bellylaugher-blog

[bellylaugher-blog]

Mental/Emotional Health

All my friends are sad right now. 

Some are going through breakups. Some are moving out of the city.  Some are being pushed out of their job. Some are just miserable at their job. Some are unemployed.

Some are being pushed out of their apartment. Some are dealing with health problems. Some are dealing with a death in the family. Some are going through depression/anxiety. 

It’s been a rough couple of months.  I’m doing my best to be present. To be available. To be encouraging. Its hard for me not to take on their stress. I care greatly about them all. I also can sympathize/empathize. I hope they can pull through. I hope they can begin to heal. I hope there are good things on the horizon.

___

I feel like I’m starting to shake off a little of my depression.  Depression from losing my job a year ago and being unemployed for 6 months.  Stress of finding and starting a new job. Stress of having to find a new apartment and then move. 

A lot of my recent weight has stemmed from that moment. I was honestly depressed. I would sleep til 2. Order Dominos. Then drink all night. 

I gained probably 10-20lbs. 

I have these cacti. Two little nubs. One is tall with yellow hairs. One is short and stout with long spikes. 

When I lost my job and began to move, I had accidentally knocked over the tall guy. I sat him up but it was obvious he needed new soil and more water. It’s been a year and I have finally repotted the poor little guy and moved him to the window for sunlight. His hairs no longer stretch to the sky and his body is dehydrated. I neglected him greatly. I hope he can pull through. 

The short/stout guy I actually bought when I got the new job. My job switched offices and during the move I took him home to avoid having him being squished by the movers. I brought him home in a H&M bag and sat him on my shelf after kicking him over a couple of times from being on the floor. He sat in that bag for 6 months. He now is out and about, in new soil, in the window to catch some sun. He somehow survived.

It’s always been weighing in the back of my head to take care of these guys. I knew they were suffering and that I was neglecting them but every day I would choose not to do anything about it. I would research soils but never buy. I would give them a little bit of water if I had some leftover in my glass.

I was doing the same with myself. I would force myself to get out of bed to only return for longer naps. I would make lists of things to do but never do them. I would research gyms, diets, meditations, depression checklists... but that’s as far as I got. I knew I was uprooted, I knew I was dehydrated, I knew I was keeping myself in the dark. But good god, I didn’t have the energy nor the love to make any moves. 

I feel like crap. I really do. I feel tired all the time. And I’m honestly tired of feeling this way. 

Now that I’m starting to find my footing with my job, starting to work out more, trying to balance my schedule -- I finally can take care of my cacti. My brain. My emotions. 

[bellylaugher-blog]

Nah man

Well here we are. End of March. The competition I signed up for 3 months ago is over with. I didn’t lose any weight. In fact I gained. 

No worries. Starting now. 

New Gym. Equinox. New commitment to not drinking.  Sleeping on a schedule even if I don’t sleep.  Setting goals. 

New Goals: Lose 5-10lbs a month --- by next year be goal weight End of March 191lbs  End of April    180lbs  185lbs  End of May    170lbs   180lbs End of June   160lbs   175lbs End of July    150lbs    170lbs End of Aug.   140lbs    165lbs End of Sept.  130lbs    160lbs End of Oct.    130lbs   155lbs End of Nov.    130lbs   150lbs End of Dec.    130lbs   145lbs End of Jan.    130lbs    140lbs End of Feb.    130lbs    135lbs End of March 130lbs    130lbs

[bellylaugher-blog]

i’m back!

[bellylaugher-blog]

Wooooooooooooooof.

Oi yoi yoi. So I think I’m officially 200lbs. Truth. Not a joke. 

The past two weeks have bene a mind f---- and I have stress ate, stress drank and I feel truly huge and disconnected right now. 

I have yet to work out.

I have yet to change my diet.

I have yet to do anything. 

I’m in a spiral, y’all. 

Trying to focus. Trying to muster the motivation. Here... we .. .go. 

