bloodontheredrose

[bloodontheredrose]

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON 02.02

"I do regret that business with Luke... I lost my temper that day. I am sorry for it."

[bloodontheredrose]

for anyone looking, the messages have been translated by wasteland_trans on twitter 💜

kai // aoi // uruha // ruki

[bloodontheredrose]

Pink Cloudy Sky, P.S. To the Beginning of the End (Summarized)

Chapter 00 - 01 Chapter 02 Chapter 03 Chapter 04 Part 1, Part 2 Chapter 05 Chapter 06 Part 1, Part 2 Chapter 07 Part 1 Part 2 Final Chapter

From the cloudy sky, as REM sometimes remembered, the warm rays of the spring sun came down.

A somewhat lazy afternoon in late spring. REM was leaning against the wall of the clinic’s waiting room, feeling the weight of the guitar in his knees as he went through the setlist of tomorrow’s live. During practice that night, he would do the final checks. He’d have to plan the timing of the MCs, the finale, the arrangement of the new songs…

Suddenly, his eyes fell on the list of that afternoon’s appointments. There were a few more patients than usual for a Saturday. Maybe he could take a nap first…

No, before those appointments, he had to practice scales.

What was to become of him and SAVER TIGER from now on, no one could say.

He was nervous about it, and impatient. Claiming anything else would have been a lie. The one thing he could say was that leading SAVER TIGER now was the most fulfilling period of his life so far. The one year in which he had put everything into fulfilling hide’s dying wish.

He could not even dream of paying back all he owed him.

But maybe this was enough?

Everything after this, he should do for himself, REM thought.

The SAVER TIGER of those days was over. This was the SAVER TIGER he had breathed new life into.

There was no point in dragging the past forward.

The end of the century, rock music, and SAVER TIGER. Those were the only things that mattered to him in this moment.

Just that, and keeping up the creation of good music, continuing to perform.

He could play the guitar like this. He could feel the strings under his fingers, feel the melody in his ears, feel the music with his whole being.

There was no greater happiness than that.

-

In the afternoon sunlight filtering through the trees, the pick REM was holding in his right hand fell to the floor with a small noise. In his dream, his soul kept sliding over the fingerboard.

-

From autumn 1998 onwards, the new SAVER TIGER continued to go on tour: Starting on the 1st of November 1998 in Yokohama, they had six performances in Yokohama, Yokosuka, Meguro, and Takadanobaba until the 15th of April 1999. Then, in May, they performed in three locations in Yokohama and Takadanobaba.

The second part of their tour started in early August and took them to Osaka, Tokushima, Yokosuka, Yokohama, Chiba, Machida, Meguro, and Kumagaya in 11 shows. The final one was planned for 13th December 1999 in BAYHALL in Yokohama.

REM expresses how ecstatic he would be if those who read this book would listen to SAVER TIGER’s music. And while they are at it, they should check out their official website.

Speaking of which, it was hide who first got into the internet, and used it to communicate with the fans in a meaningful way.

And with this feeling carved into REM’s chest, he wants to put down the pen.

Appendix

Study of the dental pattern of patient Matsumoto Hideto.

At this point, REM want to attempt an examination of patient Matsumoto Hideto as a dentist. The following is based on a dental model he made, as well as things hide told him.

It was a model made for the purpose of examination. That day, it became a special thing for REM: The only memento he had of hide’s physical form. Every time REM sees the model in the waiting room or touches the examination table where hide had been sitting, he wants to talk to that white, inorganic thing.

That is why he is sharing the report on that medical examination now, resigning himself to the criticism of the other people from his field.

It would probably be terribly unreasonable to reach conclusions about hide’s entire body just from that model, the state of his oral cavity, and what he told REM. Moreover, it would be rude to hide, one might think. Others would be of the opinion that it is okay to do it, of course. REM thinks it’s reasonable enough.

But REM’s honest feelings are these: It is not a bad thing to disclose a little bit of hide’s personal matters to the public. In this moment, as his friend and as his fellow guitarist from a band called SAVER TIGER, REM wishes to do all he can for hide, utilizing his means as a dentist.

Therefore, REM informs that the following is not a true patient’s chart nor an actual medical report. It reflects only the personal opinion of one single dentist.

[Patient Matsumoto Hideto] 1) Main complaint (the patient’s acutely perceived subjective symptoms for discomfort) .. Sometimes his jaw joints are hurting. It also happens that he cannot open his jaw. Also, severely stiff shoulders. 2) Medical history (past illnesses and current systemic ailments) .. Arrythmia 3) History of present illness .. Observations of grating sounds and irregularities of temporomandibular joint at times are ambiguous

Psychologically, systemic problems are ambiguous. 4) Current symptoms .. Abnormally stiff shoulders

Since long ago, many cases of clenched jaw, jaw muscles are stressed.

Palpation of temporomandibular joint not particularly abnormal, movement of lower jaw is not irregular or restricted. No palpation of muscle occurred. 5) Symptoms concluded from model of the mouth cavity .. Extensive wear of all teeth, corresponding low occlusion.

This is what REM got from what he heard from hide and the examination of the dental model.

One week after his visit at REM’s clinic, hide went to L.A. again, with no follow-up appointment planned, no clarity on when he would be back in Japan, and with the symptoms of his jaw not being acute, REM did not interview him too extensively. He also notes that there was no time for photographs of the oral cavity or X-rays.

At this point, REM talks a little about temporomandibular joint and how it works. Compared to other parts of the body, it is extremely complex in its movements. With its position between the upper and lower jaw and before the ears, it executes a lot of movements when speaking, eating, or even during sleep for some people.

Very roughly said, there is complex movement when chewing or opening and closing the mouth: Up, down, left, right. In contrast, the abnormal occlusion comes from a way of chewing that differs from the ordinary. Damage to the teeth can also be caused by accidents and violent fights. In any case, if the teeth are worn down by chewing or grinding, the height doesn’t match anymore, which leads to irregular chewing patterns.

