battentiondeficit
Brain-fried Electrified
19 posts
@theanimalever’s mental health journal.ADHD-C and DPDR (+Dysthymia?)Trans-genderless, they/any. 20years.💊: Pristiq, Gabapentin, L-Methylfolate
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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is it normal to get unbearably sick with diarrhea any time i miss a single dose of Pristiq
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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ran out of Pristiq so i feel sad and sick today
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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ahh i am stressed i hate making phone calls!!!! today i need to
- call glasses place about warranty they were closed
- call adobe services because i can’t figure out how to cancel
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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today i practiced driving a bit and i called the pharmacy to ask them to have my medication refilled. i still i’m stressed with lots to do but i am proud of that.
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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can we talk about having RSD and being queer or transgender because it’s like. it sucks
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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fucjing hate this
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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To-Do list for today
✅ Cat Litter
⭕️ Make Psych Appointment
⭕️ Clean Bathroom
✅ Clean up Kitchen
let’s do it!!!!!!
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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anxious and can’t focus at all lately. keep having trouble falling asleep and then sleeping all day
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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another low-productivity day so far, but i will not be mean to myself. now i am going to
- shower
- eat something
- chore (see if cat litter needs done, if not then, laundry)
- art
- message psychiatrist
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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THINGS I NEED TO DO
• apply for jobs…
• adoptables
• make psych appointment
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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People talk about how disassociating is distressing and yeah, in the beginning it is, and sometimes that can still happen, but when you've been consistently disassociating for years you get used to it and it just gets... sad.
You go out with your friend and you play and chat and laugh, but you can never quite feel that it's really happening, never quite achieve 'having fun'.
You cuddle with your pet and you wanna feel like you're there and be present and enjoy what's supposed to be a really cute, pleasant time, but you just... can't.
You sit in a beautiful garden or forest and you want so badly to immerse yourself in nature and the feeling of being close to it, but it never happens.
It feels like you keep missing out on life even when you're doing things that are exciting or fun. No achievement or win is ever truly satisfying, because no matter how much you feel, there's always a layer between you and your happiness that says 'none of this is real' that you can't puncture.
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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weird little brain tweak/reframing that helped me out. i Often find that advice that seemingly helps Everyone Else doesn’t make any sense to me, in ways that are hard to describe, and it can be really frustrating. but when i find a way to explain it to myself that finally seems to break through and make it click, it feels really good
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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If your ADHD is causing you to fuck up more, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the ADHD is getting worse.. you could just be doing more things which gives you more opportunity to fuck up.
This is one of the reasons, ADHD can get ‘worse’ as an adult. A child has very few responsibilities. An adult on the other hand, has all kinds of opportunities to fuck up on. 
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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a neurotypical: if you have noise sensitivity why do you listen to loud music?
me: one loud noise is easier than 20 loud noises all at once.
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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battentiondeficit · 3 years ago
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ok, so, this isn't the type of post i usually use this blog for, but i seriously think dpdr isnt talked about enough.
dpdr, dp/dr, or dpd stands for depersonalization-derealization disorder, a dissociative disorder where one experiences either continuous or persistent, repeated episodes of depersonalization and/or derealization.
depersonalization: a type of dissociation, disconnect from one's self or feeling as though one's self/identity isn't one's own
derealization: a type of dissociation, disconnect from one's surroundings that causes feeling as though oneself or one's surroundings aren't real
both of these can be scary as hell, especially if you don't know what it is. the wikipedia page for dpdr literally includes this statement:
Recognizing and diagnosing the condition may in itself have therapeutic benefits, many patients express their problems as baffling and unique to them, but are in fact: one, recognized and described by psychiatry; and two, those affected by it are not the only individuals to be affected from the condition.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization-derealization_disorder
This is something I can attest to with my own experiences! It was EXTREMELY DISTRESSING to depersonalize on and off for months before finally coming across the term 'depersonalization' and realizing, 'oh, that's what's happening to me.'
of course it still fucking sucks even knowing what's going on. when i'm depersonalizing (my dpdr is episodic and wayy more heavy on the depersonalization, though derealization does occur for me occasionally) it gets super hard to do things and talk to people. it's hard to even explain how and why because that's another thing! dpdr is so hard to explain. especially if you don't know there's a WORD for it!! which makes it even more isolating.
that's the thing about it. the isolation. that's why i'm making this post! for everyone who experiences this, and thinks they're the only one: you're not alone. listen, if you depersonalize, derealize, or both, and are scared, ashamed, or even don't mind but don't know what it is, listen: you're not alone.
i'm going to admit something here, because it's something i've never heard anyone else talk about, but i'm sure there's other people who deal with this. this is pretty embarrassing for me, but it shouldn't be! i can't control it and it sucks to experience. often when i'm depersonalizing, it's not just a vague 'away' from myself, but also 'towards' a fictional character. this is kind of hard to explain. i'll feel like i was, should be, or should have been, someone/something else, even knowing for certain it's just me.
tl;dr depersonalization-derealization disorder exists and isn't talked about enough, and if you have dpdr, you're not alone
(This user and this post supports self-diagnosis!)
(Please do not say 'this sounds like [x]' or try to argue with me about my own depersonalization. i promise, whatever possibility you're thinking of, I've already thoroughly considered it. i know my brain better than you do.)
(This post is ok for anyone to rb! Seriously, I want to spread the word)
QUICK EDIT: other ppl with dissociative disorders (especially dpdr) are 100% free to add on or correct me on any points here! unless you're arguing against self diagnosis in which case don't bother i will block you.
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