better-than-batman

[better-than-batman]

black widow takes peoples heads off at the jump be so serious with me what's bruce wayne gonna do to her. hes gonna take the L is what he's gonna do

[better-than-batman]

[better-than-batman]

Something you must remember about Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne is that they spent more than a decade getting locked in Saw traps together and that both of them are intensely and painfully fond and nostalgic about that period of their lives.

[better-than-batman]

I headcannon that the reason dickbabs works after she becomes oracle is because babs really realized what she wanted after becoming disabled. She also realized that life was too short to give up on a good thing, even if it's hard and complicated. Dick already knew he'd do anything for her and that he wanted her, but they struggled to communicate well and let a lot of other things get in the way. They realized they had to prioritize each other. And that's how they got here.

I know they aren't everyone's favorite ship, but they're one of mine.

[better-than-batman]

ur telling me batman (a hero whose power is like 65% fear 35% money) has a villain who is all about weaponizing fear and he’s not the main villain? ur telling me batman (man with a secret identity so strong that there are questions of who the real person is at the end of the day and whose entire creed is about stopping One Bad Day™️) has a villain who is his childhood friend that has physically separated his dual violent-nonviolent nature and is all about duality and chance and he’s not the main villain? ur telling me batman (man with strong ideas about the Right Way to stop crime and who emerged from the destruction of his own family structure) has a villain who is his undead son/former sidekick who he couldn’t save and now disagrees with the way to address crime in gotham and he’s not the main villain? ur shitting me about this clown guy right

[better-than-batman]

the corrupt business practices that rot the core of gotham may be ugly, but that doesn’t mean your website has to be. hi, i’m the riddler and I’m here to talk to you about squaresp

[better-than-batman]

Bruce: [feeling unsettled, like he can't put his finger on why he's so anxious and worried, no tests he's run on himself have yielded any strange results, he's at a loss for how to fix this] Bruce: [immediately scrolls through his contacts to call Dick] Dick: "Hey, you okay? Just checking, you're not injured or anything? No? Okay, then time to be annoying and mock you right to your face about how you're too old to do this anymore. Have you considered that maybe you're just getting really feeble and incompetent? Feel better now?" Bruce: "DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE, GRAYSON. And, yes, I do feel better now." HORRIBLE GREMLIN CHILD ALWAYS MAKES BRUCE SMILE AND REASSURES HIM JUST BE BEING HIMSELF I'M GONNA GO THROW UP FROM FEELINGS BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY RIGHT BEFORE GOTHAM WAR.

[better-than-batman]

batman is an optimist. how much must i shout this fact into the void that is the internet before people realize. he is the biggest optimist in the universe. he is so insufferably compassionate, he is delusionally kind, his worldview is somehow more catholic than matt murdock because he believes in redemption even when hes lost everything over and over and over. gotham is a shithole that deserves to burn, rent is dirt cheap because nobody sane will live there by choice, and it’s crowning achievement is being the home to the biggest max security asylum on earth staffed by people so corrupt that villains escape every other day. and this stupid boy wrapped his mothers broken pearls around his fists like prayer beads and goes out to get his shit rocked every night for the past 20 years because he fell head over heels in love with said shithole city and its garbage residents, funnelling his wealth into the pit of endless greed because he hopes that a few cents will reach the pockets of those who need it

[better-than-batman]

Dick teaching Cass how to cook pancakes will always be one of my favorite things

The only thing I can't forgive about the fandom is that they make Dick a bad cook, when he's very good at it!

[Nightwing #106]

[better-than-batman]

I think Babs should be buffer AND taller than Dick. Cuz that’s what God intended

[better-than-batman]

Dick: Why did you just venmo Jason 3k?

Bruce: Payment

Dick: For?

Bruce: ‘Nice to dad’ bill

Dick:

Bruce: I pay him 3 thousand dollars and he’s nice to me for 30 minutes every month.

Dick: Why am I doing it for free?