If that irregularity is particularly bad, it leads to pain of the temporomandibular joints and overall discomfort. This, caused by emotional stress in the first place, can lead to muscle pain, which in turn leads to more tension.

Opening and closing the mouth can create various problems. This is called temporomandibular joint disorder. Of course, when it comes to hide, REM can’t diagnose that for the aforementioned lack of examinations and tests. But between what patient Matsumoto Hideto told him and the information provided by the study model, it’s a conclusion he finds definitely possible.

The model shows that from the front to the back teeth, all the pointy bits had been worn away so that the teeth were essentially flat. This must have been caused by the teeth grinding hide had told REM about. But for the wear to be so extensive all over, the grinding and gritting must have been extremely strong and have gone on for a very long time.

Teeth grinding is a phenomenon that happens unconsciously in times of required self-control or nervousness and stress. If the grinding goes on for a long time, it often happens that normal chewing is no longer possible. This disturbs the entire system of the jaw muscles and joints and causes pain. If it gets worse, the pain can spread to the surrounding muscles, then the shoulders and fingers and even the back and legs. Also, this affecting the muscles is often the cause for stiffness of the shoulders.

According to the model, the size of hide’s jaw (the gap between the upper and the lower jaw) when chewing was a lot lower than it used to be due to the wear, and the bones inside the joint no longer fit the normal position. The wear is so extensive that REM assumes the pain spread past the environment of the jaw to parts of the body far away from it.

And thus he concludes this meagre investigation.

Finally, there is one more episode REM wants to add in line with this report.

This is how he remembers it:

That day, hide asked him, “How do I get my teeth back to their original shape?” after he came to REM’s office for consultation.

After the examination, they had, of course, gone for drinks, and this is when hide brought it up. REM said, “For that, I would have to fix all your teeth, I think. There is no time for that now, and there is a risk that the shape of your face is going to change. One day, when we are both old men, and there is time to spare, and visuals no longer matter, I can fix them for you.”

Hide said, “Since my teeth are one source for my stiff shoulders, I want to have them fixed. Just, right now, there really is no time for it, but please do it one day. After all, you are to be my attending physician for the rest of my life.”

As attending physician, REM could have been of some help. Even now, that thought sometimes shoots through his mind.

Afterword (1)

With the irresponsible reports and information going around after that certain day, REM wants to detail his days with hide as precisely as possible. And he wants to let as many people as possible know the truth.

That kind of thought is always with him.

“Hey, REM! Please.”

Every day they have this conversation inside REM’s mind, when he listens carefully for hide’s words from beyond the sky and replies, “Hey, hide. How can I help you, so you can rest easy?”

This is a book that has been created as a joint project by REM and Nakamoto-san of Yokosuka, who goes by the name of BENZO, over the course of half a year.

The aim was to write as accurately, truthfully, and diligently as possible about REM’s life as a musician, the historic band SAVER TIGER as made by hide, as well as REM’s irreplaceable days with his sword friend hide, and the enthusiastic rock scene of Yokosuka.

He was aiming to be accurate, but there are probably points where his memory is off, or his perception differs from others. In that case, he is sincerely sorry.

In the light of the close bond he shared with him who has gone beyond the sky, he hopes it can be forgiven.

Finally, he thanks a great many people, starting with hide’s parents, his younger brother, the people from his office, the former members of X JAPAN, the past members and staff of SAVER TIGER, the members of UNITED, AMIT, Doppel Ganger, LAFERIA, and 4th Dimension, Kuriji-san, and then the people of Zushi Dental Clinic, Takeshi-san, Arakawa-sensei, Nakano-san, Someya-san, and many others. Above all, BENZO, who has become a drinking buddy for life and without whom this book would not exist in this form. All these people have helped him greatly, and he takes this opportunity to express his deepest gratitude.

He dedicates this book to his mother, who went to heaven first and may have met hide there, his father, who is still practicing as a doctor on Shikoku, his older sister and his younger brother, his wife Miwa, and their son.

And of course, he wants to dedicate this book, and the next words that come from his heart, to him, who has gone beyond the sky.

“hide, thank you.”

-

1999-05-02   His first birthday above the sky.

-

Afterword (2)

28 October 1999, Thursday, cloudy sky, 10:30 AM.

The night before, REM drank with his bandmates in their usual place, “99”, but their condition wasn’t bad. The window was wide open. Feeling the comforting wind and the morning’s aroma from his fingertips to his hair that once again reached his shoulders, REM went down the national highway No. 134 southwards, towards the coast of Miura. There, on a small hill, different from the rest and seemingly removed from the reality everyone else is living in, is hide’s resting place.

REM wondered if he was plotting new ideas in this place of rest, and if those were now flying around freely through the air…

As always, REM reported about live performances and new songs, and the state of the band, and then made his way back home along the coastal road. There was one tiny thing he noticed:

As REM was talking to hide, a feathered life-form about the size of his little finger’s nail (some kind of insect) was flying through the air around him and the others. At that time, they didn’t particularly care… And now, that life-form was inside the car.

There was no telling if it was the same creature from before, but form and size were identical.

REM calmly closed the window and, without thinking anything, he turned on the car stereo and stepped on the accelerator.

When he got home and left the car, the line between the ordinary and the extraordinary was crossed again.

Several days had passed since then.

It’s the 6th of November now, and with the image of this feathered little life-form flying freely around in his home, REM decides to let the story come to an end.

[bloodontheredrose]

Pink Couldy Sky, Final Chapter – Recovery (Summarized)

Chapter 00 - 01 Chapter 02 Chapter 03 Chapter 04 Part 1, Part 2 Chapter 05 Chapter 06 Part 1, Part 2 Chapter 07 Part 1 Part 2

Before REM knew it, that year, too, arrived at Summer.

The weather forecast on TV spoke of high temperatures, but REM didn’t feel the heat at all. The days continued without sound or smell. Everything felt like it was happening on a distant star. REM’s senses were closed off and he didn’t sense or feel anything. With its long rains falling from black clouds, the gray droplets lingering remains of the rainy period, Summer was simply the season following after spring.

