you…” He wagged his finger at Benny. “Darlene, you know Darlene. The woman you got fired, and had a restraining order against when she tried to fight my parents for custody as my biological mother who gave up her rights to me? Yeah, she lives with me.” He stared the older man down. “And no. We haven’t talked about that day or about who she is to me, but she looks after Livvie, and will be looking after the twins when they’re born. But you are not welcome in our home.”

Mandy sighed, and grabbed at Bowie’s hands, pulling him back down onto the couch with them. “But it’s Passover. Isn’t having annoying family members over for any holiday a Jewish right of passage?” She tried.

“You don’t have anywhere else to go, do you?”

Benny’s silence was telling.

He sighed. “Fine. Let’s bring my ex-husband home for Passover. What’s the worst that could happen?”

[bowiewashington]

A Death After Life Fan Mix

1 -- Dead Don't Die - Shinedown

I'm on a first name basis with the afterlife Life's killed me a hundred thousand times You can try, you can try, but the dead don't die

2 -- Come With Me Now - Kongos

I think with my heart and I move with my head I open my mouth and it's something I've read I stood at this door before, I'm told But a part of me knows that I'm growing too old Confused what I thought with something I felt Confuse what I feel with something that's real I tried to sell my soul last night

3 -- Panoramic View - Awolnation

Somewhere out there, still, I believe in magic Let the monsters loose, I believe in magic I won't let them hurt you Lay your hands on me, I believe in magic A romantic fool, I believe in magic I won't let them hurt you

4 -- Figure It Out - Royal Blood

Nothing here to see Just a kid like me Trying to cut some teeth Trying to figure it out Nothing better to do When I'm stuck on you I'm still in here trying to figure it out

5 -- End of Beginning - Djo

This song has started now And you're just finding out Now isn't that a laugh? A major sacrifice But clueless at the time

6 -- Cemetry Gates - The Smiths

So we go inside and we gravely read the stones All those people, all those lives, where are they now? With-a loves, and hates and passions just like mine They were born, and then they lived, and then they died Seems so unfair, I want to cry

7 -- Too Sweet - Hozier

I think I'll take my whiskey neat My coffee black and my bed at three You're too sweet for me

[bowiewashington]

[Alt Text] Wardrobe inspiration: Maliki Human - muted colors, soft fabrics, baggy sweaters Reaper - all black everything, chains

[bowiewashington]

[ALT TEXT]

Bennett Orion Washington (born February 28, 1998), known professionally as Bowie Washington is an American actor, best known for playing the character Maliki Soulsby in the Fox sci-fi drama series Death After Life (2006 - 2014).

Early Life and Education

Washington was born in North Hollywood, California, the only child of Arianna, a retired fashion model, and Zachariah Washington, a film producer. In 2013, he graduated from BYU Online High School at the age of 15. He graduated from BYU - Pathway Worldwide in 2017 with a B.A. in Communications, and from Queens College of Charlotte in 2021 a with Master of Arts in Educational Leadership. He was a graduate student at University of North Carolina at Charlotte, up until January of 2024 when he was suspended for violating an alleged morality clause.

Career

Washington made his first television appearance in 2002 on ER. He went on to make appearances on Law & Order, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Cold Case, Las Vegas, The West Wing, Without a Trace, House, and Medium.

In 2006, Washington was cast as Maliki Soulsby in the Fox series, Death After Life. In 2024, it was announced that Washington would be returning to his role as Maliki Soulsby in Death After Life: Dead Again.

Personal In 2014, a 16 year old Washington announced his marriage to costar Benjamin Monroe, who was 26 at the time.

Washington is a vegetarian. He identifies as bisexual, and describes himself as an occasional Jew.

[bowiewashington]

Table Read

[bowiewashington]

Drabble: I'm So Sorry

Trigger Warnings: References to underage marriage, and spousal abuse.  

A couple weeks ago:

Thank fvck for the SuperBowl. With all the anticipation of the game and the halftime show, his and his ex-husband’s sex tape had all but faded into nothing once again. All it had cost him was his graduate school career, and his sanity. He wasn’t optimistic enough to think that it was totally gone from people’s memories. The next time Benny was nominated for an Oscar it would definitely resurface. But for now, the insanity had settled. Sure, he still had a business manager again to sort through things for him, Darlene wasn’t leaving him any time soon, and Kenny would be staying on as his personal security indefinitely, but things were about the same as they had been at the height of his career ten years ago – manageable and comfortable. 

