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Letter to My 16-Year-Old Self

Hello, my love. It's me, your 30-year-old self. We're gonna have our birthday in a day so I'm writing this letter to you.

Let's see, what happened in our 30...Your 29-year-old was right, our life was going downhill. You broke your hand, and you were so afraid that you couldn't draw anymore. But it's fine, you gained a whole new skill after that.

And you know, after our mother's passing, like three months after, our father had a girlfriend. At first, I didn't think ill of her, but she turned out to be a snake. She only wanted to marry our father, but not his children. So us: me, our sister, and our brother, all three of us were kicked out of the house. And I had to move all the way to the eastern part of Java.

But, we started a new life and I started doing something you've been wanting to do: livestreaming. I know it's not being a YouTuber like you always wanted, but it's almost the same. And we did it anonymously so nobody knows our identity.

We gained new friends, and although things got muddy and sticky with some of them, we were fine. Also, I found someone that you might like.

I might be numb and sceptical about life right now, but hopefully the 31-year-old us would bring us good news next year.

Hang in there, my love.

Sincerely,

Your 30-year-old self.

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Letter to my 16-Year-Old Self

Well, it’s me again! In two ours we’re gonna turn 30. Yes, I’m 29, the last of our twenties persona. It’s funny isn’t it, I remember the first time I wrote this letter was when I was 18, and now I’m gonna turn 30?

Do you remember what you thought we would be when we’re 30? You thought that maybe we would have a child, and a steady job, possibly living in Paris. And then the early 20s me came up with their pessimistic outlook that didn’t think we’ll live up to that age. Welp, I’m here to tell you that they were half-correct, and you’re also half-correct.

I’m not afraid to turn 30. Being 29, I had learned a lot. I had learned which family members to trust (surprise, the family members we never liked turned out to be snakes), I got into a fight with our love drunk father (you’re possibly gonna have a stepmother), and I also got into a gym! I’m gonna be a handsome masc you always wanna be.

The thing with our mother’s passing, I’m okay with that now. After her death, I split myself into 6 different persona. They’re just inner children, don’t worry about it. My therapist told me to tend my inner children so they can integrate with me. And guess what, you were there! You were one of them! I just wanna let you know how loved you are.

Maybe my life will go downhill after this, or maybe I’ll go uphill and went to the moon. Our 30 year-old will tell us next year. But for me, 29, I am very content at the moment. I feel like I’m bigger than my problems and that I can do everything.

Talk to you later,

29.

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Letter to my 16-Year-Old Self

Hello, beautiful. It’s me, 28 y/o you. I will be turning 29 next week so I guess this is the time to write you this annual letter.

So, what is it now... the pandemic is still on, we’re living in a zombie apocalypse that’ll surely turns into an endemic anytime soon. We got engaged, yes, yes we did, and we also got married! You get yourself a husband now, it’s a shocker I know. I tricked a man to be chained with me (us) forever! LOL

But he’s a great man. I’m sure the other mes before I met him would feel utterly jealous. We’re living in a studio apartment now, just the three of us (yes, we’re bringing the cat). Well, good things are waiting ahead of them.

Speaking of good things, well there’s always shadow lurking in the light’s presence. Bad thing happened earlier this year. Gravely bad thing.

We lost our mother, to cancer...

I know that your relationship with her wasn’t the very best, but we’ll grow closer to her in 2020. And I’m glad I was able to hug her and feel the love of a mother in her last 2 years. Now I can’t sing or listen to MCR’s Cancer without wanting to hurt myself. But I promise you I wouldn’t hurt ourselves that way. Maybe eating spicy food and getting diarrhea, but that’s it.

Honestly it’s getting hard for me day by day without her. But I’m managing to get better, so you don’t have to worry that much. Besides, We’re the eldest child. We couldn’t crumble for the sake of our siblings, right? We should stay strong for our beloved dad, right? They need us more than ever now.

I’m still healing. So be patient with me, dearie. Maybe our 29 y/o could write something good next year. Let’s just wait.

You are strong, and I love you more than anything

Me.

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Letter to my 16-Year-Old Self

Hey, it’s me, 27 y/o you. In less than 24 hours we will turn 28. Crazy, right? I’m sorry that the 26 y/o us can’t write anything because since our last birthday in 2020, we’ve been living in a pandemic. Yeah, I know, it never once crossed your mind that we will live in something zombie apocalypse-like situation. But here we are. Here I am.

I haven’t been doing too well. I’ve been overworked, my health is depleting, and my mental health isn’t always reliable. We’ve never been depressed on our birthday, right? Guess there’s always first time for everything. I couldn’t seem to find a spark of joy lately. My body got weaker. I don’t have the will to do anything at all. Your best friends from college even panicked about it when you suddenly cried hard days ago. Luckily you have a caretaker now, and he’s also happen to be your fiancé.

But I guess that’s a part of being an adult. A chaotic mess where we pretend we know what to do when actually we’re equally lost as a teenager. And here I am, lost.

I don’t have much to say since I could barely able to function. I just wish us luck for years and years to come.

I love you,

Me

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Sesak.

Tak cukup kau sembah sendiri dirimu

Hingga kau ambil suling, berharap ada tikus yang memujamu

Penat.