-

REM got warm support from too many people to count. His bandmembers, his friends from Yokosuka, Professor Arakawa. According to Arakawa, Takeshi-san was also concerned for REM. In August, REM and Takeshi met in Tokyo for drinks. REM doesn’t really remember what they were talking about, but he has a faint memory that it was very peaceful.

It was like swimming through a daydream. Of this summer, only the faint outline of a memory remains.

There weren’t a lot of things he could do. Only move his body. Play the guitar on autopilot, lose himself in the music. Everything else was beyond his capabilities.

His only outlet was his determination to fulfil, one by one, all his promise to hide that were yet unfulfilled.

Sometimes, something hide used to say some ten-odd years ago when they were practicing with SAVER TIGER all day flashed like lighting through REM’s mind:

“I want to become the best performer in Japan! Therefore, you have to become Japan’s best guitarist!”

On top of it all, REM lost another irreplaceable music friend that year. A vocalist named Otoya died of a heart attack just about one week after hide left for the sky. Otoya had been the vocalist of RANDY, the band that performed at the first live REM went to see after coming to Yokosuka.

The livehouse in question had been ROCK CITY and the second band REM had seen there was SAVER TIGER, led by hide.

On the day of hide’s funeral, REM and his music buddies got together for the first time in a long while to drink in his memory. Otoya had been there, too. They talked to each other for a bit, away from the others. They hadn’t met in 3 or 4 years, and when REM asked Otoya what he had been doing lately, Otoya told him that he had stopped doing music after RANDY disbanded.

In the face of hide’s sudden death, the conversation remained subdued and they did not exchange more than a few words. A few days later, REM learned about Otoya passing away.

REM remembers him as a vocalist with a unique charism different from hide’s, and a rare singing voice that he will forever remember shouting furiously into the microphone.

After a long, humid rainy season, dawn finally came on 11 July 1998.

That night, the new SAVER TIGER had their first live on stage after the revival. It was a concert called “Memories of hide” that they were able to give thanks to Rolly joining them as a guest vocalist, in hide’s beloved livehouse PUMPKIN. To them, it did not feel at all like a memorial live. It felt like a live they did with hide, a live where hide came to watch them.

They couldn’t believe that he was gone.

They had not yet grown familiar with the thought that they would never meet him again.

All of them – REM, Kosuke, Jimmy, and Rolly as well – felt that hide should have been there to watch them, listen to them, and witness the new SAVER TIGER become real.

It was a humid night, the hot wind blowing in from the sea.

Inside the narrow interior of PUMPKIN, people were filling in the dim gloom. No one spoke. Everyone was losing themselves in the atmosphere and the rock music.

REM wanted to scream out his tears across that crowd.

He wanted to howl his remorse.

Otherwise, he felt like hide would not forgive him.

Then, in this place on Dobuita-Street, in the middle of the night, in this atmosphere of sweat, tabaco, and alcohol, he is certain he saw something at the edge of his field of vision.

There, at the very back of seating area, in front of the wall smeared with graffiti, and close of Kiyotou behind the counter grumbling about the fucking heat, was a single man with a hat drawn low over his eyes.

In a perfectly clear pocket of air, a single leaf was slowly falling down.

The wind going through the building in the derelict warehouse district was already chilly.

1. November.

On this day, a music festival in connection with hide opened in Yokohama’s BAYHALL, and REM went to Yamashita pier in order to perform in it with SAVER TIGER.

It was the second live of the revived SAVER TIGER. In December, they were going to perform in Takadanobaba, and from February through Spring 1999 in a bunch of other places.

They also had plans to record their music.

As for the open position of vocalist, since the turn of the year, REM’s close friend Tony from Yokosuka joined them as a new member. Another friend from Yokosuka, Ken, became their manager.

The new SAVER TIGER finally took shape.

And REM felt like a was paying hide back at least a little, feeling a little better for it, like he could breathe deeply again.

The pavement was covered in scattered, dry leaves.

Feeling the dry leaves crumble under the soles of his work boots, REM chased the afterimage of that man he had seen in front of the wall at PUMPKIN that night. He wondered if that had been hide’s apparition.

No, that’s not it.

He is certain that hide has been there that night.

He’d rushed over to see the reunited SAVER TIGER perform on stage that night, in his beloved Yokosuka.

On Dobuita-Street, that he always returned to. Just for a moment, as bare-faced “Matsumoto Hideto”, he had returned to his friends.

“Welcome home, hide.”

That’s what REM murmured while looking up at the contrail cutting straight through the clear sky above.

Note: This is NOT the end. There is still one rather long part left. I am done with my (handwritten) notes on it, but it may be a while before I manage to turn it into something coherent in a Word-Document.

[bloodontheredrose]

*Sephiroth being sad because he couldnt save one of his*

[bloodontheredrose]

HIDE Inspiration Talk 50 (# 27 - 31) - Translation

Baby

Simply said, I wand a child of my own. I think it would be best to have a boy and a girl each. I want to have them ride on my knees all the time. I want to be seen as a good papa by my kids. But that can’t possibly happen (laughs).

Cars

I like cars, but I don’t like driving. I like the shape of the cars. Truth is, I like the shape of guitars as well (laughs).

Dreams

I often dream about not making a deadline. Except it feels like reality rather than a dream.

Energy

I think there is something that people and objects receive from the outside. You need that stimulation to wake up things sleeping inside you or to build up energy.

Face

It’s not something I think about deeply, but I don’t really like my own face. I don’t like that the parts are not my ideal form. I have a lot of ideals, but combining them with one another makes for an awfully weird face (laughs).

[bloodontheredrose]

To You in Heaven (Taiji blog entry from 9 May 2007)

Looking up at the endless sky

Thoughts of hope and such prayers

Once again pile up inside my heart

To put an end to the meaninglessness

That lives only in words

And to start walking again

My never-changing “friendship” for you

Is my offering

In memoriam

2 May             Sawada Taiji

[bloodontheredrose]

My Friends (Taiji blog entry from 4 June 2007)

[Since, due to my last attempt to translate an interview with him failing pathetically, Taiji is woefully underrepresented on this blog, here's a translation of an entry from his personal blog.

