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nine months of growth

nine months of pure love

an experience so tough

yet my favorite

my baby, the size of a marble

the flutters, made me marvel

I want to savor it

I will hold you, forever

comfort you, whenever

my baby boy

for as my belly grew,

my mind grew,

who am I?

I am a mother.

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Will You (a poem)

I wonder

I can’t help but wonder

Will you remember my laugh

After days have passed

The way you’d make me smile

My heart would race for miles

Will you crave my touch

When days get rough

My fingers running through your hair

Never again, will they be there

Will you reminisce of my lips

The way you’d drown in my kiss

On the nights I would adore you

I would do anything for you

Will you remember your goodbye

The night I didn’t understand why

Memories flashing before me

Feelings of denial control me

Will the sound of my cry

Linger in your mind

Tears of joy, tears of distress

It is acceptance at its best

Will it ever be our time

Maybe in another life

- ev

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when memories begin to fade, it might be best to keep it that way

Leave the past in the past, where it is meant to stay. We hear this often but I will say it again: the only moment that matters is right now. 

Recently, I have been reflecting a lot on the past. Some memories and even some people are beginning to feel like a dream. They are fading, and at first I was trying to hold on to them, but now I feel content with letting them go. The love I had for people who broke my heart, I would rather leave that love in the past and let my past self love them. My present self needs to be free. The memories I had with people whom I no longer speak with, those good and bad memories belong in the past. I will cherish the good, but I need to move forward. 

Our experiences inspire growth, they can be used as lessons and tools towards enlightenment. Our experiences help shape us and could be used to increase our self-awareness. 

Cherish the good memories, let go of the painful ones, but find the lesson in each. When you notice yourself forgetting someone or something, maybe it is for a reason and you should just let it happen. 

Enjoy what you have now. Be free.

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depression wears different masks

One of the most powerful things I have heard recently is that depression wears different masks. Sometimes it is disguised as irritability, anger, stress, exhaustion, sometimes it is even disguised as a smile. I strongly believe that it isn’t our place to project our own perceptions upon a person who may be “acting funny”, who may be lashing out more than usual, or who may be more irritable than usual. If someone you love is acting unusual, they may be crying out for help. We may not ever understand WHY someone is depressed, but their feelings are valid and we have to remember that. 

Everyone is facing their own battle inside, some battles are mental and more complex than we can personally understand... and sometimes, it is not for us to understand.

I really cannot emphasize enough, how important it is to check on the ones you love. Even a small “thinking of you, I love you” message could be so powerful. If your significant other, family member, or best friend is acting distant or different lately, be patient with them but also reach out! You are around them more than anyone else is, you know them better than anyone else, so you have the ability to determine whether they are a toxic person in general and you should remove them from your life, or if they are simply out of touch with themselves, acting out of the ordinary and are struggling inside. You can bring light to their cloudy mind and remind them that they are not alone. 

(SIDE NOTE: with that being said, I understand that being around someone depressed, could take a mental, emotional toll on you as well. So, you have to remember to take care of yourself too) 

The saddest story I can think of (but is a very common experience people have opened up to me about), is about a person battling depression, the people around them taking it personal and disassociating from them because they are “too much” to handle. Nobody deserves to be neglected. Nobody deserves to be punished for something they cannot control. Sometimes that person in your life who is “too much” just needs a little extra love and patience. 

Educate yourself on the severity of depression. Our greatest artists and actors battled depression and the world was blind to it. Believe it or not, we have the power to influence, empower, and uplift the people in our lives. There are small steps we can take, that could make a huge impact. 

If someone you love is acting different, talk to them. Take them to their favorite restaurant, buy them their favorite flowers, ask them if they are okay, empower them and remind them of how important they are to your life and to this world. Encourage them to seek professional help if it increases. There are resources and there is nothing wrong with reaching out to a therapist. 

The world is already filled with chaos, nobody deserves to go through this life alone. 

