benjywong

[benjywong]

It’s ok until it attacks the equity of things.

Everyone is ok with transgenderism and the like, for all forms of freedom of expression and “you do you” until it attacks the very core of their own being.

They put themselves in the situation and see another human being getting an unfair advantage over another and are incensed that this is allowed to happen.

The Olympics reminds us very clearly that humans are ironic that they strive for both excellence and equity at the same time. But if one is deemed to be received without much effort or without endowment, it is frowned upon.

[benjywong]

Apart and not a part

National Day is round the corner. I had the serendipitous opportunity to be able to catch the fireworks being in the right time and right place.

And it is indeed very big, grand, and stupendous, just for a rehearsal. 20 minutes straight non-stop blasting of fireworks in the sky.

It did make me feel proud to be a Singaporean, in a way that we had so much here that we could just blast 20 mins of fireworks just for one of our 8-10 rehearsals just for our yearly National Day.

And it's not like this was the 60th birthday. It was the 59th - nothing very special about the number.

As I was walking back with the crowds to the MRT. Can't help but notice how orderly everything is - well-planned. I noticed that the barriers were outsourced to another Pte Ltd in Singapore to do it. And I got shudders thinking of all the contingencies that were asked by the authorities just to tick the boxes and make sure that things work. So hard to earn money as a subcontractor to the government.

Most of them wore red. Some wore 2017 NDP shirts. Some wore "I <3 SG" with the heart inside.

I can't remember when was the last time I wore something like that.

It is surreal. Because just 9 years ago during our Golden Jubilee 50th Anniversary, I was really excited to push things forward - events, camaraderie. I bought the whole kool-aid about Singapore. I wonder where did that enthusiasm, excitement and optimism go?

Perhaps it is due to age and ennui sets in when you get older. But I doubt so. I feel like I still am energetic about things without shame or age. And thinking deeper, it could be that disappointment has set in, a repeated feeling of disappointment in trying to do things, but to realise that the entire system is much bigger than you, and you should just follow the system because you cannot change anything about it.

And that seems to be the way I look at Singapore now. I am a part of it, but very apart, such that I feel that I'm not a part of it at all.

I don't think the rigidity, pragmatism and risk aversion of Singapore and Singaporeans have changed much in the past 9 years. Things have pretty much been the same as it was. Instead, I think that I have slowly come to accept that as much as I love the people, the food and the areas that I grew up in, including the efficiency here most of all; is that I don't feel a part of Singapore at all.

The saddest part is that when I ask fellow Singaporeans about it, the response is not that they feel connected. But that they have little choice, and that they don't know any other alternative to being here. The perks in Singapore are just too good to leave. There is so much comfort in being in your comfort zone here, but not comfortable enough that it makes you not complain, or makes you shout out that you love this country and all that has been done.

There is just so much I think I have gotten used to being disappointed in. And it is not so much about how the government runs things, as opposed to how people around want things to be run.

I've learned not to be disappointed when you start a business in Singapore - because if you want to do something game-changing or cool or really out of the box. You cannot do it here. Save for fintech and certain industries, there is a lack of hinterland and just population size to sustain certain volume based industries.

I've learned not to be disappointed when the people you grew up with will spend all their time trying to jostle for the same Singapore dream that is very myopic and focused on how much income you earn in your job, and using that money, what house and car do you live and drive in, and where are you going for holiday. I never understood those parts because I was always comfortable not staying in a big place and not having a car, and traveling often because it is part of my job and I love traveling to a certain extent without having to use my leave. I also never understood why travel is to certain destinations just to tick off certain lists, without getting to make friends there and really just experiencing a new culture.

It is weird because as the SGD appreciates vis a vis other currencies, we are pretty rich in a material way. But most Singaporeans seem like they live in a kampung and do not know what other countries are like and have never really made friends beyond our shores.

It's quite a sad life, to just focus on getting a high income paying job (which some do not reach because they just don't have the talent and the ability), and then overspend your limits, such as getting a condo where the LTV is just at your income level. Like what happens if you get fired? Do you then firesale because it just becomes hard to service your mortgage?

And the response many then give is to join the government because it is an iron ricebowl. You don't have to work hard, get paid slightly higher than the private sector (barring those in banking, tech and sales), and just climb the ranks and you will be decently rewarded. The issue is that in the government it is hard to create value. Your job is to assign the value that has been created and to do it in an equitable way, or in a way that it was spur up increasing economic growth. Yes the government can spend and create, but it is done in a very different way that without the guardrails in having to run PnL (profit and loss), many of them will fail. And thus because there is the mindset to not fail and see failure as inherently terrible, risk aversion sets in.

And thus, what do risk averse people do? They never go beyond their comfort zone. That's why even though Singaporeans are highly educated, they live in a kampung called Singapore, where they don't know anything beyond their comfort zone.

Quite hard to be close when people share different goals in life. Many Singaporeans just want to stay in their HDBs or condos and not really experience what is out there. It is a resource curse really (a different type of resource curse), where because things are too good here, we have lost the spirit that our forefathers once had.

