benjywong

[benjywong]

2025 and Growth

There are 5 areas of growth:

Intellectual - Brain

Physical - Body

Spiritual - Soul, value, morality

Social - Relationship with others

Emotional - "Who am I?" Relationship with yourself

Each of them can be explained in a Biblical context.

In Singapore, we tend to focus on the first 2 - because that makes us good for the labour force. It's an economical thing. However, that creates a lack of meaning and purpose and is the reason why depression and mental illness is on a high. There is no focus on the soul, on social and on understanding oneself.

My goal this year is to develop my emotional side to understand myself. I think it is oft-neglected everywhere. Parents don't really teach it. My job as a parent is to teach my child not just even about God and the Bible, but also on 4 and 5 - how to build relationships with others and with yourself.

[benjywong]

Lessons from the entire Star Wars Epoch

Star Wars remains for me one of the best epic stories out there. More than Lord of the Rings, or Wizard of Oz, or the Marvel series or CS Lewis Narnia’s series.

1) Every culture has its own traditions that is beautiful, that is celebrated throughout each planet and galaxy.

The overarching story of the Rebels is that these people were oppressed to the point of no return. Their traditions were controlled and made fun of; that each movement of theirs is criticised and blockaded; and that that left the people without an identity. With no identity, people fight to reclaim their identity.

The rest of the others will join the Empire as soldiers to find their identity, but will eventually lose it because there is no identity when you surrender in fear but not in love.

2) It's the common people who are the heroes, not the powerful force users.

I never understood Rogue One. To me it was quite a lame movie when it came out. I thought it deviated greatly from the Star Wars themes of galactic wars, lightsabers and the cool stuff.

There was nothing cool in Rogue One. It was just a war epic where the weak are left with no devices, choice and have to put up guerilla tactics and eventually get saved by the force users - i.e. Luke Skywalker. To me I was like - come on let's get the story going.

But it was when you watched in its entirety that you realise that the heroes are these common folk. The Jedi order has completely failed. There was no reason to believe or trust them to ensure your peace and security anymore. Neither did the Jedi believe in their ability to claim their rightful place.

The heroes here are thieves, murderers, conniving people such as Luthen, Andor, and Saw, who made up the early Rebels.

They were nothing much. Just unlikely heroes who had no force powers. They could not even trust each other.

And in the final film of Episode 9 - you realise that it is the power of the people that again is highlighted. There was no navy, but just common people who fought against the Imperial Navy.

This is why I love Star Wars.

Each person has a place. It is not whether one has the powers or gifts that are endowed. Even those who are like Poe or Finn who are considered the lowest of the low can rise up to the challenge.

[benjywong]

Why celebrating Christmas is important

The early Christians didn’t celebrate Christmas. They celebrated the resurrection, Easter and the other important dates.

However I think that it’s important to celebrate Christmas. It’s to take back Christmas from the media and from the world.

The world has popularized Santa Claus and Rudolph the red nosed reindeer from innocuous beginnings of children’s stories that teach moral values. They’re good storybooks. But the media has popularized it and made it center stage to advertise different products.

Christmas in and of itself is not bad. Gift giving, family gatherings, celebrating the end of the year and relaxation, going on vacations. Admiring lights and festivities. These are not inherently bad. They just rob the time and space and attention off the real reason which is that Jesus as God became man on Christmas.

It wasn’t that He was born. In John 1 Jesus existed at the beginning of the world. The word now is made flesh and that’s what we are celebrating.

We are celebrating Him becoming man for us. And as much as the world perpetuates its advertisements, so should we take the time and opportunity to talk to others of the reason for the season.

[benjywong]

Winter solstice

冬至 is time for you to eat Tangyuan together as a family. It’s a time of get togethers.

It’s a time where the sun literally seems to be standing still as it tilts from south to north. As if for 3 days it does not move due to the tilt of the Earth and the sun.

And it’s in these 3 longest nights that we see a sudden shift towards longer days slowly. Signifying the deepest troughs of depression caused by an absence of light to be dispelled in glorious incoming spring and summer.

That’s why Christmas. The birth of Jesus. The resurrection. They all coincide. Christmas should not be just about the birth of Jesus. But about Easter as well. About resurrection and the real new birth that all of us will receive.

It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

[benjywong]

Hypocrites and insularity

The past 4 years have been grueling. A test of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual feats and standards. Every day is a sprint that’s part of a larger marathon. And it’s very in your face that this is the very case, although we’re all on this race called life.

Because unlike others who can easily relax and take it easy, you can’t. There’s always something new.

So you get accustomed to the new normal of anxiety. And one thing I’ve been working on myself this year is to lower my state of anxiety and not care about too many things despite how it is anxiety inducing to a normal person.

