biidingmytime

[biidingmytime]

daydreaming isn’t enough i need it to happen to me in real life

[biidingmytime]

Need need need to get my own wheelchair

Roommate had a friend over who uses one and i was offered to use it but just,,, couldn't because there was always someone around and i got self-conscious

[biidingmytime]

being a cannibal and having BIID is like i dont want this leg i should just cut ot off and eat it its like two birds one stone

[biidingmytime]

i hate having working legs ... it feel weird and wrong i don't want them

[biidingmytime]

i think i have, like, extra feelings

[biidingmytime]

Not to compare this condition to being transgender but (speaking as a transmasc person) you know that trans man/transmasc experience of wishing you had breast cancer so you could get top surgery without having to fight for it? Sometimes I get a similar feeling about my leg. I know it's not a productive feeling but it somehow feels even worse because I know my only other option is causing deliberate damage

[biidingmytime]

Thing is I dont even know where to start. I don't even have comprehensible thoughts about it usually. Most of the time I just Feel Bad and/or fantasize

Sometimes I really do just want to talk about (my) BID with my friends but I‘m in this weird liminal space where I can joke about it and talk vaguely as long as I don‘t namedrop any specifics. I can‘t say BID out loud if I‘m talking about myself, I can‘t actually name my needs when I‘m talking to someone. It‘s even hard over text. One time I drew a crude picture to get my point across when someone asked after I came out to them. I get significant amounts of anxiety when I do write it out to anyone whom I don‘t know for sure also has BID. It‘s not easy to say on here either because just anyone could see it and that‘s scary.

I wish I could talk about it more openly, maybe then I‘d be able to get help, or feel better, talk to a therapist even though I know therapy doesn’t really help. I just need to talk about it

[biidingmytime]

I spent so much of today sitting in different uncomfortable chairs in uncomfortable positions, I wish I could just have one comfy chair that I don't have to leave and.... Wait

[biidingmytime]

I'm writing another BID fanfic and Roommate asked about it and I can't even use my words to properly talk about the fanfic because it's too close to my own feelings. I can barely write it

Sometimes I really do just want to talk about (my) BID with my friends but I‘m in this weird liminal space where I can joke about it and talk vaguely as long as I don‘t namedrop any specifics. I can‘t say BID out loud if I‘m talking about myself, I can‘t actually name my needs when I‘m talking to someone. It‘s even hard over text. One time I drew a crude picture to get my point across when someone asked after I came out to them. I get significant amounts of anxiety when I do write it out to anyone whom I don‘t know for sure also has BID. It‘s not easy to say on here either because just anyone could see it and that‘s scary.

I wish I could talk about it more openly, maybe then I‘d be able to get help, or feel better, talk to a therapist even though I know therapy doesn’t really help. I just need to talk about it

[biidingmytime]

I get so anxious when I'm dysphoric and I feel like the only way to get it out is to talk about it but talking about it also makes me anxious. There is no winning.

Sometimes I really do just want to talk about (my) BID with my friends but I‘m in this weird liminal space where I can joke about it and talk vaguely as long as I don‘t namedrop any specifics. I can‘t say BID out loud if I‘m talking about myself, I can‘t actually name my needs when I‘m talking to someone. It‘s even hard over text. One time I drew a crude picture to get my point across when someone asked after I came out to them. I get significant amounts of anxiety when I do write it out to anyone whom I don‘t know for sure also has BID. It‘s not easy to say on here either because just anyone could see it and that‘s scary.

I wish I could talk about it more openly, maybe then I‘d be able to get help, or feel better, talk to a therapist even though I know therapy doesn’t really help. I just need to talk about it

[biidingmytime]

Sometimes I really do just want to talk about (my) BID with my friends but I‘m in this weird liminal space where I can joke about it and talk vaguely as long as I don‘t namedrop any specifics. I can‘t say BID out loud if I‘m talking about myself, I can‘t actually name my needs when I‘m talking to someone. It‘s even hard over text. One time I drew a crude picture to get my point across when someone asked after I came out to them. I get significant amounts of anxiety when I do write it out to anyone whom I don‘t know for sure also has BID. It‘s not easy to say on here either because just anyone could see it and that‘s scary.

I wish I could talk about it more openly, maybe then I‘d be able to get help, or feel better, talk to a therapist even though I know therapy doesn’t really help. I just need to talk about it

[biidingmytime]

High on the wave rn,, dreamt my parents got me a wheelchair because my bicycle broke

[biidingmytime]

Roommate asked me about "social transition" or simming at home if i can't actually go through anything and man how much id love to do that but expensive

Maybe some day

[biidingmytime]

One of my roommates told me that they'd support and help me if I ever decided to go through with anything (just asked me to wait until i no longer live here bc our apartment is majorly inaccessible lol) and that's really nice n all but now I'm thinking about doing it again,,,,,,,,,,,,

[biidingmytime]

it's so frustrating that i can't take off my prosthetics because they don't physically exist. i just want to be comfortable

[biidingmytime]

wishing all wheelchair users a nice, calm day where no one asks invasive questions or tries to move them without consent 💕

[biidingmytime]