[benjywong]

To be heard.

Most people in life just want to be heard. They don’t need advice. It’s like with children. They don’t need to be taught per Se. They need to be heard and understood. They will figure it out slowly and you just need to acknowledge their feelings.

And so it is for advice that people give. The most important advice to give is to listen and not give any advice. It’s to give advice only when someone is willing to listen and that’s when they ask for it.

[benjywong]

[benjywong]

Prayer is a Conversation

The best parts of prayer is not that it is a wish list that you ask a divine being for like a genie or a Santa Claus.

The best part of prayer is that it is a conversation. And that is why I strongly believe that people need to discuss and have conversations.

Conversations do not always lead you to get what you want. It is in having a submissive spirit, that leads you to say as in Luke 22:42 - Not my will but Thine be done.

And what keeps us in prayer is difficulties. We all have a thorn in the flesh and that keeps us in prayer and in conversation.

We contrast that with social media on Instagram.

A lot of social media is fake because it is not a conversation. They do not reveal the true essence of life and the difficulties that one is facing. And because of that, there is no conversation to be had. For if one has a conversation, it will be revealed that there was an argument behind a perfect picture during a holiday, an anguish and crying out of tears behind a perfect smile.

The best conversation that we can have today, is with Jesus.

[benjywong]

Resilience

I've been reading a few books on parenting, consuming 30% per book per day.

They are secular books, but offer practical advice.

Locus of control

One of the key themes is the idea of locus of control. I've dealt with this when I was younger, and came to the conclusion that it is important that everyone has an internal locus of control that is subject to God. Most Christians are effected by an external locus of control - tradition, rules, etc. but actually do not really authentically want to do it. They deceive themselves.

When Christianity is in fact about more of an internal locus of control. When Paul speaks about running the race to claim the prize, it is resilience, motivation, despite the odds, with a faith that the true external locus of control (God's will) covers and shelters you and keeps you to the end, without looking at the current external locus of control (which is the difficulties that abound).

It is thus highly important to have an internal locus of control that allows kids to recognise their authentic feelings - good or bad.

Many parents shelter their kids from talking about anger or anxiety. But teaching kids to act in a way consistent to their values and recognise their limits vis a vis the world, allows them to increase ability to regulate it in the future.

Smiling and saying everything is ok and refusing to talk about grief is to show your kid that it is ok to deceive the world.

2. Praise as an incentive

The second key theme is how to deal with incentives - particularly, praise. This is tough, because alot of parents do it. They want their best for the kid, so they praise the kid for being smart, gifted, talented. I find myself doing that sometimes. But in doing so, we settle in a fixed mindset for the kid.

I have been learning to change my language from "You are smart" to focusing on the task at hand - "What are you doing by shifting A to B?", "How are you shifting it?" and some why questions. Or instead of praising the act, to praise the process - "You did very well by putting in effort even though you are tired".

When kids are told that they are smart, they care more about the external locus of control and how they are judged first. When they encounter more difficult problems and can't solve it, their first instinct is shame - because they are supposed to be smart, and that effort makes them dumb, as they were not supposed to put it that much effort. If they try hard to do something, they lose their status of being smart.

This is devastating because the problems in life will become more than what we can handle sometimes. Research has shown that kids in this smart category try less and lose confidence even when they face an easier problem, after encountering a difficult problem. They will always choose the easier problem to solve to protect their ego, and over-report their achievements more.

That is self-deception, and a personal holding back of yourself from doing and living life more because of pride and ego, which has been cultivated onset since young.

3. External incentives

This relates back to the locus of control principle. Parents saying that everything is endowed and you are smart, is saying that your life is determined by an external locus of control. When parents spend money on external things, they are saying to the kids that you need to live for external locus of control. You do well, you get a holiday, or a reward, etc.

Instead I have been looking at the idea of joy and happiness, especially in the Bible, and it is about making yourself happy by improving your relationships with God, with people around you, or engaging in your hobbies and doing what God has given you the might to do.

Those actions work more on an internal locus of control.

Part of being a parent means undoing a lot of the trauma you faced as a child, and making the conscious effort to not do what you are "programmed" to do. But that's a growth mindset of itself

[benjywong]

Sow even though there is no reaping now

One sows, and another reaps.

A good way to start my day, knowing that perhaps it is ok if the fruits do not come now. It does not always mean that you are not doing the right thing.

Resilience and perseverance is key, in knowing that you are doing things in according to the right values.

Do not concern yourself with the reaping. Let us keep on sowing more. For if others reap, it makes no difference, as both sower and reaper rejoice together.

[benjywong]

“In the wise words of Carson, the butler of Downton Abbey, “The business of life is the acquisition of memories. In the end that’s all there is.”

Excerpt from Die with Zero. Bill Perkins

[benjywong]

Read, pray, grow as the easy answer

The Sunday school response is to read, pray and grow. Not that it's not a good answer, but it oversimplifies it somewhat. Yet, what I've realised is that it is actually the best answer, because consistency building is the hardest thing to do in life.