Or it would be if the Death After Life production team wasn’t calling him three times a day. He understood capitalizing on the ten year “death-a-versary” of the show, but it also marked the start of his marriage to Benny – a marriage his mother had essentially forced him into at sixteen. His emotions when it came to DAL were complicated at best, not to mention the agreements he and Benny came to when he finally agreed to their divorce. It was very clearly stated that Bowie was no longer allowed to act, and his DAL residuals were to be donated. His ex-husband was an Oscar winner, of course he wasn’t going to do anything that would sic his very expensive lawyers on him. But it wasn’t like Bowie could tell producers that he wasn’t allowed to sign onto the revival because it was a term of his divorce. They just thought he was playing hard to get and there was no way to tell them otherwise.

His phone ringing wasn’t a surprise, but the fact that it was Benny FaceTiming him was a definite surprise. A part of Bowie wanted to deny the call, if only because he wasn’t wearing a shirt, but normally when Benny was bugging him it was through texts or phone calls – never FaceTime. He sighed and leaned deep into his couch before accepting the call. “It’s a little early in the day for you to be drunk dialing me, don’t you think?” He asked, forcing his face to appear neutral. The last thing he needed was to give Benny more ammo to use against him.

“I’m sorry.” Benny blurted out, looking like he wanted to be anywhere other than on the phone with Bowie, which… was new. Normally Benny was professing how it was inevitable that they would get back together because they were this generation’s Liz and D!ck. “For everything. I’m so sorry.”

Bowie blinked. And then blinked again. And again. He opened his mouth, only to close it once he realized he didn’t know what to say. After everything, Benny had never once apologized for all the sh!t he put him through. He swallowed, still at a loss. A part of him was convinced this wasn’t real - that this was a joke or a prank. “What?” He finally managed out, unable to tear his gaze away from Benny.

At first Benny didn’t say anything, and Bowie thought for sure he was going to hang up. After a long moment, Benny closed his eyes and blurted out: “It was suggested that I go to therapy after our tape got out. Apparently I came across in a… not great light.” And it was taking everything in Bowie not to blurt out something along the lines of: ‘well, you were pimping me out to your friends.’ It was probably best that he didn’t interrupt him until he got out everything that he needed  to say. “My therapist pointed out that the way I treated you was more like you were an object and not like a person, and that even though I thought it was love it may not have come across that way to you – especially with all the sh!t I put you through during the divorce.”

He bit his lip, not sure if he believed Benny. He was an award winning actor after all. Acting was sort of his thing. “Ben…” He swallowed. “I, uh, appreciate the call? But-”

Benny shook his head. “I know you don’t believe me, and I know you don’t forgive me, and I don’t expect you to – not yet.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But we’re going to be spending a lot of time together again, and I need you to at least feel comfortable working with me again. Plus, I figure I have plenty of time to convince you that I’m sorry while we film.”

Once again Bowie found himself at a loss for words, and just stared at him. 

“I had my lawyers remove the clauses you were forced to sign. If you want to act again, I’m not going to keep you from it. I know you probably don’t want to work with me again, but I really want to take the offer for the revival and it doesn’t work without you.” Benny stared at him for a long moment. “I can’t be Jake if you’re not there to be Mal. It’s not fair to you; that’s what my therapist said, but I need you to do the revival, Bee. Please? I need a redo with you.”

And there it was. He was still on his Liz and D!ck bullshit. Of fvcking course he was. “You’re right. I don’t believe that you’re sorry. And it’s not fvcking fair of you to put this all on me, Ben.” He shook his head. “But I’ll do it. The revival, but I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for the others. And the second you start back on the same bullsh!t from before… I’m gone. There’s no me and you anymore, and if you try to force that on me again… I’m fvcking gone.” 

A soft smile spread across Benny’s face. “I won’t make you regret it, Bee. I promise.”

[bowiewashington]

[bowiewashington]