bittersweetjiennhi

[bittersweetjiennhi]

Almost one year later…

So alot have happened since my last post.

I got a full time employment at VGR as a procurement manager

I had my first longer “relationship”

I explored my sexuality more. Bern adventures.

Bodycount at 7 right now

… still confused at myself.

Blessed but cursed at the same time. Send help!

[bittersweetjiennhi]

Been talking to Bjorn for over five weeks. Everyday we wrote on snapchat. He had he’s excuses of why he didn’t wanted to meet. I did not buy it and offered to meet at his place instead. The conversation was floating but he m did tell me that he didn’t wanted anything serious so I wasnt set on that either.

We had sex. I couldn’t read the situation. Teasing me and pleasing me but dont want to put it in until I beged for it. To kind though during the deed.

But the problem still remains. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THE PROBLEM?? like I cant get it of my freaking mind. Why does they always disapear?is it me? Was i to clingy? Like talk to me?

Hashtag: one time thing…

[bittersweetjiennhi]

I really hate that saying ”when the right moment comes…” i have been singel for a long time. And this is not just about relationship status, it is about everything you want to achieve. I realize this to late and i have been wasting my time waiting. DON’T sit and wait for the right moment, take action instead.

Something is bother me again. Is it me or what is it. It is starting to get very frustrated. I mean not one of the people i have met online has passed two dates. Is it me or what is the problem. Do they just loose intrest after seeing me?I just cant figure the problem out. When you had a( what i think) is a somehow good conversation but after the first date it just die. Im not normally a person that get selfconsious but this is really stressing me out. Like you know a person after one meeting…

[bittersweetjiennhi]

My little Jasper! You have been with us for almost four weeks now. Time flies when i am with you. On saturday you are going home to Kungälv. Jiji will miss you. Don’t grow up to fast ❤️

[bittersweetjiennhi]

”Stop telling everyone about your problems. Because to most people.. your misery is their entertainment”

Better to write it out… just feeling down today…

Haven’t got any respond from any of my job applications making my wondering if it is something wrong with my resume. Im glad that is working out for E but for her to be so unappreciated with everything going well in her life but not for me just puts me in a bad mood. I don’t want to be that person to be jealous but its like a slap in the face… or a trend? For example like when i said that have not got any respond from my applications I really meant it. But her respond is yeah i got but not from those I want to… or like I know my resume is not good enough (it is true) and she respond yeah mine to, it is so bad… and gets responded from several companies…

Talking to these kind of people just triggers me. I do love her but she reminds me from Becca from time to time. Like ooh i dont like Axel but you do… stop deny it!

[bittersweetjiennhi]

18/2 it happend. But way does it always end this way. Should i write back? I really don’t have the curage. It did end to early. Why am I always so brave when it is something I dont want but when it is something I do want i just hide. I am intrested I am intrested… but why is it not mutual.. or is it mutual but he as me dont have the curage? Wishing everyday since that day that he would write to me. I really don’t want it to end just here but i dont have the curage. Feels like a curse I have on me. ”What is wrong?” Is the question ask myself everyday since that day? Did I do something wrong? Was it wrong? It maybe didn’t feel good for him? But how could it not feel good? Was I to attached?

Want to putting the decition to faith but yet I don’t want to sit down and wait… i don’t know

What should I do? Miserable