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There are – we should add – considerable advantages to doing so. So long as everyone is shouting, we don’t have to notice that time is passing by; death recedes almost entirely from view when every day is a crisis. We don’t have to pay attention to our quieter regrets or more solemn moods, so long as there are always eruptions to attend to. We don’t need to notice the beauty and poignancy of existence when we can never hear the dawn chorus over the pulsing of our frightened hearts.

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The impending end of a relationship fills us with what is termed “separation distress”. Not only do we grieve the loss of the relationship (no matter how good or bad), but we grieve over whether we will find another who will fulfil our needs.

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“Still,” he said, “there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don’t respect the other person, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don’t have a common set of values in life, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.

“And the biggest one of those values, Mitch?”

Yes?

“Your belief in the importance of your marriage.”

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“Part of the problem, Mitch, is that everyone is in such a hurry,” Morrie said. “People haven’t found meaning in their lives, so they’re running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they find those things are empty, too, and they keep running.”

Tuesdays with Morrie -- Mitch Albom

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So once again, I dove into work. I worked because I could control it. I worked because work was sensible and responsive. And each time I would call my brother’s apartment in Spain and get the answering machine—him speaking in Spanish, another sign of how far apart we had drifted—I would hang up and work some more.

Tuesdays with Morrie -- Mitch Albom