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A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas (2011)

Harold and Kumar now live different lives, have drifted apart and made new loser friends but  they come together for one drug-fueled Christmas tree emergency.

It’s in terrible taste but there’s plenty to smile at even a few bellylaughs with stoned children, claymation trip outs, festive weed, in jokes and even some decent use of 3D. No race or religion is safe, Whites, Christians, Koreans, Asians, Jews, Blacks and of course Danny Trejo and the Mexican stereotypes - you can’t upset anyone if you offend everyone!

The Neil Patrick Harris parts remain superb.

Yes it’s stupid (it’s Harold and Kumar!), yes it’s uber-contrived but it’s Christmassy and a pretty good fun. I think I may have a new annual watcher.

“You have a good job, you make good money, and you don’t beat your wife. What more could a Latino father-in-law ask for?”.

“Hey this place is like, not shity”.

“I’m not going to let you rape my friend on Christmas Eve he’s married”.

“That’s it give me your dick”.

“Ok party’s over because my baby is fucked  on cocaine”.

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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Everything I read and all the podcasts I listen to often reference this movie + it’s a bit Christmassy so time to give it a whirl. Good news, I was thoroughly impressed - I must be listening to and reading the right stuff.

Downey Jr is a small time con that wangles himself into a film role and ends up in a mess with a Private Eye and an attractive women from his past but there are a few surprises along the way.

I love the tone of this, quirky narration and snappy dialogue of a complex plot of chaotic plot of lies, murder, abuse and kidnap.

Downey Jr is doing that enjoyable and surprisingly not yet tiring smart talking comedic performance he does for Tony Stark and Sherlock Holmes and it’s a lot of fun here too - in fact this predates those movies so perhaps he’s doing Harry Lockhart as Iron Man and Sherlock. Anyhow. This is comfortably the best Val Kilmer performance i’ve seen in a good while, he pulls off Gay P.I (ooh err) superbly, looks like he’s having a lot of fun and the chemistry between he and an on form Downey Jr is thoroughly enjoyable.

At times this reminded me a little of Get Shorty which is no bad thing and it’s a damn good watch.

“Cunt”.

“Merry Christmas, sorry I fucked you over”.

“I peed on the corpse. Can they do, like, ID from that?”

“No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!”.

“Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call.”.

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Krampus (2015)

When a small boy loses his Christmas spirit he unknowingly summons the shadow of St Nicholas to mete out some Christmas Spirit…..

This is where Germanic mythology, Critters, Chucky and Home Alone combine for an enjoyable Horror Comedy. It’s not bad. It has flaws but I rather liked it. 

I thought the world needed a decent Stoner Christmas movie I also think we’re ready for a Christmas Comedy Horror, something fresh to drop into the Gremlins space. I think might just do that, it has rewatchability potential.

There is a fantastic animated sequence in the middle of this guy that I just adored (in fact i kind of wished the whole film had been animated). It had a Gothic edge and seemed to imply that perhaps Omi’s previous Krampus experience had been Nazi related.

It does become a little muddled but they just about get the laugh:scare ratio about right. This film made me giggle and it made me jump. David Koechner is always worth a giggle even when he appears in B-movie trash (which this is not).

I was a touch disappointed with the Krampus himself, the film carried more heft when he was a shadowy cloven hoofed figure rather than the Scream mask with horns. That nitpick aside this was a decent film with an enjoyable ambiguous ending. Keep that Christmas Cheer in check guys!

“I hate Christmas! I hate all of you!”

“It’s Christmas. Nothing bad is going to happen on Christmas!”

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Frozen (2013)

Ahhhh. So thats what all the fuss was about. This is great.

I’m not going to delve too deeply into the plot as it appears i’m the last person in the world to see this. This is a triumphant return to form from Disney, a magical Nordic tale of Princesses, Princes, Ice Cutters, Trolls, Talking Snowmen and a Moose with True Love conquering all.

I always considered Josh Gadd to be a poor mans Jonah Hill but Olaf the Snowman is awesome. He’s playing that Donkey from Shrek role but minus the annoying Eddie Murphy element.

Songs are mixed, some are good, some are songversations which are of course a wee bit annoying. This movie is conceited, overly sentimental, cute and cuddly but I found it charming.

Frozen is ice cool.

“Love is an open…… DOOR!”

“Oh look at that. I’ve been impaled”

“Do you wanna build a snowman?”