And if you are noticing something off about yourself or are struggling with depression, take those same small steps for yourself too. Be kind to yourself, find your outlet and embrace it (my outlet is writing), travel, find a new hobby or passion, meditate, pray, workout, practice your breathing techniques, reach out to someone and do not be afraid or ashamed to seek help. True strength is found within vulnerability. 

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an affirmation

i will not go against myself, i will not go against the universe, i will not go against God. for going against the life that is meant for me, will cause me to live an anxious life. for doing so, will stop me from following the path that i am meant to follow.

i will accept all things that serve me, and peacefully walk away from the things that do not. i will accept all things out of my control, and meditate/pray upon things that are not going as planned.

i will trust in myself and trust in the journey.

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our planet needs us

Okay, let’s be serious. Earth is our home, it is time for us all to embrace it. We are on the verge of losing one million species, we may as well include ourselves in that list. The future of our earth is headed towards a concerning direction if we do not act now. In the same way we care about the new eye-shadow palette that came out, or the scandals between celebrities, we should care about the possible extinction of our plants and animals; we should care about the danger our earth is in. 

I am writing this because I hope to inspire someone to care a little bit more about the world we live on. I read an article (that I will share the link to below) that says “biodiversity loss receives up to eight times less media coverage than climate change” we seem to know more about climate change than about biodiversity. Now, biodiversity consists of all life on earth (plants, animals, fungi, and micro-organisms) a lot of people, including me, seem to lack an understanding of how important biodiversity is. We seem to lack understanding of the long term impacts in which climate change holds; animals are losing their food and homes, and plants are dying because their environment is changing. We are neglecting the organisms that inhabit earth. 

There is more to nature than just the aesthetic.

I admit, I struggle with making environmentally cautious decisions just as much as anyone does. Sometimes I forget to bring my reusable bags inside the grocery store, or I forget to take my reusable cup in when I get coffee. Trust me, I know that sometimes it seems as if we are helpless trying to save the earth all on our own, but all it takes is one person. All it takes is making small choices such as: recycling your trash, recycling your clothes, using reusable cups/water bottles, saying goodbye to plastic bags, or even picking up a piece of trash you find on the ground.

From this day forward, I vow to be more environmentally aware in the decisions I make. I hope you can to. Here are some small, yet powerful steps we can take to benefit our lives and our planet: 

- go on a hike! Embrace nature in its purest form. Bring along a trash bag or two, so you can pick up any trash thrown along the trail. 

- the most basic tip: go reusable! Make good use of reusable bags, water bottles, cups. 

- RECYCLE!

- don’t litter

- reduce or eliminate use of pesticides 

- be mindful of your consumption. Try and reduce your waste. 

- go solar

- carpool, reduce your use of fossil fuels

- support your local farmers market and shop there!

- consider going organic

- advocate towards biodiversity, even continue advocating global warming and climate change 

Like I said, I am also still educating myself but here are a few simple ways I found that will give us a chance to help our planet. 

Below I have attached a couple articles to help increase your awareness. 

https://theunfoldingearth.com/10-things-you-can-do-to-protect-biodiversity/

https://www.dw.com/en/as-extinctions-loom-biodiversity-warnings-fail-to-resonate-with-governments-media/a-48819307

https://blogs.ei.columbia.edu/2011/04/30/what-you-can-do-to-protect-biodiversity/

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solitude

I have always considered myself an introvert. Someone who is only extroverted around those whom I feel comfortable around; those who match my energy. I am able to go out with friends, be social, act silly, but I always need my alone time to reset. Oh, and don’t even get me started on when I am going through something... If I am struggling with something (whether it be emotional, physical, mental) then all I want to do is be alone, otherwise I start to overthink which then makes it hard to focus or think clearly. However, as soon as I get my alone time it is as if I recharge and I feel better. 

I am writing this today because a lot has been on my mind lately. I don’t know if it is because Mercury is in Retrograde or if it is because I am stressing over my crazy life. All I know, is that I have been seeking solitude a lot lately. 

There are times when people simply need to be alone, and their solitude should be respected. 

