bluesophie

[bluesophie]

- Почему?

- Они первые начали.

Недавно в одном из книжных магазинов мне на глаза попалась книга Джоди Пиколт «Девятнадцать минут», которую я прочитала, еще будучи подростком. На волне ностальгии я мигом побежала к кассе. И зря.

Так в чем же дело? Автор раскрывает тему школьной стрельбы, материнства, социальной иерархии, но делает это крайне неудачно. Можно было бы простить провал в последних двух темах, но не в первой. 

Пиколт старательно расписывает череду невзгод, которые то и дело обрушиваются на Питера, будущего стрелка. Будучи жертвой буллинга, Питер, по мнению Пиколт, не имел других вариантов. 

Хорошо, мы поняли, что он очень страдал из-за школьной травли (и всё же, разве обязательно браться за оружие?). А что же насчет жертв? Дайте-ка подумать. Ах да, мы почти ничего о них не знаем. Пиколт отводит им место второстепенных персонажей, многие из которых не удостоились ни одной реплики в книге на 600+ страниц. 

В этом моя основная претензия к этой книге. Когда речь идет о таком чувствительном топике, автор, по моему мнению, должен дать перспективу обеих сторон (может, даже с упором на пострадавших). К сожалению, Пиколт было интереснее описывать «тяжелую» жизнь преступника, тогда как по-настоящему покалеченные судьбы, видимо, не заслужили такого внимания. 

В конце книги, уже после вынесения приговора о лишении свободы, Питер добровольно завершает свое пребывание в этом мире, но сначала видит слёзовыжимательную галлюцинацию о первом дне в школе, где его никто не травит.

Так а что там насчет жертв? Как у них жизнь сложилась? Будет ли пара строчек в эпилоге? «Нет, не будет, и, вообще, посочувствуйте Питеру», - между строк говорит нам Пиколт. 

Одним словом - разочарование. Некоторые вещи должны оставаться в прошлом. Приступы ностальгии могут даже разочаровывать. 

P.S. Хвалебные комментарии и отзывы вызывали у меня недоумение 🧐 

Их ��елая тьма! Что на русскоязычных сайтах, что на англоязычных, включая обожаемый мною goodreads.com 

Многие отмечают, что «Девятнадцать минут» нужно держать как настольную книгу по воспитанию. Спорно.

Ознакомившись с послужным списком Пиколт, я, кажется, разгадала тайну. 

Целевая аудитория Пиколт - американские домохозяйки среднего возраста из благополучных районов. Все в их жизни хорошо и спокойно, но иногда не хватает «нерва». Погружаться в подобную проблематику страшно и сложно, да и незачем, когда есть «тяжелая», «поучительная», литература, от которой «кровь стынет в жилах» и которая «заставляет задуматься». И вот в компании уже можно с важным видом бросить пару слов о новой проблеме нашего времени.

Что ж, я эту книгу никому не посоветую в качестве учебника по воспитанию. Никаких педагогических рекомендаций вы оттуда не вынесете, кроме «нужно обращать внимание на детей», но мы все это и так знали.

[bluesophie]

do u have any book recs for morally bad characters? not grey or ambiguous or whatever. i think id use ianthe as an example of what i mean

far be it from me to decide which character is "morally bad" or merely grey so for the purposes of this rec list i focus on characters who do bad things for selfish reasons. however, ianthe, beyond just being a villain-esque character, has that iconic persona(lity) which alas only few of the characters mentioned here share. so keep that in mind in case you wanted a list of ianthes😅

okay so when i think ianthe i think unhinged girl books, specifically boy parts by eliza clark. ik ik i keep mentioning it in every rec list but truly there's no other character who reminds me of ianthe more than irina sturges, minus the sword. boy parts is sometimes described as american psycho for girls and while i haven't read that book yet i can confirm that characters in bret easton ellis' other works (less than zero and the rules of attraction) are quite morally bankrupt and entirely unlikable, especially compared to the cast in the secret history by his fellow bennington graduate donna tartt who are themselves toeing the line between grey and irredeemable. that is, if such finer distinctions matter to you🤷‍♀️

dark academia typically features protagonists who are more or less evil which is true for joanne harris' gentlemen and players as well as its sequel different class. cracks by sheila kohler is another example - it's a short and weird book about girls in a boarding school commiting shocking atrocities. aside from we have always lived in this castle by shirley jackson, which i have already mentioned, books like tender is the flesh by agustina bazterrica and we need to talk about kevin by lionel shriver are bridging the gap between litfic and horror and focus on people who range from morally ambiguous to utterly despicable and frightening (yet fascinating). if you want to go all in with this latter vibe you could try killing stalking which is an extreme horror/dark romance bl manhwa. needless to say: always check the trigger warnings.

