booknerd-emily

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So just remember Line of Duty ended up with institutional corruption rampant in the police force, a very obviously corrupt Chief Constable and the Anti-Corruption unit effectively useless.

That's terrifying, have a nice night.

[booknerd-emily]

So just remember Line of Duty ended up with institutional corruption rampant in the police force, a very obviously corrupt Chief Constable and the Anti-Corruption unit effectively useless.

That's terrifying, have a nice night.

[booknerd-emily]

no comment is only cute when jo says it

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26 april

aaaahhhhhh so much on the mind lately

Feel like I'm experiencing burnout but what can I do? Exams need revising for, and after that it's the train direct to hell for the summer season barista/waitresses on a coffee shop in the middle of COVID without a vaccine because of the freaking uk govt.

Then September back into uni stuff, can't be dealing with in person stuff yet. Just want to duvet cocoon and never leave. Then more exams and dissertation. END of UNI better find a job. Still have to return to the hellhole of home and pay rent as I can't yet afford a place to live. Then get bogged down w/never being able to own a house though the whole reason I need to is so I have my own place, a secure environment, and can get a dog as nowhere round here is cheap + allows pets when renting but the whole reason I'm currently awake at 2am is because of my anxiety disorder and depression which can be muted with a dog but I can't get one and so it'll get worse and so I will never get a dog and oh wait DAD who never wanted pets or a dog in fact hated them has a dog now because of his partner but he never wanted one in the first place and I can't have one though I'm yearning for one because I don't have my rabbit anymore. Oh and you thought you were getting to the point of having an average relationship with dad? The one where he actually videocalls to check in and chat everyweek because he wants to not out of obligation? Tough luck. It was because he was bored and couldn't go out because of covid so he doesn't actually care, and will forget calling you. Then blame it all on you again. Oh and covid?! You feel like you're going ad because it's been a year and a half since you've been close to grandma grandad and auntie em and been inside their house and hugged them, something you used to do so often it was like second nature, but you still can't see them as you know you'll possibly kill them if you do as you can't risk it, not after those damn nightmares. But auntie em is ill and getting worse because of the effects of the vaccination so you fear you may never get to us her again but all the while Boris is lifting restrictions because who cares anymore right but its not normal. Not safe, not yet. And no one sees that. The world is getting busy again, like your mind racing but no one understands. It should just be at standstill, quiet and perfectly calm. But no. And now everyone thinks you're crazy, worst of all yourself. Even mum doesn't truly believe it anymore just cites it is what it is as if that phrase is magic, all the while going on weekend breaks with her partner. You want her to be happy again but at the same time she just isn't herself, she doesn't like you and you don't like how she's acting. She hardly speaks to gma and auntie em now and always tries to call when she knows you're speaking to them it's like she just doesn't care. You're migraines are much worse, chronic pain too but by the time you get to the doctors for it it'll be Xmas again and they won't listen anyway. And oh over the summer. The cafe.

.. you know you're lucky with the managers, they're so lovely but you just fear for the rush the business the people, their attitudes and know how horrible it was last year 2020 summer when the government opened everything up when it wasn't safe to do so the first time. You remember the stress coming home crying because of what people were like but you need the money for uni as 3rd/last year maintenance loan is less and you struggled in this year anyway. And you'll be unvaccinated through it all because Boris hasn't/doesn't care about those in their 20s/students even if they are the ones working summer jobs in pubs and bars and retail and clubs etc just to open everything bagg up how he wanted..... and you know come autumn we'll be to blame for it all anyway..... and I feels like you'll never break the cycle like you'll never get better. You're absolutely exhausted,no energy but what can you do but to just continue surviving this personal hell. This is the lowest of the low you've ever gotten to ad you'll keep on going if you don't stop but what is there to stop or improve you other than lack of empathy from uni over the pandemic situation and the continue exhaustion and decline of you're grades. Never have you thought about your worthlessness so much, or the fact that no one gets you. Like truly understands you. The good and bad. You know you won't go through with it but you've thought the thought what if I just didn't exist..at all...anymore but you know that is taking life for granted when there's plenty worse off and plenty who would look at where you are and love to switch places.

[booknerd-emily]

Check out etsy CraftyBlossomCo for some really cute crochet projects of mine to help fund me through 2nd and third year of university

[booknerd-emily]

Check out etsy CraftyBlossomCo for some really cute crochet projects of mine to help fund me through 2nd and third year of university

[booknerd-emily]

Quiet Sunday afternoon study. Finished my summatives due in the upcoming week and started this week's reading for both modules! (Featuring my favourite raspberry & lemon tea)

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My favourite part of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang though

is that it is 144 minutes long. And for the first two thirds of that it is a perfectly fucking normal movie. 

Like there’s a whole ninety minute movie which is like an inventor who loves his two kids and he wants to get them the thing from the junkyard that they want because it’ll be sold to be destroyed soon and he tries to make money but he can’t and he meets the sweetmaker’s daughter and he doesn’t like her and she doesn’t like him but then they get closer and it looks like the car his kids wanted is going to be ruined but then he accidentally makes a sweet and he and the sweetmaker’s daughter try to sell it to the sweetmaker but then it backfires and he’s sad because he’s going to disappoint his kids but he decides he can’t let them down and he goes out and is able to get the money at the fair and he rebuilds the car and takes his kids and the sweetmaker’s daughter on a day out in his newly fixed up car and he and she are flirting on the beach and the kids really like her and trying to push them together and like wow this must really be wrapping up soon and THEN PIRATES AND THE CAR IS FLYING???? INDENTURED INVENTOR SERVANTS???  AND WE ARE NOW IN SOME GERMANIC COUNTRY WHERE CHILDREN ARE ILLEGAL AND THE CHILDCATCHER AND THE TOYMAKER AND THE KING IS TRYING TO MURDER HIS WIFE AND THERE'S AN ARMY OF ANGRY CHILDREN???? haha well that was strange well let’s just drop the sweetmaker’s daughter off at her house I wonder if they get together

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Virgil: I have a new saying I like.

Patton: what is it kiddo?

Virgil: And if you cant get that done, then I will stuff your head with sauerkraut and feed it to the ducks.

Patton:…

Logan:…

Roman: *not looking up from his book* You watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang again didn’t you.

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Did anyone else as a kid think of Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as this trinity or was it just me

*Edit* Mom I’m Tumblr famous because of something I wrote and posted when I was drunk!!!

[booknerd-emily]

Excerpts for a 1920's newspaper during the Spanish Flu

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honestly a mood as we’re approaching the end of 2020

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Restarting everything in January a.k.a during the new year, new term at uni vibe. Not saying ill change (ill still have unproductive, productive days, still be unorganised but ill be an organised unorganised person).

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Welp I have a whole module on modernism

My lecturer: this week we’re doing post modernism *puts head in hands* heaven help us

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#8 years ish

reblog and put in the tags: how long you’ve known your closest friend for and how you guys met!

[booknerd-emily]

I'd very much like to punch a feminist.

I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist. It’d bring me great joy.