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bowieslut · 18 hours ago

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i've received like 50 something likes/reblogs for this rant. thank you from the bottom of my bi genderfluid heart. i wish i wasn't awake for 30+ hours and stoned to the bone when i wrote it bc of the horrendous typos but i'm honored to be validated in my crashout. let me know bc i am down to crash out on this any time, trust i got more

yk what i dont give a damn i'm yapping here we go. have fun with my full dissertation/CRASH OUT on people being biphobic to david bowie:

if it dont apply let it fly bc i'm only @-ing bigots, specifically biphobes and bi fetishists

people saying bowie did it for attention must have never felt the same sinking pit in their stomach that i could see in his eyes when they'd ask him yet another one of those fuckass questions... it's degrading. he wanted anything BUT attention for it after he realized how people were gonna respond no matter what. after the type of environment he went thru and then got out into the world and thought maybe people would be different. maybe they would be nice. i went thru the same. he tried to introduce it peacefully with an open mind and the media tore him a new one for the rest of his life over it. treating us like the fucking Trunk People from rick n morty.

when he made the joke "david bowie: bisexual, drugs, likes cats" yall really missed it on purpose. he's talking abt how important, fundamental shapes of his being that are things we (queer/addict wombo combo) just have to live with as a part of life, unlike yall, are used as a punchline or a blurb like "oh he likes cats". reducing the vast evils of addiction and the vast nuances of queerness down to "what's your favorite color". like we're a new A24 film character for yall to pat yourself on the back for feeling sorry for us, while never advocating for or building community with us, and secretly thank your lucky stars you ain't us. consuming both our lifestyles and our struggles for your own entertainment and co-opting them as fashion statements and virtue signaling. i expect it from the dumb bigots. the self glorifying ones are worse. i'm bi and a recovering (almost 10 yrs clean) drug addict and alcoholic. people often use junkie lore as a punchline or clickbait just like they do queerness. it's insufferable. it's cringe. he's making fun of yall for that, as he should. he didn't wanna play ball w jonathan in that interview bc jonathan is and has always been a cunt. it's not cheeky or a playful jab, it's just being a dick. bowie may have replied to things with dry sarcasm and sass, but he always (that i've seen) kept it classy and to the point when they would press him about anything sexual or drug related. it's called not being messy. he was messy enough. if you're queer/trans you don't have to put up with being talked to like that, and i don't either. don't engage in that shit, they're using you. see how we removed ourselves from queerphobic conversations? very grown, very mature, very boundaries.

his work held its place in my heart because as a bisexual addict, who also once was that quiet little Capricorn kid in a poor and dysfunctional household, that got bullied and was SO shy and afraid of the world seeing me, exposed to and becoming involved in active addiction and sexuality far too young, and then threw myself headfirst into years of chaos out of yearning for the world's greatest adventure, i felt actually seen and understood. it felt like reading my own diary. and it's wild how often i've felt the same as i got older, aging along with it. i've been through years worth of having addiction hell flashbacks, psychosis episodes and shit brought up to me like it's a funny bit for everyone to laugh at, like some fun Jackass story for them, then oftentimes right afterwards wanna do the same with my private sexual experiences. i could never imagine it happening while the sweaty talkshow set lights burn into my scalp and the boom waits hovering in silence, the red LIVE dot on the cameras blinking. i'd have to be put in the fuckin rubber rat room. it's like the fuckin Truman show. god i hate the media and the people who support that behavior. it's the punching down. if you haven't lived it, it's always punching down.