One key thing I’ve learned is in the advice that many give. Most who claim to be experts have not figured it out before. They’ve not walked your path. They presume that they have done it because they have provided some sort of bystander advice but that’s about it. Thus, one wisens up and realizes that they have some sort of value. That value is that they help you to see your blind spots. But if they were in your position they would’ve done even worse shit with shittier outcomes. They are the teacher and not the practitioner because they would’ve failed if they were in your shoes.

So I caution others to not be too hard on themselves. Most people are hypocrites. They give good advice but if in your situation would have done a terrible job.

But that’s not to excuse yourself if you do a terrible job. It’s to tell yourself that in a sprint, know that you should not be pressured by those who have never ran it before.

The next thing I’ve learned is insularity. There are 2 aspects to this. One in positive and one in negative. Let’s start with the positive.

The positive is that you realise that nobody will ever fully know who you are and that’s ok. They’ll misjudge you, your intentions. The best meaning people will also do that and you’ll get disappointed. So you have to have a certain sense of insularity to know that your worth is not measured by KPIs or on the approval of others.

Now to the negative. Singapore is a highly insular nation. This means that most people follow only one path and know only one path. Anything that deviates from that will be questioned and judged because they don’t know any better.

This insularity means that when you speak to most people here about things beyond their scope, they will struggle to comprehend. So why cast your pearls before swine. The goals and ambitions of Singaporeans are fixed. It will be foolish to convince anyone otherwise since it has been ingrained in culture and society for such a long time.

And this is where you learn to 看开 and be more forgiving towards others. You just shrug it off and move on. When you learn that most people who seem like they know things well actually don’t know things as well as they should. Most people are hypocrites in their lives and never live life to God’s intended fullest. And you realise that you should never be fully insular and keep embracing the positives in others.

May 2025 be another year of learning, of living, and of being authentic to myself and my failings and successes and walk with God.

[benjywong]

It’s ok until it attacks the equity of things.

Everyone is ok with transgenderism and the like, for all forms of freedom of expression and “you do you” until it attacks the very core of their own being.

They put themselves in the situation and see another human being getting an unfair advantage over another and are incensed that this is allowed to happen.

The Olympics reminds us very clearly that humans are ironic that they strive for both excellence and equity at the same time. But if one is deemed to be received without much effort or without endowment, it is frowned upon.

[benjywong]

Apart and not a part

National Day is round the corner. I had the serendipitous opportunity to be able to catch the fireworks being in the right time and right place.

And it is indeed very big, grand, and stupendous, just for a rehearsal. 20 minutes straight non-stop blasting of fireworks in the sky.

It did make me feel proud to be a Singaporean, in a way that we had so much here that we could just blast 20 mins of fireworks just for one of our 8-10 rehearsals just for our yearly National Day.

And it's not like this was the 60th birthday. It was the 59th - nothing very special about the number.

As I was walking back with the crowds to the MRT. Can't help but notice how orderly everything is - well-planned. I noticed that the barriers were outsourced to another Pte Ltd in Singapore to do it. And I got shudders thinking of all the contingencies that were asked by the authorities just to tick the boxes and make sure that things work. So hard to earn money as a subcontractor to the government.

Most of them wore red. Some wore 2017 NDP shirts. Some wore "I <3 SG" with the heart inside.

I can't remember when was the last time I wore something like that.

It is surreal. Because just 9 years ago during our Golden Jubilee 50th Anniversary, I was really excited to push things forward - events, camaraderie. I bought the whole kool-aid about Singapore. I wonder where did that enthusiasm, excitement and optimism go?

Perhaps it is due to age and ennui sets in when you get older. But I doubt so. I feel like I still am energetic about things without shame or age. And thinking deeper, it could be that disappointment has set in, a repeated feeling of disappointment in trying to do things, but to realise that the entire system is much bigger than you, and you should just follow the system because you cannot change anything about it.

And that seems to be the way I look at Singapore now. I am a part of it, but very apart, such that I feel that I'm not a part of it at all.

I don't think the rigidity, pragmatism and risk aversion of Singapore and Singaporeans have changed much in the past 9 years. Things have pretty much been the same as it was. Instead, I think that I have slowly come to accept that as much as I love the people, the food and the areas that I grew up in, including the efficiency here most of all; is that I don't feel a part of Singapore at all.

The saddest part is that when I ask fellow Singaporeans about it, the response is not that they feel connected. But that they have little choice, and that they don't know any other alternative to being here. The perks in Singapore are just too good to leave. There is so much comfort in being in your comfort zone here, but not comfortable enough that it makes you not complain, or makes you shout out that you love this country and all that has been done.

There is just so much I think I have gotten used to being disappointed in. And it is not so much about how the government runs things, as opposed to how people around want things to be run.

