booknerdofok

[booknerdofok]

Two thoughts for today:

1. Every piece of public art, whether it be a visual art installation or a concert, should be accompanied by a curated book list. 2. I am increasingly bothered by the likelihood that I will die with good books remaining unread and feel like I should be doing something about it.

#musingsofabooknerd

[booknerdofok]

The Heavy

I am a little sad today.  When I think about stuff, it is easy to get overwhelmed.  I think to not be sad a lot of the time requires some super hero level denial about stuff….or at least a super hero level focus on the good things.  I think that most of the time I fall into the latter coping situation.   

I know that I am in a sad place when I don’t know what to write.  I write, then erase, then write, then erase….nothing that goes on paper seems to truly capture the heaviness.  I just feel heavy.

Young men are dying for no reason….and they are scared beforehand because they know they may die….that makes it all so much worse…that they are scared.

There is so much noise available to us at any time, that we have to really work to find out what is true….not necessarily factually true, but emotionally true, spiritually true….authenticity is rare in a world where everyone is trying to get paid.

Butterflies and bees, abundant when I was young, are increasingly less so, sometimes a rarity that we have to work to attract.  We have plowed under their host plants and spray massive amounts of insect killers in our bid to own the world without regard to its cost…..because everyone is trying to get paid.

People are working their asses off, sometimes in two or three jobs, and are still hungry.Veterans, once lured in by honor to serve, or financial need,  live on the streets, hungry, without necessary physical and mental health care services, without care.

First responders from New York, once indispensable in the days of and after 9/11, are suffering and dying as a result of their service, and are now treated as disposable while politicians play games with their lives.

Everything is disposable except for what can be used as a weapon.

Tired of your dog?…its ok, just dump him/her and get another…. I mean it doesn’t have feelings or anything.  Dogs are disposable.

Don’t like that 80 year old tree in the backyard, home to wildlife, native to Oklahoma and necessary to the ecosystem?…..its ok, just chop it down and replace it with a tropical annual you saw in a magazine last year….trees and plants are disposable.

Don’t like your spouse, parent to your children, keeper of your secrets, once your best friend but not as fun as when you were in your 20s?...its ok, commitment is a lot of work and there are younger ones out there that won’t call you out on your bullshit….so just dump the current spouse and get a better one….commitments are disposable.

Upset that one of your children isn’t what you expected?  Not religious enough, straight enough, smart enough, skinny enough, good-looking enough to meet your standards?  Kick them out until they see the light, I mean it isn’t as if they are their own person or anything…..they are your property and must conform to your expectations and requirements….children are disposable.

Got a friend that has become kind of high maintenance lately?  Going through personal turmoil, maybe an illness, wanting to lean on you, depend on you, tell you what he or she is scared of?  Just send them an occasional inspirational meme on facebook and go hang out with that cool new person from work…..they are from an exotic place and seem to really have it together….most importantly, they are easy to be around and they don’t expect much from you….friends are disposable.

We just toss stuff away without regard for their value.  If it isn’t easy, we don’t want it.  I find it so peculiar how so many people lament about the lack of depth and meaning in their lives, they say they feel isolated and alone, but balk at the slightest inference that relationships require work…that friendships must be nurtured by both parties….that marriages, legal or not, require compromise and are sometimes hard, and sometimes boring, along with the passion and joy and grace.

Corporations decide what we watch on tv, what we listen to on the radio, what we see in many galleries and art shows….what we once took for granted, the availability of art for art’s sake, is now only found through intentional, sometimes near impossible, action and many times only available to those that can afford it.

Politicians that are supposed to be creating policy to benefit us, all of us, have now become culture leaders so that we reflect them, rather than them being a reflection of us.  What’s worse is that most of these politicians don’t really believe in anything other than the growth and retention of their own power.

We as a society claim to covet innovation, but have no tolerance for anyone different than ourselves.  Our schools discourage independent thinking, critical review of history, and even fail to share the ugliest parts of our history in order to foster homogeny of thought.

There is so much heaviness….so much that makes me sad.  However, it is the moments that I remember the intellectual rebels that exist out there that refuse to succumb to groupthink; the emotionally fortified that will continue to work at relationships even when it is hard, and love all creatures around them even when inconvenient; the spiritually anchored that value faith, of any stripe, that encourages compassion and service to others, both humans and non; the environmentally respectful that understand that all living things are part of a system that will benefit all members if care is also taken by all members; the artists that make art because there is no other way to live; the people who live true and honest and faithful and continue to persevere in spite of everything pushing back…..those moments are the ones that bring me back from the heavy….who bring me into the light….who remind me that I am not alone out here.  To you all, I thank you.

[booknerdofok]

[booknerdofok]

We are killing our elders. By virtue of our unwillingness to be inconvenienced or be alone with ourselves or our family, we are killing our elders. Our mothers and fathers and grandmothers and grandfathers and aunts and uncles and mentors and neighbors are dying. And with them goes our history, our conscience, our university, our lessons on how to and how not to live a life.

Every day I read the statistics on who is dead and it is mostly those that are 65 and older….an age group I am not that far from by the way. In the face of having to spend time having to entertain ourselves instead of being entertained we have decided that our elders are expendable. Oh, certainly I am not saying that you have decided that it is an even trade to kill your mother in order to go out to eat….but someone else’s mother, sure. I would never say that you think that high school football is important enough to sacrifice your grandma, but someone else’s grandma….ok, that works.

