Statistics
We looked inside some of the posts by beengonetoolong and here's what we found interesting.
Average Info
Notes Per Post
0
Likes Per Post
0
Reblog Per Post
0
Reply Per Post
0
Time Between Posts
4 minutes ago
Number of Posts By Type
Text
17
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr was the first site to host the blog for President Barack Obama in 2011.
Text
Hey. 1- your abuser tells you that your reality is warped to explain why their behavior seems so unfair to you, that’s why you don’t understand. 2- you were treated unfairly for a long time, your mom consistently placed your sister’s feelings above yours. Your pain was real, and it made sense to feel it. 3- your mom can’t tell you what is and isn’t fair to feel, especially because she expected you to accept her and your sister’s narcissism as the truth. 4- you were treated as disgusting, inferior, and violent for twenty years. It’s ok that sometimes you feel that way because you were made to believe it was true. But it’s just not true. It’s not true.
Imagine if someone had come to help you? Imagine what they would’ve saw. I’m so sorry that your teachers and those cops were so ignorant, I can’t make excuses for them, and we don’t have to. When you made up the story of the angel Eziath that finally banished your nightmares, you sent him to someone else first. The night that Bella died, you felt as though God had abandoned you. You could’t feel this warm presence that has gotten you through so much. In the morning, when you heard she was gone, you were so angry that he had taken her. Then you took solace in the fact that the angel was again not with you, because you felt him again when you thought that he was looking after her. It was the only thing that could remediate the pain of knowing that small animal’s suffering, knowing that Eziath may have been gone from me because he was with someone you love.
If Eziath had come down to see what was being done to you, who’s side would he take? I mean, I made him up so we could say he probably has a bias. He is my concept of right and safety, so it makes sense that he would side with you. But your own sense of right sides with you, why continue to accept the fake concept of right and wrong that was presented to you by people who were abusing you? Eziath sides with us, and he did help us. Maybe he can’t actually come down to help us because he is a concept, but he sides with us. I was a terrible person for a long time, and the character at the end is sitting here writing about angels and love and hope. And I care about her. I don’t want her to die.
I’m so sorry that he’s gone. I’m sorry he seems to be toying with your emotions. When he said those things, they were more than friendly and you know that. You’re not a fool for feeling the things you feel, he’s a beautiful boy. Even this side of us agrees with that other side that’s been typing for a while. He’s something special. I know he has a girlfriend and it hurts really bad especially because he had this girlfriend when he was saying all those things to you, and that wasn’t fair of him. He said he was going through something with her, and while that can be annoying for him to bring up, because it gives us hope that isn’t good for us, but it does explain why he might’ve been acting the way he was. I know its a crying shame, it is. And I’m sorry that this is how things are now. I’m sorry he’s gone, but he’s left an open end.
Even this side of us is a schmuck when it comes to him, I won’t condemn him either. I know you want to, but you can’t do that without discounting your own feelings. He made you feel safe(r) but it wasn’t enough. It’s okay to be afraid of attachments with what we’ve been through, and sometimes it comes out in negative ways. Now, you may have hurt someone you care for, but he hurt you to. Sometimes these things just don’t work out. Sometimes you just don’t get and give what’s needed, so you trade with someone else. And I know we can’t give up completely yet, but only time will take this away. There is no other way.
Be at peace, though, knowing he is an admirable person. Don’t turn him into something he’s not. He’s Sean, not a indescribable monster from the depths of your subconscious. He’s sweet and kind and confusing, and he never meant to hurt you, and you never meant to hurt him. He’s not the sociopath, the ice king, or the abuser, he’s soft and sweet. You aren’t destined to fall for terrible people just because of your past. In fact, it’s remarkable you can see him for how good he is even though you think you fall for people who are bad for you, Sean would’ve been good to you. But sometimes these things just don’t work out. He has a girlfriend. And I know you want to sit around and wait for them to end, it isn’t fair to you. I know you want to rely on him, but this takes two people. He’s not giving you what you need and it’s because he has somebody. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
But you have your strength, she’s here too. And she’ll be happy to see him if we do, and so will I, and so will you. And maybe it will be bittersweet, and maybe it will just be sweet. But you can’t prepare for conditions that don’t exist, conditions you can’t predict. Maybe you’ll jump awkwardly again if he says hi on campus, but that’s ok. It’s ok. Keep your heart for now. If he comes back for it, you have to judge the situation again, just remember what we have learned from this experience, and remember your empathy for him, and your empathy for yourself.
Call on me, emissary of Eziath, the voice of hope and love, because I am here. If you can’t find me, don’t worry, he never abandons us forever, and his missions are missions of good. You can’t suspect goodness itself, only the way you understand it. He can’t string together meaning for everything, but he can help us learn.
