beghar

[beghar]

i dont want to think

[beghar]

I was doing so well having distance from him acting like I dont need him I snapped back this week i hate myself

[beghar]

bruh I really shouldn't be doing all this I should wait to live alone cause going home like this now is terrifying

[beghar]

I dont like this bro idk how to apologize ab it

[beghar]

whenever I am drunk I want to start acting pathetic

[beghar]

it's crazy how some distance makes the relationships better and me just fucking miserable

[beghar]

I keep thinking m gonna get my shit together feel better and do everything I want to and be like the insta girls m jealous of and m realsiing years are passing by I can't find cool friends who think like me I can't make a better tumblr or vintaged or insta or a blog m not reading any new books m not learning any new hobbies not making art not developing a fashion sense can't sit down 2 mins to apply for jobs all I do is drink and smoke and drugs on the weekends and then once in a while when I am not out ill sit on my phone watch these indian people abroad doing so many things and just fucking cry

[beghar]

I had a beautiful instagram caption I wrote in my head the other day

[beghar]

बेघर - beghar - homeless

[beghar]

I really wanna buy these things to start some hobbies but idk how to annoy my parents into buying it like my brother does and I feel guilty

[beghar]

I hate how some distance is good... how it makes things better... it feels so bad tho

[beghar]

I am the one who started taking distance from him first but now it's fallen into habit

[beghar]

I dont know how to pay back and I feel so fucking shit for not being as good if a friend to people who seem to actually care ab me but rather being so invested in some questionable friendships

[beghar]

I spend so much money on people who give me almost nothing back and then other people buy me gifts and I feel so fucking guilty and I don't know what to do with myself anymore

[beghar]

does he have better days when m not around or does he not want me around when he has better days

[beghar]

first... I need to make money... I think everything else will fall in place

[beghar]

I have to accept that keeping a hold on him isn't the same as having him and let go cause it's a lot of hurt for very miniscule fleeting moments of feeling ok