ben-0n-fire

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My least favorite depressive symptom.

Depression is often painted as “feeling down” or “being sad most of the time.” While it’s true, those things do happen to me, they are far from the worst symptom.

I call the worst the “wet blanket.” I feel, in general, like I just can’t connect up with things I care about. People, ideas, things I usually find fun, interesting, stimulating or relaxing -  I just can’t bring myself to care. It’s like trying to enjoy yourself with a heavy, wet wool blanket draped over your head. I feel disconnected totally from things I would normally call strengths. I can’t focus for long enough to have a creative thought. Conversations feel like pulling teeth. Picking up the phone or answering a friends Skype call seems, at best, pointless, at worst, impossible. What could I offer a friend right now anyway? I have nothing to give, even to myself.

The way I cope is to withdraw, to the best of my ability, into my own head where unnecessary worry and negative self thinking rule the day. It’s like having your personality caught in a massive bear trap. Try as I might, I can’t even chew off the trapped limb to hobble away from it. I’m just stuck until it passes.

It’s exhausting dealing with the cyclical nature of my depression. To feel better one day - vital, energetic, creative and social - only to tumble back to the starting line over and over and over. It’s exhausting fighting the depression with techniques I’ve learned - challenging the negative voice with reality, forcing myself to reach out, allowing myself to grieve for the things I’ve lost, writing. 

The sadness is horrible, but that floating, disembodied emptiness is the worst thing about depression.

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*plays blink 182 while kickfliping a skateboard* i hate my parents……..and this town 

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Everything’s magic

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Woohoo! Did you get one of these bad boys?

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why isn’t this discussed more

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Tunnels (Making The Video)

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Tom Delonge the first time he left blink 

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Angels and Airwaves is Box Car Racer (x) 

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Flight of Apollo - Angels and Airwaves (x)

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So this happened today #tattoo #hand #alexisonfire #newtattoo

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Anxiety chokes me like razor wire

Sharks and Danger - Alexisonfire (via thewalk1ngdead)

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So much love rn

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Keep It On Wax/Alexisonfire.

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I made another thing

Alexisonfire - Boiled Frogs at their last show ever