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We've teamed up with Military OneSource to BeThere for Service members, their families and transitioning Veterans up to 365 days post separation or retirement. Access Military OneSource's free, confidential peer support services at 800-342-9647 and www.MilitaryOneSource.mil.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, contact the

Veterans Crisis Line

(800-273-8255 and Press 1), the

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

(800-273-8255), or other confidential platform.

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The Department of Defense knows how valuable military spouses are. So, when it comes to supporting your career goals within your mobile military life, the DoD has your back. In this episode of the DoD BeThere Podcast, we interview C. Eddy Mentzer, program manager for the Department of Defense’s Spouse Education and Career Opportunities program. He explains the intent behind a recent presidential executive order and shares some invaluable resources made just for you. You’ll wish you knew about these sooner!

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FYSA: Beginning Oct. 1, 2018, BeThere calls will be answered by the Military OneSource call center. You will still receive the same free, convenient, and confidential service you’ve come to count on. #PeerSupport

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Build Connections Throughout Your MilLife

By Julie Dymon

It’s important to feel a sense of belonging and know you’ve left a place better than you found it. So, how do military families build connections with their new communities and find the support they need? Navy spouse, Courtnay, and her Navy reservist husband, Brandon (previously an Active Duty Navy submariner), recently took some time to share their experiences and tips on building connections while on Active Duty and in the Reserves. They have some great insights and tips on how to make connections and live a richer military life.

ACTIVE DUTY

How did you start making connections with people when you entered MilLife?

Brandon:  Making connections when you’re younger and single is a lot like being at college. Everyone just wants to go out and hang out. And then you get married, and it’s hanging out with couples and things kind of shift.

Courtnay: My childhood friend from back home — her husband was on Brandon’s boat. She helped me make friends on the boat.

How did you find the support you needed while on Active Duty?

Brandon: Fleet and Family Support Centers are a really big help when it comes to anything. They do stuff with personal financial management, helping with budgets when you have a baby coming. They are also a great resource for counseling and things like that. And then the guys on the boat, because you’ve got people who’ve been there for 20 plus years and the brand new people, so it’s a good rounded group of guys who, when you get them all together, someone is bound to know some connection or someone to talk to.

Courtnay: Kind of by word of mouth. The big thing for us was finding out about the EFM program, especially with having a child who had medical needs. They have an Exceptional Family Member support group. A lot of it was word of mouth after talking with our ombudsman. I would also say the chaplains are always a great resource to go to for anything.

RESERVES

Were you able to make connections before you moved from your Active Duty to your Reserve location? If so, how?

Brandon: I got out of Active Duty service after 10 ½ years. I made quite a few connections while I was getting out using LinkedIn and Facebook. There are groups that are all about prior military that are looking for jobs. My company has people that post on groups like that all the time, making those connections there and through Twitter. I think the military does a really good job in priming you on making connections.

When I applied for the civilian position I have now, I looked on that company’s LinkedIn and found people who were prior sonar techs and I was able to reach out to them. They helped me along and told me what I could expect during the hiring process. They were very willing to get out there and help me because we had that fraternity-type connection.

Courtnay: No. Not at all. For the spouses with the Reserves, there is not really anything for us. When he put on Chief and we went to the Khaki ball, I did meet some people. But in the Reserves they don’t have what they have on Active Duty.

What are the main differences in military support between Active Duty and Reserves?

Brandon: There are quite a few differences. There are a lot of things where you have it when you are active duty, but then when you go Reserves, you don’t have full-time access to it. Like Fleet and Family — even though we could go onto a base and try to get that, it’s not readily available because I am not passing by it every day walking to work.

Chiefs in the Reserves play a very big role in the communication and getting things taken care of because it is a big network that we have, and I can reach out to so many people and they will reach back really quickly to try to help me out and they have that experience as well. It’s a great network to have in the Reserves.

Courtnay: I think [the support] is more limited for spouses and families in the Reserves, unfortunately. I still keep in connection with a lot of Active Duty spouses. So, if I need something, I have that network and they can point me in the right direction. And there are still some things on Active Duty that we can use in the Reserves as spouses, too.

Brandon and Courtnay both noted how interconnected the military community is. Brandon said, “Even in my civilian job, there are prior Navy people, and we’ve found out that we know so many people that we’ve all worked with and we didn’t even realize it.”

Make a connection today with a Veteran or military spouse BeThere peer specialist by calling 844-357-7337. They can also help you find the Active Duty, Guard or Reserve resources you need today.

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Making new connections while in the #Military can be challenging. Tune in to our latest podcast, Part 2 of our Building Connections series, to find out how #MilSpouse Brittany turned her challenges into opportunities. 

Download & listen to the full episode here: https://soundcloud.com/user-288617165/007-building-connections-in-your-military-community-part-2

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We get it — as a MilFam, frequent moves require ongoing efforts to grow and nurture your support network. If you need extra support or are struggling to find the resources to help you connect, we’re here for you, 24/7/365.