if hannibal lecter is someone who fits your understanding of "morally bad" you should try the og book series by thomas harris. fair warning tho: they are not queercoded like the show😅 two more series following the crimes of a nasty but compelling guy are the joe goldberg books by caroline kepnes and the tom ripley books by patricia highsmith. in the latter series i will admit i only like book one which stands on its own pretty well and after it i'd rec trying highsmith's other books instead - for example, strangers on a train. another thriller author to check out is christopher rice whose melodramatic and somewhat depraved early works feature deliciously problematic side characters. start with the snow garden and see if you like his style. my last thriller rec is for your own good by samantha downing which is about a bad teacher abusing his power to punish students he doesn't like.

switching the gears to historical fiction and classics. perfume: the story of a murderer by patrick süskind is the life story of a man who by all accounts is bad but if so why does his perfume smell so good? what does he put in there?? another perfect example of a character blurring the line between morally grey and black is the protagonist of thomas savage's the power of the dog. both books have very good film adaptations which i recommend as well.

if you want to try and tackle a dusty tome foregrounding wicked antiheroes consider reading vanity fair by william thackeray or dangerous liaisons by pierre choderlos de laclos. if you'd rather start with something shorter look no further than the picture of dorian gray, who i personally think is "darker" than just grey (ha), but if you already read it consider revisiting the classic via the uncensored edition. still shorter? then you might like another work by oscar wilde - lord arthur savile's crime. it's much more humorous and satirical, as is lieutenant gustl by arthur schnitzler - a hilarious stream of consciousness novella following an odious imperial army officer as he contemplates how to restore his damaged manly honor in the wake of another man touching his sword - not a euphemism but definitely a metaphor😅

i really struggled to choose sff recs☹️ the thing is, in your typical fantasy characters like this will either be pretty one dimensional villains or side characters with not a lot of screen time, whereas those on the main cast are rather what you would probably describe as morally grey. nevertheless, here are three recs i'm not very satisfied with: first of all, empire of the vampire's jean françois gives me ianthe vibes. so far he's a character in the frame narrative only but i expect he'll play a bigger role in the final book of the trilogy. secondly, there is a secondary villain character in the winnowing flame trilogy by jen williams who is honestly my favorite part of it and they do bad things etc by virtue of being a villain but,, maybe they're just misguided? maybe their friends and family didn't love them enough but the main villain did? i mean, who's to say🤷‍♀️ finally, the main character of lynn flewelling's nightrunner books has an evil ex who has a fun poor little meow meow arc in books 4 and 5 - you decide if it's worth reading the entire series bc of it. i mean it's pretty good old queer fantasy so it's worth it for other reasons too but yeah. you see what i mean when i say it's difficult😭

[bluesophie]

Sherilyn Fenn as Audrey Horne

Twin Peaks S2 | E16

[bluesophie]

I love how Audrey Horne just needed enrichment. She thought she needed to date a 30 year old FBI agent and to live a life of criminal intrigue but she just needed her father to encourage her and a project to work on. she just needed enrichment. and when she looks at trans icon agent Mulder and says "there are women FBI agents? 😳😮" it inspired her to achieve her goals instead of trying to entice a man into giving her an exciting life. cuz you can do both Audrey you can have the man of your dreams AND be an FBI agent. I'm so proud of you. My daughter

[bluesophie]

[bluesophie]

‘You’re beautiful, intelligent, desirable. Everything a man wants in his life.’

[bluesophie]

Twin Peaks (1990)

(Not My Photos, Gifs, or Quotes. Photos, Gifs, and Quotes Belong to Rightful Owners.)

