Every time you swallow ocean water you have a very small chance of swallowing Boston tea
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I haven’t had sex in 4 weeks
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When people pierce their baby’s ears, they have decided that it’s okay to harm their child for purely aesthetic reasons.
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If you wear a shirt with a small, inconspicuous corporate logo, you may be working at that company. If you wear a shirt with a huge corporate logo, you got it at some event and they’re using you as a free billboard.
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like if a drink is gonna taste bad, then I want it to at least Fuck Me Up, and if a drink isn’t gonna fuck me up, then i want it to taste real nice. but you can’t have a drink that both fails to fuck you up, AND fails to taste good. that’s cheating. and that’s beer.
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me, experiencing the sudden anguish that comes with living: alright
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“If we were meant to be, we would have been by now.”
— Billie Eilish; watch
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take a lot of naps and ignore a lot of people
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Incredible
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Opens up the condom with my teeth but just starts eating it
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