bl-game2

[bl-game2]

idk why i dugadid this to myself

[bl-game2]

and now for my thoughts on paul coker (and ben)

There are few soap opera deaths that have been handled as well long term as paul cokers, especially considering he was a secondary character. I really liked paul and I liked him and ben together, despite the turmoil that defined the beginning of their relationship they were sweet together. Do I think it would have worked out long term, who knows, the point is they never got the chance to find out, paul died in such a horrific manner. And boy did eastenders turn the knife. There are a bunch of details from those episodes that keep me up at night: i love the scenes between phil and ian as they wait; the hug between ben, kathy and phil always gets to me and there's something so visceral about seeing a bloody ben pressed against kathy's pristine white jacket; there's the way at the start of the episode les leaves a cup of tea outside paul's door and at the end has to tip it out because paul is never coming home; everything about the tattoos makes emotional (and i know it wasn't a proper engagement or whatever, but you don't get that tattoo there if you're not thinking that this is the person you want to spend forever with, they were a promise, a commitment); and then there's the fact that the last time we ever saw paul alive he was walking off holding ben's hand and then he died and the last time we saw them together at all ben took his hand as paul lay in the backroom of coker's. It is all devastating, but its about the way they continually show that paul's death fundamentally changed ben.

It defines ben's development for the rest of 2016. There's the immediate grief, his relationship with pam and les, his desire for revenge (because once again this is how the mitchell's were taught to deal with emotions) and phil talking him down!! (and its such an interesting time for the ben and phil relationship because phil is trying and he's better than he has been but it's still not good enough and its pretty bad when grant is the one to tell him he has to go to the funeral). And the grief informs how he reacts to phil's illness, the fact he can't bear to lose anyone else and is trying to distance himself by the end of the year, but not being able to fit in with the beales either. So he's adrift from both sides of his family, and the fact that this life that he made himself, with the boyfriend and the flat and the family was taken away from him in the space of a night (and don't think about that one too much).

in 2017 we see the renewal of grief during his 21st as he's reminded of the plans they made, and there's a over a year until he tries dating again and we get the introduction of the ring. Even in 2018 he kisses the ring before he leaves walford.

Then there's 2019. And the writing for ben gets so much better once eastenders introduces the vulnerability to ben by acknowledging both the full complexity of his relationship with phil and his ongoing grief over paul. And there's the scene between callum and ben with the headband, and the amazing flatwarming monologue and eastenders sets up the fact that ben telling callum about paul is this massive show of vulnerability and intimacy. And its the fact that during pride ben is playing with paul's ring before stuart comes in and attacks him. But this all tends to be grief, its in july when we see more of the trauma and the ways he tries to cope. It's not just the fact paul died, but that ben feels infinitely responsible. And he self-harms by provoking those blokes because he feels guilty and thinks he deserves it (and this directly parallels a scene in the aftermath of stella when phil goes out starts a fight because he can't feel with the grief and guilt over ben being hurt). We see that trauma every time he says he's going to ruin callum, the disaster date (all it takes is a mention), the christmas break up, even before the marriage.

And then there's 2021 and we see the grief and the trauma and the mitchell way of dealing with big emotions, and we also see these things in relation to callum and phil. Firstly max bowden's line reading of all we was doing was holding hands is absolutely devastating (did not know how many more devastating line readings were to come). But this is the first time we see callum kind of fail when it comes to paul. Don't get me wrong he's lovely and the speech about knowing how much ben loved him is so good. Callum is really good at dealing with paul's death as something tragic in ben's life. He doesn't know how to deal with it as something traumatic, something that challenges ben's ability to think rationally. Promising to get simon's details was a mistake, a well meaning one but that was never going to end well. Callum does his best, he stops ben leaving, but he is out of his depth which isn't a bad thing, it's just a thing. This is callum's first relationship, he had this almost fairytale story (until this year) where he met this guy who changed his world, he married the first person he ever really loved. He is a romantic, look at the about of declarations, the whole I spent half my life looking for something. But having ben mitchell be your first relationship is a bit like being thrown in the deep end. He has insecurities over ben's sexual history and he has no real idea of what being in a relationship means (hence all the ultimatums) and he is with someone who, bless him, has some issues. It's like a really awful sneak peek at what's to come. But phil was able to get through to ben, by listening. Callum went in with the you need to change you're behaviour, no you can't go after simon. Phil went in with if you need this that's okay but lets take a moment (sometimes phil is good). Ben responds when he thinks people are listening to him and understanding him.

And then there's 2022, the most explicit way of addressing the fact that yes ben does have ptsd over paul's death (give ben an onscreen diagnosis you cowards) and that no callum isn't great at dealing with it. And it's not just paul, when ben says he's scared that goes back decades, but paul is treated like the defining trauma in ben's life at this point (or at least the one he can openly talk about, hi stella). And we get flashbacks, and nightmares, and an inability to take care of himself given he was seen wearing his dressing gown in the middle of the day, and trying to find any way to keep callum safe, keeping his distance and when that doesn't work going on the attack (don't love the vigilantism story, bit messy, but the idea works). And i love the way they explicity address with both pam and callum that ben built a narrative for himself that if only they didn't get split up, paul would still be alive because he could have done something (because he's the hard man, he's phil mitchell's son) and really its just another way to feel guilty but it also was his way of dealing. And when he couldn't protect callum that narrative the he desperately held onto was ripped to shreds. And Callum is good in the beginning, but I think he ends up just getting tired of it. This isn't the romantic story he wants for them so he stops listening and starts with the ultimatums and the posters. Again he can deal with paul as something tragic, but not as something traumatic, so he kind of manipulates ben into changing his behaviour. He continually tells ben to get over it, like that's something he can do (don't get me wrong he can heal but that's different).

