bengibbardpoetry

[bengibbardpoetry]

How Ben Gibbard is a metaphor for me

I consider a core root of who I am to be the battle between my adventurous spirit that wants to live on the run and my lonely self that requires deep consistent relationships who know me to my core. Ben Gibbard is a metaphor for me by representing this battle. In one way, Ben Gibbard represents the dream life and energy I am chasing and trying to design myself around by being born out of the Pacific Northwest indie music scene. He is an alternative, NorthFace, complex, artsy person who writes angsty music between his ultramarathons in the mountains. The existence of him draws me to Seattle and encourages me to leave my family and friends behind in pursuit of this dream energy. Simultaneously, Ben vocalizes my loneliness, my desire to be loved, and my dependence on deep relationships. I find myself listening and appreciating his music as true art because of how sad it is, and feeling like the most quality music is the saddest music. While my loneliness drives me to listen to this music, listening to this music makes me lonelier. These two parts of myself are in battle because they naturally contradict each other – being on the run prevents me from putting down deep roots, and putting down deep roots holds me back from adventure. Ben Gibbard himself represents the battle between these two pieces of myself because his albums and eras of his life lie similarly in stark contrast and he writes music from the pain of being pulled by many different things.

[bengibbardpoetry]

Guidelines and Parameters

I want to use Ben Gibbard’s work as gift, but I want to cite him when I use his words or ideas.

I think it is okay to embody Ben’s experiences that are not mine as long as I cite him when used explicitly enough

The fact that Ben Gibbard leads a somewhat similar life with similar values to my own and is from a similar demographic makes it easier for me to embody his ideas and feel okay embodying them.

I recognize that Ben uses artistic liberty when writing songs and all of his lyrics are not necessarily a direct reflection of his life and feelings. For example, the whole Kintsugi album may not necessarily reflect his true and complete feelings on his ex-wife as internet circles often claim. Therefore, when writing about Ben himself, I will not use only lyrics to tell me about who he is and will be careful to use interviews as well.

[bengibbardpoetry]

Kintsugi

How does Ben practice Kintsugi with his life, emotions, and exaggeration to build art?

You’ve had your head and heart so deep

you’re stumbling over yourself. Then you fall

Wasted all the time

I've been so active.

Improvisational.

I’m a songwriter. 

It’s fucking incredible.

I ate, slept, and dreamt

running around like a fucking crazy person.

I was drinking a lot.

the surgeon 

strips away ego, the place in the world you’ve built for yourself

in this unorthodox set up.

that technique is metaphorically what I’ve been trying to do with songwriting all of these years.

Kintsugi. 

refining how I’m able to talk.

Emotions, life, exaggeration – what gives Ben art to build?

A lot of people who claimed they wouldn’t license themselves

lose money.

I started

talking about my recovery

truly love

I’m writing for myself

For any asshole

what I feel. 

If I’m not crying 

I’m not doing it right.

I still want to be cool. 

My feelings have been hurt.

Does art build Ben or does Ben build art?

Kintsugi. 

That word connected with me. 

My first sex.

It feels like time is slipping away at an increasing rate with every year.

Every fucking interview,

the indie rock illuminati 

start the press cycle.

I was drinking a lot.

It’s failed. 

Other than trying to be cool, 

you have bills to pay.

We were burned out, 

just about to blow his nose, 

cram as much into it as I can.

I’d just found a new toy.

How does Ben build his life with gold-lined cracks of exaggeration?

if a war had been raged between the indie rock gatekeeper and Death Cab For Cutie, Death Cab won.

I’m chasing that 

Silver Bullet. 

drunk and disorderly or sleeping around

to get the courage 

and feed our families. 

people were in the palm of our hands.

If I push past the point of exhaustion, there’s a euphoria I find.

How do emotions art Ben’s life?

Every spectrum of emotion is being shot out of my body as a bolt of light.

It’s such a fucking hippie thing to say, but it’s true.

For all of the damage,

Snarky and mean,

Fuck it man. 

No person,

no drug has ever offered me that. words taken from Ben Gibbard's interview https://www.interviewmagazine.com/music/ben-gibbard-death-cab-for-cutie and his idol Davy Jones' interview https://www.classicbands.com/DavyJonesInterview.html

Each line break represents where I start a new line from the interview.

[bengibbardpoetry]

Ben Gibbard

Ben Gibbard is the lead singer and songwriter of Death Cab For Cutie.

Ben Gibbard is the singer of the Postal Service, Pinwheel, and solo albums.

Ben Gibbard is the reason I want to live in the Pacific Northwest.