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We get it…military life isn’t always glamorous. When life serves you the veggie omelet instead of the chili mac, we’re here to listen, 24/7/365.

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Talking to Your MilKid About School Safety

By Cortney Phillips Meriwether

As students from preschoolers to high school seniors participate in regular active shooter drills, it’s only natural that your MilKid may come home with some questions and fears. Military families are often uniquely positioned to teach their children about respect for human life, personal responsibility and having a healthy respect for firearms. But how can you talk to your child about real-life scary monsters — as opposed to the imaginary ones that hide under the bed — without causing anxiety? 

Here are four things parents can do to approach school safety and help their kids feel safer in the classroom: 

Know the Facts

Before having a conversation with your child, make sure you are well-informed with facts from reputable sources. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily news cycle, but arming yourself with information can help add perspective. 

For many kids, it can help ease their fears to know there is a plan in place should the worst happen. Talk to your school administrators about safety planning, drill schedules and response plans. You can then tell your child what you learned as a way to demonstrate that the adults in their life are working hard to keep them safe. For examples of how some schools are approaching safety concerns, check out the DoDEA Safe Schools Program or this list of comprehensive resources from the California Governor’s Office of Emergency Services. 

Don’t Downplay Their Fears

You want your kids to feel comfortable talking to you about their concerns. Telling them they have nothing to worry about or brushing off their fears will only encourage them to keep their emotions bottled up inside. The National Education Association recommends creating time to listen to your child’s fears and answer their questions honestly, but in a way that is developmentally appropriate. Consider reaching out to his or her school counselor if your child seems to worry excessively about the potential for violence in his or her school. 

Practice and Model Empathy

There is an undeniable connection between bullying and school violence. Help your child to practice kindness and empathy toward others — and model it in your own behavior. For tips on how to talk to your kids about bullying and examples of actions they can take in their schools, visit StopBullying.gov. 

Monitor Exposure to News

While you can’t pretend that school violence doesn’t happen, you also don’t want to inundate your child with potentially traumatic or harmful news stories. Find the balance between talking openly about what has happened and protecting your child’s sense of innocence and personal safety. In fact, you may find it beneficial to watch the news with your older children so you can discuss in real time.   

Whether breaking the news of a change in PCS or explaining an upcoming deployment, being a military parent can involve some tough conversations with your children — and talking about school safety can certainly be a challenge. However, by keeping the conversation open and seeking out information to calm your child’s fears, you can help them feel safe and comfortable when they walk into the classroom each morning. 

Concerned about how to have a tough conversation? Talk it out with someone who’s been there. Call and speak with a BeThere peer specialist for more tips and resources: 844-357-PEER (7337).

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Have a safe and happy Labor Day!

If you find yourself on the watchbill, and want to talk, we’re here, 24/7/365.

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Consistently working to build your support network and make new connections is part of #MilitaryLife. Tune in to our latest podcast to find out how #MilSpouse Kelli made new connections — even when it wasn’t easy. 

Download & listen to the full episode here: https://soundcloud.com/user-288617165/006-building-connections-in-your-military-community-part-1

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Happy 102nd birthday, Marine Corps Reserve! Thank you for your service. Facing a challenge and need to talk with someone who understands military life? We’re here for you, 24/7/365.

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Nearing the end of your military career and trying to figure out where your career path leads next? We can help you find the resources you need.

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In the latest episode of the DoD BeThere Podcast, we catch up with Kristi, a Marine Corps spouse and mom to two young kids, who took advantage of the GI Bill and a flexible online degree program to reach her goals.

Download & listen to the full episode here: https://soundcloud.com/user-288617165/005-back-to-college-military-spouse-style

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New School After PCS: Tips for Military Kids and Parents

By Julie Dymon

Military kids learn resiliency early on as they navigate new schools, friends and communities with every permanent change of station, or PCS. In order to get a sneakers-on-the-playground perspective, we invited three military kids and one military mom to share their experiences. They provided tips for making the transition to a new school easier and how parents can be a great support system.

Our generous interviewees include:

Reagan: 5-year-old Kindergartener, Marine MilKid (three schools since preschool)

Jackson: 7-year-old second grader, Marine MilKid (six schools since preschool)

Erin: ICU nurse, Navy MilKid (final move at age 9), my daughter

Kristi: Editor-in-Chief of Daily Mom Military/Writer, Marine spouse, mom to Reagan and Jackson

Kristi captured her kids’ answers for BeThere for our current MilKid perspective. My daughter, Erin, is now an adult and shares her MilKid perspective looking back on that time.

What do you love about going to a new school after PCS?

Reagan: I get to make new friends and play with them. And, you [my mom] get me a new backpack and school supplies…and new shoes.

Jackson: I like making new friends.