The part in italics at the end was originally in English and left as it was.

The accompanying image is in its original size, it's just that tiny.]

This is a shot taken when DAI and I went to visit hide’s grave the other day

Whether by coincidence or by fate, we ran into Hide's parents...

Looking at the horizon, in an endless dream... thinking of my friends

Once again, we made a promise to each other…

The gentle waves reunited him with his parents...

The eternal future called “now”…

The infinity that lies beyond... ... Something I had almost forgotten was brought back to me

　We Will Dear for you

I Will Dearest for he

Voice from Heavend And With You... See-Ya

TAIJI

[bloodontheredrose]

HIDE Inspiration Talk 50 (# 24 - 26) - Translation

Eyeball

The first ring with an eyeball-motive that I bought was from a ring shop in New York, where the uncle from the shop said, “This artificial eye belonged to a terribly unlucky person, so if you wear it, you will be free from misfortune from now on,” so I bought it and put it on. I don’t know if he was lying or speaking the truth, though. I started collecting them afterwards. I’m into gross accessories. Because when Gene Simmons wore a scorpion bracelet and a spider ring, I thought, “Oh, cool!”

UFO

When I was a child, I thought of space as the place where the so called monster graveyard that made whirring noises from Ultraman, Alien Baltan and the like was (laughs). There was a period when I was engrossed with UFOs. Starting when I read the book of Yaoi Junichi [*1935, journalist specializing in UFOs], I thought, “Aliens exist for sure. The Soviet Union and the US are covering it up!” I said, “There is a base on the moon. The VIPs are migrating there one after the other,” and made the others read the book as well (laughs).

When I was in elementary school, we would also go looking for UFOs. We’d meet on our bicycles, go up the mountain, and make a base that we filled with anything connected to UFOs. There, on a flat open place nearby, we would all hand-in-hand say, “Venturer, Venturer, space people”*, and “Won’t you come here?”, all bringing our cameras with us (laughs).

[*) A chant commonly used to summon a UFO from out of nowhere. The translation “Venturer” is an educated guess made by me, picked as the most sensible, though not the most obvious choice for transcribing the word ベントラ. I have been unable to find an official transcribtion.]

[On a different note, this is the only quote from the collection that has an actual line break in it, so I suspect that those two paragraphs were taken from different interviews.]

America

When I was a child, I thought of the US as the country where KISS lives. Now it’s a place that’s good for music production. That said, I only know L.A.. Music aside, I’d call it a city of zones. Whether it’s for work or for fun, there is a certain degree of division into zones, which allows you to tell which areas are dangerous and which are safe. Therefore, although it is a functional city, you could also call it a cold city.

[bloodontheredrose]

HIDE Inspiration Talk 50 (# 21 - 23) - Translation

New Year

At the beginning of the year, I kept seeing videos recorded in Downtown at the end of the last. I stayed at home during the holidays. At the turn of the year, all the shops, everything is closed. In the past, me and Yoshiki and Baki-chan and Tatsu-chan and all would go to Pata’s house to drink. But at that time, Pata’s home was still small, and I remember the guy’s place coming down from so many people in it. Then they would say, “Tomorrow at HIDE’s, let’s go!” and the next day, my home was also destroyed. But in that case, I conveniently destroyed it myself (laughs). There was stuff like seasonal dishes, but I flipped them over. That’s what comes to my memory when we talk about New Year.

Autumn

As a child, autumn was the season I found the hardest to understand. Summer was hot, in spring there were opening ceremonies, graduation ceremonies, ceremonies for entering school and the like, winter was cold, but autumn didn’t have a defined identity, so when I was a kid, I felt like summer slipped right into winter. When it was hot, I thought, “It’s still summer”, when it was cold, I thought, “It’s winter already.” When I was in elementary school, my appetite also hurried ahead (laughs). In the recent autumns, I have enjoyed alcohol. Because autumn is a season for adults.

Butterfly

That thing in itself, I hate it. Because I dislike insects in general. I break into a rash if I so much as see a flashy bug. It’s not an allergy, though, it’s a purely emotional aversion. When I was a child I moved a rock once, and an insect came out, one of those really big, brightly coloured assholes whose name I don’t know. When I saw that one, I got a rash and my body turned hot. Ever since that, I have hated insects.

[bloodontheredrose]

HIDE Inspiration Talk 50 (# 19 - 20) - Translation

Demo Tape

When I was still in my indie days myself, I collected demo tapes of Japanese indie bands. From Osaka’s Veil, to Anthem [metal band, founded 1981, disbanded during the 90 but reunited and is still active] to Sabbrabels [metal band, 1980 – 87, reunited in 2015 and again in 2019, still active], and also a lot of punk bands. I loved indie-tapes. There was an event called Music Seminar in New York where several bands were playing music at a livehouse for 24 hours, and having only just debuted, we went there as well. At that time, there was a really cool band, and I wanted their tape at all cost, so I went to their dressing room and managed to get it. Now, come to think of it, that band had been Biohazard [Punk/Metal band from New York, 1987 – 2005], when they were still completely unknown. I remember how there was no one else coming for them. But, I never made any demo tapes myself. Saver Tiger didn’t make any, nor did X after I joined. I collected tapes like that, but I didn’t create any.

Christmas

Christmas is a merry time when people want to be merry all over the world. My ideal Christmas comes with a meticulously planned date. If you’re going to celebrate anyway, you better go over the top (laughs). In the past, there was a short period when Yoshiki was not seen in public after a collapse. Just before Christmas, he finally went out in public again, just in time for the Christmas party at a certain billiard hall. I remember Yoshiki enjoying himself excessively at that time. Actually, I had been organizing that party. Afterwards, I thought that I never wanted to organize a party again. Being the host, I had invited a lot of people, but when it was to start, no one showed up. I was so surprised. I remember well how flustered I was, thinking, “Huh, what do I do if no one comes?” Last year, we were rehearsing at the studio and had an abundance of chicken from Moss Burger. Heath’s words while looking at it were, “Christmas is really a desolate time. People are snuggling up to each other because it is so lonely.” Those words were very deep (laughs).

