beethebarbarian

[beethebarbarian]

A hexagonal storm with a diameter of 25,000 km raging at the north pole of Saturn.

[beethebarbarian]

The best notes written in manuscripts by medieval monks

Colophon: a statement at the end of a book containing the scribe or owner’s name, date of completion, or bitching about how hard it is to write a book in the dark ages

Oh, my hand

The parchment is very hairy

Thank God it will soon be dark

St. Patrick of Armagh, deliver me from writing

Now I’ve written the whole thing; for Christ’s sake give me a drink

Oh d fuckin abbot

Massive hangover

Whoever translated these Gospels did a very poor job

Cursed be the pesty cat that urinated over this book during the night

If someone else would like such a handsome book, come and look me up in Paris, across from the Notre Dame cathedral

I shall remember, O Christ, that I am writing of Thee, because I am wrecked today

Do not reproach me concerning the letters, the ink is bad and the parchment scanty and the day is dark

11 golden letters, 8 shilling each; 700 letters with double shafts, 7 shilling for each hundred; and 35 quires of text, each 16 leaves, at 3 shilling each. For such an amount I won’t write again

Here ends the second part of the title work of Brother Thomas Aquinas of the Dominican Order; very long, very verbose; and very tedious for the scribe; thank God, thank God, and again thank God

If anyone take away this book, let him die the death, let him be fried in a pan; let the falling sickness and fever seize him; let him be broken on the wheel, and hanged. Amen

[beethebarbarian]

Willow sculpture by Trevor Leat

http://www.trevorleat.co.uk/

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[beethebarbarian]

Alternate universe where wizards have vans with airbrush portraits of regular looking guys on them

[beethebarbarian]

Google Ambient Chaos if you ever need background noises for writing! It's a customizable soundscape website.

Anon, when I first saw this ask, I thought it was going to be one of those mixers of nice, traditional sounds, like rain or a coffeeshop. And it is! And there's lofi hiphop, my favorite sound to write to! Which means this is legitimately an excellent tool for writers, and I love you for introducing it to me.

But I also want to say. There are some choices here. That I need to point out. Because they're either fantastic or questionable, and I can't decide.

Things like . . .

Couple arguing.

Medieval battle.

Beehive, where you can write to a fuckton of bees.

Crime scene.

And actually the perfect soundscape for NaNoWriMo.

(It's here, for those curious.)

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[beethebarbarian]

I've drawn most of D&D's races in isotype pictogram / bathroom / safety sign style, for all your fantasy signage needs. You can use these however you like, but credit me if you can and don't claim the unedited images as your own.

First row: kobold, goblin, aarakocra/kenku, tabaxi, tiefling, satyr, dragonborn, yuan-ti, firbolg, werewolf

Second row: harengon, ratfolk, halfling/gnome, dwarf, humanoid, elf, goliath, orc/bugbear, skeleton, lich, minotaur

Third row: loxodon, lizardfolk, gelatinous cube

[beethebarbarian]

The shaman of Bad Dürrenberg are the remains of a 25-35 year old woman, who was burried 8600 to 9000 year ago in Germany. Around her, were the remains of an extraordinary head-dress, made from the bones and teeth of different animals such as deer, wild boar, crane and turtle

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Friendly reminder

[beethebarbarian]

Medieval dragonlike creature PNGs.

(1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.)

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[beethebarbarian]

Every friend group has the bloodthirsty shape-shifting entity that can perfectly imitate the human voice

[beethebarbarian]

Two Medieval Monks Invent Bestiaries

By Mallory Ortberg on The Toast

MONK #1: do birds have meetings MONK #2: absolutely they have a Meeting Hat and everything MONK #1: what do they have meetings about MONK #2: mostly who gets to wear the meeting hat

MONK #1: do human women sleep in beds or– MONK #2: no that’s dogs you’re thinking of MONK #1: right right

MONK #1: what part of the knight do fish go on MONK #2: the head MONK #1: thanks MONK #2: oh absolutely no problem at all MONK #1: both lying flatwise across the head, or…? MONK #2: no one on each side like ears MONK #1: ok great

MONK #1: so when a dog and a bird make out MONK #2: right MONK #1: it’s usually the bird that’s on top right? MONK #2: yeah usually MONK #1: great

MONK #1: hey is it owls or people that live in caves and build fires? MONK #2: owls

MONK #1: hey roughly what size are sparrows MONK #2: mm it kind of depends MONK #1: like AS big as a tree or not quite as big as a tree? MONK #2: oh pretty much the same size as a tree

MONK #1: can cows sail boats? MONK #2: hahaha no common misconception they have to put wheels on the boat and roll it over land

MONK #1: what do birds eat MONK #2: other birds mostly MONK #1: like different kinds of birds, or something else MONK #2: no birds only eat exactly the same kind of birds that they are

MONK #1: what kind of bird tucks people into bed at night usually I mean MONK #2: any bird any kind of walking bird MONK #1: and when it tucks you in, people usually look… MONK #2: incredibly worried it’s incredibly worrying when the bedbird tucks you in

MONK #1: ugh sorry to bother you again MONK #2: no no its fine this is what i’m here for what is it MONK #1: what part of a goat is a snail again like the front end or the back end MONK #2: what part do you feel like should be the snail part MONK #1: the back part? MONK #2: you shouldnt doubt yourself you know more about goats than you give yourself credit for

MONK #1: what usually rides horses like people or– MONK #2: fire

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The reason wizards wear lots of jewelry is for self defense.

I shoot a beam at my wizard nemesis but it reflects flawlessly off of his Claire accessories clip on earrings, killing me instantly.

[beethebarbarian]

I’m building a dnd class rn called “Just Some Guy” and the whole thing is that they are just supremely bad at combat and ability checks the whole time. at level 20 u get an ability called “Fucking Finally” where u get the level 1 abilities of another class. ur hit dice are d4s and the only thing u have proficiency in is improvised weapons. this is the funniest thing I’ve done in a hot minute

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Liam Pritchard