There have been certain circumstances where my solitude gets mistaken as isolation, and people take it personal. They feel as if I am abandoning them, replacing them, changing, etc. In reality I just need time to meditate, to do some self-reflection, to mentally and spiritually reconnect with myself. 

I value solitude. I believe it is important to spend some time alone. Get to know yourself, allow yourself to feel your emotions, get in tune with your intuition. Sometimes alone time can bring clarity to obstacles you may be facing. 

It is okay to want to be alone. It doesn’t mean you are lonely, anti-social, rude, careless, or selfish. It means you are taking care of yourself. 

And if someone you care about seems to be distant, a simple kind message goes a long way. Even if they seem to be avoiding the world, you just have to understand that they may be going through their own battle and that doesn’t mean you should stop loving them or checking on them. Let them know you are thinking about them, tell them you love them, and remind them that you are there for them. 

I’ll keep it short and sweet today, this was just something heavily on my mind and I thought I’d share!

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i belong to me

something about the way my shirt falls off my shoulder

makes them feel unease

as if i am not allowed to be my own body’s beholder

as if their standards, im supposed to please

“you mustn’t show your body”

“red lipstick is for the whore”

“nobody will take you seriously”

i feel like im in a sexist war!

but i am only feeling freer,

i am only getting much more bold

rules are illusions, nonlinear

no right or wrong, it’s individually

controlled

i am hurting so i am breaking the chains

of imaginary, unreal, unfair expectations

pure love and strength run through my

veins

my own vulnerable yet powerful

foundations

created by me. set me free. made for me.

i trust me. i love me. i belong to me.

nobody owns me, but me

this is just the beginning of me

-ev 🥀

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he was (a poem)

So, this was a piece I wrote awhile ago. I figured I could start sharing some of my poems on here as well.

He was perfect

Strength in the form of a man

Peace, never neglect

Filled with chaos I didn’t understand

He was committed to me

Fully and whole heartedly

What more did I need?

I knew when he parted me

I was me

A mess

He was he

Nothing less

Than what I wanted

But could live without

Now I am haunted

By memories I live without

He was my lesson

He was perfection

He gave me protection

I showed him affection

He showed me depression

He gave me direction

Love at first impression

Only expressed in discretion

He was everything, all of me

And then he set me free

-ev

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my journey towards closure

179 days. Today. That is how long my journey has been. What I want people to realize is that there is no time limit, no manual, no set of rules on how to heal from a broken heart. It has been six months and I have been told to get over it, start dating again, put myself back out there, move on, I’ll find better, or some people feel like I should have already moved on by now. 

I have dealt with some family members getting mad at me for isolating myself, feeling disappointed in me for trusting in a man so easily (when little do they no it was FAR from easy) telling me “I knew this would happen”, “we tried warning you”, “this is why you should have listened to me” as if I wasn’t already humiliated, blaming myself, depressed, and confused. I fell in love, and it failed. I got my heart broken, now I am healing. IT HAPPENS. IT’S LIFE. I honestly believe that this experience will make me fully and wholeheartedly appreciate love the next time around. 

Sometimes I feel like nobody understands, but that is okay. I understand me, I understand what I felt, what I feel, what I went through and what I am going through, and I have been doing what is best for me. However, I feel like I can’t really get mad at the people who give me their feedback, because when I take a step back and look at things from an outside perspective, I feel annoyed with myself too! 

But I have a huge heart, and it is hard for me to trust other people with my heart. I have always felt like I would rather be the person that people depend on than the person who depends on other people. However, I have been grateful for the friends and family that have been by my side, uplifting me, picking me up when I felt like giving up, and bringing a smile to my face when all I wanted to do was cry. Even when I get stubborn and I refuse your help, these people looked past all of that and surrounded me with love. 

When I take a moment to reflect on my journey, I can see all the changes in myself. The first two months were the hardest, I completely lost myself. I did not care what happened to me, I was not very careful of the decisions I was making. I cried every night, I broke down when I was drunk. I felt alone. I was a mess. The next two months I stopped crying. I started meditating. I started finding healthy outlets for me. I refused to sit around in pity for myself. I slowly started to believe in myself again. These past two months have been beautiful. I rediscovered myself. I started acting silly again, smiling more, dancing more, laughing more. I started working out again, writing more, studying harder, setting personal goals for myself. My life has done a complete 180 and I love that I can look back and notice all the differences. 