[bloodontheredrose]

Pink Couldy Sky, Chapter 07 – Letter (Summarized) - Part 2

Chapter 00 - 01 Chapter 02 Chapter 03 Chapter 04 Part 1, Part 2 Chapter 05 Chapter 06 Part 1, Part 2 Chapter 07 Part 1

July 1997. REM, Jimmy, and Kosuke finalized their decision to remake SAVER TIGER. It had been ten years since the break-up.

“One day, definitely…” The idea that had existed within him all this time finally took shake the year REM turned thirty-four.

It had been a long decade. But those ten years had been necessary for REM to overcome various obstacles and reach the point where this step was possible.

The former members of the band had kept doing casual lives at parties every year. After the dissolution, REM had stayed in contact with Jimmy and Kosuke, and they finally agreed to get serious about their wish to perform together as SAVER TIGER again.

They started rehearsing and writing songs again. Afterwards, they wanted to get the opinion of hide, as SAVER TIGER’s birth parent. By then, it was October.

When hide returned to Japan after a long absence and at long last they met again in Tokyo, REM had thought long and hard about how to tell him about their activities and plans, taking the advantage of the clarity of late nights. However, any worry he had on the matter was blown away the moment hide took one look at REM’s hair that had returned to the length of days past and exclaimed, “Amazing! You grew out your hair! Just like in the old days!” He seemed excited like a child, and so REM relaxed a little and said, “I have been thinking about making music once again,” while watching for hide’s reaction.

The moment hide heard his words, he beamed. Then he asked, “To what degree are you planning to?”

And REM said with a serious face, “To the degree that I’ll rent a room in the neighborhood of your apartment in L.A.”

Hide broke into laughter and said, “Thank God! I’m so happy!”, emitting joy from his entire body. REM also felt happiness from the depth of his bowls and the two of them toasted to this development over and over.

After a while, as if suddenly thinking of it, hide asked, “Do you have a second guitarist? What about the vocals?” and started pushing out his ideas like a machine gun, all the while smiling with his whole face.

REM, infected by his laughter, asked him, “Is it okay if we use the name SAVER TIGER?”

SAVER TIGER had been hide’s band after all.

Now hide looked at him like he couldn’t believe he even asked and said, “By all means! SAVER was a cool band!”

Then, “Since we don’t have our own songs yet, may we play the old band’s songs?” and hide said, “Do it! I’ll come to listen to you!” with unbridled joy, and REM started to get nervous.

“For now, there’s just Jimmy and Kosuke, so let’s see what comes of it,” he said to put on the breaks a little.

Looking at that innocent, defenseless smile, REM confirmed to himself in his heart over and over, “Really, I am glad that we are reviving SAVER TIGER.”

At the same time, he thought with a feeling of tension, “After this, we cannot be careless about it.”

-

During autumn and winter that year, as well as spring of the next, SAVER TIGER dedicated their time to practice and the creation of new songs. By and by the realized the sound they were going for in their new music. The feedback of all the bandmembers was positive.

At the same time, they were kept auditioning for a vocalist. But luck was not with them in this regard.

During this time hide, dealing with the break-up of X Japan on New Year’s Day, threw himself into his solo activities with full force. Aside from “hide with Spread Beaver” he also started his band “Zilch” aboard, their innovative sound and artistical promotion shots going through the rock scene like a whirlwind. It was plain for everyone to see that hide was getting to a whole new area of activity. In order to realize his dream, he once again stepped forward and put everything into it.

-

The year 1998 passed as if in an instant.

Fall and winter ended and turned into spring, the cherry trees blossomed, and before long, everything was covered in petals. Soon, the seasons changed, and early summer blew in on a cool breeze.

Eventually, even without a vocalist, the new band finished a number of songs they had enough confidence in to let people listen to them. Immediately, they called hide to invite him to come watch their rehearsal.

REM looked forward to that day with anticipation, and so did Jimmy and Kosuke.

But hide was certainly the most excited one of them all. Somehow, at that time, REM was convinced of this.

-

Shizuoka-ken, XX-town, XX-district, XX number

H.M.-sama

How are you doing? This is REM.

I am terribly sorry for my reply being so very late.

The end of last year was busy, and while I kept thinking that I must write this reply, I am bad at writing letters, and I kept procrastinating. I am sorry.

Thank you for checking out the new SAVER TIGER homepage.

As you know, I started doing music again the year before last – precisely, in August 1997 (Actually, for myself, I made the decision to return to music in May of the same year, exactly one year before hide went beyond the sky.) and in the beginning we used the old songs, the songs hide and I made together.

We started making new songs as “NEW SAER TIGER” the winter before last, this year we resumed band meetings to discuss the wishes of the band members, and around the time we finally figured out the direction of the band, on “the second of May”…

That day, I was working at the clinic. (By the way, I was the only doctor there. Even though I was an employee, I was also the temporary director.)

Friends with connection to the band often came there for treatment, and that day, too, three friends were waiting in my room (the director’s office).

They were waiting for me to be done with work so we could go drinking together. Then, sad news came in from the hospital.

They consoled me when I fell into a panic and decided that, never mind anything else, for now, we should go to see hide…

Finding out where to go from my constantly ringing cell phone, that day, somehow, I met hide.

He was lying in a long, rectangular box and looked just like he always had, but from now on, no matter how often I said, “Let’s go for a drink together,” he would never answer again.

Thinking about it now, I can’t help but feel like this second of May was the first time since he was born that he slept completely at ease in mind and body, without any thought or worry.

Regarding H-san’s question, I don’t know if I can answer truthfully, but I’ll tell you what I think.

Just like the live information put on the homepage at the end of last year reveals, my life is determined by the preparations for lives and recordings, the creation of new songs, and later also things like promotion methods.

