besteverdeathmetalband

[besteverdeathmetalband]

it was my dads 60th birthday party today and it was a good one. we made enough enchiladas to feed an army and the margaritas were poured for days. my dad gave a toast that was secretly about my grandmother (cause even though it’s been over a year, everything is still kind of about her) and emily, owen, and i traded mine hill road memories- taking turns telling story after story as the whole party listened. i sat in a circle with a group of people that wouldn’t have been possible without my grandmother and found her in every laugh, in every drink, in every smoke, in every bite of queso. i love these people, i love this family my dad and i built. i love that we can find my grandmother and cynthia’s parents again and again in every thread. i love that martha and i are the third generation of this relationship. that emily, owen, and i are connected and bound together no matter what.  i am the product of all these people that i have loved and i have never been more grateful. 

[besteverdeathmetalband]

today is the anniversary of my grandmother’s death and i was going through my drafts when i came across this thing that i wrote last year, a couple of months after she passed. it’s been a really hard year and there’s so much i already wish she had been here for, but i really do find her everywhere and for that i’ll never stop being grateful 

i’ve never been much for faith- what i believe in is pretty limited to the awe i feel looking at a west texas sunset over the davis mountains, but my grandmother and great uncle’s faith has shaped so much of who i am and how i view the world. it’s sometimes hard in their deaths to be truthful about the people they were- imperfect, messy, and not-always-nice; but, they gave me their faith, which i think was fundamentally pure. it’s faith that’s about fellowship, kindness, love, and a patience that could only be born of waiting for that west texas rain. it’s not one i that i always possess or live up to the way that i would like to in their absence, but i’m so glad i was raised in it. though comfortably agnostic, i feel like they keep finding me and reaching out to me across the universe and i have so much faith in the power of their love for me and what that love has given me. granny found me in my dreams the night before she died and let me say goodbye, and this past week- an ocean away in a tiny little village in france the church bells began to ring just as i lit candles for her and alf. 

her estate has been dissolved, everything has been sold- including her house. her clothes, her garden, and the gate from mine hill road are all gone and i’m getting my inheritance from her today. it’s done and she just feels farther away from me because of it. i can’t remember the sound of her voice and no one is ever going to call me excita again and all i have is this hope, that someway, somehow she’ll keep finding me and reaching out. this hope and this faith that her energy still surrounds me and lives in me and gives me strength. 

[besteverdeathmetalband]

y’all. my grandmother has been dead for 8 months- the night of her funeral i ate enchiladas we made from her recipe and watched the mets win against the yankees. the mets were one of our things. and tonight i am out on the ranch she grew up on and we had enchiladas for dinner and i watched the mets make their way to the world series. now i’m laying in bed listening to the rain, missing her so much i can’t breath. i know sportz are dumb and everything, but in the weirdest way it feels like the mets did this for me and i can’t believe that they’re making it into the world series the same year she died and that i watched the winning game in the house she grew up in 

[besteverdeathmetalband]

To the greatest of women and grandmothers- thank you for everything you gave me. I will love you and miss you always (at minehill rd)

[besteverdeathmetalband]

was feelin' p cranky this morning, but then i found out i got this awesome internship and my mom did my hair all cute! 

[besteverdeathmetalband]

!!!!!!! HI OKAY CASUAL REMINDER BC I LITERALLY HAVEN’T LOST A FOLLOWER I SWITCHED BLOGS!!!!!! I DO NOT USE THIS ONE ANYMORE (except when i accidentally post instagram shit here) IF YOU WOULD LIKE MY NEW URL MESSAGE ME FOR IT!!! I DON’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE

[besteverdeathmetalband]

!!!!!!! HI OKAY CASUAL REMINDER BC I LITERALLY HAVEN'T LOST A FOLLOWER I SWITCHED BLOGS!!!!!! I DO NOT USE THIS ONE ANYMORE (except when i accidentally post instagram shit here) IF YOU WOULD LIKE MY NEW URL MESSAGE ME FOR IT!!! I DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE

[besteverdeathmetalband]

lakeside. sunsets

[besteverdeathmetalband]

Doing some etchings with the printmaking class!

[besteverdeathmetalband]

enchiladas! #sogoodtobehome

[besteverdeathmetalband]

summer night baseball

[besteverdeathmetalband]

it was quite a night

[besteverdeathmetalband]

casual reminder i switched blogs! message me for the new link! 

[besteverdeathmetalband]

watching the news for this is just. like this town is right next to mine. we used to use their pool for swim team in high school and it's so weird watching it on tv cause i recognize the streets they're are interviewing people on and stuff like this also feels so far away? i don't know. 

[besteverdeathmetalband]

BREAKING: CBS now reporting 27 dead, incl 14 children in Connecticut school shooting.

“The shooter, who police say is likely a parent of a student, may have had a confrontation with the principal…”

[besteverdeathmetalband]

so just another reminder that i switched blogs! let me know if you want the new link.

[besteverdeathmetalband]

right so, switching blogs. that's happening. lemme know if you want the link. alright, cool.