Even though it has taken me soooo long to heal. Right now, I feel content. I feel at peace and I am grateful for the heartbreak I experienced. It has humbled me, I have learned so much about myself. I have grown. I feel a complete difference in myself spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I am actually happy that I have been giving myself so much time to heal. I have found a new love and a new strength within myself, and right now I am only focused on empowering myself. 

It took 179 days. 6 months to get the closure I needed. To finally look back on the pictures and delete them. To accept that now is the time for me. To put all of my love into myself and to feel happy again. And to set him free. 

If there is anything I would want anyone who is experiencing heartbreak to know, it’s this: take your time! There is no rush, no time limit, and no rules. Some people heal and move on faster than others and that is okay. Allow yourself to grow and evolve from the experience. Go out and stay busy! Everything truly gets better in time if you allow it. 

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growth is a process, designed differently for us all

I am going to tell you a story that I made up. 

Once upon a time there was a little flower, she was buried in the ground during fall and anticipated Spring because the flowers around her bragged about how big and strong their roots were getting. She looked down at her roots and they were small, she was still just a seed, but the flowers around her were already beginning to sprout and she could now understand why. What was taking her so long? Winter came around and the days grew dark and cold, yet she still saw no progress. She closed her eyes and pushed and dreamed and got so mad at herself because she was not growing. She compared herself to the flowers around her as some had already begun to rise above the ground. 

“Don’t worry sweetie, your time will come. Just be patient” said one flower as he was rising above the ground. She cried and begged for the sun to give her some more light. She began to feel weak. She began to give up. The days passed by, they turned into weeks, then months, and finally Spring was approaching. Still, no sign of strong roots, no sign of bright petals, and no sign of growth. 

It was the day before spring and it started to rain “great, just my luck” she said to herself hopelessly, “I hope this rain just wipes me away, I’m only a seed and everyone else is already a flower. There’s no point anymore”. The rain began to pour, thunder began to roar. This started to feel like her breaking point. The storm lasted for hours and she started to cry “I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE”, then as her tears fell, she felt the raindrops run through her, she noticed that the rain actually felt good. She could feel the water flow through her tiny roots, and somehow it made her feel stronger with every drop. Through the rain, she felt happiness, and she felt a sort of growth she never felt before. It had never rained this hard before, she had never heard the sound of thunder that loud before, and suddenly she felt every single emotion there was to be felt in a simple instant. 

It was the type of cleansing she was awaiting. The next day came around, she opened her eyes, and she was a bright, full, and strong flower. She finally bloomed! Her roots grew thick and kept her standing strong. She looked around and the other flowers were cheering. 

It was in that moment that she realized that both the wait and the storm was what she needed all along. If only she had believed in herself this much before, then she would have placed a lot more trust in the process. She realized, not all flowers require the same amount of water, some need to go through a storm before they bloom. Some flowers need a little extra sunshine. Everyone is different; therefore, everyone should not be compared. The greatest lesson she learned of all was that part of growing, involves embracing the journey and empowering yourself during the dark times. 

For so long, she was buried. For so long she compared herself to the other flowers around her, which was wrong because they, too, were going through their own growth process. 

I wrote this story to show that self-growth is a tough process that cannot be rushed. You are in this moment right now because you are meant to be in it. Although we cannot control the outside forces that bring us down, our outlook on the journey can be controlled. I needed to go through the storm before I bloomed into the greatest version of myself. 

Let go of the parts of you that are not benefiting you, allow yourself to experience every situation and every emotion; evolve, grow, flourish. Believe in yourself, be kind to yourself, and trust in yourself a little bit more. All great things take time, and right now you are doing just fine. 

