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Holding on gets harder and harder everyday and I don’t really see myself having a future.

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Dear diary...

I wish I had the words to express the amount of pain I'm currently in.

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Wouldn't mind dying in my sleep tonight.

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“I feel like I am so far behind in life that I will never catch up. Everyone is doing so many things with their lives. I am just here. Frozen. I have been a ghost for years. I wonder if that is all I will ever be.”

—

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She’s not there, Sung Hwa Kim

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I have a terrible habit of leaving things unsaid for the sake of peace

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I wanna hurt myself so bad but I can't unless I wanna risk bleeding out or get an infection because of my idiotic chemo treatment.

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Funny how you can go from thinking someone is okay to not liking them. The person in question isn't mean, quite nice actually but everything they do triggers me. Literally everything.

The worst part is that I can't avoid them because that would mean leaving other people I like talking to.

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that depression hit immediately after you open your eyes in the morning

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i be in my own head fighting for my life

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fuck it. shout out to "high functioning" neurodivergents

the ones who can mask easily, the ones who can get social cues, the ones who have managed to go most of their life not even knowing they were ND because they didn't present as the stereotypical ND person.

the ones who can pay attention in class, understand social etiquette, who understand societial expectations

the ones who don't feel neurodivergent enough bc they don't struggle in the same ways/areas a lot of NDs do, or they can't relate to other NDs' experiences because they always understood these things easily

the ones with high empathy, the ones who DO get the joke, the ones who are constantly told that they can't possibly be neurodivergent because they don't act like what you'd expect a neurodivergent person to act like.

you are neurodivergent enough. you are valid, and so are your experiences. not struggling as much as others do in some places doesn't mean you dont struggle at all. your condition and diagnosis is valid. your symptoms are valid. YOU ARE VALID. not checking all the supposed boxes doesn't mean you aren't neurodivergent. you are enough. you are valid. you are loved. you are valued. you matter. you belong in neurodivergent spaces, you deserve to use whatever resources are available to you, you are allowed to take up space in these communities. and i am so, so proud of you.

feel free to, and actually, i encourage you to reblog this with your experiences. we belong in this community as much as anyone else. please also tag this w/ any neurodivergent conditions i may have forgotten 💙

since this is getting lots of notes I'd like to add, even if you're undiagnosed or maybe self diagnosed, for whatever reason, (i.e. can't get access to a diagnosis, not being taken seriously, or just not wanting an official diagnosis, etc.) this still applies to you. actually especially to you folks. don't think for a second you're not valid just bc you don't have the paperwork or whatever to say it

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i feel like someone dead pretending to be alive

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anonymous ; found on pinterest