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noco edits as scollace i made the other day

(i love them so much)

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Im crying this is so funny

after roti lightning gets a brand deal for protein powder and he films adverts of someone doing a shitty job of lifting weights and then he bursts through the wall like "LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED SHA-LIGHTNING" and then the person eats a spoonful of dry protein powder and benchpresses lightning to show how strong they are now

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I love him

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Worst part is I suck at replying to messages or showing interest in people but then if I get ignored I immediately want to die

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i don't think people realize just how taxing it is to survive OD. it doesn't feel like i survived and my life continues. it feels like i should have died, didn't, and my life restarted from zero. it feels like i was just fucking spawned into existence with a backstory. forever changed. crossed the line and instead of crossing it back, there's... nothing. it's like entering a black hole. anything that goes in, doesn't come out. i didn't die, but an infinite number of lives that could have been did. overdose is traumatizing.

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gritting my teeth, smiling, swallowing my emotions so hard i'm making myself nauseous: yeah im coping great with my bpd haha

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Nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. Nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. When a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, month after month, year after year, because they don’t want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. Not killing yourself when it’s all you want to do is the purest act of love I can imagine. Dying for someone is easy - you don’t have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it’s all over. But living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? Every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. Wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. We deserve more credit for it.

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bpd culture is having suicide be the first thought in your mind when you think someone's left you

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I’m fucking tired of feeling like I’m second best. That I’m not enough. Like I’m an inconvenience. A waste of space 

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One of the worst parts of self harm and suicidal ideation is when you’re sitting next to someone you love so much and all you can think about is how badly you want things to end.

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Suicide attempts are traumatic

I don't hear anyone talking about this. But attempting to take your own life is traumatic.

The moments before the attempt are the most heartbreaking. The planning of it. Writing the suicide notes. You imagine all the pain will stop, but you wake up in the morning in your bed/floor/hospital bed/after a coma. Still alive. The ambulance rides. Your friends/family yelling/crying/asking questions. Trying to find the words to doctors why you did it. All you wanted was for it all to stop, but it was the most heartbreaking, painful both mentally and physically, draining thing you went through. Maybe you woke up with regret, maybe with relief.

But after you get back out in the real world, you have to act like nothing happened. You have to keep living surviving after something so traumatic. You still think about that event over and over. What would it be like if it worked? Why didn't it work? The way you did it, triggers you every time you see that thing/place. You get flashbacks. Ambulances make you re-remember everything all over again.

If you've survived, I'm proud you're still here. You're a survivor. Life might not look like it's worth it sometimes, but your future holds something amazing for you, I promise it does get better. Little by little. Don't give up just yet.

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BPD culture is realizing you're the blueprint for "the friend nobody likes" trope.

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i hate the ableism and hatred toward personality disorders.

Bpd makes you unable to feel secure in your relationships.

You feel at any moment they could get tired of you and leave you. It makes you question if you are even a person, if you have your own identity, or if your identity is right to have or hold onto in the first place.

That's what it is, deep and overwhelming emotions based out of fear of abandonment, and you're scared to tell a therapist about it, to even get help because immediately as you tell them this they think everything you do is overreacting, that you're wrong, and dramatic, and at worst abusive. They stop listening to you. How do you ever learn to trust when the world continues to tell you that you can't?

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Every friendship I’ve had that has ended did so the same way. I got tired of constantly being the one to reach out all the time. I paused, waited for them to reach out for a change. Maybe I just wanted to feel like I wasn’t the only one who gave a shit. Months would pass, then years. Am I doing something wrong? Am I really that easy to forget? Am I really that easy to erase from someone’s life?

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I laughed really hard at this

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feeling that I will be incapable of being loved because I feel too much, react too much, talk too much, want too much, expect too much kills any will to live I have… I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life I know I suck but am I really that bad?

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Why did 5 people like this-

ngl might post my Herb and Kyle doodles, shock people with my bad art

I hate the fact that my southpark oc got shipped with Kyle (southpark) for a roleplay - i didnt want my oc shipped but the person i rp with is a shipper so i just asked them to pick a character for me - anyway now im invested in southpark oc x canon and every so often i physically cringe when i remember that my oc was made just for a rp but i got too attached to him and his plot w/ kyle 💀