[bellylaugher-blog]

[bellylaugher-blog]

[bellylaugher-blog]

My two cents on two cents...

I’m going to be a hypocrite and talk about something that I’m doing now. And believe me there are better, more researched, better voiced articles out there on this matter... but here are my two cents. 

Especially during 2016, social media has become quite the war zone. Everybody has an opinion on everything. It’s hard to tell when facts become opinions and opinions become facts. Scroll down your facebook, your twitter and you’ll find outrage banging around our echo chambers. There is a lot of things to be outraged about. I get it. There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings or having dialogues on the state of the world -- please keep doing it. But what social media removes is the human aspect of communication. We’re screaming in to the void. We’re stirring pots. We’re reading others words with our own voices. We’re falsely taking action by retweeting, sharing, liking. Analyzing every story, every word that someone puts on the internet is unlike sitting with a friend/family/stranger -- people who knows you or in the very least who can feel you and who you can them -- and discuss the hard stuff. We’ve removed human from the dialogue. We know longer deal with verbal, physical, emotional consequences. We no longer listen. We’re no longer able to hear the facts, sit in the facts then decide how we feel and then decide how we take action.  

I also don’t know if we’re meant to take on the entire internet’s opinion of the <golden globes>, ya know? I don’t think we have that kind of mental and emotional bandwidth. 

I think a part of my diet, my cleanse this year has to include social media. I have to take a break or maybe even say goodbye. 

Too often do I scroll through my feeds and my stomach turns into knots, my stress levels go up and my heart and brain break. 

I’m tired of shouting in my own head. I’m tired of refreshing my page to find likes to feel validated. I’ll continue to keep connected with my family and friends. I’ll continue to read the news. I’m happy to discuss any and all of anything you want to talk about. But I think for the first time in a long time... I want to do it in person. Mono y mono. 

a quick link to a social media cleanse: http://nymag.com/selectall/2015/12/this-is-your-2016-social-media-cleanse-diet.html

[bellylaugher-blog]

$$$GYM$$$

Pluses for new gym:

I have had P.F. for 3 years. I have maybe used it a total of 3 months IF THAT. Time for it to go. $20 a month down the drain. I’ll happily pay the $50 cancellation fee. 

Take that P.F. money and apply it towards my new gym. +20 every month.

I get a work discount for the new gym. No initiation fee. $20 off monthly fee.

I get a health benefits discount for any gym. $20 back for the month. 

It’s in the same building as my work. More likely to go. 

It offers classes that I’m interested and consistently with times that I can attend.

There are nice luxuries included like towels, clean showers, steam room, nice equipment.

I spend the monthly fee for a run of zumba classes, hot yoga classes, etc so it really isn’t that much more.  

All the money that I would have spent on booze, candies and junk food will go towards paying for the gym membership. 

I think its worth it. 

If it can take me to working out daily -- totally worth it. 

 Negatives

It is expensive especially compared to P.F. but see above.

My wack-a-doo schedule but I think I have plan Bs for those days. Either work out before work, or during lunch or leave work early to go. I CAN MAKE THIS WORK. 

[bellylaugher-blog]

Working out is hard.

I have 10 years of not working out under me. 10 years. Sure I had some workout sessions peppered in there. Even a bootcamp. However, I have never been consistent. Every workout is starting over. 

So that is the goal. Make it consistent. 

I have decided to sign up for the gym by my office. Today I started the 30 day challenge for ab/squat/butt/arm/cardio Today I started by food journal. 

Consistency.

Ready set go. 

[bellylaugher-blog]

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

Resolutions... the same ole lets become healthy, wealthy and wise. 

Today I did one of my favorite past times... make a list of impossibilities. Not impossible.. improbable? But maybe.. maybe it can be a possibility. It’s time to change.

