boastful-crimson

[boastful-crimson]

“They scolded us for not having any real hopes or real ambitions, but if we were to pursue our true ideals, would these people watch and guide us along the way?”

—

Dazai Osamu, Schoolgirl

[boastful-crimson]

lihim

alipin ng mundo, ng pag-ibig, ng tao mga boses sa gabi, ang dala'y bangungot pagkakamali — ang ngumiti at magsinungaling tinangay na ng hangin ang buhay sa labi nahanap ang nagtatago sa liwanag ng tanghali multo ng pagsisisi ang siyang lumalapit kulayan ang dilim ng halakhak at bahaghari ilibing sa limot ang sigaw ng damdamin bakas ang mga yapak sa tabi ng dagat masalimuot na saksi ang papalubog na araw sunugin ang mata sa kahel ng takip-silim ibubulong sa tubig ang natatagong lihim

[boastful-crimson]

There's no need to worry, not one bit This place is where you and I exist Our fates are playfully intertwined We are both under the same sky

i made this up 

[boastful-crimson]

[boastful-crimson]

i kinda like letters and i thought what if it’s something like this????

Mahal ko, Ang gabi ay maginhawa dahil sa mahinahong pag-ambon. Wala 'ni isang tala sa langit, sa buwan lamang ako nakatanghod. Kailan nga ba masisilayan ang iyong anyo? Hindi sa pagmamadali o paghihinala, ngunit hindi na sapat ang matatamis na salita ng ilang pahinang liham. Sa bawat oras, minuto, segundo, umaasang papalapit ka na. Ngunit malawak ang mga karagatan at malayo pa ang bukas. Nakakapagtaka, ang dilim ng gabi ay walang bahid ng kalungkutan at pangamba, kung kaya't dito na ako magpapaalam. Alalahanin mo ako bilang maliwanag na buwan sa gitna ng itim na langit at aalalahanin kita bilang hangin sa aking maginhawang gabi. Hihintayin kita sa panaginip, sa kaparangan, sa ulap, sa ilalim ng sikat ng araw. Ang ating pagtatagpo ay kapana-panabik! Kasabay ng paghuni ng mga ibon ay ang pagsipol ng hangin. Narito ka sa aking tabi at ako'y sinasalamin ng iyong mga mata. Maging ang mga lumilipad na alikabok ay nangingintab sa liwanag ng umaga. Ako ang magiging pinakamaligaya kung hahawakan mo ang aking kamay. At palagay akong luluha sa kaligtasan ng iyong mga braso.

[boastful-crimson]