0 notes
Text
Remember when you wanted to be friends? I was so hurt. You’d made me miss you all summer, that was the worst summer of my life. And I’ve had so many terrible ones. I’ve tried to kill myself, there’s so many days of my life I just can’t remember, whole years I can’t remember anything that happened. This summer I remember. Riley died in January, in January I met you. Then my sister got married, divorced, came back home. My mom took her on a trip without me, even though she knew I would want to go. Do my mom and sister talk about feelings? Why am I so alienated from them? What did I do? Then Charlie’s dog died in a brutal way. I told my mom not to let him see her little body. She let him pick her up and look at her smashed face, and I hate her I hate her I hate her. I went on a trip alone with my dad, who screams until I cry. Who treats me like I’m less than a dog, I’m a girl. Told me that he’s never taking me anywhere again, that I’m a brat and I don’t appreciate him, while I’m sobbing at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. There are tourists looking at me and they can hear him yelling. Then we get back, Kota hurts her leg. She’s never going to be the same again. My beautiful perfect puppy is limping around and falling. I hate to see her pain. My dad won’t give her medicine because he decides she doesn’t need them. She sits alone and quietly whimpers all day. I had no one to talk to. My dad kept trying to kick me out, and I moved finally.
I guess that’s not the worst summer I’ve ever had. No one beat me up. But I felt so rejected and alone.
And I get back, I’m not sure you’re coming back. You look? Fucking surprised I walk past you to say hi to someone else. You type quickly into your phone.
You say, I just want to be your friend. I just want to make you feel better. That you’d probably be one of the most trustworthy friends I’d have.
It made me so angry and I’m sorry but you had my feelings in your hand and you disappeared? And I see you again and you’re all cheeriness and affection, and it kills me. I can’t rely on you I wanted so so so so badly to rely on you. I don’t live with my dog anymore, and she’s the only thing I allow myself to love. You’re so pretty, too, I tell you I can’t stand to look at you. I tell you I can’t take you seriously. But the truth is I can’t look at you without feeling so many things and I just couldn’t take it.
Land Locked Blues - Bright Eyes
Why did you make me care about you if this doesn’t fucking matter. I’m sorry I pushed you too far. I’m sorry I’m impossible to love. I’m sorry. I’ve never been sorry before I saw you. And you’re such an irony for me. A pretty boy who wants to be a preacher, or something, you don’t know. You want to go overseas and help children in the place your mother’s family comes from where my family went in a military uniform and razed the earth. A war my family voted for. I feel so guilty. I feel so guilty for everything I have been, everything that I am now. You want to protect children. You hold a special place of honor in my world.
But you’re emotional and confusing, and even so I knew I didn’t deserve you. But you were a comfort to me. You were kind. And I laid waste to anything I could get my hands on, just like I knew I would. I destroy even when I don’t want to because it is the only thing I know how to do. But I cared for you so deeply? There’s someone trapped in here, and she never felt closer to the surface than when she was looking at you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough to come back for you, there’s something keeping me here. It means well and therefore I can’t forsake it. But I can’t get around it. But when I look at you I see the way.
But you love someone else. And I don’t deserve you. And we don’t know each other well enough for me to be feeling all these things. I don’t think I feel like a normal person? I’m afraid of what I’ll say. I’m afraid my reality is broken, that I never saw things the right way.
But you love someone else, and she was fighting in vain.
0 notes
Text
I’ve got nothing left for the world to take. I keep begging for some kind of justice but there is none. That’s the fucking joke, there’s nothing fucking for me and it’s just my fucking problem that I don’t know how to love and people go and fucking indulge in one another and I have nothing and there are things I will never know. I can’t remember the last time someone held me. I can’t stand the idea of anyone holding me. All I want is to be held.
0 notes
Text
I’m a monster, I’m a creep, that’s why he can’t stand to text me back, I’m a disgusting needy creep and he’s better off and he probably pities me for being so fucking pathetic but I thought he fucking saw me but now I’m punishing him for being so nice by being such a fucking creep and I’m so sorry I got too attached I have to keep myself away, away, away from everyone else.
0 notes
Text
I feel like such a crazy person. I have no right to feel this strongly about him.
0 notes
Text
And we never fucking even hung out I said no one time and he gave up? I’m sorry I offended you when I got back I was different I know I’m so sorry.
0 notes
Text
Nothing I can say to myself about love and death can fill this. I just want to be close to him but I pushed him away and now he probably just thinks I’m a bitch and I know that I am. I want to text him. I know I’ll cry if he doesn’t respond. I know that’s likely. I’m spending him bit by bit, the little pieces he gave me. When I see something that reminds me of him, I feel slightly better. His name pops up at work and my face turns to stone. I can’t react.
0 notes
Text
What form of justice could possibly wish this pain for me. I must’ve done something to deserve it? But I’ve been a child. I��m only twenty now. What was the point? What was I supposed to learn? What am I missing that everyone else seems to get?
0 notes
Text
I’ve tried to tell him how I feel. He curtly reminded me his relationship was his priority. I just told him I want to support him. He doesn’t text me back. He broke his promise to call me. I don’t know why he promised at all.
0 notes