Bruce: Because you have a kind heart. Also, Jason took business as his second major, and you didn’t. So.

[better-than-batman]

really liking batman and robin: year one so far

also i like how bruce pretends everything dick does as robin is perfectly normal but no way he didn't panic the first time this happened

no way he didn't panic the 3045th time this happened either, just learned to hide it better

[better-than-batman]

I just woke up and somehow the only thought in my head was Jason Todd as an Etsy witch but he only sells ‘violent spells’ and instead of doing spell work he just personally goes out and beats the shit out of whoever you choose

[better-than-batman]

Bruce: We need to talk about your professionalism.

Bat!sib, standing on Bruce’s desk: Bold words for someone who is standing in lava.

[better-than-batman]

Dick, answering Damian’s call: "Hey Dami, I'm sorry I'm almost done, I'll be there soon. You guys pick a movie?"

Damian: "We did. Out of curiousity, how would you feel if we also searched for a new apartment for you?"

Dick, rolling his eyes: "Okay, okay message received. I'm maybe ten minutes away, please don't burn my place down."

Dick, stringing up the bad guy: "Dami?"

Damian: "Jon and I found a really nice place by the water, pets are allowed too."

Dick, signing a note to stick on the guy: "Okay little wing that's pretty sweet, but I really-- what's that sound? Are those sirens? Damian?"

Dick: *sprints to his glider*

Jon, in the background: "It wasn't on purpose. Did you tell him that?"

Dick, covering his ear to listen better over the wind: "Sorry what? What wasn't on purpose? Why are you whispering?"

Damian: "It's technically Superman's fault."

Dick: "What? Give the phone to Jon."

Damian: "No--" *mild sounds of a scuffle* "--give it back!"

Jon: "Hey Dick. How are you?"

Dick: "What happened?"

Damian, muffled: "You think you're safe up there?! You're not--"

Jon: "So we were messing with your punching bag and Damian asked me how hard I could punch."

Dick: "Uh-huh." *squints as he sees his place in the distance*

Jon: "So I did it a little harder, and it kind of--"

Dick, on the opposite roof: "Went through the wall?"

Jon: "Yeah. What do we do? There's cops outside."

Dick: "Call a contractor maybe. On Bruce's dime."

Jon: "What?"

Dick: "Huh? Oh sorry. Fake an oven explosion. You were making popcorn."

Jon: "What? They're not going to buy that!"

Dick: "You got a better idea?"

Damian, barely audible: "How much popcorn?"

Dick, pinching the bridge of his nose:

[better-than-batman]

I think instead of lame excuses like "Cass is away in Honk Kong" or "[x bat] is doing stuff from his team of heroes" or just ignoring Steph's existance altogether, it would be funny if fanfics took members of the Batfam out of comission by having them have their own fanfic-related cliché adventure

Like, a Jason-centered fic where he asks Alfred where is the replacement and Alfred just goes "oh, Master Timothy has just been possesed by himself from thee-years into the future and is away trying to prevent our horrible deaths" and that's it, Tim is having his own time-travelling fix-it fic in the background which is why he's not mentioned

Babs on a Babs-centric fic where she could really use some advice asking Bruce on comms where her Batgirls are and Bruce non-chalantly answers "Steph has been hit by a love potion and Cass has offered to help her to her apartment", Babs waits a moment and comments "oh... do we get the 'congrats on kissing' banner ready for tomorrow?", "no, I think it's a slow burn, give them a week" and the rest of the fic happens without them

Dick, entering a room and finding Duke "hey, is Damian acting weird this morning or what?" "I think he said something about being stuck on a time-loop until he learns the true meaning of christmas" "aren't we on july?" "Yeah I thought so too but when I asked he mentioned he had already gotten my help on two loops so I just left him be" "well I needed help with a case, you in?" and the rest of the fic is a Dick and Duke team-up

[better-than-batman]

Goofy little Steph and Bruce comics from my Instagram in 2021, kind of forgot about Tumblr so I'm going to try to get some of my old stuff posted over the next while