To be honest, one and a half years after reviving SAVER TIGER, I still can’t sleep at night. The terrible time is at about three hours, when I lie on my bed in the dark room with all sorts of things going through my head.

Is the arrangement before the guitar solo of the new song okay that way, would it be a mistake to move around parts of that song etc. How should we handle the promotion? How to organize the live? What about the contents of the homepage? The guitar sound?

If I sleep now, I’ll forget. Oh, I wanna do it! I want to do that…

hide… hide… hide…

Because my body is exhausted, my nerves are in overdrive and I can’t sleep.

I did not have such problems when I did SAVER TIGER with hide thirteen years ago.

Even though we made songs together and I was always with him, hide was the one who did all these projects, and because he made so many amazingly original and extraordinary things, he always surprised me.

In fact, making music with that guy was so thrilling that I felt like anything was possible.

Even though I don’t have a hundredth, not even a thousandth of the hide of that time, I now have to handle SAVER TIGER as the leader.

Even at this time that would usually be considered late, I think about music, write into my notebook any phrase or project idea that comes to my mind, practice until the middle of the night, and when I am completely exhausted and ought to sleep, I have to think about what’s after the next live, in a month, in half a year, in a year from now…

I live a life of little sleep, even if I don’t think about bad things, and once I wake up, I go about realizing my plans.

But, hide had always been at the top and had aimed for even higher.

Therefore, he certainly never got to relax, neither in sleep nor in waking.

With things being as they were, he couldn’t simply sleep soundly. Lying in bed was painful, I believe.

I wonder if the only time he could relax and let go of all these memories was when he was drinking.

But I also think that was probably not the only reason…

[The rest of the letter is omitted.]

[bloodontheredrose]

Pink Couldy Sky, Chapter 07 – Letter (Summarized) - Part 1

Note 1: Once again, the chapter is split into two parts. This first parts has the majority of it, but the secong part contains a long section that is actually, directly translated, and I will need more time to edit it properly. I hope to have it up before the year is over, but I can make no promises.

Note 2: This post contains pictures. I am not happy with how tumblr is sizing/cropping them on my screen. Click on them if they are not shown in full.

Chapter 00 - 01 Chapter 02 Chapter 03 Chapter 04 Part 1, Part 2 Chapter 05 Chapter 06 Part 1, Part 2

Under Professor Arakawa, REM’s days of acquiring knowledge as a dentist continued after graduation. He joined Arakawa’s study group where he gained practical experience on various cases and worked very hard on becoming an actual dentist. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to justify himself to his late mother, nor to hide and the other members of SAVER TIGER. Those feelings were his main driving force. The other members of his dentist-band AMIT also joined Arakawa’s study group and they pushed each other forward.

To REM, who was practical by nature, this study circle was very helpful. He learned about the technical aspects from a medical point of view, and also about mental self-discipline.

In this time, again thanks to Professor Arakawa, REM also met Beat Takeshi, aka Takeshi Kitano [born 1947, actor, director, comedian etc.].

He vividly remembers the first time they went drinking together. They met at Takeshi’s place and he took REM to a snack bar in Roppongi’s underground. Takeshi was in a good mood and sang a lot at karaoke. His way of singing was exactly as REM had imagined it would be. Song after song he got on the floor and fired off jokes in rapid succession.

Takeshi seems blunt, but REM thinks he actually has a direct and kind personality and is very aware of his surroundings. When REM showed him a photo from is SAVER TIGER days, Takeshi laughed and said, “You really were a dentist already. Time didn’t change you.” Then he got serious and said, “But it’s interesting. Do your best.” The timing and the delivery were exquisite. [Note: I’m guessing that there was a joke in there that I fail to make sense of.]

When they talked about hide and discussed music, Takeshi pulled out one creative idea after another.

“When Doctor REM does a live, I’ll secretly enter the stage with no announcement, sing one song, and leave again without saying anything.”

It was a very fun night of drinking. They separated with REM excitedly promising to make that song for him.

Come to think of it, this was just one week before that unfortunate accident befell Takeshi. [Note: This is likely referring to a near-fatal motor scooter accident on 2. August 1994, which may or may not have been a suicide attempt.]

After this, they met several more times, with Takeshi also coming to Yokosuka for drinks, and continued their exchange. Takeshi would probably scold REM for embarrassing him if he read this, but he truly is a generous and warm person.

-

Hide continued to call REM about once a month. When he called from overseas, REM had the habit of taking notes on his calls in his diary-substitute-notebook.

For example: “31. August. Call from hide in L.A. at 6:30 AM. Today, it seems Megadeath came to the studio and he listened to their rehearsal.

He chatted about various things with the former guitarist of Cacophony, who apparently speaks Japanese.

When they went to a Japanese-style iszakaya afterwards, Ron Wood was drinking there…”

Beyond that, he would always contact REM when he returned to Japan, come directly to his apartment from Narita airport, and drink until morning to combat jet lag.

In the first half of the nineties, “X” turned into “X JAPAN”. In this time, hide rapidly grew not only as a guitarist but as an artist in general.

In 1992, he showed his talent as a visualist with the publication of his solo-photobook “Mugongeki”. His stage turned from Budokan to the Tokyo Dome to the world. REM, on the other hand, having given up music, turned into a normal dentist.

However, whenever hide returned to Yokosuka, they would go drinking at Dobuita together – as drinking buddies, as best friends, as music companions who would forgive each other for every stupid thing said.

In a sense, it was a pretty strange connection.

Now, REM wonders if it wasn’t obvious that he was holding back around hide for fear of bothering him. To say nothing of the fact that the bitter feeling of not having been there for hide when he needed him most would not leave him alone.

But – and he thinks it may sound pretentious to put it like this – REM wonders if in this town of Yokosuka, where hide had been born and raised, all the cloudy hesitation and misunderstandings and strange fears weren’t blown away by the constant salty breeze from the sea.

REM couldn’t help but think that way.

When they drank at Dobuita until morning, there were no obstacles between them.