Ben Gibbard is the artist who sings me to sleep when I am restless.

Ben Gibbard is the artist who sings me to wake and dress when I am unmotivated.

Ben Gibbard is the reason I like poetry.

Ben Gibbard is the inspiration behind my emotions.

Ben Gibbard is the example I use to contextualize my own stories and feelings.

Ben Gibbard is the way I understand relationships.

Ben Gibbard is the reason my Dad and I talk about music.

Ben Gibbard is the reason I listen to rock.

Ben Gibbard is the reason I think of metaphors for things that happen in my life.

Ben Gibbard is the root of how I can talk about music with my friends.

Ben Gibbard is the man that comforts me when I don’t feel like myself.

Ben Gibbard is associated with my young teenage years.

Ben Gibbard is associated with my father.

Ben Gibbard is associated with long car rides to Newry, Maine at night.

Ben Gibbard is associated with self-discovery in my early ctollege years.

Ben Gibbard is the writer of music that I believe to be a part of my core.

Ben Gibbard is the reason I worry about boys’ ulterior motives.

Ben Gibbard is the way I consider scenarios from different perspectives.

Ben Gibbard is a man with flaws, who has done bad things.

Ben Gibbard is a creator of descriptions of emotions that I’ve felt.

Ben Gibbard is the soundtrack I cry to.

Ben Gibbard is the soundtrack I ski to.

Ben Gibbard is the soundtrack I drive to, happily, in the sun, with wind in my ears.

Ben Gibbard is on a poster in my dorm room.

Ben Gibbard is going to be a trigger for me when my dad dies.

Ben Gibbard is in my memories at three concerts.

Ben Gibbard is on three T-shirts I own.

[bengibbardpoetry]

Your Heart is an Empty Room

dark, dark room, red trim

I’m alone and surrounded

outside, the sun rains

[bengibbardpoetry]

Dad at Night

2012

Under the great dark sky, I

peel marshmallow off my oiled cheeks and strain

your neck like it is my

neck as I sit on your knee and warm my eyes

by the bonfire you built and

swallow your music until it becomes mine. You try

picking satellites like blueberries to

beat my count and win our nightly contest but I tell 

you of one so faint that the 

milk of extra time on your pupils and difference 

in our range secures my win between

the umbrella pines and thick smoke and pangs of shooting 

in the far woods. Sly stars 

slide through space when I stare directly at them and 

become false satellites,

tricking my eyes until they reappear. Do

you think they 

know when we are staring? Let my head collide

with your shoulder. I 

am tired now. Tomorrow we will hike and I can ask 

Mom if she’ll come too and 

then we’ll have another night sky and fire you 

will build and I will smile.

2024

Satellites, Dave Matthews Band. I

-roned into my head from strain

-ing ears to identify Dad’s songs. My

fire flickers in his oak-scarred eyes

to the strums of DMB while my beer flattens and

I think to myself we haven’t bonfired in months although I’m try

-ing to come home more often to

keep him from counting satellites in only his skin when he tell 

-s me about his solitude and my belly wrinkles at the 

thought of his aging and the difference 

he put in my eyes and my brain. Between

hiking and shooting 

I think of him every time I see stars 

with my friends and 

they don’t know about counting satellites.

I keep satellites of myself do

-tting the woods around our fireplace. They 

let eleven y/o me collide

with twenty-one y/o me and I 

wish we could still hang out every day. I ask 

for money and 

tells me “I love you”

and I smile.

Golden Shovel Poem, using lyrics from "Passenger Seat" by Death Cab for Cutie

[bengibbardpoetry]

My Research Questions

Are all of Ben’s stories in his songs true or are some invented?

If they are all true, how is he able to write deep dark songs when he is in a happy peaceful time of his life?

How is Ben able to write stories where he is the bad guy or has treated others badly in relationships without feeling judged by his current partner and friends?

How has the state of Ben’s emotions and life affected his art?

When writing darker narratives, is there a conscious decision to exaggerate certain feelings, or do they emerge naturally from his experiences?

[bengibbardpoetry]

Digital Writers Notebook

This notebook is a space to explore the poetry and emotions woven into Ben Gibbard’s lyrics. I will analyze his transition from challenges with alcohol, relationships, and depression into recovery and track how his art was affected during those changes. I will trace the connections between Death Cab for Cutie’s music and my own life, from nostalgic memories of my childhood in Maine and the early influences of family and self-discovery, to my love for words. I’ll also focus on the beauty of concept albums and analyze his, including Transatlanticism, Kintsugi, and Asphalt Meadows.