bellaneedsalife

[bellaneedsalife]

I am one hundred percent positive that I love him more than he loves me

[bellaneedsalife]

If you take a woman to bed and her bra and panties match, I’m sorry to tell you she’s the one who planned everything.

[bellaneedsalife]

[bellaneedsalife]

Dumb customers (Sarah Schauer)

[bellaneedsalife]

List of bullshit I pulled in high school

My yearbook photo was a picture of some random baby off of Google I photoshopped my 17 year-old self’s head onto. It made it in.

Slipped a video titled “hot busty lesbian porn” into the personal folders of everyone in my computer class, which after they all crowded around to see what it was, turned out to be the video for Never Gonna Give You Up (it was 2007, so not yet a worn out joke). Thanks to them (like idiots) deciding to swarm a computer with sound, the computer lab filled up with cheesy ‘80s pop and the sound of me laughing so hard I ended up on the floor clutching my stomach.

Figured out that the school board internet filters blocked based on words and URLs, so I bypassed them simply by pinging their IP addresses, giving me free reign to Youtube and wherever else I felt like going to. I abused this power, and the fact I luckily had one of the computers with built-in speakers, to blast copious amounts of death metal all class.

Formed an air band called Minotaur Lizards whose career peak was “playing” a montage of classic rock songs during a school presentation.

Acted out the mock trial that made up the final for our senior year Law class as head prosecutor, wearing no shirt, no socks, a Dead Kennedys t-shirt, and shorts. Somehow got 10/10 for “appropriateness of dress” by being so utterly wrong that the teacher considered me to have looped back around.

Made sure that the yearbook contained the words “Harry Potter erotica”, and nobody realized until it had already gone to print.

Did accounting for some of the pot dealers in my year and ended up taking a good cash bonus home after my suggested “baked sale” hit it big.

Managed to get out of gym class the last two years on the promise to teachers that if I kept a friend, who was in a wheelchair and one of the above-mentioned dealers, occupied and out of trouble, I could skimp on doing class for non-test days and eke out a 75%.

Turned in so many bullshit essays and “I was bored on this vocabulary test so I write it all in haiku” results that teachers would be disappointed if I turned in ‘normal effort’ work.

Found out someone I really disliked hated my laugh, and dialed up how totally hilarious I found Cool Runnings so much that my laughter got him into a hissy fit that ended with his suspension.

Figured out the school’s weak exits where one could slip through without being noticed, and began selling this information to people once our school cut its truancy officer for budget reasons.

Managed to send through enough filthily-worded Valentine’s Day candygrams with the help of a friend on the inside that there were no candygrams the next year.

Did most of my work for my last year on a single piece of paper I’d just fold up and stick back in my pocket out of general laziness and my lack of need for notes. Math teacher kept poking fun at it, which led to an escalating war of attrition that ended when I handed in a test written on a corn tortilla.

Was voted Most Unique in what is most certainly the last flattering time that award was given in the school’s history

[bellaneedsalife]

I would like to have one night where I don't fuck up my happiness and feel like a piece of worthless trash

[bellaneedsalife]

I want it so fucking badly I've worked my ass off for the past 3 years trying to prove I can do it and pretty much nobody thinks I'll be able to

[bellaneedsalife]

Big Questions with Will Smith

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please unmute this

[bellaneedsalife]

i wish you were with me right now i want a 2 hour long hug

[bellaneedsalife]

Just ONCE I would like to be a little petty without someone making me feel shitty about it. Just one time. Is that too much to fucking ask for?????

[bellaneedsalife]

[bellaneedsalife]

THIS IS MY FAVORITE SEASONAL VINE

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me discovering my inner worth

[bellaneedsalife]

Artist Illustrates Everyday Life With Her Boyfriend, Shows That Love Is In The Small Things

[bellaneedsalife]

[bellaneedsalife]

all bugs can be organized into one of three categories: homies, chillers, and haters. hornets and wasps are haters. mosquitos are haters. most spiders are homies cuz they eat shitty bugs, some spiders are chillers cuz they dont really do anything, but also some spiders are haters because they’ll kill you. learn to tell the difference. bees are homies but they become haters if you fuck with them. most beetles are chillers but if they’re the kind of beetle that flies really fast at your face then they’re haters.