I've learned not to be disappointed when you start a business in Singapore - because if you want to do something game-changing or cool or really out of the box. You cannot do it here. Save for fintech and certain industries, there is a lack of hinterland and just population size to sustain certain volume based industries.

I've learned not to be disappointed when the people you grew up with will spend all their time trying to jostle for the same Singapore dream that is very myopic and focused on how much income you earn in your job, and using that money, what house and car do you live and drive in, and where are you going for holiday. I never understood those parts because I was always comfortable not staying in a big place and not having a car, and traveling often because it is part of my job and I love traveling to a certain extent without having to use my leave. I also never understood why travel is to certain destinations just to tick off certain lists, without getting to make friends there and really just experiencing a new culture.

It is weird because as the SGD appreciates vis a vis other currencies, we are pretty rich in a material way. But most Singaporeans seem like they live in a kampung and do not know what other countries are like and have never really made friends beyond our shores.

It's quite a sad life, to just focus on getting a high income paying job (which some do not reach because they just don't have the talent and the ability), and then overspend your limits, such as getting a condo where the LTV is just at your income level. Like what happens if you get fired? Do you then firesale because it just becomes hard to service your mortgage?

And the response many then give is to join the government because it is an iron ricebowl. You don't have to work hard, get paid slightly higher than the private sector (barring those in banking, tech and sales), and just climb the ranks and you will be decently rewarded. The issue is that in the government it is hard to create value. Your job is to assign the value that has been created and to do it in an equitable way, or in a way that it was spur up increasing economic growth. Yes the government can spend and create, but it is done in a very different way that without the guardrails in having to run PnL (profit and loss), many of them will fail. And thus because there is the mindset to not fail and see failure as inherently terrible, risk aversion sets in.

And thus, what do risk averse people do? They never go beyond their comfort zone. That's why even though Singaporeans are highly educated, they live in a kampung called Singapore, where they don't know anything beyond their comfort zone.

Quite hard to be close when people share different goals in life. Many Singaporeans just want to stay in their HDBs or condos and not really experience what is out there. It is a resource curse really (a different type of resource curse), where because things are too good here, we have lost the spirit that our forefathers once had.

[benjywong]

To be heard.

Most people in life just want to be heard. They don’t need advice. It’s like with children. They don’t need to be taught per Se. They need to be heard and understood. They will figure it out slowly and you just need to acknowledge their feelings.

And so it is for advice that people give. The most important advice to give is to listen and not give any advice. It’s to give advice only when someone is willing to listen and that’s when they ask for it.

[benjywong]

[benjywong]

Prayer is a Conversation

The best parts of prayer is not that it is a wish list that you ask a divine being for like a genie or a Santa Claus.

The best part of prayer is that it is a conversation. And that is why I strongly believe that people need to discuss and have conversations.

Conversations do not always lead you to get what you want. It is in having a submissive spirit, that leads you to say as in Luke 22:42 - Not my will but Thine be done.

And what keeps us in prayer is difficulties. We all have a thorn in the flesh and that keeps us in prayer and in conversation.

We contrast that with social media on Instagram.

A lot of social media is fake because it is not a conversation. They do not reveal the true essence of life and the difficulties that one is facing. And because of that, there is no conversation to be had. For if one has a conversation, it will be revealed that there was an argument behind a perfect picture during a holiday, an anguish and crying out of tears behind a perfect smile.

The best conversation that we can have today, is with Jesus.

[benjywong]

Resilience

I've been reading a few books on parenting, consuming 30% per book per day.

They are secular books, but offer practical advice.

Locus of control

One of the key themes is the idea of locus of control. I've dealt with this when I was younger, and came to the conclusion that it is important that everyone has an internal locus of control that is subject to God. Most Christians are effected by an external locus of control - tradition, rules, etc. but actually do not really authentically want to do it. They deceive themselves.

When Christianity is in fact about more of an internal locus of control. When Paul speaks about running the race to claim the prize, it is resilience, motivation, despite the odds, with a faith that the true external locus of control (God's will) covers and shelters you and keeps you to the end, without looking at the current external locus of control (which is the difficulties that abound).

It is thus highly important to have an internal locus of control that allows kids to recognise their authentic feelings - good or bad.

Many parents shelter their kids from talking about anger or anxiety. But teaching kids to act in a way consistent to their values and recognise their limits vis a vis the world, allows them to increase ability to regulate it in the future.

Smiling and saying everything is ok and refusing to talk about grief is to show your kid that it is ok to deceive the world.

2. Praise as an incentive

The second key theme is how to deal with incentives - particularly, praise. This is tough, because alot of parents do it. They want their best for the kid, so they praise the kid for being smart, gifted, talented. I find myself doing that sometimes. But in doing so, we settle in a fixed mindset for the kid.