Here it is. This is my new life that I won’t live: 

TO DREAM THE IMPROBABLE DREAM

Wake up at 7:00am

10 min Stretch/Meditation

Water! Water! Water!  30 Challenge -Abs -Squat -Butt -Arms -Push Up -Cardio

Drink Hot water and lemon

Eat 1/2 tbs of coconut oil

5 min. shower

Get ready - Brush - Gargle - Lotion

Leave house by 8am

Work 9:30 - 6/6:30

Breakfast (yogurt, banana, coffee, Emergen-C)

Lunch (salad/grain bowl/sandwich/soup)

Snack (fruit, nuts, or cheese)

(7pm-9pm) M, T, TH, F, S, Su - Work Out (5K Challenge, Class)

Dinner (salad) 

No TV after 9.

Prep for next day

Ready for Bed - Brush - Floss - Gargle - M,W,F - Face Mask - T,TH,S,Su - Wipes - Nighttime Lotion

Stretch/Roll Out

5 Minute Meditation

Bed/Lights Out 11:30pm

It’s a full day. Doesn’t take in account Rehearsals or Shows or Time with friends but ideally I would squeeze all this in in a typical day. 

Resources: Wellness Checklist http://www.onegreenplanet.org/lifestyle/thirty-days-to-a-healthier-you-a-daily-checklist-of-wellness-tips/ Mark Fisher Fitness: 7 Habits of Sexy Motherf------ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZG1auOf4DnI

[bellylaugher-blog]

Reading for later

http://www.onegreenplanet.org/lifestyle/thirty-days-to-a-healthier-you-a-daily-checklist-of-wellness-tips/

[bellylaugher-blog]

I drank the last two night because it’s HOLIDAY PARTY season. 

I had fun. I don’t regret breaking my fast. However, I wish I didn’t as much as I did both nights. One drink... maybe two would have been fine. But I over did it. 

I know I’m a binge drinker/eater/snacker. Rest assured, I’m not out of control but 3 is my usual limit. I think I had 4? Maybe 5? each night. One night beer. One night Rum and Cokes. Woof. 

I’ve been thinking about ‘why so many’? I’ve concluded that subconsciously once buzzed, I probably don’t want that feeling to end. I think I’m trying to keep up with everyone else. Silly but true, its odd not to have a drink in your hand if people are drinking. I drink things too quickly (possibly because I’m thirsty and/or the glass is cold or I’m just mindlessly drinking because it’s there).    

I feel more relaxed despite the hangover. However I just feel gross. I feel swollen. I’m dragging mentally. 

So I’m happy to go back on my fast. Next time around I will challenge myself if I do decide to drink to limit myself to just 1 or 2.  HERE WE GOOOoOooOOOoooOOO. 

[bellylaugher-blog]

[bellylaugher-blog]

December Goals

Goals and Plan for WEIGHT FOR IT .. Weight Loss Challenge

Starting Weight: 190.3 lbs Goal Weight: 160 lbs

Timeline: 12/1/16 to 4/1/17 http://www.precisionnutrition.com/weight-loss-calculator

December: Get in the Groove 

Continue on Alcohol Free Spree!

Cut Out Soda completely

No GrubHub. 

No Store Bought Candy (Offered baked goods are fair game)

Salad Up! More Greens! 

Bikram Yoga 10 day Challenge

10 min Morning Meditation

8 hours of sleep

More WATER! Pee your pants, girl

Begin 30 Day Fitness: Beginner Level 1 

Ab, Squat, Butt, Push Up, Arms, Cardio

12/31 target weight: 181lbs

GO! 

[bellylaugher-blog]

Lets talk about food, baby.

So on this quest to get in shape, feel better and just become a super hero -- I’ve gone down a hole of “Food”. 

This blurb will just be a continuous thought of things I’ve heard and things I think. No rhyme or reason. GO! 

Things I believe to be true or arguments or phrases that ring true. 

1) Food is medicine.  2) Food is comfort. 3) Food is a past time. 4) Food is home. 5) Food is social. 6) Sugar is a drug. 

I eat because I’m happy. I eat because I’m sad. I eat because I’m frustrated. I eat because I’m bored. I eat because I feel great. I eat because I feel like shit. I eat because its there. I eat because its not there. 