Enter Lewis. And once again the show remembers that ben telling someone about paul is the greatest act of vulnerability, intimacy and trust ben can show someone and that moment, in the club when lewis asks if he lost someone, makes me feel a little ill. But lewis said he was sorry for his loss and callum tells him to get over it. And still when it comes down to it ben chooses callum.

[bl-game2]

I read daily about robustness tumblr culture and how it's impossible to monetize etc. blah blah blah

but no one ever talks about the life's blood of tumblr: GIFSETS.

Tumblr has longevity because it is the gifset website. A movie trailer drops and within an hour there are already multiple gifsets. Just there reminding us this movie is coming out it looks pretty good. A tumblr user thinks: I wish I had memory box containing every facial expression and movement made by Colin Firth in that 5 hour mini series of Pride and prejudice and some other tumblr user devotes their life to making that happen. Some dead guy has a birthday and a tumblr user gifs every single one of his dozens of films and puts them in a single gifset just because it makes fans of the dead guy happy.

Gifsets are amazing because gifsets are silent and they ask nothing but that you look at their pretty dancing images and smile fondly and click the like and reblog. A gifset didn't elect trump. A gifset didn't gaslight your grandma into believing that covid is an alien plot. A gifset just went floating by with no other thought than to look pretty and be appreciated.

[bl-game2]

I can't possibly be the only one low-key shipping Eliot and Paul, can I? The way Eliot grieved him and could barely whisper his name. The "WE were family" as an answer to Harry's question about Paul's surviving family, even though we've never heard of Paul before despite there being years of this show. The way he was so offended and hurt by Paul keeping that secret from him, shouting "You couldn't tell ME?" Emphasizing the 'me,' as if he frequently thinks about them in an 'us against the world' way where he should be Paul's exception because Paul is his. The naturalness and fierceness of the way they hug it out as if they are used to falling into each other that way, when we *know* how long it took Eliot to grow into hugging Hardison and the others. And a final scene in a private patio by romantic candlelight where Eliot is definitely giving off vulnerable and flirty vibes while talking about their future (at the same exact location Briana was using as a romantic date night locale just an episode earlier!).

I MEAN, COME ON.

[bl-game2]

I would die but like in a good way. Lestat doing a 50 part TikTok series explaining his side

So if they adjust the timescale from the interview being in the 80s and the Vampire Lestat being an 80s rocker. We about to get 2020s tiktoker Lestat?

[bl-game2]

https://m.imdb.com/title/tt14921986/ratings/?ref_=tt_ov_rt

RATE ON IMDB too!! We can't let the haters win!

[bl-game2]

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic. 

Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day. 

Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1 egg 1 cup sugar 2 cups flour 1 tsp vanilla ½ tsp salt Turbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.

Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy.  Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour. 

Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick.  Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.

Bake at 400 degrees until the edges turn a golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Let cool for about five minutes before cutting the cooked dough into squares. Remove the squares from the warm pan using a spatula.

[bl-game2]

The moment I hear Running Up that hill I’m back to when i watched The OC season 4 episode 1 for the first time and God I’m emotional

Oh wow Running up that hill is making me emotional 🥲

[bl-game2]

So next Saturday we’re going to get the finale of Cutie Pie, the forest episode of Kinnporsche and the Eurovision finals. One week to prepare for all of this

[bl-game2]

This is a very smart show, but the characters aren’t very smart

Nuea/kong - what type of logic is that? he's been pretending to be interested in toh in front of nuea to the point of interfering with their couple-time, so far nuea thinks he likes toh which only makes him jealous. even if those physical characteristics were nuea's type, he's only getting angry at kong so...what type of mental gymnastics did he do to think that this whole plan would land him in nuea's arms?

well I'm sure Kong believes if he flirts with Toh enough Nuea would break up with him and then Kong can just swoop in and be like "Surprise P'Nuea, it's you I actually love." and then he thinks Nuea will just be his boyfriend.

[bl-game2]

Communication

Really is the word for this series. And I really didn’t think it would be. But I’m loving it.

[bl-game2]

Does anyone know if there is a translated version of the 1000 stars novel?

[bl-game2]

[bl-game2]

True. King shit.

no but genuinely i think the reason maxtul are considered the ‘senior couple’ is not bc they’re ‘old’ (like hello?? they’re 26 & 28??) but because they legit set the standard- for acting, for their kissing, for their love scenes, for their chemistry, and for their actual friendship irl. they literally are the standard because they never serve up anything that isn’t amazing & they never try to fake anything for anyone and i, for one, think that’s king shit right there.

[bl-game2]

Color Rush EP. 2 Thoughts

- Angst

-Cannabalisme. What? Is this show going to be more angsty then the other korean Bl’s. I love it. 

- One scared, angst filled, trauma boy meets one confident, loving boy. Good stuff. 

- Aww his new friends are cute.

- Also are there actual ghosts in this?

-TENSION

- Is he going to pass out every time?

This is the soulmate Au we all want. I love the darker undertones. And how they are seting up the relationship. With the obsession and control they both want. It’s great. 

[bl-game2]

Color Rush Ep.1

- Cool concept.

_ Good directing and dialog and acting so far.

- Really good. 

- Love the darker undertones they are hinting at. 

[bl-game2]

I’m watching the first ep of clor rush. And it really threw me off when they used the word ‘probe’ the first time. I’ll get used to it i guess. But other then that really good show so far.