billionsoblueblisteringbarnacles

[billionsoblueblisteringbarnacles]

Some Quotes...

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own

-Robert A. Heinlein

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life

-Mark Twain

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect—you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there

-Bob Marley

We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love

-Robert Fulghum

We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken

True love will triumph in the end—which may or may not be a lie, but if it is a lie, it's the most beautiful lie we have

-John Green

Don't Panic!

-Douglas Adams

[billionsoblueblisteringbarnacles]

Story Time!

Chapter: Zed Alpha, uhm Niner? Clones! Clones everywhere! Or "why I am not a unique & magical snowflake (and that's ok)"

One of the reasons, I believe that people; in this case you, (or maybe you...) tend to be so immediately comfortable around me (you know, aside from the fact that I'm generally good-natured and very easy going...) is that, nearly without fail, you already "know someone just like" me.

I've heard this so often in my life that I have a saying about it. (Ok, a modification of an existing saying but hey, what can you do?) The original goes "When god made me, he broke the mold!" Well, in my case it's "When god made me he said "Huh, not bad" kept the mold, and put it into high production..." ;p ( i should point out, in case you glossed over that part of my profile, i am not the least bit religious. It's just a saying <_< )

As I said, I've gotten this for most of my life. Not in the "kinda similar" vague sort of way but more often the "stopped & did a double take" sort way.

The earliest (and most dramatic) instance I can remember was around the time I was 15 or 16. Summer job, working at a greasy-spoon style cafe in the harbor. Key focal point (in the summer at least) of my small lakeside hometown. It was not a particularly glamorous job. What summer job at 15 or 16 is? I was the dishwasher-waiter-stockboy-busboy. Basically, drudgery personified. I was going through the usual mindless drone when that week's food delivery showed up. The driver had a new kid about my age as an assistant. The kid wheels in with our delivery of frozen burger pucks (like I said, greasy-spoon. Two stars on yelp if yelp had been a thing then) and stops dead. He staring at me with the classic open mouth bewildered look. I imagined he was overwhelmed by the majesty of my wonderous place of employ. I wave vaguely to my left, "Cooler is in the back." "Steve??" He says, then laughs "What are doing here? How did you even get here?" It's my turn to look confused. I have, in my opinion, never so much as even resembled a Steve. "Ah, I'm not Steve." "Yeah! Very funny, man. Steve, what're you doing here?" "Seriously, I'm not Steve. Name's Ian. I don't know you or who you're talking about." He chews his lip and squints at me "You're not Steve? You look just like my buddy Steve. Hey! You've got the same shoes! You're totally Steve..." Uh, they're Chucks. Everyone has Chucks... Sorry man, I'm not this Steve guy" "Dude, he looks just like you. You've got a twin man!" "A twin named Steve... Uh, awesome. But seriously, the cooler is in the back. Those burgers are going to melt soon" "Oh yeah, sure thing man." And grins at me and wheels the boxes into the back. After a bit, he heads out and as he's backing the hand cart out the door he gives a wave, grins again and yells "Later, Steve!"

Nothing against him (or his friend that visited me that day) but every once in a while I used to look in the mirror and think "Is this really the face of a Steve? Ugh!" Of course, that's where I was wrong. I've learned since then it's the face of dozens and dozens of names. Which is exactly what you'd expect for a high production casting mold...

[billionsoblueblisteringbarnacles]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6HNjq5cWwE)

[billionsoblueblisteringbarnacles]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVN1B-tUpgs)

[billionsoblueblisteringbarnacles]

Story Time: One Sentence Story Edition

(run-on sentences are allowed)

The phrase "I saw elephants" comes from an adventure I had at 2 years old when I escaped my leash (yes leash) and somehow got into an elephant enclosure at the zoo and was found sitting beneath an elephant.

[billionsoblueblisteringbarnacles]

Story Time

Enjoy.

Chapter 89: Grandfatherly Wisdom

A quick one this time.

Many years ago, in my early teens, I was staying with my grandparents and early one morning my grandfather comes into the living room in the traditional garb of all old men, a polo shirt and plaid pants. (Seriously, where do old men even buy those pants? They are ridiculous. I have a lot to look forward to fashion wise. ) So I asked my grandfather, in a bemused sort of way, why the hell do all old men wear those ludicrous pants?

