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bbyfrggy · 7 months ago

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Sorry but the bad feelings are. Loud right now. I’m homeless and putting a ton of energy and work into my fic and I know I’m not as good a writer as my favorite authors and that is OKAY and I know I write for me and not other people and this is all for fun but like. I put a lot of myself into this and it like. Just kind of sucks to have under a 100 kudos on the vast majority of my fics and what at least feels like very little comments.

And I know! Dozens of people liked a thing I wrote, how cool! Ooh, I made real friends in this fandom through fanworks, how wonderful! I know this stuff intellectually! I also know having a bigger number of kudos next to a fic wouldn’t change any of my process of writing it! It’s more about comments tbh. But still.

I know people DO leave me comments and you’re wonderful and I know posting this is going to leave me feeling worries that every comment I get now is out of guilt but like. I just wanna vent. I just wanna feel shitty about my writing being mid and it reflecting in how people react to it. I studied politics and not creative writing and yeah, my writing shows I’m not trained in this; I just liked it in high school. (And even my fucking democratizing Hell fic, I don’t know enough about the governance structures in Hell to really get into it and I think that’s part of why I’m getting stuck).

I dunno I guess I would just love to be told good job, thanks for writing this a little more because my life is kind of in pieces. And like. I comment on every fic I read start to finish with something I liked about it. I’ll do it for stuff I only skimmed the smuttier parts of too. I just. I dunno man, I am making this stuff for free while homeless and trying to get into grad school and secure housing. Could I at least hit my target audience a little more or sth. Could it just not hurt so much

Yeah going to the sideblog because I don’t want to guilt or worry my friends

I just. I just wanna

#vent

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