when people focus bowie's "fake bisexuality" as one of the founding pillars of their moral criticisms against him i already know they can't have a reasonable discussion abt actual valid criticisms that can be made of this dude

the depth and nuance of the queer experience simply cannot be cut and dry into how often someone publicly speaks about their private life or how "openly queer" they appear to YOU. it's ridiculous. why should i have to share explicit details about myself to satisfy others' tolerance of my presence? why do i have to fit YOUR stereotypes? why should i have to PROVE to you with evidence that i'm bi? like wow i'm sorry they didn't renew my paperwork this quarter, i'll make sure to update the head office. lmfao. like a foolish game, no amount of evidence of being bi (or nb/gnc for that matter, anything not binary essentialist), nothing we say or do, is ever enough or considered valid "proof" - by straight homophobes and queer biphobes alike - which we are for some reason expected to present at the behest of any stranger upon their instant demand. not to mention the vast majority of biphobic/transphobic queer people are Pick Me's that want bigoted cishet validation. ew. girl, stand up and be somebody.

both straight biphobic people and "gold star" gays find us dirty and impure yet they also make up wild esoteric arcane fantasies about us as if some divine entity.... it really says a LOT more about you than it does me, bitch. because i don't think about you at all. especially not your dusty ass in my bed. next.

notice how bi celebrities for decades, if they have a hetero relationship everyone posts it everywhere, when they have a queer relationship it's always "their friend".... and "oh my gosh they were roommates".... ESPECIALLY if they get into a hetero marriage, their bisexuality is just completely deleted from public consciousness. and it embitters biphobic queers that think we should "keep to our own" or whatever weird shit they want to put around people in love bc their ass is unhappy. i can not TELL you how many people that i thought i trusted, that i thought understood, tried to do bi erasure to me when i was married to a man. like "oh those days are over". what days? like really, what kind of shit are you implying to me right now? bffr. and when i left? "oh well NOW you can be bi again and be in your hoe phase and-" SHUT YOUR BITCH ASS UP.

obv this happens to non-famous queer ppl too but imagine it being the world's eye on u like that.... i could never. let's be realistic, this man was getting a leg over on everybody. let's stop acting like the couple of dudes he was actually spotted with kissing etc was some sort of rare fluke, or worse, fetishize that. let's stop pretending like he dated the dolls because he was a DL chaser, it's embarrassing. he's literally never been DL. he's had both friendships and relationships with us and was always public with us (queers and trans ppl), he took us out in public, hung out with friends, everyon he knew personally knew, hell kissed in public and even took us home to meet the parents now and then. he didn't overly flaunt us in a weird way for attention either. he kept it all class. he just stopped talking to crass and uncouth interviewers about it. people don't have to inform every news outlet in the world. in fact if i was with a celebrity, in a serious relationship or not, i'd rather stay out of the tabloids. he didn't put his kids out there much either, duncan more than lexi, but he withheld a lot of private stuff about his kids, marriages, family, relationships, sex life, etc as he shouldn't have had to. and it was a blessing he let us in on some of that just bc of the joy he felt from it. and it was a blessing for him to talk seriously about the dark parts of his past. he never tried to "hide" his relationships and just because he didn't want to publicly divulge every detail of his relationships doesn't mean they didn't exist. he talked about his queerness and experimented w gender and sexuality as emotional, raw, human themes in his art the entire fucking time. some of it subtle, some of it blatant.

yall (phobes) just don't want to notice unless it was present in the way that YOU want to receive - the fun playful bisexual artsy fartsy nympho fairy coming to take yall on a walk on the wild side!!! bc yall don't go outside and touch grass and we're your manic pixie dream queer here to show you the wonders of the fuckin world. give me a goddamn break. yall want us to "john im only dancing" for you, as a gimmick, for an entire lifetime career and/or personality. go listen to some "i kissed a girl" baited washed up horseshit if that's what you want. have fun. couldn't be me. hearing shit for years like "it's weird because he kind of sets off my gaydar" but won't accept bi, or "it's weird because he's kind of gay and kind of not, at the same time", other troglodyte shit like that. like there's words for that.