Erin: I loved getting to meet new friends. I met one of my lifelong best friends on my first day of school. We are still best friends 13 years later.

What don’t you like about starting a new school?

Reagan: When it’s my first day, I don’t know anybody, and I cried in preschool when [my mom] left.

Jackson: Sometimes there are other Jacksons in my school and it gets so confusing — ‘I don’t know who you’re talking to!’

Erin: It was hard to leave my friends I had made at my old school, but we were able to stay connected, especially now with the internet and social media.

Do you have any other concerns about your school day as the new kid?

Reagan: I don’t know if I can learn my teacher’s name and the names of all the kids. I might forget stuff and be embarrassed.

Jackson: I was worried that I was going to get answers wrong.

Erin: I was worried that I would be all alone and wouldn't be able to make new friends. 

What’s your best advice to other kids who are starting a new school after PCS? Any tips/tricks for a great first day?

Reagan: You don’t need to cry when you get to school — it hurts everybody’s ears. When I was kid, I cried when my mom left me at [pre]school, but I didn’t have fun when I was crying. When I stopped crying, it wasn’t that bad. And, kids don’t usually want to talk to you if you’re crying and screaming. You make more friends when you’re just regular.

Jackson: A kid moved into my class, like the second-to-last week of school. It was crazy! I was like, ‘Why would you even do that?’ I would tell them to just play it cool and try not to trip and fall down.

Erin: Be open to meeting as many people as possible. Kids can be more welcoming than you would think to the new kid. Plus, you are bound to find another military kid (or more) that will understand exactly what you are going through. You aren't alone.

What things do you do to help other new kids when they arrive at school?

Reagan: I might get in trouble for talking to them in class, but I would definitely play with them at recess.

Jackson: I would ask my teacher if I could be their helper until they get the hang of it. I would be their first friend.

Erin: I would just go up to the new kids and start talking to them. I invited them to sit with me at lunch and play with me at recess. If you see a new kid, chances are they haven't met many people yet. Go up and talk to them so they know they are not alone. 

What do you love about starting your kids at a new school after PCS?

Kristi: Each new school is a fresh start. We can use the PCS as an excuse to drop bad habits, like protesting homework…or talking too much in class. A PCS and school change are natural fits for goal setting: ‘This is the school where you’ll learn to read’ or ‘This year we’re not going to cry on the first day of school.’ 

What challenges have you faced when starting a new school?

Jackson: I don’t like taking different kinds of tests. I got used to the tests in my old classroom in California, but last year, I had to take a different kind of test.

Erin: I think the hardest part for me was the content we were being taught. They had been learning completely different things than I did at my old school, so I ended up hearing a lot of the content twice and missing out on a big chunk of what I was supposed to learn.

What’s your biggest concern about sending your kids to a new school?

Kristi: As a total mama bear, I worry not so much about their academic capabilities — I think you can master anything with effort. I worry about their hearts. Are the other kids being nice to them and including them? Kids can be brutal.

Don’t project your own fears on your kids. This advice is just as much for me as it is for other parents. Just because starting over in a new school would terrify my introverted, routine-loving self, my kids don’t seem to mind it.

Have you encountered enrollment challenges after PCS?

Erin: Something I didn't get to do was to continue dancing at a program I was in where we used to live. It worked out though, because then I found softball, which ended up being a bigger passion of mine. 

Kristi: I’ve found that there is never enough space in the programs (school activities and MWR-sponsored activities) my kids want. Parents in Iwakuni stand in line at 6 a.m. to register for swim lessons, dance classes and gymnastics, and even doing that doesn’t guarantee you a spot! Afterschool programs are equally competitive.

I will say that enrollment (for us, anyway) has always been a breeze. By contacting the registrar or school liaison via email ahead of our move, we knew exactly what was required and when.

What’s your best advice to other parents for how to support their kids and prepare them for the new school?

Erin: Talk to other parents at the school and set up times where you can get to know them, and your kid can get to know their kid. Have your child join a sports team, club, etc. It’s so much easier to make friends when you are with a group of people that are doing something they all love together. Lastly, talk to the school/teacher. They are a great resource to see how your child is coping in the new environment. Volunteer in their class if you can so they have a familiar face and can be more themselves. 

Kristi: First and foremost, be your kids’ advocate. Listen to them, observe them and don’t hesitate to speak up when something just isn’t working.

A BeThere peer specialist can help you find all the resources you need to help you and your children make a great start at their new school after PCS. Call today at 844-357-PEER (7337).

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Could you survive five days without your smartphone, computer AND TV? Tune in to our latest podcast, “She Agreed to Do What? Surviving a “Digital Detox” – With Peer Specialist Shay,” to find out what this former 20-year Airmen learned from her “digital detox.”

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When facing life’s challenges, there is no greater sign of strength than showing the courage to reach out for help. We’re here for you, 24/7/365.