One of my fellow comedians told me, “Every time I see you, you’re eating a packaged sandwich.”. It’s true. My lifestyle, my habit is to eat on the go. My lifestyle, my habit usually is trying to combat eating fast food so I opt for ‘healthy’ fast food which means its going to be a sandwich/wrap/yogurt etc. I’m 80% Pret A Manager. I know its not the healthiest. I know its not the worst.

In the facebook page for the Weight Lost Challenge I am doing, someone asked the question - “What are you giving up?”

My favorite answers include:

“I am gaining more greens, more protein, more roasted vegetables, more water and more present consumption of all of it.”  “Grubhub”

I order out way to much. I’m 10 points away from a free pizza. I think this is something I can give up. Grubhub. 

I love me some RSA shorts. I love this one. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7Ty8HoIEEg

Eat what you want -- just make it at home. 

If you want the cupcake, eat the damn cupcake.

A failure to plan is a plan to fail.

https://www.mind.org.uk/media/2106853/foodandmood_web.pdf

This is me: 

[bellylaugher-blog]

3:39am

My brain is alive with chatter tonight.

Hoping typing can alleviate some of that and hopefully help me to sleep. Although this glowing screen doesn’t seem to be a good idea.

Anyways...

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it is I want out of life. The past 8 years atleast have been loosely based on this idea of doing comedy. Just do comedy. Yea, become famous is a daydream but never a goal. Get recognized and respected in a community -- yes and yes. Scare myself. Push myself. Believe in my self. Rinse and repeat. Done and done and continuing. 

But now I’m wondering how much longer I want that.

I usually immediately want to blurt out not much longer. At least in the sense of that is my one and only focus.

I don’t want to stop comedy. But it’s no longer a front runner. 

I want to be healthy. I want to fall in love. I want to learn skills like gardening, crafting, building.  I want more nature in my life.

These are things my soul yearns for. 

I’ve spent a lot of time in the basement of a theater. Laughing. Drinking. Socializing. It’s been fun. It’s been some of my best and worst times. 

Even outside of comedy. I have spent a lot of time indoors. In front of a computer. Even my downtime is in front of a computer. 

This past 4 day weekend, I spent a lot of time in bed. Granted the flu pushed me to the extreme for 2 of those days but I have no real excuse for the other 2. I need more health in my life. 

Health to me is Activity. Stimulus. Nature. Connection. Growth. Refinement.

I NEED those things. To the forefront my friends. We have a long road ahead.

[bellylaugher-blog]

Checking in

Got my annual physical. Overall everything looks fine. Still need to schedule dental. (I did with my dentist of 3 years only to find out my new insurance is no bueno there. This causes me stress.)

I’m 61 days alcohol free. I’ve had lots of dreams about drinking but overall its been pretty easy. I still feel tired but hey no more hangovers and more money in my pockets. 

Just got over a big hump of work craziness. GO GO GO GO GO. Just recovered from Thanksgiving Break. Pie. Pie. Pie. Sleep. Just recovered from 24hr flu. Throw Up. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. 

RECENT NEWS: Signed up for a Weight Loss Challenge/Hoyt Foundation Fundraiser. It’s for a good cause and might act as a motivator. Quick overview: The Hoyt Foundation supports other charities that help disabled youths live more fulfilling lives. http://www.teamhoyt.com/The-Hoyt-Foundation.html. The weight challenge is 4 months -- whoever in your group loses the most weight percentage wins moolah. There’s a support FB group. My friend Dana the coordinator and she’s a firecracker when it comes to motivation. She’s a 500+% cheerleader. She had her own turn it around story which is cool. She’s a marathoner and a sweetheart. I figure I can’t lose either way. Well... hopefully lose weight but that is just a bonus. 

So Dec 1 - April 1 is my time frame. Next post will be my goals. I still feel so far away from the start line which is silly because I know that can be anywhere, anytime and it’s not race nor is their a start or a finish there is just this. .... I’m dissolving.

More later...

<3