[bluesophie]

i think we as a society should talk about audrey more. next to shelly and laura, she's one of the most mischaracterized throughout the entire show. an endlessly fascinating case of existing often just as ship material or stripped down to aesthetics instead of exploring the rather horrendous abuse that she and her brother have faced living in the horne household.

the fact that her father plays a pivotal role for a while in terms of her self worth is really depressing, especially given she doesn't receive much attention from him in the first place. her jealously of laura stealing the attention away from him at parties also foreshadows a lot of what she'll go on to experience as she gets older. it was unfounded, since it wasn't as though he was favoring laura as a "daughter" over audrey, but was attracted to her from that moment onward (as we find out in laura's diary when she's eventually hired at one eyed jacks). this lack of attention and care toward her might explain why she behaves the way she does and has a tendency to seek out comfort in the arms of older men (see her attraction to cooper and that one guy she eventually gets with, jack? i think his name is?). her family despises her. not a lot of people take her seriously. she's ignored and shoved off until she enters one eyed jacks and is used as leverage as blackmail against her father, who nearly has sex with her unknowingly. it breaks her further to know that her father had a relationship with laura, that it was potentially him that could've killed her (before her real killer is revealed) all because she was going to expose his secrets rightfully. there's layers of complexity to her that people blatantly ignore because "uwu aesthetic!! she's SO lana del ray coded". i cannot tell you how many times i've perused youtube edits or amv's of twin peaks and seen audrey set to songs by lana del ray (who is a known zionist and racist). one of which being "lolita" which just makes me wanna vomit because that song misses the ENTIRE point of the novel but that's a discussion for another day. she's not two-dimensional, her struggles are just as valid as laura's and she deserves to be respected as a character. she's not a sex symbol, she's not an aesthetic, she's a girl who just wanted to be loved by her father, but ended up in the margins as he sought power and relationships with underage girls at a business he and his brother ran off to the side illegally. no one loves her, and thus she acts out, even though she doesn't want to.

[bluesophie]

[bluesophie]

[bluesophie]

— texting boyfriend!homelander

HOMELANDER X HISPANIC TEXTER (1/?)

✰ summary — a series of random texts between homelander and you, his girlfriend 💕

✰ warnings — +18, suggestive themes, sublander flavored, latina baddie with an attitude.

✰ genre — texts, domestic fluff, humor, smut.

✰ a/n — tbh, i dont't even know what this is, plp. i 've been meaning to give x reader content a try and this is me dipping my toes in the water, lmao.

[bluesophie]

The parallels of:

MM telling his daughter about his struggles and trauma and showing that you don't have to be perfect but you should still try to do good, as a person and a parent, and that the cycle of trauma should end with you.

Versus

Homelander coddling Ryan, telling him that 'accidents happen' and it's because of other people because supes are superior and never truly at fault, repeating the same mistakes that made him into the monster he is and starting Ryan down that same path.

[bluesophie]

homelander's greatest punishment is not death, but to be normal.

all his life, he has been the chosen one by god- he is a god himself. he is the god amongst gods. his powers are the driving force of this complex, his powerset makes him the most powerful out of any supe, traditional superman shit.

his entire being and identity revolves around his powers, his godhood stems from his powers, and so does narcissism, self-centeredism, and eugenics. what makes homelander homelander is his powers.

so i think, the greatest form of torture and punishment for his crimes is not to end his life, but it is to strip him of his powers.

for a man who has spent all of life as a god, watch him suffer as he falls back down to earth and have to live with the impact of his fall. he will wish he died on the way down, living life as a normal human being with the consequences of that will be the greatest torture.

when homelander has no powers, who is he? who is he if he is normal? all of his identity, which is attached to his powers, is stripped away.

strip him of his godhood and let the armor that has surrounded him for all his life disappear. watch him realize that his actions have consequences.

put him in front of the people who's families he's slaughtered and killed, let those people kick and punch him, and let him feel the impact of the punch. let his supporters turn on him, throw him into a crowd of people who once revered him as a god and watch their faith disappear. let him watch the public reception of him drop to 0, not even in the 90s anymore, watch them fall and watch them plummet compared to the people he deemed below him.

subject him to hate edits, victims, beatings, but do not let him die, make sure he lives every second of it.

that is the true torture.

for me at least.

[bluesophie]

🎀🪞🩰🦢🕯️

[bluesophie]

rip Achilles you would've loved hightop sneakers

[bluesophie]

Oh characters doomed from the start we’re really in it now

[bluesophie]

somebody had probably done this before but