You see, in the frenzy of screaming about nobody telling us what to do, or lamenting the permanent damage our kids will endure if they are unable to play a sport, or preaching that we HAVE TO LIVE and we can’t just hide in our homes….we are killing our elders. We don’t think we will be killing the ones we love, but we conveniently don’t think about the fact that we are killing people someone else loves. We don’t get it until we lose on of ours and then suddenly we have a light bulb moment. But really we just want what we want and these days we have this habit of just acting like something isn’t there so it can’t possibly be true.

Typically we would look to history to tell us the right way forward, but we are killing our history. Oftentimes we would look to our conscience to guide us on how to treat others, but we are killing the people that taught us our values, so our conscience is dying. Traditionally, it is in those that have lived longer than us where we find the lessons we need to learn, our university of life….but we are killing our university.

In the next number of years there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth about who we lost and how many and we will conveniently forget that we were complicit…that it was we that couldn’t be inconvenienced with staying in….it was we that were willing to sacrifice our elders for the sake of being entertained or being obstinate. We will blame the politicians and public health authorities, when really we just didn’t want to wear a damn mask. We will blame China, when we are disturbing previously undisturbed organisms and unleashing god knows what in the name of progress…it could have come from anyone of our countries and there will probably be more. We will blame the victims for their own deaths for being weak, or sick, or old, when really we just never had to have an actual conversation with our spouse and children before so we just had to get out of the house and be entertained.

We are killing our elders.

We don’t care.

[booknerdofok]

So many books, so little time. Those words have never struck me as truer until this week.

I currently have about 1400 books on my Goodreads To Read list. I realized this week that if I read an average of 100 books a year, which is about right, it would take me until my retirement (14 years) to read them all. By extension, that means that whatever books I am adding to my To Read list now are for my retirement. A conservative estimate of the number of books I have left to read in my life is about 2500, which makes me a bit sad.

Years ago, I picked up some take out food that I was craving. As I was leaving for the drive home, takeout containers in hand, I thought to myself, “It would be a serious bummer if I got in a car accident and died before I got home to eat this food.” A craving unfulfilled, how tragic.

That story translates easily to the books remaining in my life. I constantly crave that next great story, that next epiphany that I find in the pages of someone else’s story or perspective. The fact is, I will die with a craving unfulfilled. It is inevitable, as there is always a great story or reading moment right around the corner. Interesting, imaginative people around the world are making words of art as I write this. Amazing, life-changing books are being imagined and created each moment.

So don’t be sad for me, that I will die with a craving unfulfilled. What it means really is that I will die still looking forward to turning that magical first page of that next possible story that will engage me in ways that nothing else does or ever has. What a gift it is to love something that much.

Susan

P.S. Put down your phone and pick up a book. Your life will be richer...I promise.

[booknerdofok]

“I don’t read.”

When someone tells me they don’t read, or worse yet, they don’t like to read, my reply to them has been the same for many years: “you just haven’t tried the right book yet.”

I have since modified my view. Certainly, getting to the right book is important for the reluctant reader, but encouragement to stay with it, even when it is difficult is equally important. What I mean is that when a person starts reading for pleasure after a long time away or really for the first time, his or her focus and concentration isn’t going to be such that you will read a whole book in a sitting....like anything worth doing, enjoying a book takes practice.

I can sit down and read for 5 minute increments and lose myself in the book in the first 15 seconds....but I have been doing that since I was 5 years old....and I am sure my attention span wasn’t quite that focused at the age of 5.

That said, not everyone will read as much or as often as me. And some people will read more and more often than me. What matters is you read!

Take the time to practice, I promise your life will be richer, your mind will be sharper, your intellect will be more satisfied, and your curiosity will be both piqued and fulfilled.

I think the coolest thing about reading is that a book is written by two, the author and your imagination. It makes the story both one shared and one unique to only you.

So practice, practice, practice. It is worth it.

Susan P.S. put down your phone and pick up a book. Your life will be richer...trust me.

[booknerdofok]

I am thankful to my mom for so much, but at the top of the list is my gratitude to her for encouraging and enabling my curiosity. Everything I know and everything I will learn is because of her.

[booknerdofok]

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist, that’s all.

Oscar Wilde

[booknerdofok]

But when someone’s gone and you’re the primary keeper of his memory—letting go would be a kind of murder, wouldn’t it?

Rebecca Makkai, The Great Believers

[booknerdofok]

Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.

Lemony Snicket

[booknerdofok]

When she laughs I think of a brown velvet ribbon falling through the air.

Liese O’Halloran Shwarz, The Possible World

[booknerdofok]

[booknerdofok]

Real emotional maturity is how thoroughly you let yourself feel anything. Everything. Whatever comes. It is simply the knowing the worst thing that could ever happen...is just a feeling at the end of the day.

Brianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think

[booknerdofok]

In every single thing you do, you are choosing a direction. Your life is a product of choices.

Dr. Kathleen Hall

[booknerdofok]

When you learn, teach. When you get, give.

Maya Angelou

[booknerdofok]

Live while you are living, friends.

Julie Yip-Williams, The Unwinding of the Miracle: A Memoir of Life, Death, and Everything That Comes After

[booknerdofok]

People who really live have a little wear and tear. But that’s good. It’s what makes us interesting.

Karen Hawkins, The Book Charmer