He/they || Seventeen || Getting better but lowkey hate myself
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We looked inside some of the posts by blazeflappybirdrants and here's what we found interesting.
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Am I a good friend or am I just desperate to be kind
Am I a good friend or have people's old friends just been shit
Am I a good partner or have they just got no point of reference
Am I a good brother or does my brother just not know our older siblings
Am I a good brother or have my younger siblings just known me too long
Am I good am I good am I good am I good am I good am I good am I good am I good
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Am I good at listening or do I just repeat the same damn thing over and over and over l, or worse make the shit about me
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Why do I always always let people down and ruin good days
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Im so pathetic missing them so much 3: I should be able to manage not being able to call people
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stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid why would you even think you deserve it anyway youre not their precious boy stupid stupid stupid
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i shouldnt be almost crying about this its obvious i wouldnt be allowed its your own stupid fault
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I was doing so wellllll now its overthinking hours about them but its genuinely tmi if I talk to literally anyone about it so Im fucking stuuuuuck 😭😭😭
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One thing about me is that when I do anything and then make someone even the slightest bit sad, even if its not with me per se, or in a "I've fucked up" way, I will take it way too hard and then feel guilty and have to try (and fail) from apologising way too much than I actually probably need
#like theres a difference between “Im sorry that this situation will end up making you miss me and you're sad in anticipation for that”#and “Im so so so so sorry i feel awful ive fucked up please forgive me please dont be mad im sorry”#like rn im sayng the second but should be saying the first probably ;v;#Either way Im both ;v; just a lot of the second rn and its making me teary and anxious#(not anyones fault though /gen)
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Sometimes I feel like the stupidest sibling (of all my family members, bio or chosen)
Its not anyones fault, and shouldnt be a bad thing because I think its just true, just sometimes it makes me upset with myself ;v;
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I honestly just want to end everything rn. Idc how I just want it to stop. Im too overwhelmed let me turn off for a bit
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Hate feeling guilty for making plans. Hate that everything I can give without being miserable is never enough. Just wanna help spend time with everyone and have noone mad or worried bout it :[[
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NEVERMIND WE'RE SO BACK
Guess we aren't calling today then :[
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Guess we aren't calling today then :[
#They said we would as their brother gets taken back to uni#but they haven't talked to me for a while (like 20 mins) and the gaps keep getting bigger#I genuinely hope they're getting good work done or dinner or something it just sucks that they said we could call today and then we didnt#they didnt promise though so im not mad at them just a little sad#I do get to see them tomorrow tho yay
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