bcfuckyouthatswhy - Tumblr blog

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Literally (heartstopper and solitaire made my emotionless existence slightly more emotional and I am in love with tori spring)

ughhhh i’m on a heartstopper rewatch and when charlie tells tori that it would just be better if he didn’t exist, you can just see in her eyes that she feels the same way and she definitely doesn’t want her little brother to feel that

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Wishing all of you a very merry "I suddenly have the motivation and time to write a minimum 10k fic"... please

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Me when I found my MF PURPLE SCRUNCHIE

you ever find a piece of clothing and feel like you just stumbled upon an essential bit of your character design

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Hi yes hello (too lazy to blow up your inbox pls see this) I would love that

WAIT WHICH OF MY MUTUALS WOULD BE COOL WITH ME BLOWING UP THEIR INBOXES

Also how many of y’all can spell immediately bc I rely on autocorrect to guess that I’m trying to say that lol

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I really wish I weren't here right now funny pin

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sip

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a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.

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Jack why are you yelling at people?!?

BC OF VEGETALES MOM!!

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my favourite adhd / general executive dysfunction feeling is when you become very consciously aware that you are bored and there is nothing interesting left on the 5 social media apps you’ve been cycling around for the past hour and finally a small logical part of your brain goes “hey! perhaps at this point it might actually be more fun to do one of the productive things you’ve been putting off!” and you’re this close to going oh huh yeah maybe that’s true! and getting up to do some housework or read a book or something when a far louder part of your brain goes “NO WAIT!!!! maybe THIS time when we refresh tumblr…. it will be interesting again” and you’re like “ohhhh right sorry for doubting you boss” & promptly get right back to doing fuck all

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It’s your parent’s job to raise you. Your adult relationship with them is their performance review.

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you do like fine as fuck your highness *passes a blunt*

me, sitting on a throne barechested but wearing ornately engraved plate armor on my arms and legs and cloaked in fine almost translucent silks with an enormous snake draped over my shoulders: i got lost in the fantasy of this dope outfit and forgot what kinda post i was gonna make

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reblog for your followers to anonymously tell you what characters you remind them of

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reblog for your followers to anonymously tell you what characters you remind them of

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you know what lets actually bring back lolcats, they were so simple and so benevolent. like check this out

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Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

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