when he said that his "greatest mistake" was coming out as bisexual, the biphobes took that and ran with it. he didn't mean it was a mistake bc he lied, he meant it was a mistake to tell YALL (the public/media)

trust me i've felt the same way. the patronization, condescension, gaslighting, belittling, mental abuse, hell even physical abuse really just is not worth it. it's a defeating thing. especially when you DO have people in your life that accept you and you realize you really don't have to deal with that shit. it's called having boundaries. i'm as open as i am now because times have changed and bc i've been through so much abuse for it, honestly they can try my ass and find out. the times are still shit, especially for trans people, but it's still different now than it was. and for the parts that still suck, i'm also way more private now than i was at 18-26. i don't talk to almost my entire family because of it. also it pmo when i've talked abt this before in years past and ppl shot back acting like im calling him some revolutionary pioneer of political queer human rights movements or some shit. he's not. he's just a guy. and he should've been allowed to be. he was a bisexual artist and never hid it, he just moved more like making things go over ppl's heads to where those who got it, got it. if you don't, good. not EVERYTHING in the world is FOR you. "it's got nothing to do with you, if one can grasp it" lmao

i could not imagine being asked such vulgar and disrespectful questions for years on end in a public setting that the entire planet could see. queers are always used as the freak of the sexual world. everyone is so fetishistic of the "taboo" mythological monolith THEY built around us. they can never decide if they love or hate us. they want us, but we repulse them. we're infantilized and gaslighted and sexualized and demonized etc within the whiplash of a single 20 minute conversation. bi and trans queers, especially trans women/femmes the most face the highest level of fetishization, it's wild how bad they want us but hate us. their weird dark desires.

now for the one that's gonna get me canceled <3

even in his old age and post-death it still happened, i've seen it, imagine you're literally old as balls and have kids and everything and there's a bunch of fucking teenagers and 20 somethings online writing graphic sexual shit where they use you and people you know personally (that they don't and never will) as a literary vehicle to get their nut. at what point does it become harrassment or being an offender? luckily i don't think it bothered him purely because he didn't give a fuck enough about those people to care, we know he was on the web surfing around and people have been writing weird fics on him and other ppl damn near since forums existed. i'm not hating on all fanfic ever, its about ANY TIME the fic is involving a real person and using their real life and identity, warping it how you will, for you to treat as a smut. i cannot explain how much as a bi person we get constantly accused of having had sex with all our friends, or trying to sleep with everyone we know, etc. yes the man banged a lot. we're aware he really got in. that doesn't mean bi people would screw anyone or that it's your business. that doesn't mean we perform for you. that doesn't mean we need to spend years sharing a bunch of circle jerk goon fests where you conjure up the most nosferatu freakbob dungeon shit about him getting down with whoever gets your rocks grinding. it's embarrassing. diaries exist for a reason. keep that shit to yourself. and probably a therapist. therapy is awesome.

people went on and on for years about how much they adored him and his work, but the fandom oftentimes didn't give that. be at rest. don't make us perform for you even in the grave. to be bisexual is to be the world's unwilling stripper, constantly asked to peel off both your clothes and your boundaries for them. we're attributed the sexual power of deities yet with no choice of autonomy. just a genie in a bottle you can rub the right way just for your raggedy ass. repulsive. look i get we all made questionable decisions as teenagers, hell i was an alcoholic AND a junkie, i can't defend myself as a teenager worth a shit. i had psychosexual issues too. i have trauma that i acted out on too. but i hated the bi fetishization people projected onto him even back then, because i understood where he had to stand in those crosshairs. i felt like i HAD TO be cool with the bowie fandom doing so much freakbob shit about him being bi bc i was bi. i felt like i had to embody the stereotype to be valid. i felt the empathy of it bc of myself being sexualized. its honestly just gross the way yall talk about us, write us as "characters", and make whatever headcanon will turn us into fictional dildos for yall. every bi person gets turned into a fuckin character. huh. characters. sound familiar? wow. at what point does finding someone sexually attractive as well as having enjoyed their work turn into the bisexual "slut" argument of "oh well he would have liked it". yeah. we always get told we like it. always. yall always tell us we "asked for it". typical.