“Hi! I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs”

“Some people are worth melting for”

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The Night Before (2015)

Back in 2001 Joseph Gordon-Levitt lost his parents in a tragic Christmas accident. In the subsequent years he and buddies Seth Rogen and Anthony Mackie have partied hard. Unfortunately life moves on and their tradition must end… but not before one last hurrah… especially when Levitt steals tickets to an elusive and exclusive party.

This is a cameo littered romp, it’s silly and over the top. A coming of age movie about Fatherhood, commitment and growing up hidden behind a quest movie, lots of swearing, even more drugs and loads of festive giggles.

This flick has Jewish gags, gross out, slapstick and irreverent humour. I loved Seth Rogen freaking out, bollocksed on a cocktail of drugs, loved his text conversation with James and I enjoyed every moment of Michael Shannon and the over the top Popstar Cameo love declaration - pure movie nonsense but fantastic.

The world very much needed a good stoner buddy comedy with a Christmas slant…. I think this is it. Mark Kermode hated this but I laughed… a lot. These guys are pretty much my age, my partying hard days are running out, I am a new Father. Their retro gags and references land with me, I also played Goldeneye hard.

I really liked this, I will very possibly make this a repeat Christmas watch. I liked it much more than both The Interview and Bad Neighbours.

“They’re interracial”

“Fuck that park, they got crackheads”.

“I think the cocaine and the mushrooms are reacting poorly“”

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The Snowman and the Snowdog (2012)

Spoilers.

The 1982 Snowman with Aled Jones & Walking in the Air is absolute Christmas must for me, it is the whole package; a sweet and wonderful story with beautiful, classic animation and a song that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. For me it is a sacred piece and therefor it has taken me five years to check this out.

My skepticism was misplaced. Guys this is wonderful in it’s own right. Is it as good as The Snowman? No but it really is rather good.

This is the story of a normal Family that move into the original home from The Snowman with their ageing dog. 

POW! Uppercut: The poor old dog passes away (handled classily by our filmmakers). The young boy of the family is understandably devestated. Truly heart broken and mooching about he finds the original Snowman’s hat, scarf and buttons under the floorboards in his new bedroom. When a snowstorm hits he uses them to unwittingly resurrect the Snowman of my youth (Yey!) and guess what? he has a Snow Dog!! (double Yey!). 

Of course they go for a fly with lovely music and the boy plays ball with the dog. All very lovely but as with the first film all snow must melt (sadface) but it’s ok, the Snowdog gets turned into a really Puppy!!!!! Woooot!

I’m a dog lover so this to me is emotional dynamite. The for aged pooch chasing his ball absolutely broke my heart and having lost a dog to illness a few years ago I emphathised entirely with the small boy in both his sadness and his elation.

A lovely little story, a beautiful balance of sadness and joy

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Arthur Christmas (2011)

How does Santa get all around the World in one evening? What does he do with all the Milk and Mince Pies? How does he cope with exponential population growth? How can he know who’s been naughty or nice?

Technology, that’s the answer. Technology and an Army of crack Commando Elves lead by Santa’s firstborn Son, Steve. Santa also has a second son, Arthur, a clumsy, clutzy, fearful nice guy.

Steve is ruthlessly efficient but crap with kids so when a Christmas Present is missed it is up to Arthur, embodying the true spirit of Christmas to save the day.

This is a fabulous film guys. I’m pretty sure I have a new annual rewatch on my hands.

This has an obvious anti technology, pro tradition message that I absolutely loved. This is silly and funny, cute and sentimental - it is choc full of magic. 

It have me all the things I wanted and left me feeling all festive.

“A child has been missed!”

“Wow. England”

“They have Elephants in France?”

“You’re a Claus. You give the orders!”

“They used to say that it was impossible to teach women to read! Follow me!”

“This is Germany, Father. They drive on the right. National dish: sausage”.

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Love The Coopers (2015)

The Coopers are a perfectly imperfect family. Alan Arkin is a lonely Widower who’s best friend is the Waitress in the shitty restaurant he frequents. John Goodman and Diane Keaton have been married 40 years and have forgotten that they love each other. Ed helms is Divorced and has lost his Job. Marisa Tomei has an inferiority complex and a mild case of kleptomania. Olivia Wilde has failed to fulfil her potential and is seeing a married man. They are dysfunctional and neurotic, they also do not appreciate how great they have it…..

Will they end up smiling, laughing and thankful by the end of the movie however? Maybe.

This is one of those ensemble pieces where disparate stories gently evolve before melding (seamlessly?) together for an unfulfilling, saccharin sweet finale. It’s a big dollop of Christmas Spirit narrated by Steve Martin from the point of view of a Dog. What’s not to like?