Matahari pun kau gigit di antara gigimu

Tapi bintang tahu hanya debu yang ada di mulutmu

Apakah pukulanmu sekuat itu, sehingga kau bisa membuat semesta mengitarimu?

Ataukah itu hanya oasis di kepalamu?

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Letter to My 16-Year-Old Self

Hey girl, it’s me, you. You know, in less than an hour I will be replaced. Yes, in less than an hour I will be turning 26, 10 years older than you. Scary how time flies, isn’t it? I only told you briefly about my life and mostly talked about the 24 year-old us, now this time I’m gonna talk about mine.

You know, this year, turning into a new age kind of feels guilty for me. You know, at the end of our 16th, we met a girl, this girl is your mum’s friend’s daughter you went to Dubai together. You know, you don’t just end up being that friend who’s only talk to her during the trip, no. You both communicate with each other on social media, and messenger, and ended up doing trip together again. Yes, all the way to your 25th birthday you’ve travelled to Korea together, laughing, sharing a bucket of chicken nuggets, cooked Korean food at your house, you’ve even planned to go to Japan together!

But that will forever be a plan, and that’s what makes me feel guilty. She passed away earlier in late December last year, just a day before New Years eve. You cried so hard that day. This might not translate well to her since you barely show any kind of intimate emotion, but you already think of her as a sister.

You know, time has stopped for her, but it keeps rolling for me. That’s when I feel guilty. April 23rd is supposed to be her birthday. Just 3 days before ours. That’s when I feel super guilty. I visited her grave on her birthday, I put a single rose under her tombstone, and went to work, crying my stupid eyes out while driving. It’s not save, I know, but I have to do that to feel at ease.

Now I’m really scared to die, of death. I’m scared of the concept of the eternity. I really don’t wanna die. I wanna live, I have a reason to live now, I have something to lose.

Okay, let’s push the gloom away. You know, I work as an illustrator on a digital agency now! Just like you’ve always wanted. I might not be in London or Paris yet, but maybe someday I’ll be there. The 19 y/o us had fulfilled that dream you know, for leisure purposes. And to be honest, I’ve set my head to live in Japan because I’m more and more attracted to the culture and the country, and to honour our friend.

Okay, In 30 minutes I will be replaced by the new us, so this might be my last letter being a 25 y/o us. I wish us only the best. I hope we live long enough to see our grandchildren. Happy birthday, us.

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Letter to My 16-Year-Old Self

Hey little guy, it’s me, you! Yeah this is the 25 years old you. Well, actually, we’re going to turn 26 in just two weeks! Can you Imagine? 26!! That’s the age where all of our sticking-their-nose family will ask us when will we get married. But don’t worry, the 26 year-old us will handle that, so we don’t have to.

I’m sorry I didn’t write to you last year before our 25th birthday. The 24 year-old you couldn’t even managed to write anything to you because that year was really bad. You remember Chester Bennington from Linkin Park we idolise so much back when we were 10? Yes, he died. Also Jonghyun from SHINee you really root for? He too, died. Of suicide. Just like what we thought we might end up.

That’s already bad enough, right? But before that happened, she lost her previous job because of some selfish thing someone did and decided to make unofficial merches for K-Pop group. I know, right? She felt pressured as well. I was born when things were bad, the first few months I spent crying for the pain she didn’t end and I should resolve it myself.

But worry not, she met someone. Someone none of us from 19 to 23 would ever think will save us. Even our 23 year-old despised him. But he helped us, we saved ourselves, but he helped us. You know, he’s not all “Oh, I can save you. I’m your prince.” No. He’s actually “Well, I wanna die too. But at least now we have each other, we have a reason to live.” And that’s what we actually needs.

Oh and we found a new job! We’re illustrators now, we make manhwa too! And our new workplace is exciting. One of our bosses is just like our mum, but our mum is 100x worse so we could handle it. And we found new people with the same value as us!

Okay, since it’s getting late, and I’m on the phone with our lover and potential husband, I’m gonna call it a night. I’ll make sure the 26 year-old us won’t forget to write to you.

Love, A.

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me, decomposing on my bed: sending you all good vibes :)

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wifey no 2

DJ: What varieties do you want to appear on?

“I want to go onto eating shows like mukbangs cos I can eat very well.”  (trans.)

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[on being in a school play with Eddie Redmayne] The great Eddie Redmayne, the now Oscar-winning Eddie Redmayne, was playing the female lead and in ‘A Passage to India’ there’s an expedition to this cultural landmark called the Marabar Caves by elephant. I’m delighted to reveal that I played the front right leg of the elephant Eddie was riding on.

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‘Who is the better villain to grace the MCU stage? Loki or Thanos?’ 

Bonus: (because he’s just so pleased with his Thanos analysis)

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Best advice you can get going into adulthood is don’t trust anyone who talks down to janitors, trashmen,maids etc

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Depression is basically your mind bullying you 24/7.

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relatable got7

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say what u want but Replay will forever be That™ debut song that is untouchable and can’t be replaced by any rookie debut

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Procrastination is the ultimate form of perfectionism. You won’t do anything imperfect, if you don’t do anything.