bartangulontheturquoise

[bartangulontheturquoise]

no. i have places to be

STOP. RUNNING. AWAY. FROM. MY. HEALS.

[bartangulontheturquoise]

magic is complicated and mysterious to YOU. i get it tho

[bartangulontheturquoise]

The people in the top three spots on Forbes' billionaire list—Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Mark Zuckerberg—will have prime seats at President-elect Trump's inauguration next week. NBC News, citing "an official involved with the planning of the event," reports that the three tech billionaires will be sitting together on the platform with other high-profile guests, including Trump's Cabinet nominees. Bezos and Zuckerberg's companies, Amazon and Meta, have each donated $1 million to the inauguration, while Musk spent more than $250 million to help Trump win the election, reports Reuters.

[bartangulontheturquoise]

I’m actually remarkably chill considering I’m consistently under the spells of many wizards

[bartangulontheturquoise]

hey can I borrow your orb

they only want me for my orb

[bartangulontheturquoise]

I hate when mages waltz into battle lethargically swishing their stupid staves around. Did you sleep through warcasting class? Your movements should be swift and precise, jackass. You should be practicing economy of movement and simplifying your somatics. Does Sypha Belnades mean nothing to you??

I can counterspell your ass in 0.43 seconds, but I don't even need to because with all your chanting and waving your staff around like it's febreeze, you've given me a 30 second window of time to beat you to death. If you can't cast lightning bolt with one sharp thrust, you might as well give your healer a shovel because they're gonna need it to scrape you off the floor. You fuck. *casts Extremely Loud Wet Noise in your face and leaves*

[bartangulontheturquoise]

I'm appalled. they crushed that fucking baby appalled im now realizing this is more gorey than I anticipated. tw

[bartangulontheturquoise]

in the 1300s you got called metrosexual for wearing wizard robes yhat didnt drag on the ground

[bartangulontheturquoise]

The fireball orgasm is real and I'm tired of pretending it's not.

[bartangulontheturquoise]

you guys have got to get better at spellcasting any time someone's attempted to curse me with 10k note post it gets like 50 at most. back to the spell books buddy that one might be too advanced for you try learning some cantrips first

[bartangulontheturquoise]

scantily is basically the most classic way to be clad

[bartangulontheturquoise]

that said i still mostly do horsefoolery like this LMFAO

[bartangulontheturquoise]

it cold

[bartangulontheturquoise]

people hate me because of my runes. people got so mad because I have a deep understanding of the arcane. people hate me because I'm good at what I do

[bartangulontheturquoise]

I think it's one of those normal non-corrupted amulets and I'm glowing green for unrelated reasons

[bartangulontheturquoise]

well now that’s just mean. we also use it for other stuff like animating corn and braums duplication. not a whole lot but still

It’s a common misconception that there are no wizards in the midwest USA. The truth is there are plenty, they just use their powers exclusively for making new and fucked up kinds of salad

[bartangulontheturquoise]

Guys I miss my Cursed Amulet