This is fine but nothing more. Far from a Christmas classic but it kinda made me feel warm and fuzzy by the end.

“Do not look at her boobs!”

“Brown young virgin, Mother and Child…”

“You are such a dick!”

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Happy Christmas (2014)

Anna Kendrick is a bit of a loose canon. Fresh from a breakup she moves in with her Brother, his Wife and their small child. With a little help from the friendly neighbourhood drug dealer she finds some purpose, direction and love.

This is an odd little film, I thought I was getting a happy go lucky indie Christmas number. What we actually have here is an indie naval gazer that is (in the main) people sitting around having conversations about everyday issues, insecurities and problems.

I liked this. Like Drinking Buddies the other Joe Swanberg film i’ve seen before this thing is is completely improvised with the actors given merely an outline of where the story is heading and given free reign to form the dialogue, tone and physical performance. This gives the film a rare authenticity that I really bought into.

Not an important story, not high drama but kind of charming. This is cute and awkward and pretty funny with conversations around the sex novel a particular high.

A pleasant little surprise.

“Just a taste to get me hooked?”

“I feel so fucked up already”.

“I’m in little band. We make noise”.

“Nothing going on. Nothing going on”.

“Do you want a hardwood shaving kit?”

“Does cock make sense?”

“Thats an asshole. A rosebud is an asshole”.

“I wanna fuck you!”

“Fucking selfish asshole!”

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Billions - Season 2 (2017)

Giamatti and Lewis are back and they want eachother’s blood. These guys are two sides of the same coin, ruthless, driven bastards prepared to throw anyone and anything under the bus to get ahead. Their shared respective weak points are their pride and their Wives and with their interlocking lives they cannot escape each other.

I LOVED the first series of this thing so much. I really wanted this season to pick up the ball and really run with it.... alas it does not. It’s more clever than that, the series opens fairly quietly, borderline too quietly and begins a whole new storyline. It is a story that must be followed and invested in, some episodes seem to be going nowhere the the pay off arrives and it arrives with a bang.

I love this show it’s a mixture of dick swinging arrogance and aspirational opulence mixed that invokes both envy and pitiful scorn.

This is a clever, subtle and intricate show. It is a show of back dealing, horse bartering and manipulation. This show has superb characters and wonderful interactions. It absolutely rules.

"Babe everyone in the World apart from you, me and the Kids is cannon-fodder".

"Force him to his metaphorical knees and fuck his throat. Make him swallow your seed".

"Did you just say fuck?"

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Billions (2016)

Welcome to the World of Hedge funds and High Finance. Here we have a series about big deals and big bucks and the people that try to keep those deals fair and above board. 

Damian Lewis is the Billionaire - which means he has at least $1,000,000,000 - as in 1,000 millions. This is too much money for me to really understand if i’m honest. Did he make all hose zeros legitimately? Probably not. US Attorney Paul Giamatti certainly doesn’t think so and is on a personal crusade to bring him down. 

This is just wonderful, TV Drama at it’s absolute best. When a TV show opens with Paul Giamatti gimped up and being urinated on by a lady in High Heels you KNOW you are on to a winner right? I have steamrollered this thing out in just six evenings (I would have done it in less if my Wife had allowed it).

The plot of this thing is simple perfection. How the events go down is anything but. This is a game of Cat and Mouse that plays fast and loose with it’s Heroes and Villains. Lewis is a crook but he’s an absolute Rock Star - he’s cool, super smart and rich. He has hot cars and a hotter Wife. He even has a $24,000 road bike which is just delicious. He talks fast, thinks faster and knows everything. You kind of want to be him. i repeat he is the bad guy. 

Paul Giamatti is our noble Knight in Shining Armour. A man on a quest for Justice. He is tenacious and diligent, he always get’s his man but…. he’s also a bit of a prick, somewhat dislikable and a giant pervert. Who do you root for?…. Damian Lewis if you’re me!

Yes. This is truly great TV. Exciting and tense, intricate and clever. Every episode is a joy, it takes it’s time but the plot is always moving forward and I was forever engaged.

If you love the twists, turns and misdirection in a world of corruption and conflicts of interest with an underlying whiff of Scorsese’s The Departed this is the show for you.

Mildly anticlimactic ending but all in all loved it, watch it. 

‘And… he was our Gay Guy”

“What’s the point in having fuck you money if you never say fuck you?”