Hide always listened intently to REM’s silly music stories. Is that artist good or not, which CDs are cool – he always had an earnest discussion with REM about these things.

Looking at hide’s carefree smile, REM always heard a voice deep in his heart, saying, “Now I owe him again…”

Without his noticing, that murmur changed to, “No matter how, I want to pay him back. No matter how many years it takes, one day I will…”

One day when hide was in Yokosuka, REM went to “Parkside X” together with Professor Arakawa. He’d been thinking that he should introduce hide to Arakawa, so when they happened upon him, REM introduced him with the words, “Arakawa-sensei, this is hide.”

And Arakawa smiled and stood with, “My pleasure, I’m Arakawa.”

Hide, also standing, looked a little nervous, and said, “Likewise. Thank you for always taking care of REM. I’m hide.” He removed his trademark hat and sunglasses and gave a quick bow.

Then, he slowly put them back on and apologized for being impolite by wearing those things while drinking, and sat back down.

REM was astonished that he had taken them off at all, because at that time, he never did that in public. It seemed that hide was particularly respectful towards Arakawa because of the relationship he had to REM, and REM’s surprise soon turned into deeply moved gratitude.

After a night of drinking together and talking about all sorts of things, Arakawa also praised hide as a young man who, striking appearance aside, had firm opinions and was very polite. The way in which hide expressed his friendship that night had been typical for him.

-

In December 1995, REM announced that the was leaving his bachelor life behind and got married to a woman named Miwa. [Note: At least, that’s what I think her name is. REM gives the kanji for her name, but not the reading, which might differ drastically from the common (or even any sensible) reading of the characters.]

For the wedding reception, they reserved a cozy restaurant for their few dozen guests, which included family and only their closest of friends. One invitation was handed to hide, who was happy as if it were his own wedding and confirmed that he was definitely going to attend.

On the day of the wedding, REM was nervous and embarrassed like never before in his life. This was no fault of his bride’s, he simply had a raging case of wedding nerves, and it defeated him. As soon as the nerves hit him, he would drink any alcoholic beverage he could get his hands on. He honestly thought that since it worked on stage, it would work for getting married.

Hide had sent them a large bouquet of flowers in the name of “X Japan hide” but was nowhere to be seen in person.

In fact, it seemed that hide had chosen his timing well, considering the commotion that might have happened at the gathering place if word had gotten around that a member of X Japan was present.

An hour into the event, hide was there, just sitting casually in the front row in his hat and sunglasses. He grinned when he handed more alcohol to REM. At this point, REM was already blazingly drunk.

Hide for his part was fidgety and restless, talking to Jimmy and pointing out that it was time for the afterparty.

Then, during the preparations for said party, those two kept whispering to each other about something.

The wedding reception was not unlike a live show, with plenty of music buddies present. There were former members of SAVER TIGER, Hikaru, who used to be the bassist of X for a while during their indies days, and the current, much more famous X Japan-bassist heath.

SAVER TIGER served as the lead act. With hide jumping in, it was like the illusion of a SAVER TIGER revival session. The song they played was “Double Cross”.

The title of the song seemed a bit too fitting for the situation, but they chose it because it was representative of SAVER TIGER.

So REM, unsteady and hugging his guitar, started to play (“Ei!”) with the timing he was used to, only to be met with perfect silence from everyone else involved.

Thus, he declared, “It can’t be helped, you’re all doing it wrong,” regained his composure and started playing the phrase again.

Once again, hide and the others met him with grinning silence.

And REM thought, “I’m being deceived!”, finally realizing that he was falling victim to a prank, and that the prank smelled strongly of hide. Surely, hide and Jimmy had set this up when they were whispering to each other before.

In that moment, the room erupted into laughter and hide smiled earnestly at REM while looking very satisfied.

REM’s memory of the events after this point are essentially nonexistent.

Among the things that he vaguely remembers are heath getting up on stage and accepting a trophy he had won at their bingo tournament with a smile, and hide’s younger brother Hiroshi being delighted about having won a guitar.

From what REM could put together from the stories of his wife and the others, hide gave a musical performance that day, looking truly happy. This was not X Japan’s hide, this was an amateur at a free-for-all, lost in the spur of the moment, strumming his guitar with a relaxed smile on his face.

“At least, he was grinning as he played and looked like he was truly having fun.” That’s what Jimmy always murmurs when remembering that wedding reception.

[December 1995: REM's wedding reception. Photos exist for when your memory doesn't. (Click on the image for full view if tumblr cut it weirdly.)]

Due to REM’s work, the newlyweds couldn’t go on honeymoon right away. Only in the following year, in spring 1996, was he able to take the time off for it.

REM and his wife immediately agreed on the destination they wanted to visit. They both recalled at once how hide had told them to come to L.A. at least once, so that was where they wanted to go for the occasion of their once-in-a-lifetime, somewhat late honeymoon: The L.A. where hide was.

REM called hide over there at once. When he told him, “We’re thinking of travelling to L.A.,”, hide said, “Wait a second, I’ll call you back,” and hung up.

He had probably gotten a call for work, was certainly busy right now… REM and his wife speculated such while they waited, but when hide called them back after only a sort time, he gave them a list of the major hotels in Los Angeles, with information on their rating, how far they were from the airport, the price, if it was okay to smoke in there, what attractions were nearby…

After hanging up on them, hide had researched all that at the speed of light. REM and his wife were nothing but grateful. Hide, for this part, was very enthusiastic about their upcoming visit.

“What do you want to do when you’re here?”

The two of them told him they wanted to watch a Nomo Game [Note: Probably referring to Japanese baseball pitcher Hideo Nomo, who was playing for the Los Angeles Dodgers at the time.], visit the Universal Studios, and other things. And hide said brightly, “I got it! You don’t need to take care of anything, just make the reservations for the flights and the hotel…”, and then quickly hung up the phone.

The weather in L.A. was clear.

They arrived at the hotel they had picked from hide’s list, checked in, and rested in their room for about an hour before hide arrived, going “Yaa, yaa, yaa!”

