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Netanyahu dying on an OR table waiting for a surgeon to arrive:

Me, dressed in ill fitting scrubs with a name tag that says “J. Imhotep” and a playskool toy stethoscope:

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geometry dash roommate

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me if i was a lobsta

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New years kiss but you have your tongue deep inside my pussy 🥰

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I will NEVER see a prehistoric dinosaur

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parent cats are crazy because they have the protectiveness of a parent but at the end of the day theyre still just cats

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🖤 Lady Lucian 🖤

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me, surrounded by other balding men in tuxedos holding glasses of wine: I'd say this champagne has body... in brut force! *entire room fills with the laughter of my rich intellectual peers*

*the actual me thats trapped in the painting that simulates nightmares after a body swapping wizard decided to enact his cruel will upon me* GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE... GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE

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so ur at the party right and there’s this girl in the corner with another girl on a leash with the puppy ears on standard stuff and u start talking to her and she introduces the girl on the leash and says “this is my little puppy, Emily. say hi Emily” and the leash girl does a little bark at u and u say “oh that’s nice” and ur looking for a way to avoid the awkward silence during a 4 second period that feels like a half hour so u ask “does she know any tricks?” so the girl says “come on girl, show ‘em” and the puppy girl gets up pulls out a skateboard and starts doing the sickest kick flips u ever saw

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straight men have beauty standards for men that are completely different than the beauty standards women and gay men have for men and then they get mad when they conform to the beauty standards other podcast bros set for them and women still don’t find them attractive

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Where the FUCK is “Hoes Mad, Reblog to have a karkalicious 2009”

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Bronze age ship discovered

look inside

made of wood

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