we can't express a single atom of our sexuality and queerness, much less revel in our freedom and liberation, without yall making it about yourselves and turning us into the glitter covered, vaseline camera filtered, beat contour version of a Pizza Delivery guy in a cheap porno. just bc we have sex, or express enjoying sexuality, does. not. mean. we want to have sex. with. YOU. and just because we dont want YOU doesn't mean we're not queer.

and when yall find out we don't want you, you get butthurt and do the "oh tsk well ur ugly anyways bitch" aesop's fable of your sour grape blue balls. please, shut up. get over it. grow up.

i never liked it. i was outnumbered and maybe still am. idgaf. i'm not even going to TOE into the dynamic of being bi fetishized when you're a swer bc trust, it's insane. it's why i relate to having it mixed in with your job. i felt like i had to just deal with it to fit in a lot of the times. we are always yalls sex toy. we are always yalls Freakmaster 5000 that you use as a mental projection of your own unfulfilled desires and internalized shames. we are always seen as this fucking vessel of sexuality, an infinite fountain people could drain at will for their own satisfaction. it doesn't matter if a person has had many sexual partners, it doesn't matter if they enjoy sex and are a sexual person, it doesn't matter if they're a virgin - bi people are not your vibrator. we are not a conduit for transmuting your sexual repression and shame into pleasure or validation. please go to therapy and deal with your own issues. honestly, it really gives "i am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me". that really had so many layers to it. the way he got treated literally like how Sarah created Jareth in her mind as her psychosexual understanding of her mom's new boyfriend and the fantasy books she was reading mixed with her views on her father at the time. the way she was interpreting male influence on her life. Jareth is literally like what the internet did to this man with his sexuality and gender exploration. We made a Jareth out of some guy. turned him into a fairytale freudian mess for their own mental deconstructions and satisfactions. when he never made any of that for us in the first place, it was for him first. as all artist should do. never make something just so other people will like it. make it real. i watched as people in my real life tore me apart the same way, dissected me for their carnal gain. a figment of their imagination in their immaturity. except they weren't all exclusively a bunch of teenagers like the echoing labyrinth of the world wide web. they were adults. they straight played it out for us bar for bar and the prophecy came true again. like i said, i'm not speaking on the obvious fact that teenage girls get crushes on rock stars. i'm talking about the way it was portrayed and spread. in my opinion it's an incredibly poignant example of how the underlying propaganda of general queerphobia/fetishism, and more specifically fetishizing bisexual people ends up jumping generations and became ingrained in the public subconscious, as it was intended to. my mom used to tell me about how people reacted to it in the 70s when he first said it.

the way this man was openly oversexualized and fetishized in such weird ways, from the 60s when he stood up for his long hair and dresses, straight through his dying breath and after honestly just makes me bummed, dude. my heart bleeds for him on that. the way we're everyone's simultaneous voyeuristic exhibit and dirty little secret. it's not flattering. it's creepy. he was treated differently than the other "classic rock sex gods" by a longshot, of course teenage girls and young women get pretty wild crushes on rock stars, we get it, i've been there. but the very fibre of their being is not turned into a mechanism of idolatry to satisfy fantasy in the same way. the constant "oh he's an alien" and all that mystical bullshit. like yeah there's a reason queer/trans kids/young people often describe feeling like an alien. the other ones, the straight ones... there's still a manner of respect and authority being projected at them through the weird stuff in a hero worship Kevin from Spongebob kind of way, when over half of them don't deserve it. yall literally try to pretend like we bisexuals are egregores for you to further personal character development, spiritual sexuality, sexual liberation, self worth, and self respect. either that or like we're all these evil twisted perverts that want to burn the world down and have a diabolical game of thrones caligula orgy. stop. it's embarrassing. respect us as we are or get disrespected idc.

your eyes can be so cruel, just as i can be so cruel. i can't live within you. that's how it feels.