blooper-boy

[blooper-boy]

A mechanical failure at a salmon cannery in Alaska results in the world’s biggest and shittiest slot machine pay out.

[blooper-boy]

I would climb down there like a lizard and the magma wouldn’t hurt me

[blooper-boy]

If you work a tipped job literally make up a silly name for yourself and people will think you’re so much more charismatic and personable for the exact same service. People are soo much nicer and tip me better when I say my names Melon. They fucking love it all I gotta say is yup that’s my real name. my parents are huge hippies. I know fucking insane right. Fucking stupid. With a straight face and especially the old people they have to fan themselves they get so excited

[blooper-boy]

be pro-aging but wear sun screen. sun protection is not beauty industry propaganda it will save you. wear it. or else.

[blooper-boy]

I was reading something about Whitestown, Indiana and my eyes nearly popped out of my head thinking it was one of THOSE comically racist towns. Nice to know, at least the name, wasn’t that.

[blooper-boy]

What able bodied authors think I, an amputee and a wheelchair user, would want in a scifi setting:

Tech that can regenerate my old meat legs.

Robot legs that work just like meat legs and are functionally just meat legs but robot

Literally anything that would mean I don’t have to use a wheelchair.

If I do need to use a wheelchair, make it fly or able to “walk me” upstairs

What I actually want:

Prosthetic covers that can change colour because I’m too indecisive to pick one colour/pattern for the next 5+ years.

A leg that I can turn off (seriously, my above knee prosthetic has no off switch… just… why?)

A leg that won’t have to get refitted every time I gain or loose weight.

A wheelchair that I can teleport to me and legs I can teleport away when I’m too tierd to keep walking. And vice versa.

In that same vein, legs I can teleport on instead of having to fiddle around with the sockets for half an hour.

Prosthetic feet that don’t require me to wear shoes. F*ck shoes.

Actually accessible architecture, which means when I do want to use my wheelchair, it’s not an issue.

Prosthetic legs with dragon-claw feet instead of boring human feet or just digigrade prosthetics that are just as functional as normal human-shaped ones.

A manual wheelchair with the option to lift my seat up like those scissor-lift things so I’m not eye-level with everyone’s butt on public transport/so I can reach the top shelf by myself.

A prosthetic foot that lights up when it hits the ground like those children’s shoes.

[blooper-boy]

heartbreaking: none of artist's other songs are as much of a banger as the song I discovered the artist by

[blooper-boy]

I cannot put into words how much I Fucking Loathe the fact that when you search something on youtube now it will randomly intersperse blocks of "people also watched" and "for you" into the results. That's not what I searched for, youtube. I typed in a search query because I wanted to see search results, not random unrelated garbage you have placed in my way apparently to either inconvenience me or force me to scroll further for actual results. I despise your wretched little games and every time I see it I can only instantly close the tab as I am overcome with the urge to burn something down.

[blooper-boy]

if only i could use my art skills for good

[blooper-boy]

it obviously makes sense, but one of my friend’s kids is going into swim class, and all the parents got an email today going, “when little ones are scared, they cling on to instructors. PLEASE trim their nails.” 

i don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but just. the idea of this poor, scratched swim instructor having to make sure to email before each class as a reminder to please declaw the children SENT me. 

[blooper-boy]

Don't worry, You can trust me with the city budget, just let me in there. Come on, just let me have the budget. I will totally not gut the police budget to build a centralized mass transit network and new libraries. I will definitely not do that, just let me in there please. Come on let me have access to the city budget for 5 minutes. That's all I ask.

[blooper-boy]

I feel like a good shorthand for a lot of economics arguments is "if you want people to work minimum wage jobs in your city, you need to allow minimum wage apartments for them to live in."

"These jobs are just for teenagers on the weekends." Okay, so you'll use minimum wage services only on the weekends and after school. No McDonald's or Starbucks on your lunch break.

"They can get a roommate." For a one bedroom? A roommate for a one bedroom? Or a studio? Do you have a roommate to get a middle-wage apartment for your middle-wage job? No? Why should they?

"They can live farther from city center and just commute." Are there ways for them to commute that don't equate to that rent? Living in an outer borough might work in NYC, where public transport is a flat rate, but a city in Texas requires a car. Does the money saved in rent equal the money spent on the car loan, the insurance, the gas? Remember, if you want people to take the bus or a bike, the bus needs to be reliable and the bike lanes survivable.

If you want minimum wage workers to be around for you to rely on, then those minimum wage workers need a place to stay.

You either raise the minimum wage, or you drop the rent. There's only so long you can keep rents high and wages low before your workforce leaves for cheaper pastures.

"Nobody wants to work anymore" doesn't hold water if the reason nobody applies is because the commute is impossible at the wage you provide.

[blooper-boy]

“French is such a beautiful, romantic language.”

“Cat, I farted.”

[blooper-boy]

[blooper-boy]

[blooper-boy]

some of you need to make your bed and have a shower with a soap that smells nice, and then sit in a chair near the window and have tea with milk and read a hardcover book and see how your creative block is after that tbh.

[blooper-boy]

So within two days of each other, Fox News writes an article comparing aromanticism and asexuality to pedophilia, and then Matt Walsh releases a video saying asexuality is a mental illness and asexuals are tricking teenagers into having depression.

Not sure what’s going on right now over in Conservative World, but it’s a hell of wild U-turn for them to suddenly switch from “Oh no! The left is sexualizing our children!” to “Oh no! The left is asexualizing our children!”