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life is a journey, sometimes disguised as a mess

I know I am not very consistent when it comes to my blog, I will be though! I just have so much going on in my life that it is affecting my ability to focus on topics for my blog at the moment. However, I was recently inspired to give a small insight of my recent experiences and share some things I have learned. 

I have found writing to be an outlet for me, when it comes to my blog I have struggled with it because part of me feels like “how do you expect to inspire others if your life is a mess?” 

Then I realized, nobody’s life is perfect. We all go through moments where we feel as if our life is a complete mess. The past 3.5 months has been a roller coaster! I have been challenged mentally, emotionally, physically, and in ways I didn’t even know I could be challenged. People have decided to leave my life and I have been hurt by that, opportunities have presented themselves to me but then something came up that prevented me from taking that opportunity. 

My anxiety has been at it’s highest point to where I felt like I was losing my mind. I started losing sight of who I was and feeling like I wasn’t good enough because of the fact that so many people kept leaving my life. 

However, I have realized that there are very many things in life that we cannot control. We cannot control other people, we cannot control the way others react, we cannot control who stays in our life, we cannot control the obstacles that we face, and I have realized that heart break is pretty much inevitable. 

BUT we can control ourselves. We CAN control HOW we react and respond to situations, we CAN control the habits we pick up, we CAN control OUR own outlook on life, we CAN control the steps we take to become a better, more positive, healthier version of ourselves, we CAN control the choices we make, and we CAN control our mind. 

Even though life has not been unfolding in the way I would want it to, it’s unfolding the way it’s meant to. There are greater things awaiting, I just have to continue to work towards my personal goals, go with the flow, be patient, trust in the journey, and enjoy it as much as I can.

This week my favorite quote has been a quote by Bob Marley, “emancipate yourself from mental slavery” this hit my heart on a deep level because although I have been going through some tough situations, I feel like the hardest part has been controlling my mind, my thoughts in particular. 

Not all struggles are negative! Not all pain is negative. Everyone falls, everyone fails and that is NOT negative. There is beauty embedded in all situations, but once again, controlling our minds is the toughest battle to face. Creating a mantra or affirmation to follow has helped me stay calm and optimistic throughout the day. Surrounding myself with all things positive: positive music, daily affirmations, positive people, and positive thoughts has given me strength to get through my current struggles. 

Let your blessings overpower your pain and struggles. I notice we tend to let the negative overpower, why is that? Life should not be scary, life should not be negative. Life is not easy, but it is worth it. At the end of the day I have faith that this streak of struggles and pain I have been facing, will only bring a streak of happiness and success one day. 

If you are struggling right now, believe in yourself because that is what YOU need right now. Be kind to yourself, feed yourself optimistic thoughts, HYPE YOURSELF UP, you got this. We got this. 

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a bunch of random reasons why your life is beautiful

If you are feeling a bit helpless right now, or you feel like you have lost sight of your purpose in this world, or if you feel all alone. I am here to remind you of why you should not give up. 

DISCLAIMER: This is a blog filled with positivity so take a minute to take a deep breath, cleanse your thoughts and deny any kind of negativity from entering your mind! Once you are ready, then continue to read. 

The sadness you experience today is temporary, but the impact your smile has on the people around you will last a lifetime. You are loved by so many people.

Remember the smell of your favorite food? And the feeling it gave you with every bite. The happiness and good sensation we experience from our favorite foods is such a delight. Food = happiness and I don’t think anyone can disagree with that.

Think about the last dog you pet or the last animal you played with. How precious is it to know that those animals enjoyed our presence. The happiness your dog feels when he/she sees you is a moment to be cherished. Animals are such pure creatures.

Remember the last time you went out with your friends? You were surrounded by laughter and the creation of more inside jokes. They were smiling because they love you, they felt fulfilled by your presence, and when you guys parted ways after that day those wonderful memories they made with you still lingered in their minds. 