"Well," says my grandfather evenly, "when you get older and your eyes start to go... you want to make sure the women can still see you..."

"NELSON!" Yells my grandmother from the kitchen. And in a flash, a slipper come flying end-over-end out of the kitchen and smacks my dear old granddad square in the side of the head. It didn't even phase him. Without missing a beat he smiles and says "Still got it."

I'm telling you this one to illustrate one of the things I'm actually looking for one this site. (No, not a slipper to the head.) My grandparents were amazing people. They had a happy, jokingly-contentious relationship for over 65 years. They loved poked fun at each other, they knew everything about one another and they were masters of banter. They had ups and downs, of course, as everyone does but they were always so clearly in love with each other it was beautiful and heartwarming just being around them. I ask you, who wouldn't want a relationship like that?

[billionsoblueblisteringbarnacles]

Story time! again Chapter 79: How Not to Meet Someone

(Chapter numbers do not reflect chronological order or significance and generally are just there for fun.)

Note: Ah, things you're not supposed to talk about, ghosts of relationships past... The following is about the most, uhm, unique beginning of a relationship I've yet had. This happened once. It should not have worked. (Seriously, no guy should try this.) This is not indicative of any sort of regular behavior on my part. (Just to be clear.)

Some time ago I was at an outdoor concert on the esplanade of Boston. Being a popular (and loud) band there were many, many people. In the course of swimming through the ocean of people that is part of any good outdoor rock concert, I found myself about 5 to 10 rows back from the stage and next to a very attractive redhead.

She was with some friends (safety in numbers) but she seemed interested in me from the looks I was getting. (I'm not being cocky here. It's just that I can, in fact, recognize a signal from time to time...)

Obviously, I was interested too but I had no idea what to say. All the things I thought of seemed foolish. Simple, shallow, small-talk were the only things to occur to me at the time. Things like: "So, you like this band?" etc. Well, duh! Why the hell else would she be here? Anyway, it was super loud and small-talk, even if small-talk wasn't lame, was next to impossible.

The two of us, she with her friends and me on my own drifted and swayed with the crowd. We were both making a not-so-subtle effort to stay close. All the while I was still trying to think of something clever or amazingly interesting to say. (Still zip.) We exchanged little glances and smiles, shifted and flowed with all the people around us and after a while we were pressed against each other, with her friends on her left and a group frat-bros (it's a technical term) on my right.

Just at that point there was some kind of commotion among the "bros" that caused lots of pushing and raucous laughter.

Seeing this as a chance to talk to me she leaned into my ear and said (yelled) "What'd they do? What happened? What happened??" (The blast from the speakers made sure that shouting was the only option.)

Her ear was an inch from me. She leaning against me. She was covered in freckles. (I've always liked freckles. whatcanyado?) Her ear had freckles. She smelled good...

...And I still had no idea what to say. I was at a complete loss. I had no clue what the "bros" had done. She was waiting. "Say something, idiot!" I yelled in my head. But I had nothing. I was going to completely screw up my shot.

"Well." I thought, "if I'm going to go down in flames, then blaze of glory, here I come!" Pure "fuck it" impishness took hold and instead of saying anything at all, I licked her.

Seriously. Nearly the entire side of her face. From her chin to the top of her ear.

("Wait. What?" you say. Yeah, I'm pretty sure she thought the same. With the addition of some expletives.) She yanked back from me, her jaw dropping to pretty much as dropped as a jaw can get and I got one of the most baffled, mind-blown, "what-the-ever-fucking-hell??!" looks that I have ever in my life seen. I stood there just grinning at her like a kid who had just done a nifty magic trick. And I waited. What else could I do?

I knew what was coming next. That shocked expression would shift and then I'd get the earth shattering slap that I deserved. "Here it comes." Her expression started to contort, her face was going red and then...

...And then her friend pressed in and shouted "What'd he say?! What'd he say?"

And then the redhead looked at me again. And she grinned. And then she turned around and licked her friend from her chin to the top of her ear.

We dated for four years after that.

[billionsoblueblisteringbarnacles]

Story Time Chapter 251 (because why not?) "The Bear" (or "that time I think I may have teleported")

It's early summer in New England, the year between my freshman and sophomore year of college. I had, I have no recollection of how, gotten myself a summer job at a small lake resort in mid to northern Maine. The resort, correction the musical theater resort is located in the most out of the way portion of the middle of nowhere the Maine could come up with.