The better answer for RPG will be to run the race with patience as there is only one prize, and run as if you are winning this prize, subjecting your body.

So yes, we sometimes read our Bibles without connecting with God. Re-read it on days with distractions thinking of our checklist for the day.

Yet, the consistency is key. And sometimes the best thing to do is to just keep moving forward, no matter how slow you go.

[benjywong]

Our hope of an anchor for our soul is the rope tied to Jesus within the veil

In the OT, the rope is tied to the High Priest in case he commits a sin and dies. However, now our rope is tied to the Great High Priest because He lives in the Holy of Holies in heaven and pulls us up.

From being tied in case of being dead, to being tied so that we can be alive. What a marvelous transformation. The anchor is reversed. We are now tied to Him as an anchor that pulls us heavenward.

For the veil is rent, and we have access to God.

[benjywong]

The Marketplace Overtaking the Temple

I grew up reading this passage and thinking that church should not be a place to do business. Business is transactional. We should be talking about spiritual things.

But on closer reading, Jesus is not angry because people did business in the temple per se. It was because the marketplace has overtaken the temple where evangelism is meant to be.

The outer courts are for foreigners to listen to God and know Him, a house of prayer for all nations, as seen in Mark 11:17. Yet, the priests not only did not evangelise and give a place of solace, but yet, extorted money at high prices from these foreigners.

And just as Solomon's temple, we today are temples of the Holy Spirit. Am I complacent to let the marketplace overtake the temple?

There is a right place and right time for things.

Let me not replace my outer courts to evangelise with a thirst for money - seeking my gain.

[benjywong]

Man sees the outside, but God sees the heart.

It’s easy to look at the external, or live for the external. After all, that seems to be the thing that everyone cares about. Even if people are not rich, not famous, and very common in all sorts of things, they love to judge the external.

And it’s tempting to always focus on the external. That others will seem to be what they are because of what they look like at the surface.

And while I learn to appreciate and be open and not doubt others before placing a judgement on them, I learn that sometimes people surprise you - and that’s one of the wonders in life that I will cherish and hold on to.

For the more we seek to be like Him, the more He shows us how to see the inside, and discern others like He did, and yet show mercy and compassion to those who may misrepresent and wrong us.

[benjywong]

The people in church and the people outside church are fundamentally human, the only difference is that those in church acknowledge their thirst and need of God.

Nonetheless the church is not perfect, and there will be times where the people inside act worse than the world.

[benjywong]

Crises

To think that God will continually test further and harder on each side. Having to deal with conflict daily at work that concern personal relationships - one would have thought that God’s chisel will make you molded to take what comes.

Yet, the human spirit desires to dominate, to seek vengeance and to exact the same unkindness upon others.

Surrendering is one of the hardest things to learn and slowly the things that I hold dear will I have to surrender. To hold captive each thought and action.

May the holy chisel mold.

[benjywong]

Mission focused.

I was asked how things were focused on the Mission in my business.

And it’s not in sermons or explicit talks about Jesus Christ. It’s the everyday actions that count.

It’s the singularity in customer service, the golden rule, the expectation to employees that empowerment is synonymous with trust. You have to give your employees the leeway and if they make mistakes, not to slap their wrists, but to trust that they have done their best. If you do they won’t stick their necks out again.

It’s in the culture of the everyday things you talk about.

Such that when others see your actions they know the Mission.

Unfortunately this is idealistic and not every organization is blessed with it. That’s why it is so hard.

[benjywong]

The irony of Christmas presents in the startup life, is that you didn’t receive any. Instead you received a series of bad things, bad news or just a whole lot of issues that you have to solve or else your clients will guilt trip you to solving it faster.

A lot of payments got delayed because of very fine print. Which brings me to always go back not to good faith, but to the contract. And then bring the rest to God and say that. You are the one who brings good and evil to fall, even upon all men. You decide what Christmas present I get this year.

While people get a year end bonus, we struggle to make sure our clients do not push back on payment deadlines because of fine print.

And a whole bunch of tenders to compete against. 6 to be exact in the month of December.

I never felt this way before. But although I live with a roof over my head, I start to think about all those during Christmas who have nothing. Who are freezing in the streets with nothing to eat, trying to survive the next day. The gift of life the next morning is the best Christmas present they could receive.

And I thank God for this journey because it allows me to experience a bunch of new emotions and perspectives that I’d never get before. Not in a theoretical sense, but to experience a glimpse of it, not as someone who’s going on a mission trip, but someone who is actually experiencing a hurt on the wallet, and whether there will be enough.

I’m glad I’ve more networks to influence, fewer acquaintances and stronger selected friendships, supported by mentors who just cut the chase and no bullshit advice.

This year I realised who are the ones who care for my soul, my eternal future, who really love me. And those who do it because of procedure, of a reputation to keep, without love and respect.

[benjywong]

Shadow of death

Death is not something we fear, but embrace, as we go to the Saviour.

I didn’t realise this before but shadow implies that there’s bright light behind it, to create a shadow.

Behind the terrible death, is light that is brighter than death, that it just creates a shadow for us that we walk through.

Take me home Lord