Think about the last child you were around. Maybe it was your child, or your brother, your niece, nephew, the child you babysat, think about how many times the little things they did made you smile, or think about how many times they asked you to play with them. Doesn’t the sound of their little giggle make you feel warm inside? Maybe they wanted to do their hair like you, dress just like you, talk just like you. When you are around, they adore you and are in such admiration with you. You have such a positive impact on others without even trying! We all have some characteristic about us that others admire. You are rare, one of a kind, and even the smallest details about you are appreciated.  

Think about your parents, grandparents, or guardian. You bring a smile to their face, they share your blood and love the features you have that resemble themselves or the family members that came before you.You make them smile when you talk about your day, or when they think about the things you used to do when you were just 3 years old. You are loved by your family. 

Think about that stranger you smiled at in the hallway of your school, at your work, or in the mall. Think about how they smiled back. You didn’t realize it but they needed that smile. Just when they themselves were ready to give up on life, love, humanity you smiled at them and restored their hope. Your smile is contagious; it made them smile, which then made another person smile, and it went on and on.

Remember your favorite TV show? You might have binge-watched it during the weekend, or maybe you watched it with a friend or loved one. Didn’t it make you laugh, or maybe it lead you to think about the possibilities the universe possesses. Either way did you feel like you escaped reality for awhile? That TV show made your day a little bit better, it gave you something to look forward to. 

Remember the last time you gave someone a gift? Or the last time you received a gift? Maybe it was something simple like a drawing from your little sister, or maybe it was something of material like a watch. Whether you were giving, or receiving, didn’t it make you feel proud or appreciated? It truly is the thought that counts and the fact that you took the time to think of another and generously gave to them, or the fact that another person thought of you, it shows just how much of a positive impact you create upon the hearts of others. 

I always say this, but life is a cliche. We have to experience dark days to get to the bright days but even in the dark days there is light. There is light even in the smallest moments. 

You cannot change the past, you cannot control the future, all that you can do is live for right now. I promise you, you are not alone. I promise you, you are loved. I promise you, the pain you feel today is only temporary. You may be thinking “dang I didn’t know temporary was so long” but I promise you, be patient, be strong, have hope, and it will get easier. 

There is so much for you to experience in this life. Your life is filled with small moments that make everyday worthwhile. 

Life is about picking flowers and smelling them, seeing a dog and petting it, running to your mom and hugging her, craving food and ordering it, having a song stuck in your head and singing it until you get tired of it, texting your best friend and making plans to hang out, going for a run in your favorite park, drinking coffee with your favorite creamer, reading your favorite book, watching your favorite movie and then watching it again, getting your paycheck and then treating yourself (even though you know you probably shouldn’t), going hiking and appreciating the sunsets as you walk back down the trail, baking cookies with your family. Your life is meaningful.

Keep your head up, love. Do not give up, and if you ever feel like you might give up then I will be here to remind you why you shouldn’t. 

[beautifulinaway-blog]

you have to lose your mind to find your peace of mind

It took awhile, but I have experienced some sort of awakening. It happens when you lose what you considered to be everything; when you invest your soul into all the wrong things and then out of nowhere BAM they’re gone. 

Well, I guess you can say that is what I have gone through. I will never fall victim to my pain, but in these recent months I have definitely been challenged and forced to humble myself. My outlook on life has changed, my self-awareness is intensifying, and I am growing. 

I will say one thing: love is inevitable. I truly believe we cannot control who or what we fall in love with. When we are born the first humans we love are our parents, that is inevitable. When we grow up and meet a best friend, we fall in love; that is inevitable. Then, as time goes by we meet another human soul that connects with ours in the most deepest level, we call these people our soul-mates and we fall in love with them; that, too, is inevitable. The same goes with ideas; I fell in love with the thought of being stable and successful in my future that I had let it consume me. Yes, it is good to meditate on the things you want in life but it is not okay to allow it to control you or create anxiety and stress in your present life. Push yourself but also allow yourself to enjoy the journey. 