A friend drove me up from Boston and there was a perfect cliche moment of seeing the sign for the town we were aiming for, "Now Entering Center Lovell", passing one building (a gas station/convenience store) and then in about 50ft seeing a sign saying, "Now Leaving Center Lovell. Please come again!" And that was it. Nothing else but trees. We pulled over, looked at a map. We were less than a mile from the resort but we saw nothing. Just trees and more trees. After driving a bit further just to be sure we turned around with the thought of asking at the gas station since it was the only building we'd seen. At all. Going back we saw that almost directly opposite of the station was a dirt road you couldn't see when driving in the other direction. Trees in the way. There was a small (we're talking old, peeling-paint, postage stamp style here) sign on one of the trees (only facing the south bound lane. <_< ) announcing the resort. So onto the road (”road” is a strong word here) and down into the woods we went. In about a mile we did find the place. Surprisingly, it was actually pretty nice. A Large whitewashed welcoming lodge on the left of a well-groomed (if still dirt) round-about with some miscellaneous cabins on the right. The lake (think On Golden Pond if anyone remembers that movie) was visible maybe 20 yards behind the main lodge. My friend dropped me off after a brief goodbye and headed out. I wandered into the lodge to find out who I should report to. After about half an hour of boring formalities and pleasant introductions, I found myself in one of the buildings I had seen on the right on my way in. At one point it had clearly been a barn. It was, in most respects still a barn. There was a row of bunk beds along one wall. A bathroom, that later in the summer would teach me why you always wear flip flops in shower built in barns and the joys of athlete's foot, was in the back right corner. And a sort of bar took up the rest of the back wall. It was pretty sparse and I was the only one there. Above the bar, I discovered, there was a loft space. There was a ladder behind the bar leading up to it or you could just stand on the bar and jump/climb up. It has a nice view of the room below. Obviously, I claimed the loft instead of one of the bunk beds. Why the hell wouldn't I? Now when I said I was the only one there I meant the barn that was to be my summer home. I was the first of the new summer employees to show up. (It was about a week before the place officially opened for the summer) All the rest of the workers there were long timers, they'd been working at this place for years and they were all staying in guest cabins down by the lake until opening. Since I knew exactly no one I just went straight to my assigned workers lodge. (barn.) The barn was the furthest from the lake, the furthest from the rest of the resort and of all its buildings. It was nearly in the woods. Since it was off-season most of the power was still off. That meant that at night the only light outside was my little 40-watt porch light and the distant (I can't have been 40 yards but I certainly felt like it) light of the welcome lodge. Anyone who's ever spent a night in the woods knows it's dark. It was verrry dark in Maine. Annnnyway, around 10 or so I was happily setting up my nifty little loft space. When I start to hear noises outside. It's coming from the porch. It sounds like a creaking, shuffling sort movement. "Ha!" I think, "Trying to scare the new guy. Well, we'll see about that!" Slowly, I creep down the ladder. Sneeeeak towards the door. I can hear them still moving around on the porch. They suck at this! They think they're going to surprise me? I'm going to scare the hell out of whoever is out there! >:) I'm grinning when I get to the door. With one hand I hold the door handle and my other hand is on the porch light switch. With a shout of "WOOHAAH!" I throw open the door and flick on the light switch!

And on the other side of the world's flimsiest screen door a bear stands up on its hind legs and looks me square in the eye.

It's a foot from me. 

Time stopped. 

The whole scene is frozen. I can see every damned detail. The screen is peeling away in one corner. The porch light makes a sort of buzzing sound. The green paint on the door frame is chipped and peeling. There's brown paint beneath the green. The bear is looking at me. It's standing with paws held in front of its chest. It looks almost comically apologetic for a moment. And then it doesn't look comical anymore. Then it looks like a bear. A bear roughly 12 inches from me.

The bear snorts and then...

I'm back in the loft. The front door is closed. Very closed. Firmly, emphatically shut. Between that snort and being back in the loft I have no memory. None. I went from staring into those black eyes to being in the highest furthest point from the door in a heartbeat. I do believe I succeeded in scaring the living hell out that poor bear but damn who knew that shock could teleport you? And that is how I met a bear. And teleported. ;)