blackmagicforever

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[The Strongest "Hear Me Out"]

+ bonus Yuuji POV:

Apparently this boy ain't traumatized enough!!!🗣️🗣️

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not to sound like a whore, but can we go to an aquarium date?

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Full Moons of 2024

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people will say "why cant the eldritch gods just be nice to humans :((" and then kill a bug for existing near them

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Headcanon: sometimes Jedi talk directly to the Force and they’re just …talking. Out loud. Sometimes in a skyward direction. Sometimes elsewhere. Just clearly not at anyone else around. And not like polite or prayerfully or anything. Like “where is it? where - oh, there it is, thank you!”, “are you karking serious?”, “So what do you think?”, “is this a good idea? My master said it was, but I wanted to check with you”, “You couldn’t have told me this earlier?”, “Suuure we’ll go into the creepy cave just because you said it’s fine, not like we have massively different understandings of what fine means”, “Hey, could you pass me that? …Thanks”, “Meddle I will not, if meddle you do not”, etc.

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Damian: I’ve been volunteering at the hospital

Tim, who owns a medical company: …

Damian: father doesn’t approve of this because it cuts into my patrol time but I think it’s because I kept it from him

Tim, who likes to disobey Bruce: …

Damian: I fear I may have to make a choice of either continuing as Robin or pursuing my goals of becoming a Doctor

Tim, who dropped out of school: …

Tim: So, weird question, and I’m totally just brainstorming here, like just throwing this out there but like… you’re still a minor so what if I adopt you and pay for your schooling and maybe hack into a few schools so you can learn stuff ahead of time and eventually I could employ you at my company and maybe even build you your own hospital?

Tim: haha wouldn’t that be funny and totally piss Bruce off cause I’d be your dad

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Andrew Garfield talks to Elmo about grief and the passing of his mother

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Bruce Wayne really is risking his ass every time as if he doesn't have kids to feed at home

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adios!

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Guests at a gala notice that Brucie Wayne is surprisingly jacked. Like, a suspicious amount of muscle for a CEO who lives a life of luxury and doesn't do any physical labour. An amount of muscle that goes beyond "works out to stay fit and look good". And when he's asked about this by a gossip columnist guest he panicks (he's running on 2 hours sleep) and says "It's so I can pick up my kids!"

Now everyone is looking at his kids. Cass and Tim are tiny at 5’ 5 and 5' 7. Damian is still a kid and he's also small. Dick is bigger, but picking him up wouldn't require that much muscle. Maybe Duke, who is still growing but looks like he could be about Bruce's height when he's fully grown? Maybe him?

Then Jason officially returns from the dead. And everyone looks at the 6' 4, 260lbs walking double fridge and goes "Ahhh, ok then."

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Harry Potter being smaller than all first years (which we all knew anyway) but twice as feral.

Prefect Percy immediately noticing his small stature and being worried, Boy-Who-Lived or not. So he always offers him more help or just lends an ear. At first Harry is wary of him, no one is nice to him for no reason. Either it's a trick or with his new fame in the picture, because they want something but slowly he begins to trust Percy. Percy feels like a big brother for the first time in a long time. Ron and Ginn rarely went to him with their problems, they preferred Charlie or Bill (he couldn't blame them as he too preferred them but it still hurt), or worse the twins (that hurt worse). They didn't care for his advice. For his knowledge.

Harry was a breath of fresh air....well somewhat. Things he said were concerning and when Percy tried to get an adult to help (*coughMcGonagallcoughDumbledorecoughHisMomcoughHisDadcoughMADAMEPOMPFREYcough*) they brushed off his concerns which was more than a little concerning. So he just vowed to help Harry whenever and however he could. Then Harry somehow made the Quidditch team. At eleven. AT ELEVEN.

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Oliver Wood loved his new seeker! He was timid at first but quickly found his confidence! Sure it was on the feral side but that's how Oliver liked his players! I mean, look at the twins! Plus Harry had the perfect seeker build! Though...he was on the small side. But Oliver chalked that up to the lid being literally eleven but when he looked closer he realized that no...Harry was really small. Too small. And Oliver would know, his mum was a healer and she taught him some stuff considering his love (obsession) with Quidditch.