hmmmmm

I was seated at the back of the classroom near the door when I heard him laugh. Free periods were everyone's party time although I was a bit annoyed because my head hurt from working on the Math assignment due that afternoon. Of course, I didn’t do it the night before. Blame it on Horimiya for releasing two manga chapters at once! I was still in the middle of contemplating whether to finish the assignment despite my headeache or to just accept that “x” will no longer be found when he suddenly sat on the empty seat in front of me. ”What?” I said plainly while massaging my right temple. "Wanna copy mine? I got it from Claire though", he said so casually with a smirk. "No, thanks. Go away, Sid. My head hurts", I imposed. At that point, I didn't know which annoyed me more: the unknown whereabouts of "x" or that he copied his homework from Claire? That Claire who gave me hell for the first two years of my high school life. I felt my temperature rising when I realized the need to calm myself down. "It's almost lunch. You're just hungry. Copy mine later." Sid stood up and returned to his seat. I didn't think he'd be so obedient. Even so, I still kinda wanted to punch him in the face. He knew of my burning passion to remove Claire's existence from my memory, especially because of what happened last year. But he dared mention her to my face. He was teasing me. Annoying as that was, Sid had always been the mysterious type. After almost three years of being in the same class, I thought he was someone I couldn't exactly figure out... no matter how much I wanted to. Anyway, my head hurt and I was actually starting to get hungry. One more period before lunch. The bell rang and that only meant starving beasts racing through the corridors from every direction. I probably used up all my energy during Physics that I even forgot to complain about my headache. I went straight for the cafeteria with Jackie, my best friend. From the distance, we immediately spotted a group of Seniors crowding the entrance. I already knew we won't be eating soon. The Juniors' classrooms were located at the back annex of the same North building where most of the Seniors are, so naturally we were never first in line. The school cafeteria was a separate building across ours. There were pathways that connected the main entrance to the North building and the back entrance to one side of the gymnasium. We knew we would be waiting long so Jackie and I decided to take a break in the gym. There was simply no hope in getting through the starving beasts. "Done with the Math homework, Cris?" Jackie noticed the notebook I was holding. "No, I gave up. Lend me yours." "You should've told me earlier. I left my notebook in the classroom", she said as she laid down the gymnasium floor. I followed. I actually didn't care anymore. I was so hungry and bored out of my mind . Surprisingly though, my head had stopped hurting altogether. Jackie and I were both lying down, side by side, when Sid suddenly popped out of nowhere and looked down at me. His feet were right by the top of my head so his face was upside down when I looked at him from below. All energy left my body from being so hungry so I was just staring back at him. He smiled playfully and squatted so his face was closer to mine. I felt a thump and my chest tightened a little. The idiot hit my forehead very lightly with his notebook. I was obviously not in the mood and was about to tell him off when I saw his smile fade away almost too quickly. "Here. I actually copied this from Jackie", he said with a straight face. His gaze didn't leave mine. Strangely enough, I also didn't want to look away. "Yeah", Jackie agreed indifferently. "Thanks", I said and took the notebook. It wasn't as if he forced anything on me. At that moment, I was sure that even if he did copy from Claire, I still wouldn't be able to refuse him. It was always like this with Sid, the same as last year. I didn't know when it started or if he was just naturally born with an immense force about him that draws people in. Everyone gravitated towards him and just like everyone else, I was always being pulled. He was, to me, a black hole. And I wanted to get out alive. Before I lost myself in senseless thoughts, Sid placed something on my stomach as he stood up. It was a custard bread. The school cafeteria sold a bunch of different snacks, candies, and beverages aside from their usual lunch menu so I would always go for their custard bread whenever I needed a quick bite. That was when I realized he bought it for me. My head had already stopped hurting since a while ago but I somehow felt more feverish. I sat up and found Sid already walking away. For no reason at all, I felt the urge to call out his name but before I was able to, he looked back at me. He flashed the most carefree smile while walking backwards. I was stunned. "Point of no return", I thought to myself as I sat there still, watching him. The black hole swallowed me. He turned around and continued to walk away. Sid went in the direction of the South building. I can no longer see his back. "Cris? You okay?" Jackie realized I wasn't being myself. She was always sensible, always aware, and she knew why. "Yeah", I said, almost like a whisper. She didn't say anything more and I just sat there; feverish, hungry, and spellbound. I was 17 and a Junior. I really thought I was getting by okay. Apparently, that was not entirely true. At the time I least expected it, I got caught before I knew it. Fifteen minutes left of lunch and the beasts were nowhere to be found. Jackie and I got up and went through the back entrance of the cafeteria to finally buy ourselves a proper meal. I brought the notebooks with me and took a bite of the custard bread while looking for a place to sit. It was sweet.

[boastful-crimson]

will i ever be able to write a story??? idk

[boastful-crimson]

I’m just dumping words on this one

Wrap my body with vines and I'll never try to leave. Tell me a story about love because this moonlight won't go dim. Tell me stories about heroes and beasts, curses and kings, and maybe one of a dying girl with a silly prince. Hours far into the night, I'm barely even here. See all the illusions in the dark while I drown in black ink. Tell me stories with mysteries and truths, naïveté too, because the dream ends when I close the book. Without realizing, the morning comes now and the moon is long gone. This affair is my roundabout romance with the ever boastful sun.

[boastful-crimson]

About a random memory of when i was 14

Deafening laughter and burning eyes The hallways surrendered to our cries Lucky, dry afternoons in August You even picked up bugs by the flowers! We ran and kicked, we fell and flipped Hours wasted shooting paper balls to the bin Old wooden doors, creaking wooden floors We took every chance to keep doing more Now ten years is a long time, old friend Where have the good times gone? I’d call you by your name again But we’re not those people now

[boastful-crimson]

Tunnel

2020

Website Facebook Instagram Twitter