Hide was in the middle of recording his solo single “Misery” at the time and hadn’t slept in three days, but you wouldn’t know it from the way he acted. He was wearing his usual hat and sunglasses, and his usual smile that lit up his whole face when he said, “So, what’s the plan?” He pulled out pen and paper and wrote down the schedule for their stay in the city, while asking REM and his wife for their wishes. Then, he asked, “How do you feel about Las Vegas?” and added his own recommendations, arranging everything from flights to hotel reservations.

He also insisted that REM’s wife, pregnant at the time, had to eat! And handed over a bundle of ten onigiri that he had brought for her.

Her due day happened to coincide with hide’s thirty-second birthday. Whenever he stroked the bulging stomach of REM’s wife, he would tell the unknown baby to better get born on schedule, so they could share their birthday.

In any case, to REM and his wife, hide was the world’s best tour conductor, taking care of every aspect of their journey. His thoughtfulness, attentiveness, kindness and warmth were extraordinary and he made sure that they got whatever they wanted. REM and his wife could only be grateful and impressed by his warmth that asked for nothing in return.

It was thanks to him that this trip became one of the best memories of the couple.

One day, after hide had left for recording, his manager at the time, Kudo-chan, took them downtown for dinner. After parking the car, they waited at a traffic light, discussing where they wanted to eat.

As they waited, REM spotted a man waiting at the opposite side of the road who looked like a musician to him, from the way he dressed to the way he wore his long, lustrous hair. Then, the signal turned to “WALK”, they did just that, and as the guy came closer, REM thought that his face looked like he had seen it somewhere before…

It couldn’t be. Here, on this giant continent of America, in the middle of this giant city of Los Angeles…But damn, if that guy did not look exactly like…

And so it came that REM and heath embraced right there in the middle of that pedestrian crossing in L.A., celebrating their unexpected reunion. Babbling along the lines of:

-“Hey, what are you doing here? No, this is where I… Where are we, anyway…”

-“N- no, I heard from hide-chan that you were in L.A., REM, but that I would meet you here…”

Since the time heath came from Osaka to Tokyo, REM had often gone drinking with him. Their meeting here was as much of a surprise as when hide had told REM that heath had joined X.

Thanks to this prank of the gods, they all went to a Japanese restaurant together, chatting happily. It was a day full of surprises and deep emotions.

Just two or three days before REM and his wife were to return home, hide invited REM to the studio and asked him to play the guitar solo of “Misery”. So REM borrowed hide’s guitar and contemplated the song’s guitar phrase there in that place.

And after he played it, hide said, “Well, REM-chan, let’s have you record it before you go home!”

Somewhat incredulously, REM agreed.

However, the next day, something urgent came up with X Japan and the recording of “Misery” had to be interrupted.

Looking regretful, hide told REM over and over that it would resume the next week. But REM’s work did not allow for the delay. And so, with painful reluctance, REM and his wife boarded the plane home.

The day before their return, hide somehow managed to take them out for dinner despite his busy schedule. Since REM’s pregnant wife couldn’t drink, REM and hide drank beer and wine for three. Afterwards, they returned to hide’s apartment building, hung out on the roof at the pool, and continued to chat while looking at the giant, illuminated HOLLYWOOD-sign.

At some point, without anyone noticing, hide had taken off his sunglasses. Hide, who had returned to bare-faced Matsumoto Hideto, and REM, who had returned to bare-faced Araki Masahiko, continued talking with a beer in hand for a long time.

It had been more than ten years since REM had first come to this city as a middle school student. Now, the L.A. night breeze was as fresh as it had been back then, and so dry they could basically hear it.

[2 May 1996: Last night in L.A.]

The next day, hide was driving the car himself when he picked up REM and his wife who were puking all over due to hangover and morning sickness respectively and took them to the airport.

Hide seemed to enjoy himself when he looked over his shoulder at their pale faces in the backseat and asked with a smile, “Honored passengers, how did you enjoy your trip?”

That kind smile of hide, that rare entertainer, was swaying before their eyes.

Hide had been serious about what he had said at the studio in L.A., as REM came to understand that the afterparty of the secret live hide and his band gave at the Yokosuka Art Theater that autumn. He had really meant for REM to play the guitar for “Misery”. REM had been baffled, and felt that now there was another major depth he was owing hide.

He murmured those words as he watched hide’s cheerful form fussing around. His wife, who had heard him, nodded in agreement. She was approaching her due date.

“He’s really supported us at every important point, hasn’t he?”

And so he had. When REM and his now-wife had been dating, it was hide who had looked at them and declared that they absolutely had to get married. He kept saying it. He even said it on New Year’s Day of the year they did get married, just like hide had predicted.

In that moment, REM and his wife likely had the same mental image: Of hide, cheerfully playing guitar at their wedding reception with a mischievous smile on his face, or his kind hospitality in L.A., happily going along with everything they wanted. REM’s thought of, “I want to repay hide for all he’s done” turned to “I must repay hide” turned to “No matter how many years it takes, one day for certain,” and finally arrived at “I must start at once.”

On the sixth of December, 1996, about one week before hide’s birthday, REM’s wife gave birth to their first child without problems. It was a boy, and they called him 柊衣. [Note: The Japanese names strike again. This is probably read either “Hii”, “Toui”, or “Hiragi”.]

Hide came to meet their beloved son the following year, in February 1997.

Hide loved children. Even now, REM remembers how hide played with their son tirelessly all day. He passionately gave this baby, only two months old, rhythm training and taught him how to hold a guitar pick.

This was another day when hide took off his sunglasses. It is their absence that REM blames for the fact that hide, holding the baby in his arms, looked so innocent and vulnerable it hurt.

Continued in part 2

[bloodontheredrose]

[bloodontheredrose]

“Things usually make sense in time, and even bad decisions have their own kind of correctness.”

— Miranda July

[bloodontheredrose]

[bloodontheredrose]

none of you know the magnitude of the feelings I’m feeling in so many different ways rn