So he pays more attention. And what he witnesses and notices is not...good. it's very telling. He tries to go to some adults about what he's noticed but nothing came of it and that really got him mad. Then out of no where Percy Weasley came up to him and started lecturing him on Potter's health and all Oliver could think was, oh thank Merlin I'm not the only one who's noticed!

He and Percy stayed up well past curfew talking about their smallest cub and somehow it ended up with them coparenting the Boy-Who-Lived. Oliver would be completely honest and admit he didn't think it would be so difficult until the troll incident....then the dragon incident.....then the CERBERUS incident!

Oliver became something of another big brother to Harry and another confidant. So when Harry told him more about what happened at the Dursley's (because Harry never called it home. Never) Oliver was already plotting to kidnap the boy from the house or the station whether Percy thought it was a good idea or not.

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At a Dark Wizard’s wedding, rather than a ‘first dance’, the happy couple shares a ‘first duel’!

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Tim: hey Dick, which do you thing Kon would like more?

Tim: *holds up 2 pairs of earrings, one sapphire, on diamond*

Dick: I don't know probaby, the sapphire

Tim: *nods and puts the diamond away*

Dick: what's the special occasion, anyway?

Tim: hm?

Dick: why are you buying Kon the earrings, is it your anniversary or something?

Tim: oh no, I just like buying stuff for him

Dick: *starts laughing*

Tim: what?

Dick: oh god, you're his sugar daddy!

Tim, blushing: I'm not- you buy expensive shit for Wally all the time! You're his sugar daddy!

Dick: I prefer the term; 'rich boyfriend',

Tim: ...

Tim and Dick: *turns to look at Jason*

Jason, checking out arrow-shaped ruby necklace: *looks up*

Jason: ... I plead the fifth

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everytime tim pisses off jason jason's like "first you steal my fucking job, now this?!" and tim goes "i didn't STEAL robin, you were DEAD and the position needed to be FILLED." and then jason says "but when i stopped being dead you didn't give it BACK. when an office worker gets a replacement so they can go on maternity leave the replacement is supposed to FUCK OFF once the maternity leave ENDS." and tim argues "YOU WEREN'T ON FUCKING MATERNITY LEAVE JASON" and jason screams back equally loud "WELL I DISAPPEARED FOR AROUND NINE MONTHS AND THEN SHOWED BACK UP WITH DAMIAN WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" and then tim leaping strikes him off a 6 story building

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Love it when that happens

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Jason finds out what Bruce really thinks of him when Poison Ivy’s latest batch of pollen compels its victims to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. No, Dick, not quite truth serum. More like “spewing whatever’s on my mind right now” serum.

Bruce has just finished sharing the fact that he’s never tried Hot Cheetos yet desperately wants to, despite the shit Alfred would give him and the heartburn it would probably cause. He’s clicking and clacking away at the Batcomputer, trying to synthesize an antidote before he admits something more embarrassing than the time he made out with Oliver Queen in a broom closet at boarding school.

That’s when Jason has a bright idea that he’ll regret later.

“What do you really think of me?”

The response is instantaneous, given with no hesitation. “Baby. You’re my baby.”

Jason glares at the older man. He’s found a way around the pollen. Miserable fucking—

“Dick,” Jason snaps. “What do you think of Dick?”

“Acrobat baby.”

“Tim.”

“Sleepy genius baby.”

“Damian.”

“Youngest baby.”

“Duke.”

“Sunshine baby.”

This is getting him nowhere. Time to think outside the box.

“The clone boy,” Jason growls. “Kon or whatever.”

Bruce levels a flat look at his son. “Superman’s baby.”

“The little speedster fucker Tim hangs out with.”

“Fast baby.”

“Me.”

Bruce smiles warmly at him, and Jason curses internally when he sees none of the tells that usually indicate lies. “Bookworm baby.”

Jason curses again. This isn’t going how he thought it would, and now Bruce is looking at him the same way he does when Damian actually acts his age and falls asleep on the couch, face innocent and adorable. Fuck.

“Fuck you, I’m not a baby,” he grumbles. He could kick himself for not thinking of a cutting remark or a venomous barb, but Bruce is just staring like he wants nothing more than to wrap him up in his old Wonder Woman jammies and read him a bedtime story. Is this pollen making the old man sappy? Ugh.

“Move over,” Jason barks. He pushes Bruce out of the stationary chair in front of the Batcomputer. “Might as well help you with the damn antidote.”