basicmom

[basicmom]

just had a convo with my friend. she mentioned she doesnt like sake cause its sparkling.

“wait, sake is sparkling? what have i been drinking?” i said. because i also dont like sparkling stuff.

i look at the sake bottle ive been drinking from for fun events for the past year. its vinegar.

i’ve been drinking strawberry flavored vinegar.

[basicmom]

isn’t Kratom that german Santa wannabe?

[basicmom]

is anyone still watching silento whip and naynay?

asking out of genuine concern

[basicmom]

One time someone (F) at work snidely asked if I (M) was annoyed by having arm hair and suggested that I consider shaving it because they thought having any body hair was gross…

they looked shocked when I said “I’m a mammal, what the fuck do you expect? Most mammals have body hair, I don’t need to change my appearance to make other people happy”

and they never spoke to me again :)

I literally love being a mammal sooooo much like im soft and warm and get to love other soft warm and nice smelling creature. In the winter I like to get wrapped up so as to stay warm and dry. Its just my #MammalWay. I eat fruits which are sweet as well and I can use germs to make breads cheese and wine. I cant wait to retire to my burrow tonight. And when you touch gently my mammal body it feels good.....omggggg

[basicmom]

I don’t remember sending this 10 years ago but the lie was that I’m 6’2

FYI Rachelle was in fact NOT voted prom queen even though I campaigned and made posters

-I think flamingos are creepy -One time I accidentally swallowed a marble and it never came out -I am 6'2" tall -I have a praying mantis named Rachelle (Vote Rachelle for Prom Queen 2015)

I don’t know if this was 3 lies 1 truth or 3 truths 1 lie smh

I think it was the first one

Is the praying mantis thing true pls say yes

[basicmom]

People are full of crap when they should be full of milk

[basicmom]

How is your fight in tumblr milk civil war going?

the haters accepted that their boss likes milk so all is at peace 

[basicmom]

[basicmom]

no one tells you that if you have a smile for breakfast that you’ll be pooping joy by lunch

[basicmom]

[basicmom]

this is Fry erasure

the man who went to the future due to a classic I.C Weiner pizza prank

One of Bart's early hallmarks was his prank calls to Moe's Tavern owner Moe Szyslak where he asks for a gag name. Moe tries to find that person in the bar, but soon realizes it is a prank call and angrily threatens Bart.

[basicmom]

i wish we lived in a world where pepper spray worked on LED car headlights

[basicmom]

the manager is just threatened that they aren’t the only one with unregulated emotional outbursts at work now

giving birth on the floor of the office the baby isnt an employee so i get in trouble

[basicmom]

ariana what are you doing here?

im in his pussy moving from side to side

[basicmom]

what do you do before you throw them?

🙏 ?

dave and busters what the fuck is a sticky creebler

[basicmom]

I had a beloved psych teacher in high school who got warned by the principal at least once to stop running psychological experiments on students - he was literally made for prank YouTube before YouTube even existed, these weren't even formally constructed tests of the scientific method, it was just clownery and tbh I think teaching at a catholic school for 2 decades does something to you psychologically.

but anyway the one that went down in history was when he faked his own death in front of a classroom full of his students "just to see how they would respond, for science"

but he couldn't just fake a heart attack...because that would be lame... he concocted an elaborate scenario where a former student of his came in during a quiet self-study time and got in an argument with him about past grades. and the situation escalated, and this kid pulls out a fake gun and the teacher is like "oh my god!!" and gets shot in the chest - he had fake blood and everything and was doing his best to serve an oscar-winning performance. but I mean if you're known for clownery then. lol. most of the students were like "oh. we're being experimented on again" and just sat back mentally eating popcorn as a handful of people who didn't know him well freaked out.

nobody got hurt but he didn't record data or anything he was just like "wow that was interesting...let's talk about why none of you over there cared I was dying...it hurt my feelings...."

[basicmom]

oh dang, it's gonna take them even longer to get home in that

[Image description a news screenshot reading "Physicists make tiny model of Star Trek's USS Voyager that's smaller than a human hair"]