bittersweetmisanthropist

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

Today marks the first day of Pride 2020.

It also marks the seventh day of protests held in honor of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery. It’s been 634 days since Botham Jean was murdered by a police officer, 233 days since Atatiana Jefferson was fatally shot by a police officer, 2,123 days since Michael Brown was fatally shot by a police officer, and 2,146 days since Eric Garner was choked to death by a police officer. 

It has been five days since Tony McDade, a Black trans man from Florida, was shot and killed by a police officer.  

At the time of this post, it has been almost 19 hours since David McAtee was shot and killed by the authorities. 

This week has served as a stark reminder that those who have power in this country wield it recklessly and violently against Black people, non-Black POC, and trans people. For some, the power is found in their badge. In others, it’s their skin tone, their socio-economic status, their cisgender privileges, or any other number of privileges one can have. In 2018, with at least 26 trans people who were murdered, all but one was a trans woman, and all but one was a person of color. According to data collected by Human Rights Campaign, this pattern is all too common. It should also be noted that the number of trans people who are murdered is grossly underreported, with many families and newspapers often misgendering those who can no longer speak up for themselves. 

On June 28, 1969, the Stonewall riots began as a response to the constant police raids of nightlife establishments frequented by the LGBTQIA+ community. That night sparked a revolution, with many eye-witnesses crediting Black and Latinx trans women for being brave enough to ignite what would become one of the most pivotal nights in LGBTQIA+ history. Without Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, there would have been no uprising. Without them, there would be no Pride. 

At this moment, it would be tone-deaf and insensitive to commemorate Pride in the same celebratory fashion we usually do. Instead, we’re asking you to make the commitment to better the lives of the oppressed. Do the work to become actively anti-racist if you are not Black. Spread the word that Black lives matter. Spread the word that trans people deserve to feel safe wherever they go. Reblog this post, make your own, or find someone in your life who doesn’t understand and do your best to make them understand. Donate if you can. 

The first Pride was a riot. We stand with you.

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

Confused

Haven’t been on here in ages. Literally over two years. But I popped back on because I am struggling with something I don’t actually know how to discuss. I’ve always shied away from or hated labels because I always wondered why people can’t just be, but now I have this increasing desire to define myself and I have absolutely no idea how. I’m talking specifically about my sexual orientation.

At first I thought I was straight, and then for a long while I suspected I might be bisexual. I’d had crushes on or felt attracted to people of both the same and opposite gender to me, but I had never been romantically or sexually involved with anyone so I “couldn’t be sure”. I hated kissing. I thought it was gross and didn’t want anything to do with it up until I was about 16/17. But I don’t know if I actually hated it or if it was due to other experiences I had had that influenced my repulsion. By 16 I had kissed more girls than guys (but to clarify it was all in the same drunken night) and yet I still couldn’t be sure because I had been, and still have been drunk every time I have kissed a person, and I am now 19. I’ve gone 6 months to 2 years without kissing or wanting to kiss anyone before.

I often find myself saying I want a boyfriend and when I watch romantic movies I do find myself thinking that I would love to have a partner like that. Or experience some great romance like in the movies; but in the long run I always find myself self-sabotaging crushes or developing relationships. I think about the idea of being in a long-term committed romantic relationship and I shudder or otherwise I realise I’m just not into the idea of being in one. I just don’t want to be. So then I started wondering whether or not the term aromantic would apply to me.

But I keep trying to figure out if I’m only averse to relationships because of the crap ones I’ve seen around me. If I’m only attracted to girls because of shitty experiences with guys. If I’m only attracted to guys because I think I should be. If I only want, or think about wanting a relationship because everyone else around me seems to. 

I have a high sex drive - as in I’m horny pretty often, so sometimes during those periods I feel like I really want to have sex with someone. But for the most part I don’t think about, want, or need a sexual partner. To me it feels like a really private thing. But again I start to wonder if it’s just because of my past experiences with sex and sexual behaviour. 

I can’t seem to figure out anything and it is stressing me out and confusing me. It’s the reason I hated labels so much - I can’t find one I’m comfortable fitting under so I would like to exist as I am. But the constant questioning myself is driving me nuts and now I’m beginning to feel like I would just like something I can use to begin to figure out how to define myself. I feel like a loose pool of string, all tangled up and knotted, and figuring this out would be like finding the end of the string so I can begin to undo all my knots.

I know that there are others that go through this period of questioning, those that are still going through it and those that got through it. I’m not exactly asking anyone to label me but any suggestions as to what my story sounds like would be nice. Or if there’s anyone that could give me any advice on this too. I’m confused and I am lost and I just wanted to get this all off my chest. It’s longer than I expected so cheers to anyone that actually got all the way through this. Thanks.

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

by M. David Farrell, Jr.

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

Your 5 might be somebody else’s 10 so don’t be fucking rude about who people find attractive and about who people love just because you don’t see what they do.

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

^^^This is so important ^^^

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

hi! so i recently reached 1k followers and i’m super happy about it! to celebrate, i though i would make a few masterposts for y'all. I might make a tumblr-related one later, too. anyways, i hope you like this one, and all of the links open in new tabs!

 colour

the psychology of color

how to mix skin tones

color harmony

a ton of colour palettes

how to contour/highlight

colour meanings

how to colour

how to draw…

how to draw hoods

how to draw boobs in shirts

how to draw hair

how to draw faces

another face tutorial

how to draw hands

how to draw mouths

how to draw expressions

more expressions

cargsdoodle's body tutorial

how to draw arms

how to avoid same facing

how to draw clothing folds

references

drawing references

hairstyle references

eye references

a ton of clothing references

ear references

kneeling/sitting references

kissing references

downloads

adobe creative suite 2 free download

sai brush downloads

sai brushes

alternative to photoshop

photoshop for free

mypaint drawing program

a ton of free art programs

other

pixel art: a beginner’s guide

an AWESOME tutorial masterpost

my art tag

glitch effect tutorial

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

♛

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

All the time

♛

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

I gave you everything I had. I poured my heart out to you. But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. And I never will be.

(via intoxicated-lxve)

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

If my dreams are anything to go by...

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

😪

neck deep // what did you expect

[bittersweetmisanthropist]

Shifting through the ceiling, while my soul falls through the floor, I try to focus on my breathing but I can't hear it anymore.

-Me