becoming-kara

[becoming-kara]

Hi, I’m Kara : )

This is my first time on tumblr - don’t judge me. I’m fun, loving, passionate, free spirited, and a very deep feeler. I’m a storyteller. I’m very much growing into myself... figuring out who I am and what my voice is. I care about the world becoming a better place. I love everything art; music, dance, acting, painting, writing, photography, etc. I’m just starting to dip my hand into writing. I think it’s something my introverted self could really relish in. I want to write scripts and poetry and books. Im just trying to figure out about what - I have a lot to say. Sometimes my thoughts and emotions feel too colossal to put into words. But I think it’s worth a try. My Virgo ♍️ moon sign is very analytical and introspective compared to my Leo ♌️ sun and Libra ♎️ rising. It’s an interesting dynamic to the majority of me that is highly creative. I constantly feel I have to actively accommodate and tend to the Virgo in me, which is sometimes annoying, but I’m learning to embrace it. When I moved to LA (almost 5 years ago) I got into horoscope, but not too crazy. I don’t know everything. I don’t think I want to. It can be fun, but it’s seriously part of the culture out here, so that’s why I brought it up 🤓😋. Also - I just found out tonight that I’m a Mediator (INFP) personality type according to a Myers-Briggs quiz I took online, which my friend Jordan has been asking me to take for literal years now lol, so I finally did it - sorry Jordan. 🙃

I’ve been wanting to start blogging lately, so maybe this is the forum to do it. Sometimes I just like to write.

I’m going through a huge life transition right now and a massive spiritual awakening, which sounds like a glamorous thing but couldn’t be further from that. Messy, painful, and for me lonely. I like being alone. That doesn’t mean I’m a lonely person. I thrive solo. But this awakening is lonely. It kind of has to be. It’s a very personal journey in on. My heart feels lonely. But I know I will come out the other side newer and better off. I pulled back from the partying I was doing and social life. I wasn’t enjoying the people I was hanging around anymore. I feel like so many people are phony and fake and selfish and don’t actually care about others. And I just don’t want to be around those kinds of people. So, I’m just shifting who I give my energy to. And I think the little Kara in me needs my undivided attention and energy right now as I transition through and out of this awakening into my “next” life.

I’m in a weird mood tonight. It’s Friday at 2:09am and I’m laying on my bedroom floor after six hours of cleaning and organizing my bedroom while watching Big Little Lies. I still have a long way to go on the bedroom lol. For some reason I can keep every other room in my apartment so well cleaned, organized, and maintained, but my bedroom is always difficult. I think it’s the biggest reflection of my inner world which is usually chaotic, and my bedroom follows suit. I’m trying to give myself that same organized space because I think it will help me feel more calm and allow me to be more creative. There’s a sense of vulnerability I feel when my bedroom is meticulous and clutter free. It’s calming, no doubt but vulnerable. I wonder if anyone else feels this way or if I’m just a weirdo? Weirdo you say? Yeah, okay, makes sense 😋

It’s so weird I get sad whenever I clean my room. So I feel sad tonight. It’s part of what stops me from doing it a lot of the time. I think it weirdly reminds me of my childhood, and I’m trying to figure out why that is. —it’s a feeling of homesickness but not for any place or any person. It’s like yearning or longing in my heart for something I never got growing up. I feel it all the time. But particularly when I clean my room (soo weird I know!!) So, I always get sad when I have to do this 🤷‍♀️ Is what it is. I would love for someone to give me more insight on why I feel this way!

I know this post is long winded, uninteresting, dna lame.. about bedroom cleaning and heart yearning lol. But that’s just the place I’m in right now and I want to use this forum to be real and authentically me. I want to be able to come on and say whatever I want and whatever it is I’m sincerely feeling. To speak my truth. For some reason I feel like tumblr is the place to do that lol. I’m excited to have a new place to blog and express myself.

Going to browse more on here and watch more Big Little Lies. Maybe organize a little bit more. Also - I always underestimate how much of a badass Reese Witherspoon is, but she really is the shit. She’s really smart and crazy ambitious and goes out there and gets what she wants for herself. She doesn’t take no for an answer. I only have respect for that kind of work ethic and drive.

I have a feeling I’ll be back soon to say hiiiii.

muahh! 💋

kara