blairstar1

[blairstar1]

[blairstar1]

“I’ve always been interested in people, but I’ve never liked them.”

— Henry James

[blairstar1]

“You can live your whole life not realising that what you’re looking for is right in front of you.”

— David Nicholls, One Day (via quotefeeling)

[blairstar1]

Today turned out really amazing. I got to talk to one of the leading researchers/software engineers(?) in cyber security. And they were fantastic!! I got internship under them, feels really lucky and grateful. Thank you god for this.

[blairstar1]

Today wasn't best of the days but I did get some start on clarifying my thoughts. I missed my boyfriend, we didn't talk today as we are on the Purge.

#missing-my-love #Living-is-weird

[blairstar1]

I'm really pondering that I should write my thoughts on tumblr daily, it need not necessarily be long. The pros will be that I'll have something to look upto when I am bored. And no one whom I know in real life know about my tumblr profile. And I don't have much followers to care that I'd need to explain anything at all.

Cons, I guess I will have to remind myself to do this :P

[blairstar1]

You'd be surprised everyday to see how many people are proudly unaware with the problems they're creating for themselves. Especially one's which might be leaving marks on them for forever.

[blairstar1]

I found a beautiful boy, but I'm very confused. I love him more than anything. And I really do, however I also love myself. I love the way I spend my days by myself, I love self in self-learning. And I'm afraid to the possibility that even with one in a million chances to find the love of my life I miss my single self. I really do. I don't really know why tbh. I hope I know that soon.

[blairstar1]

Did you know anything is possible? It is! You know now :)

[blairstar1]

So you know what, I will love myself. And in fact I do love myself, because I have survived and that is enough to cherish. Enough to be satisfied with.

I have been the best human I could be at any moment, and that should suffice. That does suffice.

Goodnight world.

[blairstar1]

Life is a journey, don’t be afraid to see where it takes you.

[blairstar1]

I believe in free education, one that’s available to everyone; no matter their race, gender, age, wealth, etc… This masterpost was created for every knowledge hungry individual out there. I hope it will serve you well. Enjoy!

FREE ONLINE COURSES (here are listed websites that provide huge variety of courses)

Alison 

Coursera

FutureLearn

open2study

Khan Academy

edX

P2P U

Academic Earth

iversity

Stanford Online

MIT Open Courseware

Open Yale Courses

BBC Learning

OpenLearn

Carnegie Mellon University OLI

University of Reddit

Saylor

IDEAS, INSPIRATION & NEWS (websites which deliver educational content meant to entertain you and stimulate your brain)

TED

FORA

Big Think 

99u

BBC Future

Seriously Amazing

How Stuff Works

Discovery News

National Geographic

Science News

Popular Science

IFLScience

YouTube Edu

NewScientist

DIY & HOW-TO’S (Don’t know how to do that? Want to learn how to do it yourself? Here are some great websites.)

wikiHow

Wonder How To

instructables

eHow

Howcast

MAKE

Do it yourself

FREE TEXTBOOKS & E-BOOKS

OpenStax CNX

Open Textbooks

Bookboon

Textbook Revolution

E-books Directory

FullBooks

Books Should Be Free

Classic Reader

Read Print

Project Gutenberg

AudioBooks For Free

LibriVox

Poem Hunter

Bartleby

MIT Classics

Many Books

Open Textbooks BCcampus

Open Textbook Library

WikiBooks

SCIENTIFIC ARTICLES & JOURNALS

Directory of Open Access Journals

Scitable

PLOS

Wiley Open Access

Springer Open

Oxford Open

Elsevier Open Access

ArXiv

Open Access Library

LEARN:

1. LANGUAGES

Duolingo

BBC Languages

Learn A Language

101languages

Memrise

Livemocha

Foreign Services Institute

My Languages

Surface Languages

Lingualia

OmniGlot

OpenCulture’s Language links

2. COMPUTER SCIENCE & PROGRAMMING

Codecademy

Programmr

GA Dash

CodeHS

w3schools

Code Avengers

Codelearn

The Code Player

Code School

Code.org

Programming Motherf*?$%#

Bento

Bucky’s room

WiBit

Learn Code the Hard Way

Mozilla Developer Network

Microsoft Virtual Academy

3. YOGA & MEDITATION

Learning Yoga

Learn Meditation

Yome

Free Meditation

Online Meditation

Do Yoga With Me

Yoga Learning Center

4. PHOTOGRAPHY & FILMMAKING

Exposure Guide

The Bastards Book of Photography

Cambridge in Color

Best Photo Lessons

Photography Course

Production Now

nyvs

Learn About Film

Film School Online

5. DRAWING & PAINTING

Enliighten

Ctrl+Paint

ArtGraphica

Google Cultural Institute

Drawspace

DragoArt

WetCanvas

6. INSTRUMENTS & MUSIC THEORY

Music Theory

Teoria

Music Theory Videos

Furmanczyk Academy of Music

Dave Conservatoire

Petrucci Music Library

Justin Guitar

Guitar Lessons

Piano Lessons

Zebra Keys

Play Bass Now

7. OTHER UNCATEGORIZED SKILLS

Investopedia

The Chess Website

Chesscademy

Chess.com

Spreeder

ReadSpeeder

First Aid for Free

First Aid Web

NHS Choices

Wolfram Demonstrations Project

Please feel free to add more learning focused websites. 

*There are a lot more learning websites out there, but I picked the ones that are, as far as I’m aware, completely free and in my opinion the best/ most useful.

[blairstar1]

No one ever said to me that they are proud of me. Not my family, not my friends, not my teachers. And it's the only thing I want, to be loved without asking for it. And I crave it so much sometimes.

It hurts to know that you are nobody's top priority, or people think you are over thinking and the problem is you. It may be true, but I don't want to hear this every damn time.

I'm so numb, so numb. Why I don't feel acknowledged? Why I feel like silent observer from one corner? Like this is not my story, like I'm just here to see how world unfolds cause rarely people see me.

They do know me, they don't actually try to know me tho. It was hurting, and now I am numb. No trust, no clarity, am I even dreaming the same dream?

Why am I still here... It doesn't make sense. I don't think I will ever make the world understand how I see it. Or what I can see it become.

[blairstar1]

Not to brag, but I've become kinda cool in past few months. I mean I still have some problems that I need to figure out, but weirdly no desires. It's like I'm actually growing a thinking of my own. I hated hearing what other people felt I should do, and it would never end. Like I'm obligated to hear everyone but no one is to me.

I always want to try to be happy and not cry, I understand there is pain alright but I am allowed to make myself comfortable with life I'm living. I've already spend nearly one fifth of it anyways, mostly worrying lately.

I still have dreams okay? But I want to enjoy my now as well. I want enjoy working hard, and not be as if I'm suffering irrespective if it's true or not. I have restarted drawing and its one of the best things I ever did. I restarted studying maths, and I'm enjoying it. Although, I agree I'm a bit lazy ass.

There are thousands things in world, and I won't possibly be enjoying everything. But I can enjoy what I have right now, and I definitely definitely will. No expectations, no worries :D

[blairstar1]

We are wearing sparkles, dancing under the cloud

Hearing the fables of kid running around

I saw an angel, but it passed through the clouds

I tried to chase it, and it smiled through the stars

Listening to the stories, we realized

Of everyone around us

No one can hide these scars

[blairstar1]

#polaroidDrawing #shells

[blairstar1]

I'm going to teach my kid that life isn't supposed to be just one thing, so they rather than getting upset it didn't come true would explore what an exciting journey it can be.

-- i hope i can teach it to myself as well