blueslostboys

[blueslostboys]

You can't take loved away

[blueslostboys]

“what? no he didn’t” took me out completely

[blueslostboys]

honestly its gay as fuck to even be a man

[blueslostboys]

sad reality of the fanfic-to-published work economy is that the weirdest people are willing to do it. that's why there's now hundreds of shitty no plot cishet hate-to-love enemies-to-lovers books that are ex reylo fanfic. and it's not even good. that's because the people who wrote book-quality steve/bucky and kirk/spock fic are too normal to think to themselves "i should get this porn published". they're too busy working in local government offices

[blueslostboys]

when i have a crush i dont kick my feet or twirl my hair instead i am in my kitchen at 3am pacing in circles with my hands clasped behind my back like a middle-aged divorced detective haunted by a cold case he just cant crack

[blueslostboys]

griddleharlectostasia brainrot hours

[blueslostboys]

can't stop thinking about how basically every combination of kevin x neil x andrew x jean x jeremy is so complex and homoerotic. just 5 lil gay boys in a violent fucked up polycule

[blueslostboys]

Kevin Day, the queen of having homoerotic bro relationships with like 10 people and still making PowerPoint presentation of reasons to not be gay.

[blueslostboys]

saw a post about how jean and neil are pretty alike so andrew would probably like jean and just. thinking about how andrew could teach jean everything he's learned about bodily autonomy and consent and trust and self worth. thinking about aaron killing drake and neil putting a hit out on grayson. thinking about them both finding partners they trust to respect their boundaries. thinking about neil saying "andrew's taught me about give and take" and how andrew could teach that same lesson to jean. thinking about andrew teaching jean to trust bee and telling him about what he talks to bee about. thinking about jean getting bee a glass figurine for her collection because andrew told him she likes them. thinking about bee getting jean a magnet in return. thinking about how they have like more than a foot of height difference. thinking about them bonding over making fun of kevin. thinking about jean getting to know the person who finally stood up to riko and protected neil from him. thinking about jean learning that neil went to evermore to try to protect andrew from proust. just andrew and jean okay!!!!

[blueslostboys]

Neil "You can never play Exy again" Josten and Jean "Exy is the sole purpose of your existence" Moreau

Neil "I have no choice but to run" Josten and Jean "I have no choice but to stay" Moreau

Neil "I have to be alone" Josten and Jean "Do not leave me alone" Moreau

Neil "~10% of my internal monologue centers around hiding my scars" Josten and Jean "what?" Moreau

Neil "I don't swing" Josten and Jean "the cruelty behind these nonstop temptations" Moreau

Neil "no one can know how fucked up I am" Josten and Jean "everyone keeps saying I'm fucked up?" Moreau

Neil was being chased all his life but Jean had already been caught :/ :/

Foils of all time

[blueslostboys]

Every day. Every damn day I wake up and wonder how Wymack must have felt hearing Jean say, “Kevin never once doubted you’d take him in … I laughed at him. I’d never taken him for a dreamer.”

I wonder how he let that sink in, thought over and over again of his first interactions with the kid and rewriting his perceptions with the context that not only did Kevin know that was his dad, but that Kevin trusted him. Unquestionably, before Wymack even did anything, Kevin ran to him because he believed that Wymack was someone safe he could run to. I wonder if Wymack thought about “my father comes to all my games, that is enough” knowing that Kevin truly meant it, maybe always has.

I wonder how Wymack felt then, when later, much much later, that broken boy who laughed at his son for believing in a father he never met calls him out of the blue. When, before Wymack could even get a single word in, begs him, voice wet and desperate why did you take him in?

I wonder how Wymack felt after the phone call ends. Hearing Josten, arguably his most distrustful kid, telling him “I’ve got him coach” and then hanging up the phone, and wondering if Rhemmen has enough strength to watch Jean eventually get to a place similar to where Neil’s at now. To finally learn, slowly but surely, how to trust. I wonder if that made him appreciate Kevin’s trust all the more.

just… I wonder

[blueslostboys]

when kevin hears about jerejean he will take a 45 minute shower listening to the one that got away on repeat as he has a sexuality crisis and then will pretend it never happened - you cannot convince me otherwise

[blueslostboys]

Jerejean this, Neil ordering a hit that.

There's one thing I need to know. Was if Nora's intention to reference the ancient Greek myth Paris with Jean being given that as a nickname from Thea? Or is it just about the city? I need to know I need to know.

Paris being thrown out as a little child by his parents due the prophecy that he is going to be the reason for a kingdom's collapse. Paris becoming a Prince of Troy.

Jean being sold off by his parents due to their debt to the Moriayamas. Jean being blamed for the fall Edgar Allan Ravens took. Becoming a Trojan.

Paris being tempted by three goddesses promising him great things.

Jean being fucked over by a pretty face mentioned three times.

Paris and Jean being the scape goats of their stories when acting from love and due to powers stronger than them.

[blueslostboys]

i fell to my knees in kmart

[blueslostboys]

we've all talked about the iconic neil cameo (i will never tire of talking about the iconic neil cameo) but the scraps jean hands us about andrew? warms my heart. the fact that people in the exy world have picked up on how he's actually putting an effort into games this year. the way he heaves himself out of goal so fast to defend neil from riko. that wymack told the press it was andrew's idea to put neil in defense and it was hailed as genius. andrew getting the recognition he deserves, even if he doesn't care for it. jean speaking to an empty room, "he will be court", as confidently as kevin speaks about neil. andrew having a dedicated candy drawer. andrew always looking at wymack when kevin and neil are being pedantic. andrew and neil and the quiet way they are wrapped around each other's existence. andrew minyard.

[blueslostboys]

no because if i think about it too long im going to cry. like as insane as it was, neil putting out that hit was the first time someone had ever successfully protected jean without expecting anything in return.

kevin was a bystander in the nest and zane only watched his back so long as it was convenient for him, and then betrayed him without a backward glance. renee wanted to protect jean but by the time she got to him, the damage was done and jean was already at death's door. all she and abby, wymack and bee could do was pick up the pieces and put him back together again.

but neil motherfucking josten saw that jean was in danger and said "i can do something about this" and he just did it. no questions asked.

i can't wait for that to become jean's new normal. I can't wait for the trojans to pick up where neil left off. jean has people who will watch out for him now. people who care and will do whatever they can to keep him safe simply because they want to.

[blueslostboys]

do you guys think that when neil got back home from cali he took andrew up to the roof where he sat watching him smoke and told him he put a hit out on a raven. and then andrew sat there in silence watching the sunset before asking "why?" and neil looked down fiddling with his own lit cigarette and said very quietly that this particular raven was jean's drake. do you think that andrew went very still and did not speak or smoke for such a long time that neil eventually looked up at him and was taken aback by how andrew was watching him very carefully. do you think that as andrew looked at neil he was so paralysed by the thought of jean going through that same abuse and neil putting an end to it without even thinking twice. do you think he realised his meter had officially broken and neil was so far past 100% and that he was really truly it for him