I have been learning to change my language from "You are smart" to focusing on the task at hand - "What are you doing by shifting A to B?", "How are you shifting it?" and some why questions. Or instead of praising the act, to praise the process - "You did very well by putting in effort even though you are tired".

When kids are told that they are smart, they care more about the external locus of control and how they are judged first. When they encounter more difficult problems and can't solve it, their first instinct is shame - because they are supposed to be smart, and that effort makes them dumb, as they were not supposed to put it that much effort. If they try hard to do something, they lose their status of being smart.

This is devastating because the problems in life will become more than what we can handle sometimes. Research has shown that kids in this smart category try less and lose confidence even when they face an easier problem, after encountering a difficult problem. They will always choose the easier problem to solve to protect their ego, and over-report their achievements more.

That is self-deception, and a personal holding back of yourself from doing and living life more because of pride and ego, which has been cultivated onset since young.

3. External incentives

This relates back to the locus of control principle. Parents saying that everything is endowed and you are smart, is saying that your life is determined by an external locus of control. When parents spend money on external things, they are saying to the kids that you need to live for external locus of control. You do well, you get a holiday, or a reward, etc.

Instead I have been looking at the idea of joy and happiness, especially in the Bible, and it is about making yourself happy by improving your relationships with God, with people around you, or engaging in your hobbies and doing what God has given you the might to do.

Those actions work more on an internal locus of control.

Part of being a parent means undoing a lot of the trauma you faced as a child, and making the conscious effort to not do what you are "programmed" to do. But that's a growth mindset of itself

[benjywong]

Sow even though there is no reaping now

One sows, and another reaps.

A good way to start my day, knowing that perhaps it is ok if the fruits do not come now. It does not always mean that you are not doing the right thing.

Resilience and perseverance is key, in knowing that you are doing things in according to the right values.

Do not concern yourself with the reaping. Let us keep on sowing more. For if others reap, it makes no difference, as both sower and reaper rejoice together.

[benjywong]

“In the wise words of Carson, the butler of Downton Abbey, “The business of life is the acquisition of memories. In the end that’s all there is.”

Excerpt from Die with Zero. Bill Perkins

[benjywong]

Read, pray, grow as the easy answer

The Sunday school response is to read, pray and grow. Not that it's not a good answer, but it oversimplifies it somewhat. Yet, what I've realised is that it is actually the best answer, because consistency building is the hardest thing to do in life.

The better answer for RPG will be to run the race with patience as there is only one prize, and run as if you are winning this prize, subjecting your body.

So yes, we sometimes read our Bibles without connecting with God. Re-read it on days with distractions thinking of our checklist for the day.

Yet, the consistency is key. And sometimes the best thing to do is to just keep moving forward, no matter how slow you go.

[benjywong]

Our hope of an anchor for our soul is the rope tied to Jesus within the veil

In the OT, the rope is tied to the High Priest in case he commits a sin and dies. However, now our rope is tied to the Great High Priest because He lives in the Holy of Holies in heaven and pulls us up.

From being tied in case of being dead, to being tied so that we can be alive. What a marvelous transformation. The anchor is reversed. We are now tied to Him as an anchor that pulls us heavenward.

For the veil is rent, and we have access to God.

[benjywong]

The Marketplace Overtaking the Temple

I grew up reading this passage and thinking that church should not be a place to do business. Business is transactional. We should be talking about spiritual things.

But on closer reading, Jesus is not angry because people did business in the temple per se. It was because the marketplace has overtaken the temple where evangelism is meant to be.

The outer courts are for foreigners to listen to God and know Him, a house of prayer for all nations, as seen in Mark 11:17. Yet, the priests not only did not evangelise and give a place of solace, but yet, extorted money at high prices from these foreigners.

And just as Solomon's temple, we today are temples of the Holy Spirit. Am I complacent to let the marketplace overtake the temple?

There is a right place and right time for things.

Let me not replace my outer courts to evangelise with a thirst for money - seeking my gain.

[benjywong]

Man sees the outside, but God sees the heart.

It’s easy to look at the external, or live for the external. After all, that seems to be the thing that everyone cares about. Even if people are not rich, not famous, and very common in all sorts of things, they love to judge the external.

And it’s tempting to always focus on the external. That others will seem to be what they are because of what they look like at the surface.

And while I learn to appreciate and be open and not doubt others before placing a judgement on them, I learn that sometimes people surprise you - and that’s one of the wonders in life that I will cherish and hold on to.

For the more we seek to be like Him, the more He shows us how to see the inside, and discern others like He did, and yet show mercy and compassion to those who may misrepresent and wrong us.