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#BigRon Recommends: Martin Scorsese

My Favourite Director of all time (just ahead of Quentin Tarantino). Focusing solely on his narrative films here are my favourites in order:

Taxi Driver

Goodfellas

Mean Streets

The Wolf of Wall Street

Gangs of New York

Casino

The Departed

Bringing Out the Dead

The Aviator

The Age of Innocence

Shutter Island

Raging Bull

Kundun

Cape Fear

The King of Comedy

The Color of Money

After Hours

Hugo

New York, New York

Boxcar Bertha

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Who's That Knocking at My Door

The Last Temptation of Christ

Silence

An amazing sequence of films to watch, not a bad film amongst them. Martin Scorsese I salute you!

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Silence (2017)

When Portuguese Jesuit Priests Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver hear of the Apostasy of their former Mentor Liam Neeson they head to 17th Century Japan to learn of his fate. A dangerous mission given Christianity was strictly outlawed in Japan.

Pfffft. This is a tough, tough watch. This is a film about crises of faith, the risks you are are willing to take to promote Christianity and the punishment you are able to endure in order to protect it.

This is an unflinching and unrelenting experience. This film serves almost as an antithesis for something like The Wolf of Wall Street that film was loud, brash and all show. This film is quiet (it’s called Silence after all) and understated, it does that thing 12 Years a Slave did so well, the camera lingers on an atrocity or the face and eyes of a character for just too long, you want to look away but you simply cannot.

It is a film of special imagery (not all of it pleasant to look at) and special performances. It is bleak and shocking. Garfield generally doesn’t convince me as a lead but this is as close as he has come, both he and Driver are excellent but I kind of would have liked to have seen the their roles reversed.

This is not my subject matter (at all) but I can absolutely appreciate everything Scorsese is going for. Would I give this film as much love were it not Scorsese? Possibly not but when a man that great wants to make a film in his own way I am always going to give it it’s due attention. Will it make my Ronnies for this year? No, unlikely.

A certain audience will really go for this, others probably not.

“I pray but I am lost. Am I just praying to silence?”

“The price for your glory is their suffering!”

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The Wolf of Wall Street (2014)

Oh wow, now i’m struggling. Somewhere between Gravity, American Hustle and this we have our best movie of the year - the yet to be seen 12 years a slave notwithstanding.

This is the decadent, hedonist and capitalist (at least partial) rags to riches(ish) true story of Penny Share, Wall Street White Collar Criminal Jordan Belfont. A kind of Gordon Gecko turned Jim Morrison stock broker that pretty much had it all but I guess wanted more.

Its a fourth wall breaking orgy of drugs, booze, hookers, dodgy dealings and stacks and stacks of cash.

There are some fantastic episodes in this film, the McConaughey mentoring speech is probably one of those we’ll look back on in years to come as a complete classic.The 'Lemon’ Ludes scene is absolutely superb, some of the best ‘drugged out’ acting I have ever seen, right up there with Fear and Loathing, I was pretty much in pain from laughing.

I’m not exactly sure what the purpose of this movie is. Perhaps a cautionary tale for people that have had it all and pissed it away, or perhaps a confession or just another way to make money. What it is however is a lot of fun, if you’re a Scorsese fan (and I have no idea why you would not be) this is definitely one for you.

If I wanted to nitpick it’s very long, do we really need to see so much of these guys messed up and lusting after women? Probably not, but can you for give it? Absolutely. It also contains a lot of swearing so don’t watch it with your Nan or Mother-in-Law but then again if you’re watching movies with your Nan or Mother-in-Law - probably don’t choose this.

Excellent over the top performances from both DiCaprio and Hill as horrible people out solely for themselves doing horrible things but to sit back and watch it’s just huge romping pile of fun.

I loved it.

“The year I turned 26, I made 49 million dollars, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week”

“I jerk off at least twice a day”.

“I fucked her brains out… for eleven seconds”.

“I would let her give me AIDS!”

“the cerebral palsy phase”

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Hugo (2011)

A young orphan boy that lives in the clock at Gare du Noord with a love of all things clockwork and cinematic and discovers legendary film maker Ben Kingsley working in a shop. After some initial conflict, lives improve.

Well acted with a lovely nostalgic feel, this almost feels like a Dickensian adaptation. The main boy is brilliant whilst Ben Kingsley is in imperious form and Borat adds comedic value.

Lovely story of broken people and and broken things and a desire to fix them. Sentimental, amusing and thoroughly enjoyable.

“There was a fire. Your Father’s dead”.

“Maybe that’s why a broken machine always makes me a little sad, because it isn’t able to do what it was meant to do… Maybe it’s the same with people. If you lose your purpose… it’s like you’re broken”.

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