Now, let’s talk about grief. Grief does not only happen after death. Just think about it. Can a person die yet still roam this earth? My heart says yes. I have had some of my deepest loved ones removed from my life and I went through a long, dark period of grief for each of them. I was mourning the side of them I grew close with and fell in love with; I was mourning how peaceful their presence was to my soul, I was mourning the sight of their laughter as we danced in the middle of a crowd, I was mourning the late night talks we had about conspiracies and beliefs, I was mourning the feeling I felt when we’d make eye contact from far away, I was mourning the scent of their Dove body wash, and that isn’t even half of it. 

That person I knew is someone I no longer know. Even if we were to reconnect, I would not know them and they would not know me... Because we are constantly evolving, and that is okay. 

But I went through that for a reason. The universe works in mysterious ways, there is a greater reason we go through these struggles. Pain shines light on our blessings and it also shines a light within ourselves; it shows us the strengths we didn’t even know we had. 

For the past few months I had experienced a type of pain I had never known before. In the beginning I felt alone, I questioned the value of my life, I questioned if I could live without them, I was in such a state of sadness, denial, and shock, I was blaming myself for everything that went wrong in my life. However, that was everything I was meant to go through. I needed to experience those emotions and that loss. I HAD TO LOSE MY MIND TO FIND MY PEACE OF MIND and it was truly a blessing in disguise. It took more than a couple months, but now I have gained full control of my life. I am getting to know myself in a much different way. Everyday I discover a new passion and I now know what I truly seek in life. I am slowly but surely becoming the woman I’ve always wanted to be. 

I wrote this because I am finding a new kind of peace and I wanted to share it. So many people in my life have been experiencing heartbreak recently and trust me when I say I know how hard it is. Don’t let anyone try to tell you how to heal because we all do it differently. It is okay to grieve, it is okay to be sad, it is all okay and it will all be okay. Do not give up because you are not alone in this. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and also allow yourself to use this as a time of self discovery. You are strong and please try to believe that there is a greater purpose/lesson embedded in the pain.

We have to lose our mind to find our peace of mind. 

[beautifulinaway-blog]

WHO AM I?

My name is Eliicia Villasenor, I am 22 (soon to be 23) years old, I am a free spirit and a proud puppy mom to a Pomeranian named Apollo (you will be hearing A LOT about my baby boy in my blogs). I love travelling and hiking, although I need to expand my travels to places outside of the US because I have only been to a few states. I love watching movies, musicals, and anything theatre. I took theatre classes from eighth grade all the way until I was 20. I would definitely love to get back into it. I grew up in with a big, crazy family! I have one older brother, 3 younger sisters, and 2 younger brothers. Being an older sibling means I adapted some mom qualities and I also grew a strong love for children. I have a beautiful group of friends who are just as spontaneous as me, they keep me grounded and are always making sure I’m mentally, emotionally, and spiritually okay. 

I am in the Army National Guard, a college student, and I am really just winging life! I enlisted in the military a few months after I graduated high school, it wasn’t ever a big dream of mine but it was more of a spontaneous decision that I made and I definitely do not regret it. I was on a deployment for most of 2018, it was my first time ever in another country, and that experience was one that really forced me to grow up. I am working towards a bachelors degree in organizational leadership and considering on getting another degree after that to become a teacher. I took a two year break from college and now I am back taking online classes through ASU and I am loving it. 

One thing I have learned thus far in my life is that EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN JOURNEY. I used to feel like I was behind in life, but I am exactly where I am meant to be. If you are anything like me (a perfectionist, struggles with anxiety, hard on myself) then listen to this: STOP BEING HARD ON YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE. Don’t compare yourself to ANYONE because the things we experience are things we are meant to experience. We have the ultimate power to decide who and where we want to be in life. I mean, trust me I know how hard it can be to keep a positive mindset, but after getting to such a low point, I have forced myself to rise above my pain and now I truly believe that there is a greater purpose for everything. My ultimate favorite quote is by my favorite artist Jhene Aiko and it is “you gotta lose your mind to find your peace of mind.” 

... I’ll just leave that there.

I will be diving deeper into my life and thoughts in other blogs, but I can’t think of anything else to describe about myself, so I will end it right here! 

xoxo. 

Have a beautiful week!

[beautifulinaway-blog]

People change.