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blackbelliedwoman · 2 years

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Mama Jiu week fic:

In honour of Mama Jiu week 2020 :)

Emptiness

Summary :

Patching some pieces of the past, to the present.

Shen Jiu went into labour several hours ago. While he’s held hostage by this beautiful but horrific feeling called “nostalgia”, he can’t help but lets his head be filled with messy thoughts.

Extract :

It grew on him like some vivid tints on a bland canvas. Slowly expanding its way from his heart to his brain. Recalculating the whole purpose of his life from every corner of his frame. And this new feeling taking shape tingles every pore on his skin.

For the first time in his entire life, the desire to keep on living submerged his being. Or rather, the desire to keep on trying to sustain this body he never wanted to, in the first place.

Partway between a scream and a groan, Shen Jiu's voice raises as he doubles over. Mere seconds after the last one fell, another contraction hits him, forcing his nails to seep in the hard mattress.

Now that he finally decides to remain among the living, the thing lodging in his belly says the perfect opposite?

Being an entire jerk for eight months straight wasn’t enough as it appears.

From making him spew out everything that even a grain of rice couldn’t pass down his oesophagus, to laying thrice into a pool of blood. Was all that not worth it? Why would this thing, at present, makes him suffer as if he was pierced by thousand arrows in a row?

No time to wonder: it’s Luo Binghe's offspring after all.

Shen Jiu straightens his neck when a little hand rubs his back. The corridors of his individual wing have been quite noisy from dusk to dawn. If it wasn’t for Shen Jiu’s breathy lamentations, it was the servants carrying bowls of white congee, boiled water and heavy quilts to replace the bloodstained ones every so often.

Of all these helpers moving in and out of the room, this tiny hand could belong to only one. The smallest bean of all the servants he knew in the Wolf clan. The youngest child, if he recalls well, of the Rat clan. Six-balls.

“Please, don’t hold your breath Third spouse.” Pleads the kid while passing a trembling damp cloth on his forehead, “Please, keep on breathing.” He adds before his voice rises again, “At least if Third spouse wants to die, this lowly beg Third spouse to die when Young Master is here! ”

“Shut your silly trap.” Orders Shen Jiu, shutting his eyelids tight to condone the pain from taking the entirety of his pallid face.

Six-balls slaps both of his palms on his mouth.

Of course, to Shen Jiu's hugest misfortune, it doesn’t last long. Does Six-balls even go short on saliva? Strangely enough, it’s reminding him of a certain someone. “Third spouse doesn’t want to lie down? Maybe it will appease Third spouse a little.”

After a quick cold glance, Six-balls finally gets it: he should definitely zip it. Or not.

“Does Third spouse need me to fan his face ?”

The kid’s fingers slightly tremors when a weak yelp unsettles itself from Shen Jiu’s lips. The pressure on his pelvic area increased, stretching hurriedly to his back as he finds himself asking Six-balls to put him back to bed. He should have listened to him sooner. Maybe he was true, maybe laying down would ease his pain. Or walking would be better? But he tried to walk right now, and apart from awaking spurts of cramps in his lower parts, it lead to nothing.

The child grasps the big man's arm and then, forcefully draws it to his side. Failure. Shen Jiu is not moving an inch. Another tentative. Tentative which, obviously failed too since Six-balls falls back. Why is he even counting on a seven years old body to help lift not only his body but also a miniature human inside?

“This one will go ask for help!”

Soon after, the sound of footsteps lighted out.

Eyes closed, Shen Jiu tries to slow his breathing. Mimicking the content of the book he read. He starts by inhaling deeply, holding it for a while, and then emptying both lungs as if blowing on a candle. His teeth clench. It. Does. Nothing. Not even easing the sensation of his limbs getting ripped off him and less with making him think about something else.

Does the kid really wish for his death?

It’s true he never wished for this in the first place, however, this type of punishment is too hard on him. And strangely enough, he’s finally happy he’s never done this kind of thing with Yue Qingyuan. This thought swept in a tinge of remembering.

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